#chillmack

SJS vs. MTL (3.14.26)

the reason for their assigned shark at birth (ASAB) will be a mix of stats, personality, behaviour and vibes! there's 25 players on the roster, so bare w me & my posting times. i'll cover 5 per post so it doesn't get too long. (and yes, i tried to find pics where they looked like eo)

this post will be focused on:

sharks daycare (#71, #2, #77,#6, #92)

#71 Macklin Celebrini = Porbeagle Shark

a highly curious species, often making fast passes at ships and divers to investigate. mc71 of if you give a mouse a cookie fame, you will always be famous to me.

a lamnid shark, which is the fastest shark family in the world

highly active endurance swimmers, and can cover huge amounts of distance relatively quickly (shoutout to warso's child labor on ice)

porbeagles are known to be very playful, having been observed to chase eo, rolling at the surface, pushing around floating objects and wrapping themselves in kelp. can u look me in the eye and say mc71 wouldn't do all of the above?

scientists believe that the 'beagle' part of their name is due to their 'dogged' hunting style, as they show incredible amounts of persistence when hunting. mc71 won't let up the puck easily on the ice and also i feel like there is a general consensus that he gets what he wants because he won't stop asking until he does (ahem wm)

#2 Will Smith Hobbies = Pelagic Thresher Shark

a lamnid shark (see above)

this shark just LOOKS like wsh2 (esp when he is Mouth Breathing on the Bench)to me sorry. wsh had no chance of being anything other than a thresher to me.

much like how wsh2 is such a special player who makes special plays (quoting mc71 here), pelagic thresher sharks hunt with their tail, stunning their prey by whipping their tail, which is a hunting style thats unique to the species

the above point is also due to their weaker / smaller jaws and teeth, mirroring wsh's aversion to physical plays (though he did kinda board someone on monday and we are all so proud)

pelagic threshers are the least observed variants of threshers, known to be shy and very elusive. (wsh2's 'i do communications' lying ass) but also, consider that a lot of what we know ab wsh is through secondary sources, or inferences. if not for literally everyone around him being endeared to him, he would probably be very mysterious and we would never have known ab his irish dancing or his book club.

#77 Michael Misa = Shortfin Mako Shark

Shortfin Makos are perhaps THE most athletic shark and have one of the largest brain-to-body ratios among sharks. Mees was voted 'Smartest Player' in the Western Conference by OHL coaches in 24/25 and won the 2025 E.J. McGuire Award of Excellence!

highly curious species, will 'mouth' / gently bite at objects to investigate. this is just based on the vibes Mees gives in interviews + articles written ab him

mostly solitary hunters, though they do congregate in groups occasionally. Is this Misa Mic'd Up propaganda? Maybe. But mm77 is just so awkward introvert surrounded by loud extroverts (see SD6) to ME.

a shark photographer wrote ab the sharks' mouthing habits: "In their initial enthusiasm, they often ignore the bait completely and bite the outboard engines instead [...] Once they calm down, mako sharks enter a more cerebral state. They swim around slowly at a distance, probably trying to understand where the delicious aroma is really coming from." Unfortunately for Michael "saying hey back to Cat when she said 'hi baby' to Stella" Misa, this is very much how I perceive him.

#6 Sam Dickinson = Bull Shark

bull sharks are diadromous, meaning they can easily swim between both salt and fresh water, and can adapt quickly and live in either. i think this mirrors Dickie's ability to be a balanced two-way defenseman, he spends almost the same percentage of time (40.1% & 41.3%) in both defensive and offensive zones, while a lot of dmen in the nhl have a (slightly) bigger discrepancy!

bull sharks are known to be bold and opportunistic, which i think matches both SD's playing style and how sarcastic he can be in interviews/podcasts!

researchers have found nuanced individual personalities amongst bull sharks that differ from the otherwise largely instinctual, uniform behavioural patterns of other sharks. i think everyone can agree that SD6 is so full of personality that even the typical monotonous hockey player accent can't disguise it in podcast clips + interviews.

bull sharks can also be very territorial, which.. #sammisa enjoyers take that how you will! (mm77 mic'd up clip + 'say it' interview u are important to ME)

#92 Igor Chernyshov = Oceanic Whitetip Shark

Oceanic Whitetip Sharks are known to be physically large, opportunistic and aggressive sharks, which I think is an apt descriptor of the way Cherny stickhandles + the way he makes plays! and also every single stat analysis and opinion piece (including mc71 interview) hype up Cherny's size so this had to be a factor for sure

puppyboy Cherny truthers will be overjoyed to hear that Oceanic Whitetip Sharks are nicknamed "sea dogs"! they are known to be very inquisitive and stubbornly but cautiously follow whatever has piqued their interest. they are not timid at all, and often just straight-up approach divers and boats directly. they have often been described as "intensely curious"

also I saw this One photo (attached) of Oceanic Whitetip Sharks and again, Cherny had no other option but to be one. Sorry.

they have a very interesting symbiotic relationship with pilot whales, and often can be seen travelling together. this is chillmack line appreciation! and also cherny interview where he kept referring back to the team + i just love the relationship the team is building with him!

Oceanic Whitetip Sharks are also critically endangered ( :( ) and yk what else is critically endangered? Cherny's ice time. He is so fun to watch!

this took me WAY longer than i thought it would.. so expect me to finish all 25 players by next season LMAO