#chapter33

His eyes fluttered open seeing the light breaching through the curtains assaulting his tired eyes rays of sun. A warmth radiated from a figure lying next to him. Her naked body was pressed against his, her head resting on his shoulder sleeping peacefully. Harry watched her chest rise and fall in a steady manner; her quiet breathed whispering across his chest.

His hand ran down the side of her arm feeling the cool skin beneath his touch that radiated a shiver up his own arm. Grabbing the blanket he pulled it higher to cover her exposed body. Sharing a bottle of champagne once they returned home from Harry’s birthday, they stayed up well into the night being intimate with each other.

A smile was brought to his lips at the memory of his surprise birthday, a small private one that Adalyn had planned. His eyes darted to the watch that still remained on his wrist, his birthday gift from the brunette lying beside him. He could not stop his mind from wondering, coming up with a cascade of questions for her about her brother Alexander.

A small part of him was happy that she divulged him in that part of her life, no matter how brief. Addy still remained a private person knowing that it was hard for her to trust people with such personal information that ultimately led her to be vulnerable with them. This was another step in their relationship, a talk that needed to be had now that their relationship was in the public eye.

It was only a matter of time until the press found out about all the intricacies of her past, which included her families as well. Harry had known briefly about her biological mother, but she rarely spoke of her which he could not push as he did the same about his own mother. Harry knew if he would open up more there was a chance Adalyn would tell him, but he could tell in the brief moments she did how her demeanor suddenly became closed off and guarded. He could only see the front page of a newspaper educating him on the Mackenzie family history he had not been privy to as of yet.

Her toes ran along side his leg making his thoughts fade away. Not realizing that Addy had woken up and was silently watching him. His eyes were met with concerned green ones staring back up at him, her brow slightly furrowed.

“What’s on your mind?” Adalyn reached up running her hand down his cheek back down to his chest trailing over the contours of his pecks.

He was reluctant to tell her his true thoughts. Harry released a deep sigh caused her to sit up in the bed pulling the covers around her body for warmth. Her green eyes bore into the depths of him trying to read into whatever he was attempting to hide from her. There was no point in trying to; she would eventually coax it out of him.

“Don’t look so worried Addy.” Harry tried to reassure her wanting to get her back to his side. Out stretching his hand she inched her way closer to him thinking that if he started to distract her with kisses, the matter would end up forgotten.

“I will worry until you tell me what was on your mind. You looked quite concerned….” Addy spoke between the gently placed kisses on her neck knowing it purely was a distraction technique by the prince.

Huffing out a breath Harry gave up, the prince shook his head lightly with a small smile. He could not get anything by her no matter how hard he tried. His eyes angled down again to the watch for a brief second too long giving Addy a silent answer of what plagued his mind.

“My brother.” She ended with a sigh while watching Harry glance down at the watch.

Turning his head back he caught her distant gaze as she looked off across the room as if she was encapsulated in a far-off memory. Addy knew that one day she would have to tell him and with giving him her brothers watch it was only fair to Harry to know what really happened to Alexander. It was conversations like this that made her more vulnerable to Harry, a fact that she welcomed yet disliked at the same time.

It was difficult for her to let her guard down no matter how close they had grown lately. A small piece of her always warned her not to, that in the end he would also betray her trust. Shaking her head she pushed the thought away, banishing out of her mind, as she knew Harry better than that.

If things were going to work with Harry she needed to tell him everything, no matter how painful the memories were he needed to know. Especially since he would be meeting her family in the next few days; Harry would need to understand the dynamics of it all. A small thought popped into her head, what would her family think if Harry had no idea about Alexander…?

“Addy you don’t need to tell me if you don’t – ”

“I do.” She interrupted Harry before he could finish. “No I do.” Addy forced a brief smile for him followed by a pleading glance. Before she could second-guess herself Addy started to speak.

“Alexander was my oldest brother and when my mother left he stepped up and helped my father raise us.” Adalyn starred up, giving Harry a quick flash of a glance before looking down to the balled up sheets in her hand. “He was in the army… special forces.” She paused to lock eyes with the prince again knowing that vital piece of information would cause a stir in Harry.

Holy shit. Harry thought to himself as everything started to make sense. Please don’t tell me he died over there… He silently thought, begging her quietly not to say so.

“Go on…” He softened his gaze to try and encourage Addy to continue while keeping his thoughts to himself

“After his third tour he started to change.” Addy dropped her head, unable to look at Harry while telling him this for she knew it would hit close to home for him. “He wasn’t the Alex I remembered. He drank a lot, slept for most of the day. He had so much anger that any small thing could set him off. Alexander stopped going out, he would just stay inside and we all tried to help him, but no one could convince him to get help.”

He had PTSD. Harry internally spoke with a lowered head. No wonder why she knew how to calm me down all the time. She has dealt with this before. In that moment his heart ached for her. He had no idea how difficult it must have been for her to go through this again with him. Harry could see the torture contort her expression as if she was reliving those moments again as she told him.

“I made him move in with me so I could look after him. After all he did for me as a child I knew I had to do something…” Addy furrowed her brow with pursed lips. “and we went together to talk to his commanding officer after he agreed to get help, which he did.” A brief smile graced her lips, bringing a weak on in reflecting one on Harry’s lips.

“He went to therapy, support groups and even joined a boxing club to help but he still had his moments. At my birthday someone had brought fireworks…” she shook her head lightly with regret. “It was like he was back there again. I learned his triggers and how to calm him when he was exposed to one.”

“One day we ran into this lady in the park who was walking some dogs. They all belonged to a rescue and she was fostering them in hopes that some would find adopting homes.” Addy released a small chuckle, “it was the first time he laughed and looked genuinely happy since he had been home. It gave me a small bit of hope and an idea.”

“We went to the rescue’s shelter just to look around and Alex of course found one that was so scared, backed away into the corner shaking. While I was talking to the workers there Alex was able to get the dog to come to him which shocked everyone cause no one could get within a few feet of the dog.” Adalyn loosened her grip on the sheets, taking a settling breath. “So we adopted Trigger and Alex seemed to start getting better. It was like there was a mutual understanding, an instant connection between the two. They were healing each other and all was well until Trigger got hit by a car and we had to put him down a year later.”

Her rescue… that’s why she does it. These small revelations kept popping up into Harry’s mind. It was if this part of her life brought the puzzle pieces together and formed a picture of it. The way she was so dedicated to the rescue working tirelessly even after her day job, the way she understood what he was going through, everything made perfect sense.

“That’s when everything started to go down hill again.” Addy took in a jagged breath, pursing her lips closed not wanting to continue talking anymore, but she knew she needed to. How was she supposed to tell Harry how he died?

“Addy, it’s ok.” Harry grabbed her hand seeing her visibly upset. “I’m right here.”

Addy squeezed his hand hard gripping it like a lifeline.

“One day I just knew. I couldn’t tell you how, but I just did.” Tears started to form in her eyes at the mere thought of it all. “I got home and when I walked inside I could feel this heavy weight on my chest… I couldn’t move my feet forward no matter how hard I tried. It was like a force was trying to keep me out, that someone didn’t want me to see what I was about too.”

Harry realized what Addy was about to tell him. He saw the tears trickling down her cheek in a flood, staining them with the grief that she still had within her. Instinctively Harry grabbed her and engulfed her body with his arms. She released a crushing sob indicating the exact moment she broke.

“You don’t need to say anything else Addy.” He held her trembling body as she cried into his chest. Showering her with a cascade of kisses he tried to stop her sobs while running his fingers soothingly through her hair.

“I tried to help him…” She sputtered out between gasps of breath. “He was just lying there cold Harry.”

“I know… I know you did.”

His heart broke for her. A stray tear trickled down his cheek landing on her soft brunette hair. Harry had never seen Adalyn break like this, not even the release of the article could surmount this pain that he witnessed her in. He only wished he had known sooner for he would not have allowed himself to put her through any more in her life. How she ended up the way she was amazed him after all she had been through.

“It’s ok… let it out.”

Her brother could not live with PTSD no matter what he did, a fact that brought a profound sense of fear within him. Alexander had eventually found his own peace like much service men and women had ultimately done, but in return it left Adalyn’s family severed.

“Harry I need you to be ok…” Addy begged him knowing exactly what she was referring to. Lately he found it tedious to go to his sessions, like it was a waste of time. He now had no choice after what Addy told him about her brother. Harry knew how bad it could get and he would be damned if he put her through it all again all because of his pride.

He continued to hold her body feeling the tears dampening his chest. Harry was still puzzled how she managed to hide this vital fact from him; even throughout his whole deployment she never mentioned a word. Shaking that thought on his mind he tried to be present in comforting her.

Glancing down at the watch that now served as a constant reminder to never stop fighting no matter how bad his PTSD got. Adalyn had entrusted him with Alexander’s watch and now Harry understood why. It meant more to her than anything in this world. It was a piece of her heart he would wear everyday as a reminder of her and what he was fighting for.

Harry felt her body move in his arms, the sobs gently subsiding. Her head lifting to reveal the aftermath of her crying uncontrollably in his arms; blood shot eyes with drenched eye lashes and tear stained cheeks which she eagerly wiped away. Harry brushed away stray pieces of her brunette hair off of her face while she sniffled.

Her reddened green eyes looked to him, locking in his gaze as they shared a silent moment. Addy’s features hardened, her eyes narrowed slightly at him.

“Don’t make me go through that again…” Addy half warned half pleaded with him as her green eyes filled with fear.

“I promise I won’t.” He swore to her, but she turned her face away from him as if she had heard it all before and didn’t believe his promising words.

Gently cupping her cheek Harry turned her head to look back at him. His blue eyes stared right into her being making her see that he meant it. He needed Addy to believe him.

“I promise I won’t… ever.” In that moment he vowed that he would not let her down. He would do anything in his power to not bring her to the same tears she had cried just now. If he didn’t have motivation before, he now did.