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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
One of my cats likes ripping cardboard boxes to shreds (I swear he learned it by watching my rodents) and yesterday I told my lover that he was āchewing his box againā and
Cw: talk of illicit substances and use of them, sexual trauma, physical traumas, breakdowns of the Ninth Degree. Mentions of rape. Drug abuse, Self destruction.
-9:31pm-
Sammyboi: I HATE HIM
Sammyboi: I FKCISND HATE HIM
Sammyboi: I HOPE HWAS FUCKING STARVING IN A FUCKING BACKWATER UNDERGROUND SHITDTAINBOF A TOWN ABKE TO EVEN WLAK HIS ASS TO A HOTEL TO SLEPE
Sammyboi: i hate him so much
Sammyboi: big u donāt understand
Sammyboi: i hate him
Sammyboi: i hate hjm
IGetKnockedDown: hey whats wrong
Sammyboi: Christian
IGetKnockedDown: who?
Sammyboi: my first ex
IGetKnockedDown: Oh what happened
Sammyboi: he fucking hurt me so much
IGetKnockedDown: š«
Sammyboi: he hurt me
Sammyboi: & heās still hurting me
Sammyboi: half a fucking life later
IGetKnockedDown: š«š«š«
IGetKnockedDown: did you run into him?
-9:48pm-
IGetKnockedDown: Sam?
IGetKnockedDown: is he with you right now?
-10:01pm-
Sammyboi: no
Sammyboi: I just
Sammyboi: I fnd sum of my drawings
Sammyboi: from back then
IGetKnockedDown: oh thank fuck
IGetKnockedDown: You still have them?
Sammyboi: apparently
IGetKnockedDown: And they reminded you of all the stuff that happened?
Sammyboi: yea
Sammyboi: he fuckin-
Sammyboi: he made me watch myself get fucked
Sammyboi: cuz he liked watching it from a front on angle
Sammyboi: I fucking hate him
Sammyboi: I want 2 chop his dick off
IGetKnockedDown: understandable!!!
Sammyboi: I hate him & I hate tht I missed him
Sammyboi: I hate tht I had enjoyed him being arnd
Sammyboi: I jumped thru so many of his fking hoops
Sammyboi: so heād keep ālovingā me
IGetKnockedDown: š«
-10:20pm-
Sammyboi: I hate him so much
Sammyboi: KRHAHHHHHHHH
Sammyboi: I h8 my fucking body
Sammyboi: itās so fking rancid & urgfly & hidious
Sammyboi: nobody can fucking love such a fixkinf fat fuck
Sammyboi: big I fucking canāt do this shit
IGetKnockedDown: hey, itāsokya
IGetKnockedDown: you arenāt unlovable
Sammyboi: whtvr
IGetKnockedDown: š«
-1:27am-
IGetKnockedDown: hey Sam?
IGetKnockedDown: you okay?
IGetKnockedDown: sorry if youāre asleep
IGetKnockedDown: just worried
-1:30am-
Sammyboi: nooooooo but I fkin will bbbbbb
IGetKnockedDown: oh
IGetKnockedDown: is hark there?
Sammyboi: no
Sammyboi: heās on a ābUsiNeSs tRIpā
IGetKnockedDown: so wait then where are you staying?
IGetKnockedDown: Right now I mean
Sammyboi: at a friendās
IGetKnockedDown: not with sugar?
Sammyboi: itās nowe ur fucomng business
IGetKnockedDown: are you drunk?
Sammyboi: fuck u mean drunk
Sammyboi: u thinkn I toucwh alchol?
Sammyboi: wwhat the fuck
IGetKnockedDown: Sam, Iām worried
Sammyboi: fucknu
IGetKnockedDown: Sam what happened
Sammyboi: nunya
IGetKnockedDown: please
IGetKnockedDown: plezae jusw tell me
-1:37am-
Sammyboi: I thini got roofied or whyvr sum shit
IGetKnockedDown: you what
IGetKnockedDown: Sam where are you
Sammyboi: I dunno
Sammyboi: donāy recognize theroom
Sammyboi: itās whawidver tho
Sammyboi: par for the fickn coures
IGetKnockedDown: go to your maps on your phone?
Sammyboi: onw theys okd ass thinf?
Sammyboi: idk if it supeorts it
Sammyboi: whatvr was in that smoke
Sammyboi: wakc ass siht
IGetKnockedDown: Sam, you need to leave wherever youāre at.
-1:42am-
Sammyboi: hey at lesat somwonw thought I was sexy enough to rpae
Sammyboi: thast nice
IGetKnockedDown: what
IGetKnockedDown: Sam
_ missed call _
IGetKnockedDown: Sam what happened
IGetKnockedDown: plaea tell me wjags ogking on
_ missed call _
IGetKnockedDown: aare yorubruy
IGetKnockedDown: are tou huet
IGetKnockedDown: hurt
IGetKnockedDown: sam
_ missed call _
_ missed call _
_ missed call _
-2:03am-
IGetKnockedDown: imm calliigna sugar.
IGetKnockedDown: I donttrhave halrs number
IGetKnockedDown: I cannt
IGetKnockedDown: Sam plesae stayybsafe
-8:34am-
Sammyboi: Hey. This is Hark. Iāve got Sam.
IGetKnockedDown: oh thank shades
IGetKnockedDown: is he okay??
-8:37am-
Sammyboi: Looks like he went clubbing at a druggie hole in the wall, some asshole offered him something and then took him home. He reeked of weed and I have no clue what else is in his system. Sugar says heās gonna be okay.
IGetKnockedDown: how often does this happen??
Sammyboi: I donāt know.
IGetKnockedDown: seriously????
IGetKnockedDown: you need to stay with him more it sounded like he was taken advantage of and hurt
Sammyboi: Iām doing my best. Samās extremely difficult to manage. itās hard to hold down a job that isnāt what Iāve got.
IGetKnockedDown: how regularly is he messing around with drugs.
Sammyboi: heās never touched what you did.
IGetKnockedDown: from what you know!! He was a mess last night, I didnt know what was going on. How often is he smoking?
Sammyboi: I donāt know.
IGetKnockedDown: oh my shades
Sammyboi: heās okay. Iām home now. Iāve got him. You can relax. Iāve handled this before.
IGetKnockedDown: HANLESD IT ABEFORE???
IGetKnockedDown: heās gotten roofied and and taken and hurt before????
Sammyboi: yes. And I handled it then. Calm down. You know what I can do, and what I can manage.
IGetKnockedDown: okay.
IGetKnockedDown: okay fine.
IGetKnockedDown: can I talk to Sam.
Sammyboi: heās still out of it.
IGetKnockedDown: then I want to talk to him when he wakes up.
Sammyboi: ok
-5:31pm-
Sammyboi: hey
IGetKnockedDown: hey! How are you feeling?
-5:33am-
Sammyboi: like shit
IGetKnockedDown: you okay?
-5:35am-
Sammyboi: ig
IGetKnockedDown: what happened last night? You were texting me and it really scared me, so I wanna know what was going on cause yeah it was really really scary
Sammyboi: found sm drawings
Sammyboi: rnted 2 u
Sammyboi: thn i wnt out
Sammyboi: 2 a prty
Sammyboi: had sm fun
Sammyboi: left with sm guy
Sammyboi: thatās abt it
IGetKnockedDown: thatās all you remember?
Sammyboi: yup
IGetKnockedDown: Sam you really scared me
Sammyboi: sry
IGetKnockedDown: you said you thought you got roofied and implied you got assassulted
Sammyboi: sry
IGetKnockedDown: hey donāt be sorry
IGetKnockedDown: I just was really scared for you
Sammyboi: sry I scared u
IGetKnockedDown: did hark get you?
Sammyboi: ig
IGetKnockedDown: Iām sorry you went through all that
Sammyboi: not ur fault
Sammyboi: not rly a big deal
Sammyboi: was jst high as a fcking kite on a bad trip & pullin a autumn ig
-5:44pm-
IGetKnockedDown: wdym pulling an autumn
Sammyboi: oh yea u werenāt around 4 when he was like tht
Sammyboi: uhhhhhhhhhhh
Sammyboi: hed leave voicemails
Sammyboi: whl drunk
Sammyboi: scared the shit out of me smtimes
IGetKnockedDown: I see
Sammyboi: sry
-5:49pm-
Sammyboi: r u mad?
IGetKnockedDown: no!!! Of course not, was just really worried about you yknow?
Sammyboi: oki
-6:01pm-
IGetKnockedDown: so you went out to a party?
Sammyboi: yea
IGetKnockedDown: what kind of stuff was at the party
Sammyboi: oh stfu
IGetKnockedDown: Iām just asking
Sammyboi: hark interrogated me alrdy
Sammyboi: u donāt have 2
IGetKnockedDown: I just want to know? Hark didnāt tell me much. Iām worried about you
Sammyboi: fine
Sammyboi: blunts
Sammyboi: mybe sme shromms
Sammyboi: idk
Sammyboi: prbly sm acid
-6:12pm-
IGetKnockedDown: okay
Sammyboi: y
Sammyboi: wht was at prtys U went 2?
IGetKnockedDown: not that stuff
Sammyboi: smh
Sammyboi: weāre u doing coCANE I aSsuMe? Mr RoCk Star?
-6:18pm-
IGetKnockedDown: yeah, that was the main one there
Sammyboi: smh sterotpycal drug addictttttttt /j
IGetKnockedDown: I didnāt do that though
Sammyboi: oh you were a pussy rockstar
Sammyboi: what pussy drugs did u do? /j
IGetKnockedDown: seriously.
Sammyboi: oh cmon I was makin an estrogen joke
IGetKnockedDown: why???
Sammyboi: cause of the chest pillows thng
IGetKnockedDown: ohhhhhhhh
IGetKnockedDown: when did I tell you about that? I donāt remember telling you about that??
Sammyboi: u didnāt
Sammyboi: rise did
IGetKnockedDown: ah ok
Sammyboi: fr tho what drugs DID u do
IGetKnockedDown: well
-6:11pm-
IGetKnockedDown: I did something powdered once at a party? I very much was pressured into it. Very unpleasant, burned really bad for me. Never really did it again after that? I avoided parties actually, had a lot of things on my plate to do cause of boss. but other people at the theater did them a lot.
Sammyboi: ah
IGetKnockedDown: well. Sorta
Sammyboi: ?
IGetKnockedDown: I went on a bender of parties for a month or so, maybe more? Thereās a pretty large time gap after like a couple parties
Sammyboi: damn
-6:14pm-
IGetKnockedDown: mainly did stuff orally, but it depended on how bad I got hurt. Fairy rocks I think is what some people called the stuff I did a lot of the time. Said it had magic in it. Did those for a while, like, a really long while, for the magic supplement that gave me actually not the high feeling so I could take the small H type of stuff. Affected me differently than everyone else, I got more mild of a euphoria I think.
Sammyboi: small h?
IGetKnockedDown: oh they were healing pills, sorry. Thatās what they got called because of the Big H, heroin?
Sammyboi: gotcha
-6:20pm-
IGetKnockedDown: anyway I mixed them around a lot. Took stuff to combat negative of other stuff I took. Only once did something with a needle. Never again after that. I donāt know what the person had inside it. Badest of bad trips good at first but bad really bad experience. Couldnāt move, felt like my body died but my brain didnāt. Like I was asleep and awake at the same time. Scared me so bad.
Sammyboi: damn.
IGetKnockedDown: yeah
-6:43pm-
Sammyboi: soooooo
Sammyboi: have u slept
IGetKnockedDown: no
Sammyboi: how long
IGetKnockedDown: itās really not that bad, I have times like this all the time
Sammyboi: and u get on me for not sleeping
IGetKnockedDown: Okay fine, two days.
Sammyboi: like
Sammyboi: 2day an yesterday?
IGetKnockedDown: sure
Sammyboi: k so longer than that
IGetKnockedDown: I was confirming!
Sammyboi: was a very sus confirmation
IGetKnockedDown: I last slept two days ago. Iāve been up for 45 hours ish I think?
Sammyboi: wtf
IGetKnockedDown: itās not that bad
Sammyboi: big what the fucking fuck
IGetKnockedDown: it really isnt
Sammyboi: r u like snorting caffeine 2 stay up or smthin?
IGetKnockedDown: anxiety sucks.
Sammyboi: ANXIETY KEEPS U UP FOR 45 HOURS?????
-7:01 pm-
IGetKnockedDown: okay look, I was going to go to sleep, but then you scared me really bad and I just couldnāt cause I didnāt know if you were okay and my mind you know always jumps to the worst thing and believes nothing but that could possibly be the case and I just I couldnāt sleep I really couldnāt
Sammyboi: oh
Sammyboi: sry
IGetKnockedDown: itās not your fault I want you to always feel like you can text me whenever and about whatever. My sleep is a mess anyway regardless of what you could do
Cw: talk about murder/witnessed murder of adults and children
-1:30pm-
BigBrainedBirb719: are you going to change your username?
-1:32pm-
Throwaway333: should I?
BigBrainedBirb719: itās hard to remember this is you when Iām looking through my list to send you a message
-1:39pm-
Throwaway333: can you just change my nickname? I canāt bring myself to change the user to something that could identify it as me
BigBrainedBirb719: I donāt know how to do it
Throwaway333: I donāt either
BigBrainedBirb719: Iām not gonna ask Sam
Throwaway333: yeah no
-1:41pm-
Throwaway333: heād be pissed if he thinks I talk to you regularly enough for that
-1:43pm-
BigBrainedBirb719: even if I wonāt ask him for this, in general you canāt just avoid telling him things that will make him upset
-1:46pm-
Throwaway333: I canāt handle him breaking up with me heās everything to me, I canāt handle being without him and upsetting him that much
BigBrainedBirb719: oh
BigBrainedBirb719: thatās not healthy
-1:51pm-
Throwaway333: I know that but itās still so so hard to be without him despite everything
BigBrainedBirb719: yeah I know, stuff like that is hard, getting away from āhimā was so hard because he was all I had and I kept thinking that I was nothing without him
-1:55pm-
Throwaway333: Iām not leaving Sam.
BigBrainedBirb719: I didnāt mean it like that
BigBrainedBirb719: I just meant I get how it emotionally can wreck you
Throwaway333: Sam is nowhere near what Ritz was doing to you
BigBrainedBirb719: Iām not saying that
Throwaway333: sorry, sent text before your messages
BigBrainedBirb719: ah, still though
Throwaway333: yeah I know
-2:12pm-
Throwaway333: Iām working on the dependency for my emotional state on Sam
BigBrainedBirb719: Iām glad
-2:23pm-
Throwaway333: why do you care about how Iām doing?
BigBrainedBirb716: cause youāre someone I know?
-2:35pm-
Throwaway333: i bring horrible memories back to you by association, i tried to kill you, I caused you to have paranoia now thatās so bad you canāt leave your house, Iāve offed people and enjoyed it Iām not a good person at all and Iāve never been a good thing in your life at all
-2:42pm-
BigBrainedBirb716: itās my responsibility to manage my mental health, not yours. And I understand a lot of the stuff youāve dealt with and done. You werenāt even an adult. And it get it and get it so so much what itās like to think you are a horrible unforgivable person. Iāve dealt with it so much. I know what thatās like. Itās hard and you hate yourself and no matter what anyone tells you you canāt let it go. Especially when youāve got blood on your hands and youāve hurt the people you love. Itās so hard to forgive yourself. Iām still struggling with it. I still feel like I caused Autumns death, I feel I caused Sam and Rises massive chasm of a rift between them, and it is entirely my fault you and Sam had have such horrible horrible things happen to you because I left and you two went searching for me. I understand so much about how it feels. And Iām sorry and I understand and thereās so many words I canāt even try to like express because thereās so many and itās nearly impossible for me to convey it all.
-2:55pm-
Throwaway333: Big. I dont blame you for anything that happened to me. I got how horrible āhomeā can be. I envied you and Sam for the longest time because you two had people who loved you and let you be yourselves around each other. I didnāt. I had two caretakers who saw me not even as a person but someTHING to either treat like a doll to put on display, or a replacement for their business when they died. When you left searching for you as a way to escape. So no. I never blamed you. You inspired me to leave a place that was destroying me from the inside out. You led me to how to free myself. You didnāt make me a horrible person. Those were my mistakes. All of whatās wrong with me is my fault. not yours
-3:01pm-
BigBrainedBirb719: Can we both just agree to not call ourselves horrible people? Cause weāre just gonna go back and forth in self blame forever like this XD
Throwaway333: ok fine deal. lmao
-10:12pm-
Throwaway333: youāve got blood on your hands?
-10:26pm-
BigBrainedBirb719: He made me
Throwaway333: oh shit
BigBrainedBirb719: I was getting ātoo close and attachedā to someone
Throwaway333: are you serious?
-10:49pm-
BigBrainedBirb719: she was the closest friend I had at the time, she helped me learn things I never would have learned in fluremere, and were dangerous to not know. I told her everything that was going on and she was so pissed for me and I and he said that attachments make you weak and said if it wasnāt her then it was Sam, Rise and Autumn. She wasnāt even mad with me for not being able to choose her I think she thought he would kill her anyway which I know now was probably going to be the case but it destroyed me at the time and itās so hard to try and not blame myself I didnāt want to do it so so much but I had no choice I loved her so much but I couldnāt love her enough to not kill her? I didnāt want to pick at all I loved them all the same and I hate myself for actually making a choice instead of letting him pick for me and it hurts so much still and Iām just gonna send this now before I canāt text anymore
-10:53pm-
Throwaway333: if Jeff didnāt kill that fucker I wouldāve now
BigBrainedBirb719: you wouldāve been killed if you tried
Throwaway333: you doubt my skill set?
BigBrainedBirb719: no I just know heās extremely powerful and has had several a several times where people have tried to kill him and he sometimes ate them
Throwaway333: you saw that?
BigBrainedBirb719: he told me once when he was punishing me and I tried to fight him it scared the shit out of me which I guess was the point
Throwaway333: does your therapist know?
BigBrainedBirb719: pieces
Throwaway333: Iām so sorry dude
BigBrainedBirb719: Iād say itās okay but itās not
BigBrainedBirb719: itās really really not
Throwaway333: yea
-1:01am-
Throwaway333: Iāve seen people at my old job gleefully off kids
-1:29am-
BigBrainedBirb719: oh
Throwaway333: I could never.
Throwaway333:I would NEVER
BigBrainedBirb719: yeah thatās horrible!
-1:32am-
Throwaway333: I couldnāt really do anything to stop them because they were often huge guys and at the time I was a scrawny 5ā2ā 15 year old lil shit.
BigBrainedBirb719: š«
Throwaway333: itās still fucking me up
-1:38am-
Throwaway333: itās hard to look at kids who come into the bakery and not think about what their heads would have looked like with a bullet through it or smashed in