#celebron

is, by all accounts, the worlds most awkward elf

most of the fellowship doesn’t even realize how weird he is

thranduil did not socialize his boy well. legolas is not aloof he just has no idea what he’s supposed to be doing.

will walk very slowly with exaggerated movements around hobbits because he thinks they won’t see him otherwise.

the hobbits thinks this is elf custom. frodo theorizes this is because elves want to rest their eyes and ears when they’re at home, so other elves like to announce themselves so no one gets spooked.

this is aided by the fact that legolas loudly announces his presence whenever he enters the room, just incase you missed it.

this conclusion is false. legolas will approach other elves by charging at them, full speed. alternatively, shooting an arrow in their vicinity for a vibe check.

he also likes shooting at people to wake them up and/or scare them

legolas likes that it’s a gentle reminder to his companions that he could kill them at any time and they should be honored that he doesn’t.

aragorn has options about this. legolas tells him that he should be grateful that such a skilled elf is on his side and cares for him. aragorn maintains that if legolas really cared, the elf would stop waking him up with ‘good morning’ shots. he also would like to note that legolas’s loud singing is only slightly better than an arrow flying at you first thing in the morning:.

legolas tries to make friends by staring at them from afar and when they look at him he looks away. like a cat. he will also blink at u as if to say “look! i like you! i’m closing my eyes!!!” again, like a cat.

will bring you small gifts to curry favor, also like a cat. interesting rocks and pretty feathers, samples of dirt, fallen leaves in different shapes and colors, and whatever flowers are near by and catch his eye. gets very upset if you don’t marvel at them for the appropriate amount of time.

will eat bites off of your plate. this is a form of endearment. he’s showing he trusts you and likes you. he’s also showing his inability to cook and hopes you’ll take pity on him by sharing your food.

sometimes will intentionally walk loudly around the camp if he’s bored, angry, or lonely so he can wake aragorn up and they can be awake together :)

likes to sing, loudly, at inappropriate times

no one in the fellowship has seen him piss. some of the hobbits are under the impression that elves don’t pee. aragorn and gandalf do not correct them.

up at the asscrack of dawn. this is annoying, because he’s chipper, looks amazing, and is a tad judgmental that you aren’t as well.

captain obvious as well as worlds most unhelpful elf ever. will point out your mistake, claim to know how to fix it and half the time not offer the solution or his assistance.

cannot do laundry. he doesn’t even get dirty enough to consider it, and with how little people in middle earth wash their clothes anyway, none of his clothes have been cleaned for easily centuries.

is very confused by dogs. doesn’t understand what he’s supposed to do with them. they’re always so happy and want (physical???) attention and,, it’s not a one and done thing either. you’re supposed to keep petting them? after you already pet them.

they’re like wolves, but smaller and maybe stupider. they also stink. boromir has explained to him many times that dogs are man’s best friend and are beautiful creatures. this worries legolas, because that means either dogs are more evolved than they let on,, or men are significantly further behind than elves than he first thought..

can not play the harp. is upset by this fact.

never really bothered to learn how to harp, either.

he believes he should be able to play the harp regardless because the harp is just a big bow with many strings. this is, in fact, false.

will eat anything. mushrooms and questionable berries mean nothing to him.

this upsets aragorn as he believes legolas is setting a bad example for the hobbits, dispite hobbits having the most durable digestive systems. (note: elves can eat almost anything, but hobbits have the stomach of a labrador retriever. they are always hungry, can can eat anything, even what they’re not supposed to)

DID set a bad example for boromir, who mistakingly ate some of the berries legolas offered him and had the shits for weeks.

is like 90% sure who frodo is. it’s definitely one of the hobbits. it’s probably not the one with the pony.

is faceblind. he can’t recognize other people’s faces for the life of him. if you asked him to pick out aragorn in a sea of humans, he’d panic dispite knowing the man for 50+ years.

this also goes for all races, including dwarves. gimli thought he might just be racist and covering his ass, but then watched him stall for like 30 minutes making small talk with some lorien elves and try (and fail) to pick celeborn out of the crowd.

does know what galadriel and thranduil look like. has a hard time pointing out elrond.

will forget your name almost immediately after you tell him. guys like 3k old and has met a lot of people give him a break

to be fair he does know who you are and what you sound/look like. defining features like voice and hair help a lot. it’s just if you were to give him a book of cropped faces and ask him to name, just one,,, he’d panic and throw it at you.

feels robbed of the golden ages,, resents the fact that the world he knows is drastically different that the world he could have been. wishes there were more elves his age and just more elves in general.

that being said he wouldn’t change this for anything as the world he’s in gave him the friends he’s made and the adventure of a life time :)

nature is incredibly important to elves. while hunting may have been reasonable and accessible in the past, due to the recent dwindling of game and the general decrease in population (sauron) many have refrained from this.

in recent times, it has been only on rare occasions that elves hunt. when they do, it is often symbolic and follows some set rules, such as refraining from hunting mothers, children, and in recent years, adolescents in their prime. this is to encourage reproduction as well as be respectful to the population.

while hunting was once considered as acceptable and culturally important, is is now frowned upon in modern times and only done on occasion and is very strictly monitored.

elves don’t have livestock. they don’t domesticate intentionally, and certainly not for food. they prefer things in their natural state, and many elves resort to a raw diet. it is both convenient and establishes a deeper bond to middle earth.

with livestock and hunting ruled out, we can consider reasons beyond necessity.

ike humans, there is a vast range of dietary preferences, restrictions, and various reasons behind these lifestyles. morality, necessity, or the hardship of introducing a new protein after a good thousand years.

many elves would reject eating meat at all. there’s various reasons, such as not growing up with it, scarcity, or simply a moral rejection of consuming something with a soul or that has a heartbeat. some elves feel more connected to middle earth and their ancestors by continuing to hunt/eat meat. many more view it as a special treat and something representative of the old days- something to be cherished and savored.

not only this but many recipes for preparing meat have fallen out of practice. not forgotten entirely, but rended useless. some see cooking meat as preserving this part of their culture. some don’t event realize how much they’ve lost over the years.

many elves also don’t have access to fish or most sea food, with the exception of fresh water fish, wish isn’t desirable to most.

why some elves can’t stomach meat:

introducing a new food can be stressful on the body, especially a new protein. if an elf has gone without meat for a long period of time, they will lose the ability to digest it. much like how lactose tolerant people will become intolerant over time when not consuming dairy frequently enough. also, if an elf has never had meat and introduced to it in later years, it will take them a while to adjust. most foods are introduced in adolescence. this isn’t always the case, leading to complications down the line.

why legolas, specifically, is vegetarian:

mirkwood has scare naturally occurring game. legolas is deeply connected to his home and it’s native species. when he was younger, it was simply out of necessity as there was a temporary ban on hunting native species to encourage the wildlife to grow naturally to a healthy population. this didn’t occur without help, and is much recent years, the population has dwindled even further.

because of the general lack of meat growing up, legolas does not know how to cook, season, or generally properly prepare meat. in practice, at least. he also wasn’t introduced to meat until he was much older, which caused some reactions that weren’t entirely pleasant that he wishes to avoid.

legolas also knows the importance of keeping local wildlife at a healthy level. elves used to lean populations that grew excessive and dominated the environment, but they no longer have that luxury and but have now turned their attention coaxing wildlife to return to a sizeable population. legolas actively makes an effort in this.

now this doesn’t mean he dissuades natural predator, but actively hunts invasive species and targets vegetation dangerous to local wildlife.

point being, be makes an effort to protect and preserve and eating meat seems counterproductive to him.

does this mean legolas NEVER eats meat? of course not. he won’t waste food, and when a meal is cooked for him, he will generally attempt to eat it. he also regularly steals bites from other peoples plates which don’t prescribe to the same dietary restrictions. he knows this and does it anyways.

elrond: can make a salad and cup of tea. don’t ask for anything more than that.

arwen: yes, but there’s limits. lovely baker, makes good bread. cannot cook fish, meat, or mushrooms of any kind.

thranduil: wine = soup. this man would hold a spatula backwards. absolutely not.

glorfindel: will cook, half decent at it. not anything to write home about. prefers to eat fruit.

galadriel: no. no need to. makes tea, that’s about it.

because what is a Sunday night if not spent trawling the internet to find the perfect Elves for my buddycop!AU? Wasted. That’s what. I havent drawn Elrond, Galadriel and Celeborn yet but know that these are the people I’ll have in mind.

Elrond - Commisioner of the Met Police, Scotland Yard

Lady (Order of the Garter) Galadriel - Ex-MI6, now retired. 

Lord Celeborn - Ex-MI6, also retired.

I didn’t think I would need a pic for Thranduil but now I think about it I think Lee Pace is a bit on the young side. and then I was like...wait.... I know 

New Post has been published on http://delusitraditieincazzati.com/2014/03/16/presidenza-consiglio-dei-ministri-diffida-per-razzismo-sui-rom-i-leghisti-fontana-e-celebron/

Presidenza Consiglio dei Ministri diffida per “razzismo” sui Rom i leghisti Fontana e Celebron