#cedarpaw

Cedarpaw brought a gaunt-looking squirrel and slightly plumper cardinal over to the elders for their share, while Peppermask collected a pair of voles by their tails and headed over to the nursery to bring Princess, Goldenflower, and Frostfur their share. Longtail, meanwhile, slunk away to where his sister was waiting for him. There was no prey for the warriors until everyone but them and their apprentices had been fed.

Yellowfang and Dewpaw were next. He heard Yellowfang mutter something about Bluestar to Dewpaw before selecting the largest prey on the pile, a squirrel missing chunks of fur from its tail. The older healer departed swiftly for the nursery, a limp in her step from the back leg that Fireheart had broken as an apprentice. It seemed that the cold weather was making her leg act up - which wasn’t terribly surprising, given that Patchpelt had woken them up with the complaint that his joints were hurting worse than his wounds.

Fireheart flinched out of his thoughts as someone pressed up beside him, looking up to see Dewpaw standing next to him. She gently deposited a thrush in front of them. “Yellowfang’s going to eat with Bluestar and the queens today, so I thought we could share this?” She offered softly, tilting her head with a small smile as she watched him.

“I-” His mouth watered at the thought of food, but he politely shook his head nonetheless. “I’d better not. Why don’t you bring that to your patients?” He glanced at the healer’s den for a brief moment, but he couldn’t see inside from where he was sitting.

She tilted her head the other way, the smile dropping off her face. “You are one of my patients, mousebrain. Or have you somehow missed all the cobwebs all over you?” His wounds stung painfully at the reminder, and he grinned up at her sheepishly. “Besides, Speckleflight and Patchpelt are eating with the other elders. Yellowfang said it’s good for their spirits to eat with their companions, or something like that.”

He glanced towards the elders’ den and saw that she was right - Speckleflight, Snowkit, and Rosetail were hunched over the cardinal that Cedarpaw had brought them, while Halftail, Patchpelt, Smallear, and One-eye were taking dainty bites out of the squirrel. “I just-” He hesitated, not sure how to explain how he worried the Clan would take it if he ate in front of them while they were starving. He ought to be treated like a normal warrior - which meant he ate last out of all the warriors. 

“Hush, you.” Dewpaw settled down next to him, lightly tapping him with her tail. “Save all your noble excuses for another day. You need food if you’re going to recover.” She glanced away briefly with a small sigh. “Besides, I was hoping to talk to you about yesterday. Yellowfang told me you said Tigerclaw attacked you and Bluestar, but she didn’t seem to know much more than that - and everyone else only seems to know what you or Peppermask told them.”

Fireheart shifted nervously beside her, suddenly feeling queasy. Dewpaw had been the first to believe him about Redtail, and she had been one of the few to know the truth about Tigerclaw - she deserved a better explanation from him than had been given to the rest of the Clan. Still, it felt as if Tigerclaw’s threat still hung in the air - that if he dared to speak the traitor’s name, he would appear and deliver the revenge he’d promised. “I don’t know what there is to tell.” He finally mewed at last. 

He didn’t know what to make of the look Dewpaw shot at him, until she looked away with a haughty sniff. “Well, if you won’t tell me, maybe you’ll tell Peppermask?” He didn’t get a chance to respond before she was already on her paws, waving over at the warriors’ den. “Hey, sis! Come join us!”

He squinted at her in confusion. What was that supposed to mean? As far as he was concerned, Peppermask and Dewpaw were equals. He’d been on more patrols with Peppermask, certainly, but that was only because she was a warrior while Dewpaw was a healer! Still, he didn’t get the chance to protest before two gray cats appeared in front of them - Peppermask and Cinderspark.

“Can I join too?” He’d barely registered their presence before Cinderspark was already talking away, her bright blue eyes eagerly glancing between them. “I mean, getting to eat with the deputy! And our future healer! It’s an honor, really!” She hopped into an off-balance bow as she spoke, teetering on the edge of falling over as she wobbled in front of them.

From any other cat, Fireheart would assume the words were dripping with sarcasm - but with Cinderspark, he knew she was entirely sincere in the respect she was giving him, and that only made him even more uncomfortable. “There’s no need to be so formal.” He mewed, trying not to let the discomfort at her display show on his face. “I’m the same Fireheart I was yesterday. You didn’t bow to me then, did you?”

Cinderspark jumped back up at his words. “I guess not.” She admitted, though he could see in her eyes that she didn’t really believe what he was saying. He was deputy now - apparently that was enough to change everything, in her mind.

“Sharing prey together like this - it’s just like old times, isn’t it?” Peppermask purred as she settled in, tapping the ground with her tail for her sister to do the same. It wasn’t long before all four were settled around the thrush, each taking delicate bites so that everyone would be able to eat some. “It’s crazy to think it’s been almost a season-cycle since we first met. Newleaf’s not that far away, after all.”

“It could certainly come a bit sooner.” Fireheart grumbled, glaring up at the dull gray light filtering through the camp covering into the clearing. “I’d appreciate some real sunlight for a change.”

“Look at you, sounding so old and wise already.” Peppermask purred, giving him a small, teasing grin. “Like you’ve been deputy for seasons already.”

Fireheart grimaced at her reminder, but Cinderspark was already speaking, either not noticing or not caring about his discomfort. “Yeah! You’re going to be great as a deputy, I just know it.” She fixed him with an intense stare, unblinking as she watched him squirm. “I mean, you defeated Tigerclaw! The greatest warrior in all the Clans! And Brokentail, too, back when he was still the leader of Shadowclan! You’re the greatest warrior I know!”

“I’m really not.” He mumbled, looking away guiltily as his stomach churned. “I- I wouldn’t have defeated Tigerclaw if it wasn’t for Tinyfrost. And Brokentail- I-” For a moment, he was back in the healer’s den, his paws rooted to the spot as Brokentail took his last gasps for air; he was beside the Thunderpath, his fur bristling as the exiled rogue demanded he finish the job; he was standing at the edge of the forest, watching Graystripe scream into his father’s fur. He wasn’t a great warrior. If he was, he would’ve stopped Tigerclaw before the rogues invaded, or prevented Quickflash’s death, or-

“Hey.” His whiskers tingled as someone pressed into his side, and he blinked over to see Dewpaw nuzzling his cheek. “Are your injuries bothering you? I can go fetch you some poppy seeds if you need, or you can lay down in the den for a while.”

He shook his head, even as he blinked gratefully at the healer apprentice. “No, I- You did a good job with the cobwebs.” The wounds Tigerclaw had left on his side would heal, thanks to her and Yellowfang. But the damage he’d done to the Clan… “I- I appreciate the support, Cinderspark, but I’m not a great warrior, okay? I’m just me.”

The dark gray molly seemed to finally take in how shaken he was, and she slowly nodded. “I- Okay.” She swallowed hard and glanced at the leader’s den nearby, which was currently still and silent. She stared at it for a long, quiet moment, before looking back at him with sudden concern. “I- You’ve been so upbeat, I thought- I guess I wasn’t thinking. But… you said you saw Bluestar die, didn’t you? Did she- did Tigerclaw kill her in front of you?”

Cinderspark’s curiosity was quieter, more withdrawn now. Part of him felt guilty for making her feel as if she’d overwhelmed him - but he couldn’t deny that he was grateful she’d backed off, at least a little. “I didn’t see him kill her, no. But- I mean, you all saw the blood. There was so much of it.” Peppermask had helped him to the stream outside camp to wash the blood off his paws last night, but his fur was still stained a dark, rusty brown. “I wasn’t in time to save her. If I’d realized sooner…”

“You did your best.” Peppermask mewed softly, blinking slowly at him over the mostly-eaten thrush. “You didn’t know that the rogue attack was a trap. None of us knew what Tigerclaw was planning. At least you realized before he could take all of her lives.”

Fireheart nodded slowly. That was true, though it was small consolation seeing how badly the loss of two of her lives - or maybe the loss of her faithful deputies - had affected Bluestar. “I- I suppose that’s true. I just wish- we knew he was planning something. All the signs were there. We should’ve realized…”

“Bluestar should’ve realized when you told her the truth.” Fireheart flicked an ear in surprise as Dewpaw spoke, her voice filled with a contempt and venom he hadn’t heard out of her since she’d become a healer. “She should’ve listened to Yellowfang when Redtail showed up. Instead she made Tigerclaw deputy and gave him an apprentice. There’s only so much any cat can do to fix a problem that isn’t their fault to begin with.”

Peppermask nodded in agreement at her sister’s words. “Dewpaw’s not wrong. We’ve done what we could since we were apprentices. We didn’t save Dad, but we did save Ravenspirit, and you did save the Clan - even if Tinyfrost deserves just as much of the credit. I’m sure wherever he is, Redtail is proud of us.”

“I guess that’s true.” Fireheart admitted softly, glancing around camp. He hadn’t seen Redtail in moons - not since the night they’d spoken in Fireheart’s dreams. He’d mentioned then that Starclan was trying to stop him from seeing Fireheart - had they succeeded? Had they punished him for interfering with Thunderclan and getting Tigerclaw chosen as deputy? Had he been forced to watch helplessly as Tigerclaw nearly brought Thunderclan to ruins? “I hope Redtail’s at peace now.”

“For all we know, he’s in the nursery right now, yelling at Bluestar for not listening to him.” Peppermask mewed, her whiskers twitching in amusement.

Fireheart’s whiskers twitched back at her. “Maybe he can move on to Graystripe for us next.” He did his best to keep his fur from bristling at the thought of his once-friend, who had wisely kept out of his sight once Fireheart had emerged from the healer’s den for the usual sunhigh sharing of tongues. “Or maybe he’s in Starclan already, now that he knows Thunderclan is safe from Tigerclaw.”

“What are you talking about?” 

The three froze as Cinderspark spoke up suddenly, her deep blue gaze narrow as she looked between the three of them. “What’s this about saving Dad? What does Redtail have to do with Graystripe? Am I the only one that doesn’t understand what’s going on here?” As she spoke, Fireheart’s eyes dropped to his paws. How was he supposed to respond to that?

There was a long moment of silence, and Fireheart guessed that Dewpaw and Peppermask were doing the same as him - hoping one of the others would answer her. “I am, aren’t I?” Cinderspark mewed slowly. He couldn’t see her face, but her voice was enough to paint a picture of her emotions - anger, realization, a tinge of sadness overlaying the whole thing. “You- you said this has been going on since we were apprentices. That means - you knew Tigerclaw was going to kill Dad to become deputy, and you didn’t tell me?” More silence, and then, softly: “Why?”

More silence. From across camp, Fireheart could hear the quiet, reserved murmurings of a Clan that was struggling with everything that had happened; asking themselves the same question that Cinderspark had just asked them. “We had to keep it secret.” He mumbled at last, still not meeting her eyes. “We didn’t want Tigerclaw to know we were on to him-”

“And you think I would have told him?” Fireheart flinched at Cinderspark’s snarl. “You all thought that I couldn’t keep a secret, not even when it’s Dad’s life that’s involved? ‘Cinderspark’s so bee-brained, if we tell her this huge secret then the whole camp will know before sunhigh’!?” Righteous indignation was ingrained in every word Cinderspark spoke - and it was entirely deserved. “None of you trust me, do you? You all still see me as your flea-brained little sister.”

“You’re not-” Fireheart began, but Cinderspark cut him off before he could finish.

“And you! You of all cats should know how trustworthy I am!” Cinderspark yowled now, her tail lashing so furiously that he could hear it whistling through the air. “I thought we were friends, Fireheart. What was all that kindness for, really? Pity?” She huffed bitterly. “Don’t bother answering that. I already know. I can’t believe you - any of you.”

There was shuffling in the dirt, and then hasty pawsteps retreating away. Fireheart looked up in time to see Cinderspark’s fluffy dark tail disappearing into the darkness of the bramble tunnel. All around camp, eyes and ears were turned towards where Fireheart, Peppermask, and Dewpaw were sitting. 

He looked away from them to the other two, who were also regarding him with wary eyes. “I… I didn’t…” Fireheart didn’t know what to say. He was sure he could have handled that better, but for the most part Cinderspark was right - they all thought if they told her, she would let it slip to someone, and soon the whole Clan would know. “Shouldn’t you go after her?” Fireheart mewed after a painfully long moment to Dewpaw. 

Dewpaw glanced back at the tunnel for a brief heartbeat before shaking her head. “And say what? There’s nothing I can tell her that can shield her from the truth. We didn’t trust her.” 

Fireheart swallowed hard. Hearing that from Dewpaw, who was arguably the most level-headed of them all, felt like Tigerclaw raking him apart all over again. The worst part was that Cinderspark was right to be upset with him most of all - she had been keeping a secret, one he had discovered just before Tigerclaw had betrayed them. If there was any time to tell her, it would have been then, he reasoned. Or maybe if they’d included her from the beginning…

“You should finish the rest of this thrush. You need your strength up if you’re going to recover.” Peppermask pushed the remnants of the bird towards him. It was clear that even now, in the middle of leafbare while they were all starving, Cinderspark’s anger had made them all lose their appetites.