#cgreyson

Disclaimer: I do not own Future Diaries. Or the characters.

 Waiting for the End

(one-shot)

The world had been consumed by the void, and all Yukki had done was watch it disappear. At least, he finally got to see the stars.  The tradeoff was, he was alone, scared…desperate… for some sort of human contact.  Contact, he reminded, that would never come.  This, was all his fault.

Yuki lay in the field of stars, his long hair cascaded over his shoulder as he shifted ever so slightly. He looked at his phone, well his diary, checking for the ever-elusive message of change.  His heart sank, it did every time he looked and things were still the same. Everyone was gone, he felt he was damned to live eternally playing the deaths of his loved ones over and over in his mind. He blue eyes almost appeared black as he sunk even further into himself and shifted back ever so slightly.

‘If only I could just see everyone again…’ a plea that would pound on the inside of his head making the pain of all his dead friends more apparent.  A wish that even as good he could not grant. ‘You’ll never see any of them again.’ No becoming god was just one cruel joke, he didn’t want this empty dark and desolate world.  Here there was no hope.  Only regrets and loneliness.

Yukki closed his dull blue eyes, and felt the welling of the regret as his throat tightened.  He sighed a few tears leaking from his tired eyes. He saw all the faces, all the places, all the memories… but the one that hurt the most was Akise.

Yukiteru let his eyes open and yet again finding himself pining for something that had been very short lived. Even though years had passed Yuki still felt the warmth of the silverette’s lips.  His pink eyes sure and determined as he had stared him down and then swooped in.  the shock had been so much. Nothing he had ever considered, but it was pleasant. He had felt safe for that moment…that one brief moment…

“You let him die.” A cold voice taunted.

‘No, no…Yuno killed him…’ he wasn’t a murderer, he had done everything with the best of intentions, right?

“She killed him for you, it was what you wanted right?” the cool voice seemed to have a response for everything.

‘No…I wanted…us all to be happy…’ he imagined all his friends, as they had been, smiling, supporting him, trusting him.  They had trusted him to lead them through this mess, but he had failed them.  He had trusted Yuno, even though his gut had said otherwise, he had trusted her to get them all out alive…

“but she killed them all, didn’t she? So much for happy ever after.”

Another heavy sigh of regret came from his lips, however, none of the heaviness in his chest left with it, only the tears that he couldn’t drown in.  he wished he could have died with them. He had tried, only to find as a god, you. don’t. die. Tears welled up in his eyes.  It was his own personal hell as he relived every death scene, over and over and over.  With all the alone time, he had he slowly began to realize, he couldn’t place the blame on Yuno.  No not all of it, not even most of it.  It was his fault, he had come to realize that by trusting the pink haired girl, he had unwittingly signed all of their death warrants.  He unleashed a god of death by giving her a righteous cause.  To kill for him.  He was the real murderer, watching, observing, not really doing a thing to help, only when his own life was in jeopardy.

Just when had he turned into the monster who could easily aim a gun at his friends, and fire it without hesitation?  They had all tried to warn him, that Yuno wasn’t to be trusted.  He hadn’t believed his friends, no, he had believed in Yuno, he believed she would have fixed everything, that she would make it all right, but because of her it had all gone wrong.  

‘it’s all wrong, it’s all my fault and now I can’t fix it…’  

Each passing century gave him even more time to sink into the bed of remorse and despair, he became still, his diary glued to his hand as he longed for a noise he knew he would never hear.  He remembered Hinata, Mao, Ouji, Akise… each of their faces were painted vividly in his memory as the day they had died. There had been so much red, and their words were distant but even then, he knew they were right.  Even though Yuno’s words were the loudest, the ones he believed…the ones he wanted to hear…

If one-person had gotten to him, it was Akise.  His words had almost been as loud as Yuno’s.  he had come close to him, unflinching even with a gun to his chest, he had not been afraid to die.  Perhaps he just thought Yukki wouldn’t kill him. All of his words had contradicted Yuno’s but they held the power of certain truth that had kept him glued to the spot, unable to shoot him, even as he invaded his space.

‘If only I had listened!’ his eyes scrunched closed the weight of his guilt pinning him to the ground, his chest the epitome of dead weight. It hurt to breathe, it hurt to speak (not that he had done much of that), it hurt to think, his body ached, funny even as a god he felt painfully human. He only wished he could die like a human.  If only he had listened to the truth that Akise had given him, surely things would be different now.  Too late, did he wish for change, too late did he hear the words Akise said.  He realized now, that even though Yuno had been prepared to kill to keep Yukki safe, Akise was more than willing to die if it meant Yukki would have been safe, he had tried so hard, even after losing his head.  

Yukki felt his chest tighten even more, funny how in hind sight, the truth was that Yuno didn’t know how to truly love.  She thought it was doing as he wanted, anything to keep Yukki safe. The still god scowled, his expression lingering that way only for a few moments as a silver haired boy with vermilion eyes as a secretive smile found its way into his mind, he held out a hand for Yukki to take, but before he could red painted his world, and there before him stood a headless body. The stuff nightmares are made of, his living breathing mistakes, the wrong choices he made simply because he had been weak, because he felt sorry for her circumstances, because she said all the things he wanted to hear, because she had believed in him.  So, had Akise. And he betrayed all of them.  There was no atoning now, the closest thing was his eternal existence and the scenes that played like a loop in his head that he could never escape. No all Yukki could do now was wait for the end.

---

Finally, one day, the noise of a diary changing reached his dormant ears. His eyes widened, the still god shuffled and stirred to look at his phone.  Long black hair slid over his shoulders and fell into his eyes as he read the new entry.  Blue eyes widened in shock and his heart nearly stopped.  Once again, he could hardly breath, he fought to stifle any hope that was trying to blossom.

[Akise Aru comes to visit.]

“How…?” a timid voice, broken from disuse filled the space around him.  It was hard to believe the words before the dark-haired god. The diary wouldn’t lie, but how could he believe those words.  He was a god, destined to suffer for eternity reliving his sins over and over in his mind. He couldn’t be allowed the one thing he wished for. Besides, Akise was dead, as well as his reality.

Trembling he sat up and pulled his knees to his chest and drew the phone close to him, tenderly cradling it like a lover.  Hope. Hope was entering the Still God’s heart and he was terrified, if he had hope there was more to lose when the time came.

Days passed. Akise didn’t show up. Yuki still had hope, “The diary doesn’t lie.”

MurMur looked at her god and frowned, it was good that he was talking but it didn’t seem like he was getting any better.  She hoped, for her master’s sake, that Akise would show up.  She knew that without a partner there would never be anything more than this field of stars, and her worn out manga.  It was lonely, and frankly she missed the way her master used to be. So, she counted the days, never losing that hope.  She believed Akise would come, because that was all she could do.  She wouldn’t give up on Yukki.

More days passed.  Yukki hardly moved.  He hadn’t said a word since the last time.  Silent and still as he waited for salvation.  Salvation he knew would never come because it wasn’t what he deserved. Still…he waited…

All the Still god’s patience was rewarded. There was the sound of class breaking and light flowed in to his void of stars. His flinched and lifted one arm to protect his light sensitive eyes.   He peered at the new comer with hazy eyes, pink met blue and Yukki practically stopped breathing. He couldn’t believe it! There he stood. A figure from his dreams, a sight for sore eyes.  It was so surreal, Pink irises, he had thought to never see again, glowed with warmth.  Pale lips formed a small secretive smile as he beamed, looking into the darkness of the still god’s existence. Yukki’s throat tightened and he choked on words as they tried to fall from his mouth.

“You’re…real…?!” his voice was hardly a whisper, as he jumped clumsily to his feet reaching up to greet the phantom of his memories. He could hardly see the silver haired boy and feared he might have been hallucinating.  However, a warm touched Yukki’s and tears fell, unchecked down his cheeks as he smiled mutely.  

‘It’s Akise…Akise-kun is REAL…he is really here…here…where I am…’ he sobbed brokenly as Akise landed in the space beside him. He landed gracefully like a feline he reached forward pulling the dazed Yukiteru into his arms in one fluid motion. Yukki, lost in the warmth of a real person, stood rigid finding hard to believe this was real.  Akise’s scent overwhelmed his senses and his arms came to wrap around the other boy’s waist as he buried his face in the crook of Akise’s neck still sobbing.  He clutched to him for dear life, afraid that it would disappear like a cruel joke.

“You’re really here...you are real…” He breathed his voice trembling as he struggled to talk through the flood of emotions that he feared he was going to drown in.

“I am,” his voice was foreign and surreal. The hearty chuckle that came after filled Yukki with the fire he had been missing.  Akise pulled away just far enough to see the no-longer-still god’s face, “how about we build a new world? one where you aren’t so alone, what do you say Yukki?” he asked softly one of his hands snaking under his chin and lifting it ‘til their eyes met.  Akise wiped gently at the boy’s wet cheeks with his thumb, the same thumb coming down to caress Yukki’s still trembling lips.

Yukki stared at Akise quiet for some time trying to reign in his emotions while he memorized nuances of the silverette’s non-bloodied face. Finally, after the silence Yukki returned the smile, a soft laugh escaping his lips for the first time in Centuries.  “Yes…. I think it is time.” He murmured as he looked to his servant, MurMur, and smiled “I’ll need your help too” he added gently

The servant smiled, overjoyed by the scene before her.  In the end, her hope was not in vain.  Akise had come, he had saved her master, and now they were making a new world.  She nodded and followed them.  Yukki stopped and looked up at Akise a hand on the taller male’s chest as blue met pink.  He flushed at what he wanted to do and let his eyes flick to his feet and then back up. He desperately wanted to kiss Akise, but he was afraid. He bowed his head his hand tightening around the fabric of the silverette’s shirt. Yukki felt a hand firmly grasp his chin and gently lift his gaze until their gazes locked.  He flushed his lips slightly parted as he let out a trembling sigh.

“Don’t look away Yukki, you are the leading role in this world, so walk with confidence.” Before Yukki had time to process the words he felt soft warm lips on his own. He gasped slightly his heart beating rapid fire in his chest as his eyes fluttered and closed. This time he pressed back, returning the emotion.  His hands made their way around Akise’s neck, unconsciously pulling himself closer the silverette. Yukki wanted to cry, so much emotion overflowing him, a fantasy become reality, and as he pulled away he felt the tears spill once more down his cheeks.

Akise frowned and Yukki quickly reached up to wipe away the wetness on his face. “H-hey don’t worry okay, I’m just,” he paused quickly evaluating himself before finishing his statement, “I am impossibly happy right now, so it’s okay, happy tears.  See?” he said smiling sweetly

Akise, returning the smile and slipped his hand in Yukki’s holding it tight.

The Not-so-still god finally moved forward with his life. The end had finally come, and now he could finally start over.

So. There is the ending. I’m sure not and original.  But I just finished this series…and well…. I love Yukki and Akise.   I hope this was enjoyable though short it is.  Reviews are a writer’s fuel.  Let me know what you think~