#chapter fifty-eight

“Terri must have put them there... I don’t know where she got them... or the idea. I mean, she knows you, she knows you’re blind. She’s probably repaired something of yours with those in them. I don’t know. I’ll ask her the next time I’m in. It’s funny they never said anything to me when I picked them up.” She smiled at Mattie. “I think it’s sweet.”

Mattie still looked puzzled, but he nodded. “I can’t complain. Those two shirts feel the same. Now I know that one is the striped one, and one is the grey one.” He smiled, shrugging.

“That’s cool,” she said. “I’ll ask them when I’m in next time. Or I can ask Fiánne, I think I’ll meet her for lunch this week.”

“Who’s Fiánne? Oh, wait, your new friend?”’

“Yup, my new friend.”

“That’s an interesting name,” Mattie mused. “Where’s it from?”

Amber shrugged. “I don’t know. It suits her, though.” She thanked him for lending her the cash and shouted back that she’d see him later.

Amber had her chance to ask about the tags when she made a lunch date with Fiánne on Wednesday. She picked the young woman up and dropped off a few more things for a repair or alteration, and they went across town to a little café that Amber had gone to with Barb a few weeks before.

Once they were seated, Amber mentioned the Braille tags.

“Oh... yeah... that was me,” said Fiánne, shyly. “I had those in my sewing box. I had a box of donated clothes to go through a while ago and a bunch of them had those tags. I took them off, I didn’t want to just throw them away, and I put them in my sewing box. I didn’t think I’d ever need to use them but I thought they were kinda neat.

“Terri told me that you have a brother who is blind, after you came in, and said they were his shirts. I showed her the tags I had and she said that she had seen them in something you had brought in of his before. So I just thought maybe he’d get more use of them than I would. I hope I wasn’t overstepping.”

“No!” Amber exclaimed. “He was pretty pleased about it, he thought I’d done it. I put in some a few years ago but some have disappeared and I didn’t get any more and he just remembered most of his clothes and what colour they were, at least the ones he wore all the time. But he said those two shirts felt the same and he was going to get me to sew a button inside one so he’d know which was which. You saved me the trouble.”

Fiánne smiled shyly. “I’m glad he was pleased,” she said. “His name is Matthew, right? Do you have just one brother?” she continued as Amber nodded to her first question.

“No,” Amber said as the waitress brought them coffee and tea. “I have two brothers. Do you have any siblings?” Amber didn’t feel like explaining Daniel.

“No. Well. Not really. I mean, I kinda do, in a way.”

Amber looked perplexed, so Fiánne explained.

“I have some foster siblings,” she told Amber.

“Oh!” Amber said. “You were a foster child, or your family supported foster children?”

“I was fostered... for a while,” Fiánne said, with a soft smile.

“Oh! That must have been difficult?” Amber said. “I’m sorry, it’s none of my business.”

“No,” Fiánne said. “It’s okay. It’s not like it’s a secret. It was actually the best thing that could have happened for me then.”

“Well, then...” Amber wasn’t sure how to continue, or even if she should, so she changed topics to how Fiánne came to be at the alterations shop, just as their lunch arrived.

Peter had Mattie holding onto the wooden frame of a glass door as he worked at taking out old nails. He was repairing an antique cabinet for Chloë, which had been her grandmother’s, and he’d convinced his best friend to come give him a hand. They were out in the workshop part of Peter’s garage, and the radio played on the work table.

“Hold my hammer,” Peter said, and put it into Mattie’s outstretched hand.

“I’m running out of hands,” Mattie said.

“Okay. Got it. Okay. Here, can you help me lift it? Yeah... just a little more up, and in. Perfect. Just hold it for a minute while I put this screw in.” He directed Mattie and the two of them succeeded in replacing both doors onto the cabinet without any trouble.

Peter liked working with Mattie, as they always had. It took a lot more description and direction now, but it wasn’t really that much different nowadays. Mattie had made so much progress in the past four years in being comfortable without sight, it really had lost its strangeness, and it had become much less difficult in figuring anything out when they did things together. He’d even picked up a few of the tools himself, and had no problem screwing in screws or fitting in shelves. His hands were so fine-tuned in performing tasks and seeing for Mattie at the same time, Peter often mistook Mattie’s precision as actual sight on Mattie’s part.

Mattie finished screwing in the brace for a shelf on one side. Peter lifted the plank and Mattie helped him to fit it in.

“Last one,” Pete told him.

“Yup,” Mattie said. “What else? How’s it look?”

“Lookin’ good,” Peter said. “Probably could use a sanding on the top.”

“Let me,” Mattie said. “Got sandpaper?”

Peter handed him the rough, gritty card, and Mattie slid his hand over the top surface of the cabinet, setting to work on smoothing it out. Peter took another piece of sandpaper and set to work along the bottom.

Turning the rough wood with its cracked veneer into a smooth, satiny surface was satisfying to Mattie. He didn’t have to do anything but work at it, feeling it become like new wood, taking away the nicks and the scars. It rewarded him as he went, and when Peter stood up to take a break, he was shocked at how much better it looked in such a short time.

“You got a power sander up here, Xav?” he joked, running his hand along the surface.

Mattie smiled. “Are you going to stain it? Or paint it?”

“I’ll give it a nice dark stain,” Peter said. “I’m just trying to get the old stuff out of the details along the front panel here.”

Mattie glided his fingers down over the edge to the front panel, feeling the little carvings in the wood.

“Vines and flowers,” Peter told him.

Mattie felt the whole length of the panel, working out the pattern in his mind. He could feel the vines and the raised petals, which were more obvious than the finer details.

“Needs a gentle touch,” Mattie said. “Got a chair?”

“Thought you’d never ask,” Peter said, grabbing a sturdy wooden stool for Mattie to get a better angle at working at the panel. He, in turn, began working at the sides of the glass panes.

Chloë called them in for supper, having promised she wouldn’t peek at the work being done on her antique. She was amazed how long they’d been working away out there, but Mattie was only surprised at how much time had passed. It was such a nice afternoon and he’d been thoroughly enjoying himself. They had done a lot of work on the cabinet, and Peter figured he’d only have a little bit left before he stained it.

“You guys smell good,” Chloë said as they passed her to go wash up. “You smell like wood shavings and macho skills.”

They both chuckled, and Peter commented to Mattie, “A woman loves a man who works with his hands.”

“Well,” Mattie replied. “I should be swimming in women, then.”

“Oh, right, because you do everything with your hands,” Peter groaned.

“Hey, you said it,” Mattie deflected.

“Too soon, Buddy, too soon.”

Mattie gave him the expression of disgust that Amber had deemed The Look, and Peter chuckled, letting Mattie go wash up first.

Amber and Riley joined Mattie, Peter, and Chloë for a sail, and Peter told Riley how Mattie was going to try waterskiing. Riley, already knowing Mattie tried some adventurous stunts, totally believed Peter, much to Peter’s quiet delight.

“When are you going to go?” Riley asked Mattie.

Mattie shook his head. “He’s trippin’,” he replied. “He’s been trying to convince me forever that I need to go waterskiing.”

“You’re not?” Riley was confused.

“He thinks if I downhill ski, waterskiing should be easy for me.”

Riley pondered the premise, and Chloë told Mattie to not listen to Peter. “He’ll invent things for you to try if he thinks he can get away with it, Xav.”

“You were the one to send him down a hill,” Peter said to Chloë.

“I was with him all the way,” she replied.

“Pete was with me all the way that time on the bikes,” Mattie said.

“Bikes?” asked Riley. “Do I want to ask?”

“Gahh,” was Amber’s reply. “These two decided they would bike down to the store one day... I think it was the second summer after the accident, and he was still recovering, and here they come down on bikes.”

“Bicycle bikes?”

“Yup. Two bicycle bikes. Peter in front, Xav just behind...”

“If I had died that day,” Mattie told Riley, “it would have been because Amber killed me and buried me in the back field, with Peter right beside me.”

Riley chuckled and looked at Amber, who shrugged. “He tests me,” she admitted.

“I can see why,” Riley said, grinning, turning to Mattie. “I can’t believe you rode that far on a bike without seeing.”

“He didn’t ride the bike the whole time,” Peter said. “He spent a few times in a ditch.”

“I did, yeah,” Mattie admitted.

“Jeez,” said Riley, and he looked at Amber, who looked proud of the brother who often did test her every nerve and patience, and they smiled at each other.

“We made it, it was fine,” Peter said, winking at Amber.

Chloë just shook her head at her husband, her smile patient, loving, and disapproving all at the same time. Peter made Mattie live his full life without regrets, and Chloë wouldn’t change it for the world.

Peter grinned and winked at her, too, and then let the main sail out a little, and the boat tilted as it caught the wind. It surprised the passengers, and Peter chuckled as everyone instinctively grabbed something, except Mattie, who reached out without finding something, and in half a moment felt Amber’s wrist against his hand and he grabbed on. Peter saw that Amber’s reflexes always included her brother, and he knew that he had learned that, too. They’d integrated their sight into Mattie’s well-being somehow, naturally, organically.

Once the boat stabled out, Peter called Mattie over to the rudder to put him to work. He knew Mattie liked the feeling of steering the boat through the water, feeling the pull of the current, the weight of the boat. He gave that to his friend as often as he could.

Riley, being a fan of the water, enjoyed the day in the sailboat. He hadn’t been on a sailboat since he was a teenager, and he was very appreciative that Peter took him out. He liked that Amber’s friends had taken him into their activities so easily.

After they’d come in, and Peter had everything packed in and strapped down, they headed back to Peter and Chloë’s for some “suds and grub”, as Peter called it. It was a good day, and it continued into the evening. They were all happily worn out when they called it a night.

Mattie realised as he was heading to bed that night that he hadn’t felt like a third wheel, or a fifth wheel, actually, the entire day. He was so completely comfortable with these people, they integrated him so well into the group, he forgot he was the single one. Even Riley, Mattie noted, had been accepted into the group easily and didn’t stick out as an interloper or newcomer. It was a rare group of friends indeed that showed such acceptance and welcoming.

Mattie’s days of summer came to an end, and he headed back to work rested, tanned, and excited for the year ahead. Once again, he had the usual mix of students signing up: ones that were returning to take another course, new students that had heard about Professor MacTavish from other students, and new students who had no previous knowledge about Mattie at all, and would get a nice shocker when they arrived in the lecture room.

“Hey, Boy-o!” Mattie recognised Christopher Garnet’s voice and the familiar tap on the open door, and he smiled, raising his head.

“Hey, Garnet! How’s the scheduling shaping up?”

“Christ-in-a-Christmas-tree!” exclaimed Garnet, entering the room. “If I swap anything else around I’ll have to teach courses individually all day long. You?”

Mattie sat back. “The same. I just went in to check and I gained four students in one course and lost three in another. Two of whom transferred to one of my other courses. I can’t keep track.”

“It’ll hopefully fall into place before the week is over.”

“Then the real fun begins,” said Mattie.

“Well, of course! We get to start rehearsing for the two shows in December.”

“Two?” Mattie asked. “Yeah? Well, aren’t you just the agent to the stars.”

“Yeah, don’t quit your day job,” said Garnet. “You have Anders back?” he asked, referring to Mattie’s tutorial assistant.

“Yup, just until Christmas, though. He’s all grown up now, I did what I could while he was mine,” Mattie said with a grin. His assistant had scored a professor-in-residence position and would move up in the winter term. Mattie would be assigned a new assistant, and he hoped they could work together as well as he and Neil Anders had over the past several years.

Garnet chuckled. “You’re a good mentor,” he said, “sending him off into the world.”

“Mentor!” Mattie laughed. “No, I don’t think he saw me as a mentor,” he said.

“I beg to differ on that one,” Garnet retorted. “So, you wanna walk over to the market for lunch? I’ll even buy you a pastry from Giorgio’s.”

Mattie grinned. “How can I turn that down?” He felt his watch. “What time do you want to go?”

“I’ll swing by in about an hour?”

“Sounds good to me.” Mattie sat back, smiling to himself as Garnet headed back out of the room, slapping his hand against the door twice as he left. He couldn’t imagine not being back here, getting ready to start a new semester.

He had met twice with Dean Foster, and had met with the department once. The dean had welcomed him back with a warm handshake, and made sure Mattie had everything he needed. Mattie assured him that everything was perfect, he was glad to have the continued used of his same room and office, and Dean Foster assured him that it was the least he could do, and that he hoped Mattie’s term ahead was engaging.

Once again, Mattie steered clear of Professor Shelton as best he could. He hadn’t had any trouble after the Christmas party incident, and he hoped Shelton had some other issue to put his time to this year. Dean Foster hadn’t mentioned Shelton, and Mattie wasn’t about to rehash anything that didn’t need to be dug up.

Mattie met up with his friend, Robert Durnley, whom he hadn’t seen in months, and caught up over cranberry muffins provided by Durnley’s wife. It just felt right to be back with these people. He had thought about his old group of friends and they seemed like light years away from the people he was surrounded with now. Another lifetime.

His classes set, his itinerary in order, his classroom prepped, and his wardrobe spruced, Mattie was ready.

The introduction to his students, as always, got mixed reaction. He was always glad when it was done and over and he could move into books. There was always an uncomfortable start, with no-one knowing how to interact with their professor. Mattie’s sense of humour and his ability to empathise was the saving grace to those first days.

He had managed to schedule his teaching days to Monday, Wednesday, and Friday once more, four courses each, two in the morning and two in the afternoon. His tutorials were scheduled for Tuesdays and Thursday, which would be with Anders in another lecture room, leaving him the days for marking and preparing and reading and setting up meetings with students. He’d invited any of his students who were having problems, with either the work, with a roommate, with money, or with his teaching, to come talk to him. He told them he was available to them, even to discuss novels they were reading to a deeper extent if they wanted.

The hand-raising issue was addressed, the marking methods discussed, and his assurance given that there would be no leniency in his own teaching, and that he expected the same from them.

“This is a classroom, first and foremost, and I’m here to teach you.” Mattie stood in front of his desk, his hands resting on his cane. He turned his head, as if scanning each of the students, but actually listening for murmuring or dissent.

One bold soul posed a question. “Can you see us at all?” he asked.

Mattie just gave a tiny but wicked grin. “I might not be able to... but... do you really want to find out how much I can see? If you think you can get away with stuff because I might not see it, you just keep that in mind.”

He wasn’t sure how long he could fool them with this, but if they thought there was a chance he might be able to see them goofing off or not being in class, they might be less likely to do so.

“It’s your money and time if you slack off and don’t show in class, but if you think I won’t notice, you’ll find a surprise with your grades. I won’t make you be in class, but I won’t make it easy for you to skate through. You’re adults now, you have consequences to your actions, and there is no excuse, not from me, nor from the dean, if you don’t put in your time and effort. However, if you attend these classes, you will be rewarded, because you’ll know your stuff. And you might have a good time learning it. I don’t just stand here and lecture at your ears. I don’t write notes on the board for you to copy. I want engagement, I want discussion, I don’t mind some diversion from the subjects, and rational, fortified arguments, I welcome them. I just want you to participate. Be interested. You’ll learn, I promise.”

“Excuse me, Professor, I’m Emily Russell. Um, have you taught here long?”

Mattie nodded. “Well, as you see, I’m a bit younger than the average professor here. But I have all my credentials, and my students have come out with higher-than-average marks, and that isn’t using a marking curve. That’s standard. This is my seventh year, so I’m not new to the podium.” He didn’t need to mention the two-year hiatus in the middle of his tenure.

He knew they were unsure of their semester ahead, but he knew he would be able to win most of them over before the third week began. He bet himself five dollars that he would.

“I believe success is in each and every one of you,” he said. “You can go as far as you want.”

“I went to the movies last night,” Amber told Mattie.

“You guys hit the movies a lot,” he returned.

“It wasn’t with Ry,” Amber informed him. “I went with Fiánne. Remember, that girl from the alterations shop?”

Mattie nodded. “Your new best friend,” he said with a grin. “Does Barbra know?”

“Shut up. She’s nice. Barbie knows about her and they will be friends and you’re an idiot.”

“I am an idiot,” Mattie relented, smiling goofily at her. “What movie did you go to?”

“Our Idiot Brother,” Amber said, giggling.

“Damn it!” Mattie said, snapping his fingers. “That was just sad.”

“It all came together too nicely,” Amber laughed.

“So was it good?”

“Yeah, we had fun. We went for coffee afterwards. I think that she needs a friend. I don’t think she really has many people to talk to. She seems out of practise.”

“Why? Don’t scare the girl, Amber, sometimes you never shut up.”

Amber ignored his comment. “No, really. I mean, it took me a while to get her to really just talk. It was like she was fine just letting me talk. And that even gets old with me.”

“You’re too nosy sometimes, Amber. Some people just don’t like talking about their lives with strangers.”

“We’ve gone out many times now, we’re not strangers,” Amber replied smugly. “I’ve gathered information. I like her, and I think she’s scared I won’t.”

“Maybe she has secrets.”

“Oh, she has,” Amber said. “She’s had a rough time.” Amber sighed, and Mattie heard the sadness in the exhale.

Mattie didn’t ask. It wasn’t his place to know about her life.

“I think I’ll invite her out here on the weekend. Ry is going to Ottawa, and I think she needs an escape weekend.”

“Does she live with someone? Is she married?”

“Not... so much,” Amber said.

“Okay,” Mattie said. He could tell she was ready to burst.

“She was engaged. She is engaged. She was working at the bakery on the east side of the city, and he wanted her to quit, and clean houses because it made more and he would be in control of whose house she was cleaning.”

“Sounds like a twat,” Mattie said.

“She got fed up with him. She said she liked him at first because he made her feel protected but it soon became clear he was possessive. But he was her ticket out of her house.”

Mattie groaned. “You’re already betraying your new friend’s confidence,” he said.

“It’s just you,” she said.

“Oh... thanks,” Mattie said.

“I just think she needs friends. She moved out and didn’t tell him. He doesn’t know where she is, or where she’s working now. Her foster mother had taught her how to sew in her teens.”

“Foster mother?” Mattie was trying to stay detached, but Amber’s narrative was too much for his own curiosity.

“For some reason, she was removed from her own home. I think she lived there with her mother, but I don’t know about her father. She lived with a family who had a son and three foster kids. I guess she was happy there. She went back home again, after... I’m not sure how long she was home for before she graduated and moved in with that guy. Just to escape the mother, I think. And I think it was out of the frying pan and into the fire.”

“Geez. So she escaped home, got sent back, escaped again, to something worse, possibly, and then escapes that by going underground. You found some trouble,” Mattie said.

“But she’s not like that,” Amber said. “You’d never know there was shit. She’s very quiet, and she’s polite and generous and kind. It’s like a little animal that gets abused and just hides at the back of the kennel, shaking.”

“So you’re bringing the poor little puppy home,” Mattie said.

“I am. And don’t be mean to her.”

“What? When am I mean to people? Especially ones I don’t know? No, you carry on; I’m going to help Peter put the boat away anyway.”

“Already?” Amber asked.

“We’re halfway through September,” Mattie said. “Season is over.”

“Wow,” Amber said. And then she realised what date was closing in on them. She glanced over to see if his expression showed if he was thinking the same thing.

“Yup,” he said. “Fall is coming in hard and fast. I’ll bet you already have your Christmas shopping started.”

She couldn’t help but smirk. “I might have.”

Mattie made a face. “Knew it.”

“It’s good planning,” she argued. “You wish every year that you had the forethought to get your Christmas gifts in order early.”

“Too soon,” Mattie said. “I just want to enjoy fall first.”

“You like fall?” Amber asked him.

“It’s my favourite season,” Mattie said.

“Because of school?” Amber asked. She had thought that Mattie wouldn’t like the memories tied into this time of year. She thought the darkness of the anniversary would have tainted it for him for all time.

He shook his head. “No. It’s the prettiest season. It’s the season I feel the most, I guess. I mean, in the spring I can smell the new leaves and green... but the fall... It’s so much. To you, it’s so much colour, and it is for me, too. There’s the smell of the fallen leaves. There’s the chill on the grass and in the earth. There’s dew at night and in the morning. The leaves make more noise, they are at their fullest and then they start to dry and rustle and fall, and they whisper along the pavement, sounding like a deer or a dog running behind you, the wind clicking them against the ground. The wood smoke in the air starts in the evenings, and reminds you that it’s getting cold and people need to start tucking themselves into cozy sweaters. And I can wear sweaters again, and hats, and light the furnace. And Lilla gets excited about Hallowe’en, it’s fun. And the smell of pumpkin spice is everywhere. And I don’t even like eating or drinking anything with that in it, but the smell makes me happy. It’s just all smells and feels. Like walking through crunchy leaves. Or the pumpkins rotting in the fields. Or the early morning frost, it’s sharp and biting on the fingers. Or the feet.”

Amber watched him, amazed at the details he was sharing. He perceived so much through his four strong senses. The smile on his lips had spread to his whole face, his blind eyes filled with thought and expression. He still talked with his hands, but his motions had become much smaller, closer to his body. He wasn’t thinking about why he had loved fall when he could see it. Everything that made him feel alive and happy to be in the season was something he experienced now, in his own beautiful way.

“Sometimes I really wish I knew what you see.”

“Nothing,” Mattie said matter-of-factly.

“You know what I mean,” she grumbled.

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “You know it’s not so bad.”

“I know,” she returned. “You show me that all the time.”

“Aren’t we just an after-school special?”

“You ruin every moment.”

“I do my best,” Mattie said with false pride.

Amber’s response was a frustrated sputter.

Mattie didn’t hear from Amber all Friday and most of Saturday, but he was busy helping Peter put the boat away. He often wished he was better help, he sometimes felt he was more work than the work itself, but Peter always assured him that his help was golden and appreciated. Mattie was grateful for Peter’s constant belief in Mattie’s abilities and his normalisation of their friendship.

Pete had dropped him back home and he went upstairs to shower and change. The temperature was cooling as the afternoon went on. He rubbed his hair dry and pulled on a warm sweater. He pulled the belt through his jeans and reached into the top drawer of his dresser, his fingers recognising his knitted grey hat. He picked it up, feeling the soft felt of the knit.

Amber had brought that hat in to him when he was in a coma, his hair shorn from the doctors’ work to relieve the pressure on his brain. She had pulled it over his head to keep him warm, and to make him look more like her brother and less shocking to her. The scar along his scalp upset her, and there were enough frightening things beeping and clicking around him, connected to him, that she needed some normalcy. When he’d woken up, he’d continued to wear that hat, for the same comfort and warmth she brought it for. He also had been able to pull it down to shield his eyes when he felt vulnerable, so no one could see his eyes when he couldn’t see theirs. Amber had told him that he’d been very aware of the scar on his head, she had assured him it was fading, and that his hair would cover it completely. She told him that he’d disliked it when she looked at it or touched it, that he’d always put his hand up to his head to shield himself from her sight. The hat had given him the ability to hide his weaknesses.

Now he held the hat in his hand, and reached up with the other, feeling for the tiny raised line and narrow indent along it behind his hairline over his right eye. It still made him feel weak, or broken. That his brain had been so injured and he had been so gone at that point.

He pulled the hat over his hair, pushing it back off his forehead, and he took a deep breath.

Four years ago.

Message from: Amber:

“You home?”

“Do you have bread?”

“If you do, can we come over? I’ll make you grilled cheese sandwiches.”

And then the phone rang.

Mattie was already texting her back when she called. “I have bread. What’s the big deal?”

“We got hungry and I don’t want to cook anything. Or go get bread.”

“Are you drunk? That’s quite the party you put on.”

“We are not drunk. Ffff---frig off.”

“Ohhwoho! You almost swore at me in front of your new friend,” Mattie teased her.

“I’m putting you on speaker, fucker,” she said.

Mattie laughed. “That’s no way to speak to the one with the bread in hand. In fact, I have two loaves of bread, and I might just eat them all myself right now. I’m starving, we worked hard all morning until now.”

“I said I’d make you... Okay, this is me begging—”

“Please don’t beg, it’s too sad for me. Yes, of course you can come borrow bread or eat bread or use me for my bread or whatever.”

“What are you doing?” Amber asked, as if it mattered.

“I told you, I just got home, got a shower, and I’m hungry. So I’m a sucker for your bargain. I gather you’re both coming?”

“Yes. I wanted to show her my old house. She loves my house, I figured she’ll really dig yours. Do you mind?”

“I guess so, Amber. Just check things before viewing, can you?”

“Yup. No worries. Okay, we’ll be over in a few. I have cheese, we won’t use yours,” Amber said. “See how nice I am?”

Mattie was in the kitchen when Amber burst in. “Hey-o, bro!” she called. Amber invited her friend in behind her and shut the door. “I’d like you to meet my friend, Fiánne Mahinney. Fiánne, this is my brother, Xav. He owns this fine establishment.”

Mattie gave a friendly smile and stepped forward, holding out his hand politely. In a moment, he felt her hand slide into his, her fingers cool to the touch.

“Hi, Fiánne, nice to meet you,” he said.

“Hi,” she replied softly.

“Do you want to do the tour now?” Mattie turned to Amber, “or sit for a bit, and you can make your sandwiches.”

“Ummm,” Amber said, looking at Fiánne. “You want to eat now? Or tour? Tour? We’ll do the tour. Can you put the kettle on for us?”

“Tea? Or red wine with your posh grilled cheese?” Mattie asked.

“You have red wine?”

“I always have red wine. Where have you been?”

“Well, we can start with tea... but now that you’ve told me about the red wine...”

“Go. I’m putting the kettle on, and getting out the wine glasses,” Mattie said. “Should I roll a joint, too?”

“Xav!” Amber said, glancing at her friend, who smiled back. “Actually, yeah, could you?”

Mattie laughed. “Go. Take your tour of the museum. Fiánne? Please don’t mind the mess or the... weirdness of anything. I didn’t realise I would be admitting tourists.”

“Sorry for the intruding. I didn’t think she’d actually literally bring me over here, I won’t notice anything but the house and the furniture,” the other woman replied. “Your house is beautiful. It’s well looked after.”

Mattie nodded. “I had a lot of work done on it a few years ago now.”

“Come with me,” Amber said, and Mattie listened to them going up the hall, Amber giving historical details along the way.

Fiánne turned back as she left the kitchen. “Thank you,” she said kindly to Mattie.

Her voice had given nothing away to him. Her age remained a mystery. She spoke quietly, but her voice was not girly at all, it was deeper than he’d expected. She hadn’t seemed awkward or overly rushed, she hadn’t spoken as if he was deaf, and she smelled of a mixture of patchouli, spring water, jasmine, and the ocean air. Mattie exhaled, his eyes closed. Then he turned, and hurried to fill the kettle.

When they returned from their tour coming down the tiny kitchen stairs, Amber picked up the teapot that Mattie had readied, and poured the boiling water in. Mattie had moved to the table to wait for them, and in front of him there were three mugs, three wine flutes, and a bottle of red wine. He’d also stacked three plates on one side of the table. The bread sat on the counter.

“Oh, you’re awesome, Xav,” Amber told Mattie. “Thanks for the bread. How many, guys? Two each?”

Once the order was established, Amber set to work heating a skillet and buttering bread.

“It’s a gorgeous home,” Fiánne told Mattie. “I love the way you’ve kept it. Your furniture is lovely, too.”

“Thanks,” Mattie said. “It’s pretty old and pretty big, but I love it like it’s family.”

“It is family,” Fiánne said to him. “It has been with your family a long time, it’s earned its place there.”

Mattie smiled. “Yeah, it feels like that,” he agreed. “Each board and peg and chair and door is as familiar as any family member.”

Amber flipped the grilled cheese sandwich over and after a moment, put it on one of the plates and cut it in half, sliding it over to Fiánne. Next, she did the same for Mattie. Then she made four more and set them on top of each other to keep warm. She took the top one and put it on her own plate and sat down.

“Hope you like the old cheese,” Amber said. “We like old cheese but I didn’t think...”

“It’s really good,” Fiánne said. “Yup, I’m a fan.”

Mattie nodded in agreement, chewing.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of grilled cheese sandwiches,” Amber said, her mouth full. She reached out and poured the tea for the others, and pushed their cups toward them.

“Tea at two,” Amber told her brother, and he found it easily, smiling at how the phrase hit his ears.

Fiánne tried her tea and smiled, contentedly. “It’s so nice out here,” she said. “It’s so quiet and calm and...” Fiánne looked wistful.

“It is,” Amber said. “It’s quiet and safe and cosy and any time you want to come out to chill, you’re welcome.”

Fiánne smiled with gratitude. “Thanks,” she said. “I might take you up on that. But I don’t have a car.”

“I can pick you up,” Amber said. “Or Mattie is right over there, you could meet up and come home with him and Peter and stay for a weekend. It was fun having you here.”

“I loved being here. It was fun.” Fiánne smiled, and Amber was glad that it had been positive for the younger woman. She had noticed that Fiánne rarely smiled. She had a sad, haunted expression, and when she smiled, it was just gracing her lips, but this time the smile reached her blue eyes, and softened her. Amber felt like reaching over and hugging her, but she also feared it might break her. There was much in Fiánne’s body language that didn’t invite closeness.

“It must have been really wonderful growing up here,” Fiánne said, looking around. “Did you all get along?”

“Sometimes,” Amber said. “More often, two of us got along, and one was left out. But it wasn’t always the same one.”

Mattie nodded. “Yeah, that’s true. We were very equal that way.”

“Older two against baby, boys against girl, younger two against eldest,” Amber said. “It changed daily.”

“Does Matthew live close by?” asked Fiánne.

Mattie was confused. Amber figured she’d gotten the names mixed up.

“I’m Matthew,” said Mattie.

“You’re...” Fiánne’s face clouded in confusion. “No, your brother, Matthew. The one Amber brings the clothes in for.”

“I’m him,” Mattie nodded. “That’s my name. Amber calls me Xav. But I’m Matthew.”

“But Matthew’s...” Fiánne looked lost.

“Oh, right, I should have thanked you for the tags. That was such a great surprise, we were really puzzled about them.”

“I had them in a box...” Fiánne said, dazed.

“Well, thanks so much,” Mattie said, but he got the feeling Fiánne didn’t hear him.

“You said...” Fiánne turned to Amber, and Amber realised the mistake.

“This is Matthew. Oh, Fee, I’m such a doofus. We all call him Xav. I thought you realised that he was the same person, but why would I think that? You’ve only known him by his real name. No, this is my younger brother, Matthew, the one we all call Xav.”

“So, you’re... I thought you were Daniel. But... are you blind?” Fiánne asked, her voice low, as if she wasn’t sure if she wanted him to hear her question or not. “Not your brother?”

Mattie smiled kindly and warmly. Amber had done it again. He did not understand how she didn’t remember to tell people meeting him that he was blind. He figured it was the obvious thing to do, but maybe to her, it wasn’t. She’d gotten so used to it being that way. What gave him sudden pause, and a little bit of pride, was that she’d been there all this time and she hadn’t even caught on.

“I’m the blind brother,” he said. “You can’t tell?”

“I... no, not really. I mean, I thought you were the other brother, I wasn’t looking for it, so no. I’m sorry. Is that rude?”

Mattie chuckled. “No, I don’t think so. I’m flattered, actually. You really couldn’t tell? That’s okay.”

“He knows everything about the layout here,” Amber said. “I didn’t even think about that throwing you off. Shit, I didn’t realise that I didn’t tell you that Xav and Matthew were the same person. That’s confusing, I’m so sorry, Fee.”

“No, I just...” She didn’t know what to say. She looked back at Mattie with appeal, and then found herself blushing even more with her discomfort.

Mattie just sat there grinning. She hadn’t suspected the whole time that he was blind. She hadn’t thought he was Matthew, she thought he was Danny, the sighted brother. He could totally understand where the whole mistaken identity had happened but he was impressed that she hadn’t seen any of the little tricks he did to keep his orientation and find his targets. He was impressed his expressions hadn’t been so out of place as to give it away plainly. He must have made the appearance of eye contact enough that she didn’t think twice. Although Amber had said she was shy, maybe she never made eye contact anyway, if she could help it. He didn’t want to laugh, not at her, but at his own paranoia, at his own strong abilities, about how he didn’t come off as some trademark blind man. But he didn’t want her to think he was laughing at her.

“Thank you,” he said. “That’s the coolest thing I’ve heard all week.”

“Really? That I’m a dumb oblivious idiot?”

“No! You’re not an idiot,” Mattie objected. “I’m flattered, really. I always assume it’s obvious, and maybe distracting.”

Fiánne eyed him, looking at him with new perspective. There was no reason why he couldn’t be Matthew. He seemed pretty confident and capable, and if things were falling into place correctly, she remembered he was a university professor.

“It’s okay,” Amber assured her. “Here, have another grilled cheese. They’re still toasty.”

“Did you mean that pun?” Mattie asked. “Please tell me you didn’t intend it.”

“I did not, but after I said it, I thought it was pretty clever,” she replied, putting another sandwich on his plate, too.

“Ugh, you would.”

Fiánne ate her second grilled cheese, recovering from her error in silence. Amber noticed that instead of avoiding looking at Mattie once she knew he was blind, like so many did, or looking at his face with pity, as many others did, Fiánne watched Mattie’s hands with interest, every now and then with a glance to his expression.

Fiánne didn’t ask Mattie any stupid questions. She didn’t ask any curious questions. She simply watched him until she was sure.

Amber had caused an awkward moment again, and she felt the silence that came from it. It was like Trent all over again. Except Fiánne didn’t look angry or sad or uncomfortable at all. Fiánne, Amber noticed, had lifted her face, her pale cheeks flushed, to truly look at Mattie, seeing him as Matthew and Xav, as he was.