#chapter thirty-three

Mattie was quiet, waiting.

“I really like being with him,” she began. “Like, a lot. He’s a great guy. You like him, too. That’s important. Mum likes him. Everyone likes him. But... he’s not really part of us. I mean, he gets along with everyone.”

“Amber, it doesn’t matter about the rest of us,” Mattie said. “What do you want?”

“We just don’t have a lot in common. Like, at all. And at first I thought it was cool, learning about things someone else was interested in. Plus, he’s fit and likes being outside. Big turn-on, Mattie, he’s a looker.”

Mattie’s mouth quirked up on one side, and he nodded for her to go on.

“He doesn’t read much... And he likes sports, and you know I’m not a fan. Plus, he spends so much time at the gym. And I’m lucky if I walk to the mailbox.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t want to break up with him. I mean, not now. I don’t know. I like him. We do get along.”

“Well, maybe it’s not time to decide yet,” Mattie replied. “If you’re enjoying each other’s company, and it makes you happy... You can decide later.”

“I guess,” Amber said. “I guess that’s what I’ve been doing.”

“Live for the moment until you know what you want,” Mattie said, leaning back.

“You should write for Hallmark,” Amber said.

He grinned. “I guess I’m doing the same thing,” he told her.

“Well, at least we’re giving it our best shot,” Amber said.

Amber pulled over in front of Nikki’s apartment building and Mattie got out.

“You okay? We’re straight on to the front steps and door. Can you find it?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” Mattie said, leaning down into the car. “Do I look okay?”

“You look on point,” Amber replied.

“Yeah, I know the Fire like some class,” Mattie grinned, giving the front of his vest a tug. He’d gone with jeans and a black button-down cotton shirt, and a grey vest. He’d had a green jacket to go over it but decided he’d be way too hot. He had his messenger bag with his phone and his wallet and his cane, and he had on a pair of green Chuck Taylors. He was feeling pretty hip. “How’s the hair?” he asked, jabbing at it.

“You’re rocking it,” Amber assured him. “Okay, text me when you know what you’re doing. We’ll get you home somehow. Have fun!”

“I’ll take pictures,” Mattie said, letting his cane drop to its full length.

“Yeah, I’ve seen your pictures,” Amber said, chuckling. “Don’t forget my shirt!” she called before he pushed the door shut and turned around a hundred-and-eighty degrees. He waved his hand over his shoulder to let her know he’d heard, and swept the cane in an arc around himself, and started forward toward the stairs.

Moments later, he was entering Nikki’s apartment.

“Oh my, you look so dapper,” Nikki said, giving him a hug and a kiss. “I love it.”

“Yeah? Okay, tell me what you’re wearing,” he said as Nikki led him to the sofa.

“I’ve got on jeans, too, and a silk tank top with a print of a painting on it. And I’m wearing sandals.”

“Ooh, let me see this tank top,” Mattie said, reaching out gently until he found her bare shoulder. He slid his hand in and touched the fabric of the strap, following it down between his fingers. “I like this,” he said.

“Do you?” she asked coyly. “I hoped you would.”

He smiled, feeling the drape of the fabric under his hand, following the line of her collarbone to her shoulder. “I like this, too.”

“My shoulder?”

“Your shoulder... your skin... you are very soft.”

She giggled. “I’ve never heard that one before.”

“It’s not a line,” Mattie said. “I’m all about how things feel. And you feel nice.”

She leaned in and kissed him, not letting the moment pass, and his arms crept around her back, pulling her tight as he returned her kissed. One of his hands slid up the back of her neck and cupped the back of her head, and he felt her droop slightly into it.

He pulled back to let them both catch their breath, and brushed his hand along her cheekbone, offering a smile to her, feeling her smile back under his light touch.

“We’ll have to go soon,” she whispered.

“Are we meeting them there?” he asked her.

“Yeah, we’ll take a cab and meet them out at the doors.”

He leaned forward and kissed her again. “Well, I might put a bookmark right here, and pick it up again later.”

“Okay,” she said with a grin. “I’ll call a cab right now.”

Mattie sat back, listening to her as she moved around her apartment.

“Hey, you have your bag, can I put my phone and my keys in there?”

“Sure, what about your wallet, your mirror, and your lipstick?” Mattie deadpanned.

“I can carry my... oh, you’re joking. No, I have my card and my lipstick in my jeans,” she said. “Smarty-pants.”

He grinned and listened to her talk to dispatch for a cab.

The cab ride wasn’t very long, as the arena venue wasn’t too far from the uptown where Nikki lived. When they reached the front lobby, Nikki stopped and looked around for her sister. Within minutes, she could see Michelle over the heads of the people heading inside.

“There she is, Michelle!” Nikki called, waving her arm.

Michelle and her boyfriend Ross made their way around the groups and approached them. Mattie didn’t see as they slowed down, and Michelle looked first at Mattie, and then questioningly at her sister. He didn’t see as she looked back at him, staring at the white cane he held upright. So he smiled warmly to welcome Nikki’s sister, waiting for someone to introduce him to Ross, or for someone to hug someone or shake a hand.

“Um, Xav? This is Michelle’s boyfriend, Ross. And you’ve met Michelle. This is Xav,” Nikki said, her voice sounding a little different to Mattie as she spoke to her sister.

“Er... hey,” said Ross. He didn’t move. He didn’t know what to do.

“Hey,” Mattie said. “Ross. Michelle. Thanks for the tickets.”

“Uh, sure thing, Man,” said Ross. Michelle said nothing.

“Ready to go in?” Nikki asked, glossing over the obvious.

“Yeah, sure, let’s go,” said Michelle, not sounding as excited as she had when she had screeched out Nikki’s name when she’d seen her.

They headed in, and as Michelle and Ross had their tickets checked, Mattie leaned close to Nikki. “You never told her, did you?” he asked in a low voice.

“Told her?” Nikki feigned ignorance.

“You never told her that I’m blind,” he said, feeling a bit angry about it but trying not to express it.

“I... I figured she could get to know you first. Before she had any judgement about it.”

“You were scared to tell her. Did it embarrass you?”

“What? No! Of course not. I just wanted her to know this guy I know before I gave her something to judge.”

“Well, I think it’s too late now. She’s already seen and judged. I could tell.”

“She’ll be fine. Just give her a chance.”

“If she gives me one, I will.”

“Please don’t be mad,” Nikki said. “I just wanted her to meet you first.”

Mattie concentrated on finding the stairs with his cane and then his foot. They were arena stairs, wide and shallow and he needed to be careful going down them.

“We have floor seats,” Nikki said.

“Yeah? How close?” Mattie wanted to forget about Michelle’s lacklustre greeting and go back to being excited about the show.

“First group of seating. Last row, middle.”

“Nice,” Mattie said, nodding enthusiastically.

“Yeah, should be perfect,” Nikki said, sounding more like herself again.

“It’s gonna be great.”

They reached their seats and Nikki pulled one back so they could file in without walking down the row. She put Mattie’s hand on a chair beside her and he settled down on it, knowing they wouldn’t stay seated once the show started. He folded his cane, hearing Michelle trying to whisper to her sister beside her.

“You never said he was blind,” Michelle said.

“It slipped my mind,” Nikki replied. “He’s so great, I forgot about that part.”

“Yeah, sure you did,” Michelle said sarcastically.

“Shhh,” Nikki said, turning to look at Mattie, who had obviously heard the whole thing but was trying to look like he was busy stuffing his cane in his bag and then taking the bag off over his head. He wasn’t smiling anymore.

She settled beside him and picked up his hand. “This will be good,” she said, as if to convince them both again.

He put the smile on his face, hoping it made him feel happier inside. “Yeah, it will. How many opening bands are there?”

“I think just one,” Nikki replied.

“Right to the point,” Mattie said, deciding to ignore Michelle and Ross altogether so he could enjoy himself. He faced forward, and flipped his hand over to hold hers, giving it a squeeze. She squeezed back and he grinned.

The opening act wasn’t one Mattie knew, but he invested himself in their sound, trying to figure out what instruments they had up there. They stayed seated throughout the five songs they played, but clapped and hooted between each song along with the rest of the audience.

Somewhere along the third song in, Mattie could smell the fragrant always-concert-appropriate smell of marijuana around him and he laughed. He could not remember a concert in this arena that hadn’t seen its share of joints travelling around its crowds. He wondered if Michelle was smoking anything. He figured she would be too uptight. It really made him want one of those joints to come this way so he could take a big puff right in front of her and pass it to Nikki. And when he thought of that, it made the concert feel even sweeter. He wasn’t even sure if Nikki ever smoked the stuff, they’d never talked about it, but he wished at that moment that the scenario in his head would play out, even if it caused Nikki some grief from her sister later on.

There was a good-sized gap between the opening act and the mainliners. Ross went to refill the drinks and Michelle hurried off with him, presumably to gossip with him out of hearing of the others, but officially to help him carry the drinks.

“They were pretty good,” Nikki said to Mattie after the other two were gone. “I liked that third song a lot. And the second one.”

“Yeah, they were good.”

“I’d like to hear your band some time,” Nikki said.

“Would you now?” Mattie said with a laugh.

“Yes. I hope you have a concert or something soon.”

Mattie held up his arm. “Not until I ditch the brace,” he said.

She patted his wrist gently. “You’ll be back in service in no time. Then you can at least put on a concert for me.”

“I can do that,” Mattie said. “I can play solo.”

“You’re not under contract?” Nikki teased.

“We’re allowed to moonlight,” he grinned. “Now, I need to get a T-shirt for my sister. Should we do that now or after?”

“Will Arcade Fire take an intermission?” Nikki asked. “Wait, we can go after, we’ll just go right up there as fast as we can get out, and get her a shirt before they sell out, sure thing.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course. Can I pick it?”

He laughed. “I think that’s probably a good idea,” he said. “She’d probably appreciate it, too.”

Mattie noticed that Michelle deliberately ignored Mattie when she brought back the cups for Nikki and him. She handed them both to her sister, only speaking to her. Ross, the last in the four, was too far away to talk to.

“Here’s your drink, Xav,” said Nikki, and Mattie found the cup she held out to him.

“Thanks,” he said. Then, to make a point, he leaned around her, raising the cup. “Thanks!” he called over to Michelle and Ross.

“Sure, Man,” said Ross. Michelle could have said something, but Mattie couldn’t hear it.

Nikki linked her arm around his, careful of his wrist, though she couldn’t hurt it, he told her, with the brace on it. He took a drink of his beer and leaned his head down until it rested against the top of hers, just staying like that for a moment. When he straightened up, she leaned up and pecked him on the cheek.

At that moment, a cheer broke out in the crowd around them and Mattie felt the whole audience rise to their feet. Nikki did, too, and Mattie scrambled to his feet beside her, grinning to hear her cheer.

“They look as dapper as you!” she called over to Mattie.

“We got the class,” Mattie grinned, winking at her, then turning back to let the music in. He closed his eyes as the band started to play, and within moments, he knew it didn’t always have to happen when he was onstage: he could hear the music in so many levels of sound, but even more, he could feel it. It was as though the bass was thumping at his eardrums, the drum was pounding in his heart. The guitar he knew he could feel on his temples, somehow. The sound enveloped him like a swirl of leaves.

The crowd was receptive and ebullient. Mattie loved the feedback the audience gave the band, and he and Nikki joined in with them. Whenever they knew the words, they sang along. Despite its rough start, the night turned out to be fantastic. The band was called back for two encores, and then before they finished the last song, Nikki tapped Mattie’s arm.

“Let’s go get your sister’s t-shirt,” she said.

“Yeah, good plan,” he replied, reaching down to get his bag, which had somehow caught on the chair. Nikki helped him to free it and then she told Michelle where they were going and to meet them there in the lobby.

Michelle turned and watched as her sister guided Mattie around the chair she’d pushed back, and then toward the steps. She watched as Mattie tentatively found each stair, being unused to the stadium-style width of each step. She sighed as she turned back to the band.

“Okay, we have white ones with blue on them, and blue ones with white on them, and black ones with white on them.”

“No white ones with black on them?” Mattie asked without cracking a smile.

“No but they have whi—oh, will you stop,” Nikki groaned. “They have the tour dates on the back and a pretty stylin’ artist’s line drawing on the front. Tie and hat and stuff.”

Mattie couldn’t remember whether Amber liked white or black t-shirts, she’d gone all-black in her teens and twenties and then a while back went into a white t-shirt phase. So he went with blue. He asked Nikki if it was a nice blue.

“It’s like an electric blue, except not as intense. Like if you mixed that with a light denim blue.”

Mattie stopped. He couldn’t remember what those looked like, or what colour that would make. He searched his memory for denim blue and was relieved when he could picture the colour of his jeans. And then he wondered if it was still the same in his memory as it truly was.

“Colour is conceptual,” he said out loud.

“What?” Nikki asked.

Mattie shook himself back to the present. “Nobody sees colour the same as another,” he told her.

“Okay,” she said, obviously confused.

He smiled for her benefit. “Sorry,” he said. “Something just hit me.”

“Oh. Okay. Okay?”

“Yeah. It’s all good. So, you like that one?”

“Yeah, I do. She will, too. What size?”

“She’s not tiny,” he said, “but she’s probably a small or a medium.”

“Is she about my size?”

Mattie grinned mischievously. “I think I need to do more research in that department,” he said.

She took his hands and placed each one around her waist. “I’ll let you do a size check,” she giggled.

“Legit business,” Mattie said. “Not PDA.” He slid his uninjured hand behind her, up her back, and touched her shoulder with his other hand. “Whatever size you wear will be fine,” he said. “Definitely fine to me,” he added with a smile.

Nikki couldn’t stop grinning, but she finally broke away and moved to the table where they were selling band swag, Mattie trailing behind her.

She pointed out the two t-shirts she wanted, and asked Mattie if he wanted one, but he said he had enough t-shirts to last him for a good while. He paid for them both though, knowing when Nikki wore hers, she’d always think of him. It was good planning on his part, he thought to himself.

Michelle and Ross were waiting for them by the doors, and they filed out with everyone else. Nikki watched out carefully for Mattie amongst the jostling crowds as she invited her sister and Ross to take a cab with them to her apartment.

“Come, stay for a little bit. We can have another beer and just come down from the concert buzz.”

It took a while for a cab to be free and they all hurried in, Mattie behind the driver, Nikki beside him in the middle, and Ross up front. They were back at Nikki’s in no time and she unlocked the main doors and let them in.

She handed everyone a beer, after they were all settled. No-one said anything until Nikki broke the moment and started recalling her favourite parts of the night. Mattie commented, hoping the other two wouldn’t embarrass Nikki by being bad guests. Ross joined in, and soon all four were trying to remember what songs they’d heard during the show. When Nikki was in her kitchen, her sister joined her to give her a hand. As Ross was talking about the people beside him in the audience, Mattie could hear Michelle’s low tones.

“Nikki, Honey, why would you want to date a blind guy? You deserve way more than that kind of life.”

“What kind of life, Michelle?” Nikki asked, as quiet, but angry.

“You don’t want to be taking care of someone your whole life.”

“He doesn’t need anyone to do that,” Nikki said. “He has his own house and he has a university job as a professor.”

There was a pause, as Michelle glanced over at the blind man listening to her boyfriend.

“Mo won’t be impressed,” Michelle said.

“She will be when she knows him, like everyone else,” Nikki said, leaving her sister in the kitchen and returning to the living room. She sat back beside Mattie and put his beer glass in his hand and then her hand on his knee.

To Mattie, that was a very positive gesture. She was keeping him in her contact, which he appreciated beyond expression, and also showing her sister she was not listening to her comments. He continued talking with Ross, and the women joined in, in part having their own side conversation about similar topics. The night ended without incident, and Michelle and Ross were pleasant and jovial as they headed out the door. Mattie hoped he’d won Nikki’s sister over, even just a little.

They returned to her sofa and Mattie reached forward and intertwined his hand with hers. She leaned in, putting one of her legs over one of his. He smiled and turned his head and reached for her cheek to kiss her. She responded in kind, before he gently turned her chin a bit more and kissed her lips.

“I think this was where I left my bookmark,” he said softly, and he felt her nod.

He smiled and kissed her again, and she leaned into it, enticing him, and soon they were making their way toward her bedroom. She led him, unbuttoning his vest as they reached the bed. They took turns taking clothing items off each other between kisses. Nikki sat on the bed and he followed suit, keeping contact with her body. He knew there was no chance in hell he’d be able to get off her bra, between the brace on his wrist and not being able to see. He held out his arm to her.

“This is the sexiest bit,” he whispered, keeping his face serious.

Nikki burst out laughing, which agreed with Mattie’s ears, and she took the hint to carefully take the brace off his wrist.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” she said, clasping his wrist gently.

“It’s okay now. I think it’s healed. But I didn’t want to get bumped tonight.”

Nikki rubbed her thumb along the top of his wrist, and the slow touch drove him crazy. He wrapped his arms around her, and pulled her tight, letting her lips touch his. His hand released, he was able to manoeuvre around the clasp of her bra and as he did, he pushed her back gently towards the bed.

He wanted to touch her all over, get a full view, as it were. Nothing would give him the full picture that he wanted but he realised this was a much more beautiful way to see her. He didn’t have to be close to see her with his eyes. Now, he needed to be right here, touching her.

He was aware of where his hands were, always. Cupping her cheek, tracing her ear, drawing her collarbone, following the curve of her side. He hadn’t really taken as much notice before, worrying more about what he was doing wrong, or weird, or whether he was making someone awkward. Somewhere along the journey, he learned there was more to it, if he stopped thinking about himself as having something less to give. Maybe he had more to give if he did it in his own way.

He felt a sensual passion he had never felt before. He revelled in it, understanding once again that his world wasn’t something less. Nikki responded to him in kind. When he laid back and held her in his arms, his body warm and tingling and his breath heavy, he knew it had been special for both of them. She was curling into his side, her hand on his chest. She was almost humming, or purring, or making an undetectable noise of contentment that he was picking up on.

“Uh, that...” Nikki said, and then let out a gush of air and a small laugh.

Mattie grinned and turned his face toward her. “It was, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” she breathed out. “It was.”

They lay still for a while, just keeping each other close, enjoying the touch, the rise and fall of each other’s chests.

Finally, Nikki spoke.

“I’m sorry for what my sister said. I know you heard.”

“Which time?” Mattie asked, regretting his comment immediately. “No, forget I said that. I don’t care about what she said. As long as you don’t agree with her.”

“I don’t. And I know she said a few things. She’ll be fine. I don’t know why she was acting like that. I guess it just surprised her. I should have told her, I know. I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologising for her,” said Mattie, rolling over to her to kiss her and end the conversation. The last thing he wanted was to discuss Michelle and her prejudice. “I’m not going to date her, so it doesn’t matter what she thinks. I like her younger sister much, much better.”

Nikki smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He could feel her grin in her kiss. He let his hand travel back down her side again, taking in everything that was good.

Mattie sat at Nikki’s table, drinking green tea. Nikki was toasting a bagel, moving around the kitchen, relaxed and happy.

“Here, the plate is right in front of you, I buttered the bagel, is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s great, thanks.” Mattie felt out in front of his seat at the table, locating the plate and the bagel. “Come sit over here,” he said.

She sat at the table, reaching across the table to take a hold on his hand. At her touch, he smiled. At his smile, she smiled back, a flush gracing her cheeks. He had that effect and he didn’t even know it now.

“Now we have to figure out how to get you back to your house,” she said. “Although... I don’t mind you staying here for a bit.”

He grinned, squeezing her hand. “Well, I’ll have to go home at some point,” he said. “Though I can think of worse places to be stranded.”

He stayed into the late morning, and then he decided he would just cab it home, to cause the least amount of disturbance to everyone. He had a hard time breaking contact with her lips when the cab arrived, but he promised he’d call her later and they’d make some more plans. She was enthusiastic with her response, and Mattie made his way to the cab with a grin from ear to ear. The driver greeted him, showing him the back seat door and making sure he was in safely before he shut it.

“Uh huh,” said the cab driver, and Mattie knew he had figured out the obvious. He immediately tried to wipe the grin from his face. “You’re heading out to the country, huh?”

“Uh, yeah. That’s it.” Mattie gave the address again, and sat back.

“Good night?” the cab driver asked.

Mattie rolled his head against the seat so he was facing the cabbie. “It was. Went to a concert. Drank a bit too much, didn’t want to risk driving home.”

“Ah,” said the driver. “Probably a smart move.”

Mattie couldn’t help the grin creeping back onto his face as he let his head drop forward, half dozing, half mulling over every moment with Nikki for the rest of the ride back.

“Why not, Xav? I mean, you do it downhill, with trees coming at you. Going straight with something towing you should be easy.”

Mattie glared as best as he could toward Peter’s voice. Peter had been dogging him for the last twenty minutes about giving water-skiing a try.

“I wasn’t a good water-skier when I could see, Man,” Mattie said.

“So you have nothing to compete with. No matter what, you won’t be worse. And, hey, maybe you’ll be better.”

“No, Peter. No, no, no.” Mattie slowly wound the reel on his fishing pole, not feeling any tugs on the line.

“I’ll take that as a maybe,” Peter said and Mattie groaned.

“Was a sprained wrist not enough for one summer?” Mattie asked. He’d finally been given the okay to leave the brace off, and was given some exercises to do to strengthen his wrist.

“Well, if you’d stop falling, Buddy, we could avoid these problems.”

Mattie rolled his eyes, finding his hook and with care, checking to see whether he needed to replace the bait.

“I really think you could do it,” Peter said seriously. “I wouldn’t pull any turns or anything. I’d just take it smooth and slow and steady. Wide arcs. You’d totally figure it out.”

“I can’t do everything,” Mattie said. “We don’t have to try everything.”

“You don’t want to try everything?” Peter asked. “What happened to that sense of adventure?”

“Is that my fifth sense?” Mattie asked, and Peter laughed.

“That’s it, Xav! You do have five senses after all.”

“Actually,” Mattie said, a worm wriggling in his fingers as he once again felt carefully around the hook. “I have a sixth sense. You’re forgetting my sense of style.”

Peter laughed harder. “What, the skater shoes and tweed waistcoats?”

“I have flair,” Mattie said.

“That you do,” Peter said.

After handing the rod to Peter to let him cast out for him, Mattie squinted his eyes in thought. “Should I change my style?” he asked.

“Never,” said Peter.

“Well, maybe I’m too old for the hipster thing.”

“You were always too young for it. You’ll be the right age for it in about thirty years.” He waited for a moment and then he added, “Don’t ever change, Xav.”

“What about you?” Mattie asked, thinking he’d changed far too much already. “Do you still favour the band t-shirts and hoodies and old baggy jeans?”

Peter sat back. “You haven’t seen me for almost three years,” he said, suddenly surprised. Mattie shook his head. It kind of amazed him, too, when Peter put it so bluntly.

“Shit, Dude. That’s weird. Is that weird?”

“It’s weird.”

Peter sat thinking for a minute. “I t’ink I’m wearing the same t’ing I wore when you could see. I mean, the exact same articles of clothing. I haven’t changed much, either.”

“Not grey yet, then?”

“Aw, geez, no. Not yet. You don’t, either, by the way. You’re just annoyingly perfect, as always.”

Mattie snorted. “Yeah. Perfect, that’s me.”

“Doesn’t Nikki think so?”

Mattie smiled. He couldn’t help it.

“She’ll think you’re even more perfect when she sees you fly by on water-skis.”

“Arrgghh!” Mattie groaned.

“Thanks, Xav! It’s great!” Amber said.

“Does it fit?”

“Yes, it does. I’m going to tell people I went, too.”

“I figured.”

Mattie had told Amber about the concert, each song, every moment. He had left out the Michelle aspect, only saying they’d been there and had stopped by for a moment afterward. He was more forthcoming with his feelings about Nikki. He admitted he was kind of into her, that he couldn’t talk about her without smiling.

“I noticed,” Amber said. “I am super-stoked for you, Little Brother. I’m so glad you’re happy.”

“Yeah. I think I am. I’m not going to dwell on if I am or not, I’m just enjoying this. Whatever it is.”

“That’s the way you do it,” Amber said. “Every day. Take every day and be happy with the good. And there is starting to be some good again.”

He nodded. She was right.

They found a few problems in the first few weeks of dating. Neither of them drove, and neither was keen on staying at the other person’s home for long periods. Mattie stayed three nights once, but he was keen to get back to his home and the cats and the quiet.

Nikki found the country to be eerie and too far flung from her usual haunts to enjoy staying there, so Mattie usually was the one to do the travelling. He had done a basic mapping of her apartment, so he could find a glass and the chairs and the television. He wanted to prove his independence, especially when Nikki had her sister suggesting the opposite in her other ear.

He witnessed another of Michelle’s pleas to her sister to think about her future. Inadvertently, of course; she’d gone to answer the door and left him cosy and happy in her bed, and he’d stayed there, not moving, when he heard Michelle’s voice.

“Hey, Nik. Me and Ross are going to Rovers tonight. Wanna come?”

“Um... are you inviting Xav, too?”

Michelle sighed. “That’s so weird, Nikki. I don’t know why you insist on dating him.”

“I don’t insist, Shel. I like him. He’s a good guy.”

“But you can’t tell me that it’s all easy being with a blind guy.”

“No, it’s not all easy, Shel. But what relationship is?”

“So are you in a relationship, then?”

“I don’t know. I guess so. Stop being so negative.”

“He’s disabled, Nik. You need to think about what that means. It means you’re going to have to get your driver’s license, be the driver. You’ll have to take him places and clean up and keep things in the same place and he’ll need things read to him and you can’t just go off if you’re with him. You’ll have to do all the shopping and help him pick things out. You’re always going to be helping him. How fair is that? How equal a relationship is that? Not to mention that he can’t ever appreciate how nice you look and how pretty you are. I mean, won’t that bug you, that he won’t be able to compliment you on your hair or that you look beautiful for him? Won’t it bother you when you can’t just look him in the eyes and have him to do the same? Love is in the looks, you know.”

“There are other things besides that. We can figure it out.”

“I think you’re limiting yourself, Nik. I don’t think you’ve thought it out. I think you’re just, well, blinded by the novelty of it. I hate to think of how it will hurt you when you realise it’s too much to deal with.”

“Me?” Nikki said. “What about Xav? He’s a person, too.”

“Yes, well, maybe you should let him down easy. He needs to be with someone who is more used to that kind of life.”

“What, like another blind person?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. Honey, I just am looking out for you. I love you, Nik. I don’t want you to be hurt, or to feel obligated to someone because he’s handicapped. It’s not on you. It’s not your responsibility.”

“Maybe I just like being with him. He’s fun. He’s smart. If you’d give him a chance, you’d like him, too. You guys are both funny, you’d like him if you tried better.”

“It’s just weird, Nikki. That’s all. So if you want to come, you’re welcome. But I think he’d just find it boring, and you wouldn’t be able to just relax, watching out for him.”

“No, well, in that case, I guess you guys can go without me. I don’t want to go without him.”

There was a pause, and then Michelle shrugged. “Okay, your loss. Sit home in the dark with your boyfriend.”

Mattie could hear her open the door and he heard Nikki try to persuade her sister one more time that she was quite happy with the situation as it was, but finally gave up and said goodbye, closing the door behind her.

He swung his feet off the bed to the floor and sat there, trying not to dwell on the conversation. He heard Nikki return to the room and he raised his face, smiling towards her, not knowing whether he was pretending to not have heard anything or not.

She didn’t say anything right away, she just came over and sat beside him and took his hand. “So,” Mattie said. “I take it your sister hasn’t reconciled that you’re seeing someone who can’t?”

She didn’t laugh. He hadn’t really expected her to.

“It’s her problem.”

“Who is Mo?” Mattie asked, recalling the name Michelle had given earlier as someone who wouldn’t be happy with Nikki having a blind boyfriend.

“My mother. We always called her Mo.”

“And she doesn’t like blind guys either?”

“Of course she does. I mean, she would, if she knew any. If she knew you.”

Mattie squeezed Nikki’s hand.

“I’m really sorry, Xav. I don’t know why she’s acting like that.”

“Because she cares about you. She wants the best for you.”

“If she cared, she’d be happy for me.”

Mattie didn’t know what else to say. He wasn’t about to defend Michelle to her sister. He turned to Nikki, wrapping both hands around the hand holding his. “Are you happy?”

“Yeah. I’m happy.”

“Then that’s all I care about.” He rubbed her hand under his fingers, feeling the warmth of her skin. “Her problems are her own. Not yours. But if you want to go with them tonight, I give my blessing. She probably just misses hanging out with her little sister.”

“I don’t want to go with them anyway. Not if they didn’t invite you.”

“Then let’s make our own plans,” Mattie said, reaching up with his left hand, gently searching for her cheek and then guiding himself in to kiss her.

They could forget about Michelle and Mo, and the negativity over their relationship for a while. Mattie knew it wouldn’t go away, especially when Nikki was so close to her family. Michelle was, in all respects, Nikki’s best friend, and best friends’ opinions on boyfriends always held huge sway. They would have to deal with it some time, but for now, Mattie was all too glad to ignore Michelle’s existence.