#checking up

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Aww sometimes I forget that there are strangers out here who cares about strangers like myself well being. These past few months after updating my little story hasn't been good but I am trying my hardest to put myself back out there and get in the mood of writing again. 😊. Can't allow my emotions to control the love that I have for something. I am fine. Healing day by day and learning that sometimes things happens for a reason. Thank you for checking up on me. I'll do my utmost best to take care of myself. Someone said to me today that I should take it day by day. If it's even fifteen minutes out of the day do some writing. If it's hurting and you really want someone to talk to I am here. The sweetest soul.

I'll be fine. I plan to be a frequent visitor of this app once again. That is in my free life after all.... I have a 9-5. Welp not a nine to five seeing as I have lots of grave-yard shifts. 😭.

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Thank you sweet heart! I really appreciate you checking up 💓😇 Im doing much better today :) I finally got some sleep after two days and had a calm and good day 🤍🤍🧚🏻‍♂️💆🏻‍♀️🕊 I made some art, did a study on fungi and their shapes and did a lot of productive things like cleaning up and reading and writing :) my body is extremely sore like everywhere but I don’t mind as long as I’m not in full panic mode constantly. That happens occasionally. I take my meds exactly as prescribed every single day! I know myself and I know how important it is to be consistent with what I am putting in my body because my body is incredibly sensitive to changes, especially chemical ones. Therefore, its not withdrawal from medication, things would be much much MUCH worse if that was the case. I’m talking crying endlessly every waking minute and not being able to stop, calm down or self-soothe and suicidal ideation that I can’t shake, severe brain zaps every 2-5 minutes, feeling hot, nauseous, restless, sometimes I’ll get like muscle aches and spasms, and bad depression as well as all of my severe and unmanageable ocd symptoms immediately flooding back. Those rare times when I accidentally run out of medication or when I’m not able to take it for a few days for whatever reason, make me realize just how much my medication is helping and how much of a difference it makes. I’m like damn I must have felt SO horrible before I was prescribed.. or it’s likely that it wasn’t really that bad before but since my body is now used to receiving the medication every day it becomes that bad when I don’t take it for like 72 hours. Its kind of sad bc I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop taking it. Idk about anybody else but honestly I think I would rather take one little pill daily than experience awful constant panic, hysterical crying, deep fear and impending doom. It’s worth it for me. Of course everyone is different and the medication that has been life-changing for me could very well make the next person feel suicidal. Everybody has different brain chemistry and unfortunately it takes some trial and error to find what works for you but I think (depending on the situation ofc) it is worth it to give it a try. So sorry for rambling, that’s just how my mind works lol. I think of one thing and a million other things stem from that. I don’t know if people understand this but when I say I have racing thoughts I mean seriously RACING thoughts. Nonstop, super ‘loud’ and intrusive thoughts bombarding my brain from every angle that are very very difficult to turn off or soothe. Anyway all in all I am doing well and I am staying as safe as possible. I was thinking about it today and honestly considering my situation and everything I have been through, I am doing extremely well and I am incredibly healthy. For somebody in my position, with my trauma, having being stalked and harassed daily for the past four years by somebody who knows about my trauma, the false sense of loneliness, severe depression, panicky tendencies, unbridled stress, negative surroundings, patterns of thinking, memories of abuse and the ways that has taught me to view myself, as well as the various mental illnesses I am constantly combatting, I’m excelling all things considered lol.

Cassi had hated that weekend, but not because she had been tortured or anything, but because Milo had been tortured. She cared for Milo, and it hurt her to see him go through that for no reason, Milo shouldn’t have been punished like that. But, Cassi thought that no one had deserved anything they had gone through, Juniper, Damien, Beth, and all of the slaves and everyone else. She had decided to take off from her classes that day to stay home and take care of Milo since he had his healing abilities taken away. 

Milo was resting in their bedroom now, so she knew he was settled and taken care of for the moment. But, there was someone else she was worried about too, Juniper. She saw the beating that Milo had taken, and she knew that Milo and Juniper were friends so she could only imagine how upset the vampire was. The Phoenix had tried making her some cookies, but they came out smoking and she threw them away. Now, Cassi stood outside the vampire’s home with cookies from the bakery in town and knocked on the door.

Don't know why, but my Minecraft skin is stuck like this xD