#cdd headcanons

I fully believe that he could have been first given the role of Captain Marvel a year or two before the age of ten, the age I have in mind being 7. He works as Captain marvel in Fawcett for a while, building up his reputation, learning to love life better, but as Captain Marvel and never himself. Seeing the world through the Captains eyes makes the world seem like a better place, but then when he's thrown back into being himself, he remembers why the world sucks all over again. But he keeps fighting. Keeps being a hero. Keeps chosing good, to be good, to believe in good, to fight for good- and besides, why would an orphaned homeless kid give up the chance to live a better life, even if it's a lie?

He come to have a complicated relationship with the concept of "The Captain" in his head. He idolizes him because he's everything he could never be, he's gets everything that he could never have, everything that he oh so desperately wants, he, himself, SAVED Billy, in a way. But that's exactly why he hates him too. He gets everything, Billy gets nothing. Nobody cares about a worthless homeless kid. He has to insure suffering just to make sure the world is safe, and he despises it a lot of the time. Being a hero, having to hide his identity because it's for the "greater good". What about the greater good for Billy Batson? what about what's good for him?

And that's where the division between them starts. The horrors of being a young superhero who actively chooses to fragment his identity in a severe way by being a superhero, alongside the horrors of being a homeless orphaned child on the streets, lead him to developing a CDD.

I think it'd be hardly noticable at first. Billy wouldn't realize that Cap isn't him anymore. They were already becoming separate people to him, so he doesn't really notice when they literally become separate people.

Cap, however, does notice. Notices lulls of quiet, lulls where he realizes something is just plain off about himself, about what's happening, but The Symptoms happen, and he can never remember what he was so worried about just minutes earlier.

I do think Cap would notice first, would, for a lack of better term, become self aware, more sentient, and realize that he's Not Billy, but not quite Captain Marvel either. I fully believe Cap slowly but surely branching out, learning more about what HE likes, what HE prefers, how HE acts, and not Billy, would lead him to realizing that he's Not! Billy. He would slowly be one more defined of an alter and realize he's A Whole Ass Person. Maybe not like. Realizing he's . An alter, but very much realizing he has different tastes, opinions, preferences, etc, than Billy does. Their likes should be the SAME, but Cap finds he doesn't like the same things anymore, but he also.. does? At the same time? ??

And THAT. him becoming more distinct, him slowly coming into his own identity as his own Being, would be what leads Cap to being the first one to realize that they ARE two separate people.

Jeezus fucking hell ost 4 am. I have to stop writing I have an important party tomorrow.

BUT I CANT ATOP THINKING ABOUT MY SON??? THE CHAMPION OFMAGIC?????