#carnister

He doesn’t even look up, though his hand tightened around the side of the crib.

Dread pools in his stomach, he spoke as steadily as he could, “To check on my son.”

He scoffed and Fëanáro is surprised how much it stung. Dark eyes, sharp and piercing flick up and regard him with cool disinterest. He can’t help feel small under his gaze. His lips twist into a scowl and he stalked over to the fireplace. Though he cuts a far slighter figure than the one before Fëanáro can’t stop his heart from racing.

“Is this a dream? Am I dead?”

Fëanaro opens his mouth to speak but his words disappear like smoke.

“Ai Valar, please, I must be dead.”

“Morifinwë…”

The elf chuckled and turned back, his face now shadowed. His clothes were smeared in blood and dirt but he could tell they were once white. There were gems sewn into the fabric the gave him shimmering and ever shifting silhouette leant on the mantle piece.

“Are you real?” The boy asked, he once again looked him up and down, poking his shoulder for good measure.

“I… yes?”

“You look young, were you really so young?”

“Morifinwë…” a bit of ire leaking into his voice. He’s doing in on purpose. Pelting him with questions so he can’t get a word in. Fëanáro can tell by the glint in his eye and a self-satisfied smirk far too similar to his own. He knew this game he could play it -

“Did you love us?”

His mind stuttered to a stop, “What?”

Morifinwë shrugged and looked back down at he fireplace, “I can’t remember anymore.”

He wasn’t quite aware that he stepped forward until he felt of the fire. The face of his son is flushed from the heat of it. His fingers wrapped around his cold hands, there’s blood on them also. Why was there always blood?

“More than anything. How can you even ask such a thing”

Morifinwë twisted out of his grip, fast as a viper grabbing his own wrist and pulling him closer. This one too shall be taller than him, he thought grimly. It’s terrifying how fast his expression shifted. There is an old fire burning in his eyes that kindles at the sight of him and he snarled.

“Then why did you die! Why did you leave us? Those were not your last words.” His voice rose with every word and the child in the crib behind whined. For a moment Fëanáro watched him turn to his younger self, shooting him a rather unimpressed glare. To his surprise, the baby quietened down with a little pout.

“I - “ Fëanáro shook his head, this is enough, the boy didn’t want an answer but he did, “What happened?”

Morifinwë barked a laugh and released him. He took a step back and shook his head. The boy seemed barely aware when Fëanáro reached out again and placed a hand on his arm.

“Moryo,” he pleaded, there was no time. They were never there long, “Tell me, let me fix this.”

“No.”

He looked surprised at his own answer. Fëanáro’s heart sank when he saw his son look up and meet his eyes, for he could see the decision was made and he would not be swayed. He shook his head and shoved his fear back down his throat.

“There’s no time, why wouldn’t you - “

“I’m married.”

“Stop.”

“I married an aftercomer. Her name was Haleth.”

“Morfinwë, your brothers are downstairs, I have seen what will happen to them - “

“I never told anyone, you may as well know.”

“I… I am glad for you and shall be glad to meet her but - “

“You won’t. But if I tell you, if you change - I may never meet her.”

“Oh, Moryo….”

He chuckled and Fëanáro could scream. He is as mad as the others. He cannot save them, how can he save them?

“I’m a monster, you know.”

Fëanáro grabbed his shoulders and shook him, “Do not say such things.”

Caranthir hissed back with just as much venom, “You don’t know what I’ve done, you don’t know what I’d do again for the singular bright summer of my entire life.”

“I love you, Carnister,” His heart spilled out of his chest without warning. He hadn’t even realised how much his question had been gnawing at him until the words left his lips, “More than anything. More than life. More than all the jewels of the the earth and works of my hands, you must - “

His son shoved him off like his touched burned him. Fëanáro couldn’t understand the look on his face but he hated it.

“I’ll see you in the damned void.”