#changethinking

I have been toying the idea of writing a book! I have an idea in mind. I’m letting my fear of failure get in the way of actual even trying. I have always been self critical and it holds me back!

I’ve finally had an epiphany on my own life. Well a huge milestone epiphany! I get so caught up in what I THINK I should do based on society’s stereotypes. Last year I took a leave of absence and was feeling embarrassed about leaving my career temporarily because “a winner never quits!” Well, a winner never settles and CAN make changes! To be honest I avoided invitations to gatherings with former colleagues because I was embarrassed to explain myself. I’m also struggling with the balance of knowing I don’t owe anyone an explanation and providing reasons to my kids on why I do the things I do. Kids need to know WHY. They have a better chance to understand if they know the why. The whole because I said so I feel is super outdated and shows the adult has superior issues. On the other hand I feel I need to get better with not giving explanations to defend my No. I need to get better with boundaries and if something isn’t working for me, I also need to stop letting that shit go. I decide my self worth. Society is changing. There’s a difference between respecting elders and keeping quiet to just keep the peace. We can do both. I’m not sure if my message right there is clear. Help me. Read that again. There is a difference between respecting our elders and keeping quiet to just keep the peace. If we are not at peace at something our elders are doing it’s not worth staying quiet. I’m not saying yell at them and be like Danny Divito in Matilda “I’m right and your wrong…” No. No. No. The whole ‘Oh they are set in their ways…” let’s just fix our own mindsets and take action to change the world!!

Even to this day, I’m told to just be like Elsa and let that shit go. Life is too short. No. If we all don’t feel peace, we can’t let it go!! Unless someone like you cares a whole lot it won’t get better!! ⬅️ I butchered that Dr Seuss quote.

What you are doing is enough!! I wish I had that in my mind when I was teaching!! I constantly felt I never was doing enough because any person knows we should never settle for believing we know it all since we are constantly evolving to grow!! Part of my educator burn out was constantly feeling guilty! If I didn’t give my all, I felt I was failing my students. Then if I did that, I was failing my family! How do you say no and not feel guilt going into a career where 99% of educators have hearts of gold and GIVE GIVE GIVE! I felt my leaders were out to “get me.” I felt guilty taking days off to go see a doctor. Hell, couldn’t even call a doctor because doctor offices have lunch breaks the same time and you can’t/shouldn’t be taking care of personal matters during class time. So I guarantee so many teachers did and are doing the same!! Imagine trying to do in vitro and practically forced to inform everybody from your boss, to your team, because you don’t want to be judged as a careless flake being late to work every day. It’s easy to say stop caring what others think of you. This thought process of caring what others think actually got me so sick that I had a mental health breakdown. I’m now in a place that realizes not everyone was out to get me!! But that’s how I felt because I cared too much about everyone and everything and striving to be my best. I can finally say with confidence I needed to leave that career because it wasn’t healthy for me and impacted my family.

I was ashamed to say I’m a stay at home mom. When all I wanted for over a decade and being childless was to be a mom!

The smartest person in the world couldn't convince someone to change their mind once that person has already made up their mind. Whether you try to tackle pros and cons to justify how you got to the outcome it really doesn't matter because as the saying goes you can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink. If people aren't willing you can not force them to think the way you do. Thinking is a matter of perspective and getting people to see from your point of view will only work if they desire it. No force of inception can get them to stay on your side of the fence. To have their attention for a brief moment will not carry as the voice of reason all the time. People will do what makes them happy no matter who tries to grab their focus. So you may try to educate but in the end do the smart thing and not force someone on your side that they won't remain loyal to.

I think parallel worlds are real and can cross over as well... Right after you experienced something, you realized you should've acted on it but you didn't because in an instant, something got back straight at you -- showing on your mind things that should've and/or might've happened...