#chaffnathy

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TWENTY-SIX. AS AN APOLOGY.

A purplish bruise has formed someplace by Haymitch's collar, he finds one grating morning before a pre-mentoring interview. The shirt he's chosen is pinstripe. Blue, white. Collar half-buttoned until the brutish sight catches his eye. He groans, rubbing at his neck.

chaffnathy to me is not a ship that i believe is inherently toxic, and i don't believe that's down to their shared addictions and enabling alone. in my standing interpretation of them, their biggest issues go between honesty, acceptance and trust.

in chaff lies a stagnant issue and shame regarding the possible changes that come with embracing his homosexuality. to him, it is difficult to parse apart the masculinity of being a straight male (a straight black male in particular,) and inflict it upon being out as gay. he is accepting of the fact that he loves haymitch only — he is not accustomed to loving all men, in the fear of losing that patriarchal spark, in fear of becoming softened by his orientation in a way that diminishes his image overall. he further struggles to tear away the idea of haymitch as anything but a monolith, because that's the first man he's loved, and the first person he's been able to look past his potential losses for.

in comparison, haymitch is well aware of his sexuality, and it goes between unspoken bisexuality to open queerness of any kind. his issues lie within being able to sit firmly in that queerness (see; forced prostitution and the role that he has to play as "straight male" figure.) in chaff, he finds an open spot where he can have his actual sexuality represented and also heal sexually from the en-masse of trauma. his issue is never telling chaff the reasons why he initiates flings, or why it is so difficult to operate as anything but a sexual relationship and never go further than that.

chaff's non-acceptance of his sexuality and haymitch's deceit about his experiences, as well as their codependencies and equal vices make for a barrier they cannot break down. lack of communication will always stop them from becoming healthier than i portray them. they love each other — but the trust is not there, and the idolization of specific traits in each other run rampant.

fics like anguish & never as good as the first time establish mourning within their relationship on one side, so a lot of issues die where chaff canonically does, too.

this blowoff in the grit & relief//sore are both explicit pieces about how their relationship benefits each other sexually — being able to easily have access to each other's numbers, as well as the go-betweeen for eleven & twelve.

bile maintains chaff's toxic masculinity and haymitch's forced trudge through the issues in which chaff looks down on him for owning, which affects hay's ability to be able to open up later down the line.

red rimmed fists is one of the first examples where chaff lets haymitch in — but not in a way that they define as queerness. divulge & salivate are again, explicit pieces about the dirty nature of their sexual desire, in which either reaps positive benefit despite the damage it may do (chelly & husk,) or creates discomfort and toxicity within that, which the sex in salivate does.

devil in appalachia, take it all in & ejecta continue to chronicle the effects of their unhealthy relationship (mutual enabling, serious topics becoming a joke to chaff, and their inability to marry because of contrasting issues) which help with the narrative that they will not get better if these problems stay unresolved.

bile leads to devil in appalachia, into the events of lust for life. haymitch ends up attempting because of many personal influences, including chaff's inability to exist with a general acceptance, and function as the safety net that haymitch needs due to his own values — while also not being able to accommodate because of the unspoken, dead trust.

the honorary mention of pews functions as chaff's trauma response to watching haymitch nearly die in another iteration of his suicide attempt, in which chaff ends up solving by being cannibalistic; eating the issue between them and little else. it serves to show the depravity that worms its way into their narrative.

stories from the trapdoor, where haymitch actually is able to tell chaff about his sexual abuse (which is implied and not outwardly stated) leads to him getting the support he needs. their engagement is also referenced to showcase that stepping stone in the relationship — to show the improvement that occurs.

in machina, volcris & muttshrine — fics which chronicle the existence of beetee and haymitch's relationship from within district thirteen to later post-war; chaff's inability to be haymitch's safety net as a partner, among other issues allows for there to be comparison to both men. in haymitch's eyes, beetee gives him all the understanding that chaff couldn't, and aids him with sexual pleasure that isn't just to get away from his issues.

muttshrine in particular references haymitch's festering desire in several ways (shameless masturbation, feverish sex) which spawns from losing chaff, and finding an idol in beetee. by being affirmed in what he wants and an acceptance of his own sexuality and sexual experiences, hay is ultimately able to feel protected despite the "sex only" basis in the begining of haytee's relationship.