omg that last post gave me so many emotions. b/c rly how often must cas think about that? his old leader telling him to think for himself, but still having his back as he tried to find his way. "maybe not, but there's still me."
anna watching fondly, even if a tad sadly, as he took steps away from her and towards his freedom. even if she wanted to take those steps together. and how even when he sided against her on how to achieve free will and avert the apocalypse, i imagine her still being proud of him for not simply being a tool of heaven. that he wasn't listening to her as his commander blindly. (she wonders if she had asked him to do it then what his answer would be, but decides it doesn't matter)Â
how sad and angry cas would be to hear about anna's death. wondering if free will was really still worth it. but he stuck to his guns, even as it seemed those he trusted were falling apart.Â
and i think about cas in heaven post-apocalypse, the way he smiled and told the angels that they were free to decide, to do whatever they liked. how much he believed they would embrace it. like anna did. like he did.
but they didn't have his experiences. they didnt die for a cause they believed in. they weren't brought back to keep fighting for that cause. they didn't have winchesters or bobby or anna to help guide them.Â
and cas tries. he tries to be that for them. but it's hard. and he can't stop thinking about what anna would have done. if she would have been able to get through to them. what she would say if she saw him now. he doesn't want to be a leader. not any more than anna did. but he has thousands of angels looking up to him asking him to give them orders, and he feels for anna that night when he begged the same of her. and he envies her strength to deny him (though a very small part of him hated her for it in the moment)Â
and so he trudges on. day by day by day, trying to make his old leader, friend, sister proud.
