#ch.27

Location: Saber Hall of QingheNie's ancestor.

So, they are trying to find the rest of that arm's body looking through the corpses in the wall, and they need to take off the corpses' pants.

And THIS HAPPENS.

Just as Nie HuaiSang was about to praise how worthy of his title HanGuang-Jun was, he heard him speak, “I will do it.”

Wei WuXian, “You’ll do it? You’re really going to do such a thing?”

The corners of Lan WangJi’s brows seemed to be twitching slightly, as if he was holding something back. He repeated, “Do not move. I will do it.”

DID YOU ALL SEE THAT INNER LITTLE SMIRK HE SUPPRESSED, BECAUSE SURE AS HELL I DID. He was probably thinking "maybe not to a corpse, but I removed many man's pants since you were gone/but I've dreamed of removing your pants many times in these 13 years" and LWJ YOUR GAY IS SHOWING AND I LOVE YOU FOR IT. (I need to know what happened to him these past 13 years SO BAD)

Start trembling, WWX, all that repressed sexual energy will be released on you.

EDIT:

Wei WuXian indicated with his hands, “A bit is just a bit. How do I explain it? Should I take my clothes off and show you?”

Lan WangJi’s brows shifted slightly, as if he was actually worried that Wei WuXian would strip right here and right now. He replied with an indifferent tone, “Take them off after we return.”

“I’m sorry!! I’m sorry, Bum!”

Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai cap. 27

Pa’ las que quieran la portada limpia(? 

Pueden leer el cap. anterior aquí

PD: Recién voy traduciendo 5 hojas (? no me maten(? ಠ_ಠ

i had 2 main goals with this chapter, get soleil out to more places and get ness to do more independent things. I had to move some of the second to another chapter and I like the bits about him at the gym center and interacting with the others! but there is more to come >:3

He wishes they didn’t have to help through panic attacks but if he brings that up now he’s sure it’ll derail the session. Instead he says, “I’m excited - for Ness to get ice cream, though."

Fucking hell dude, this wasn't even a conscious decision. I was just like, I know Soleil wants to change the subject, oh what a surprise! He talks about Ness :P

“You don’t have to like it,” Penny says. “That’s also an important part of going out and trying new things; to find out what you don’t like or don’t really care about in addition to all the things you do like.”

This is v important!! And I think Soleil has been operating under the assumption that if he puts in all this effort and winds up not liking something, then it's been a waste of time (esp for the others). ALSO that soleil tends to push himself to keep doing things even if he doesn't like it (or eating things, etc etc) if he thinks he will be perceived as ungrateful for not doing so (and I think this is both a conscious and unconscious thing)

distant disbelief and then dazzling appreciation

The surface is just slightly melted, so smooth and sweet on his tongue that it makes him hum in satisfaction.

plain white, paper cup with a bright blue spoon

I just,,,, love alliteration so much,,,,,

“Ugh,” Soleil makes a disgusted noise and scrubs his hand over his face, dislodging the towel. “Ugh,” he says again, this time in defeat, or frustration, she can’t tell.

I!!! Will pass out from a blood draw!! Last time I went to donate blood they were So Incredibly quick with shoving my feet up and throwing an ice pack at me that I just had to put it in fic.

BUT, on top of just. Typical bodily reactions, Soleil's working against his trauma in this regard. And this double ugh is him trying really hard to Not freak out about the sensations/memories

She thinks it’d be more of a disservice to just let it go without even trying to work with his ERP skills, even if he looks so pitiful that she doesn’t want to push him.

Genuinely one of Soleil's skills is making himself look sad and pathetic. And I think, as the others challenge him to do harder things he might pull it out more intentionally. So Athena is also aware that she can only let him have oh so much leeway, otherwise it would be very easy to just enable him/let him run free into bad coping mechanisms.

“Can I count the car ride as sitting?” He asks, even softer. And Athena draws up short, mentally. Physically, she keeps walking and unlocks the door. She hadn’t realized that he was practicing ERP in the car. In that case, she owes him much more credit. And still, he keeps his head down and would sit with her inside if she asked again.

This is a little bit of his backup plan! He was definitely considering it all the way back home and was willing to do This hard thing because it would give him leverage to then disinfect things in the house (which he is not supposed to be doing re: the "rules" of his ERP) But he had this ready to pull out in case Athena wanted him to do anything But immediately run to his suite, shower, and then start cleaning

“well, I’d prefer to not have to work myself down from a panic attack…”

Shout out to soleil not acknowledging any of Athena's praise but rather picking out the One thing that he can be mean to himself about

“And I’m still so proud of you. For working your way through it. And remembering your coping skills and for being here. I’m so proud of you for being here.”

I was reading some of the earlier chapters again and I think the others have dialed down their Very Explicit praise of soleil, like saying they're proud of him or that he's brave so, I am trying to work it back in.

“I want to get ice cream again,” he mumbles into his sleeve. And when she gives him a grin and says, “so let’s make that happen,” he hides his returning grin behind his hand.

A grin!!!!!!!!!!! Also unrelated to the content of the chapter I caught SO many missing periods in this chapter specifically like??? Hello? (There was one missing after sleeve, I think bc I drafted this one a lot more in depth than I usually do so these Mostly Done sentences got skipped on revision)

“Um. Less—sorry, yes, let’s go see the indoor playground. Ready, Ness?”

:) This was actually an author slip but I think it deserved to stay

he tries again, trying to put as much calm into his voice as he can, “deep breath.”

ray doing w/ his voice what others do w/ their scents

AAAAAAAAA, in the middle of writing this i was like HOW is the timeline going to work and then it just clicked that, it wasn't :) as much as soleil would've liked to go to the shower and stay the whole time and talk with everyone, it just Isn't in the cards for him atm.

and that's okay!!!!!!!!!! and part of healing and him learning his limits/from his past mistakes and not trying to push it

Actually, i started re-reading from the start of fic again and had the realization that this is a double huge WIN for soleil. being able to say that he doesn't (think he) want(s) to go, which he never would've voiced before. he would've thought the invitation to evan's shower was a soft command and he was doing something wrong by not being able to/forcing himself to make it but also. there isn't any Pressure he feels, like he did at the Fall Fair. where he was just so desperate to get outside and be outside and not turn down the others, but now he's aware that he can just. continue to go outside. like, literally whenever he wants to the backyard but also there will be So Many opportunities for him to go outside w/ People too that he's not absolutely terrified of seeming like he's shunning the chance and getting the rest taken away from him (and ness)

i also think that him taking this break is going to be essential for getting him out to the ice rink, otherwise he would've burnt himself out or pushed himself too much and spooked himself. even when athena tries to encourage him about going outside, he gently refuses and she clocks that he's just learning his own limits and not isolating himself or feeling like he's missing out or being forced to stay home

“Maybe another time, Stephy, we just want to make sure Ness can stay somewhere we can see.”

Down the line, Athena and the gang would absolutely be the type to be like, if your friends ever ask you if you want to do something that you don't want to do and you want an excuse to say no, you can Absolutely use me as the excuse. (i think though, that soleil would prefer Not to be the reason because he'd be scared that ness's friends hate him, etc etc and he would be >> Fine enough with that if it means ness doesn't have to do smth he doesn't want to but it's really just not that big of a deal to name one of his other three parents)

“Yep! To see your —you’re uh. You’re gonna see Katie and Elaine at some point again. They’re the ones who made this food.”

Cyrill 100% about to refer to Alexiel (aka Lexi aka Alex aka Lex Lex) as Ness's cousin before pumping the brakes

“Oh. Well. Both you and Cyrill really like the barbecue chips when we get the variety packs and there’s only four in a box so I try not to take those. Or make sure Ness has something else, too.”

I have had this scene in mind for? Probably years now. I've written one on one versions with each of the others, then the last iteration was with Cyrill and Ray (bc I combined their two scenes in this draft) and then wound up with. All three of them together lol

Cyrill waits until he’s rounded the corner out of sight before giving two ecstatic, silent thumbs ups. Athena returns the thumbs up and Cyrill pumps his fist, kicking his feet and mimicking yelling with joy at Soleil being up and about and so relaxed.

I think it's v cute when the others are playful with each other. But also it makes me BARKS when someone is being celebrated and loved even when they're not in the room. Makes me so soft. And Cyrill is so "!!!!!!" about it all

I wonder what the omega-y "itch" that's been growing in him might lead to :Pc

thoughts about buying new pants because some of his are starting to get just a teeny bit tight.

I've also had this in mind for years!! It was originally a much bigger thing but then i was like haha i don't feel like dealing with weight issues/body image issues in this way so now it is just a drive by thing that's Not going to cause problems (at least. i don't have any plans for it to) and instead will just be a marker of healthy weight gain, my beloved visual marker of recovering from trauma. there's a post on here about how op loves when there's a version of a chara that looks constantly stressed or tired or panicked or w/e bc of the circumstances of the story and then in a post-story picture they've gained weight and are much more relaxed. if i find it i'll rb it here

The chapter title is a reference to the four of them: Vanilla (Ray) Honey (Cyrill), Steady (Athena) and Sunny (Soleil)

Athena's was the hardest to come up with because I started with vanilla honey, wanted smth that rhymed and got sunny. and then said oooooooh honey and sunny match cyrill and soleil bc of cyrill's honey motif and soleil's name. vanilla matches ray bc i think he really is just like, a v mild kind of guy and when you add other flavors/influences to him is when he is kind of pushed to be more than just Chilling. and then for athena i'm like?? (still in the process of picking her word), it has to be smth that flows nicely. and i think maybe her - ah. i was going to say maybe her biggest traits are being cool-headed and collected. lol i thought i had smth with cool for a second there but I don't like the way it flows. she's also passionate and caring, thoughtful and a bit of a perfectionist + planner.