#cased1

I can't decide if I fell in love today or had my heart broken, but I can't help but feel that I've finally stumbled across the real reason that God led Ted and I here, to MA. From the minute I got the first phone call from my boss to schedule a phone interview, I just kept telling people I knew it was happening. I prepared Ted immediately, I told him he needed to come with me to my interview because I was getting this job and we were moving. Something in my gut, or my heart, told me there was meaning behind it. Something told me it was exactly where we needed to be. It happened in 3 weeks, and all along we had hurdles. Yet, every single hurdle was resolved beyond our ability. The other continued to clear and confirm to me that the move was meant to be. Since then, I've been trying to figure out my purpose here. While I love my life and I'm thankful for that, I was hoping I'd find my purpose. I wanted to discover what that reason was and have continued to pray for what it was that God brought us here to do. For 2.5 years now I have wondered, and today, while at the CASE D1 conference in Boston, I was inspired and torn apart all at once by the final keynote speaker. I hadn't experienced this sense of urgency since the move. Adam Braun, the founder of Pencils of Promise, spoke about his journey toward creating the incredible non-profit that builds schools in other countries to allow access to education for all. His story about how one child led him on this mission by saying that if he could have one thing in the world, it would be a pencil, brought me to tears immediately. I haven't been brought to tears like that in so long... Too long. I felt immediately this urge to go, to act. I haven't stopped thinking about it since, reading the website and scouring social media. I'm on a mission. I feel alive and connected. The more amazing thing is that at our church, Pastor Sean has been in a series encouraging us to find something that breaks our heart, and to make a resolution to not focus on making ourselves better, but to make others better and to make a difference. I've wanted to feel that way so badly. I was craving the ability to do and be more, to give meaning to something beyond my own life. I've been praying on it. I was discouraged that I couldn't think of a single thing that made me feel the way he was describing. But today, when I heard Adam talking, when I saw the images, in my heart I just "knew." I can't explain the feeling. It's compelling. But I know that if I'd never left NY, and took this job, I would have never been at that conference... And I promise my butt was meant to be in that seat. Honest to God, I was writing with a pencil for the first time in years. I hope I follow my heart on this. I have to.