#callmenever

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Back with another rant

Since the last “what happens on Tumblr stays on Tumblr” incident I've been very skeptical and cautious about what I post here. This rant starts off with a few “dates”

Story A: About a week ago friend A and I wanted to hang out together and asked me to go over But for personal reasons I declined and asked her to come to my place She asked if she could sleepover and to my surprise my mom agreed I told her the dates and she said those days should be ok I purposely went out to buy some food for her and my mom even went out to buy more food today for the stuff we couldn’t find the other day

This morning I asked her when she would be here tomorrow and she ignores my msg and txts me a few hours later after I had made some pasta for tomorrow’s lunch (second day pasta is yummier) and I see her text saying “im going tmw?! Wtf” Umm… yeah you said ok to it and you asked to sleepover not me and she goes on to convince me to go to her place when I clearly told her before I didn’t want to go there but maybe we could go to a mall near her place but she just wanted to chill at her house so we decided to come to my place but now she wants to go out to do stuff instead Not when the original plan was come over chill and sleepover and it was her idea So I am currently waiting for her to tell me if she’s coming but I doubt she will msg me even though I said to tell me tonight People don’t have time to be waiting around for people’s replies on whether they are coming the day of, I want to make my own plans if you aren’t going to come, it’s already the last few days of break. Story B: I asked friend B if she wanted to go on a date since we haven’t seen each other in half a year already and I wanted to give her her Christmas present. She said she might have an appointment today but it wasn’t for sure until her doctor contacted her the day of and she said she would tell me ASAP <- In CAPITAL LETTERS. So I waited until the day of, today and I was expecting her to msg me this morning, nope, around afternoon, nope, she hasn’t msged me the whole day and I see her posting stuff on fb. So she couldn’t bother to tell me that we couldn’t meet today or if she had an appointment or what not. Just made me wait all day for her as a make the stupid pasta for friend A

Story C: In place of the two taken days of friend A I ask friend C and D if they would like to hangout on either of the two days, one friend could make day two but the other couldn’t make either and asked if we could do it on Monday instead. I said I couldn’t because school starts. “and”  you go to school duh “waste” the conversation goes on with her one worded responds and it starts to tick me off so I ask her why she was so one wordish and that it was rude, she says that we was properly answering the question . uhuh

Maybe it was because of the other friends pissing me off that I got so ticked off at her as well but I find it so rude that people make plans and cancel last minute or don’t even cancel at all and just leave me there waiting. I hate it when I am trying to have a conversation with someone, trying to make it work and become closer friends but they give me these one worded answers like they don’t even care or sometimes just ignore me. When I have three way conversations I’m often left ignored when I make comments or questions which makes me feel really lonely and hurt inside. Once again, people would ask why are you even friends with these people then “Those are not real friends” you might say.

But these four people are the only friends I have.

I’m so upset that I have to deal with this one sided friendship while no one is trying to get involved with my life, nobody lets me in on theirs. I want to have a friend who I can openly talk to about my feelings all the time and someone who tells me theirs like they trust me and care about me. It’s ok to mean to each other sometimes as a joke but it’s important to know that that friend will be there. I hate it when I feel like some friends treat me like I don’t even exist or that they can laugh at me like I’m some retard and everything I say is useless. I probably mentioned this in a previous rant. Maybe it’s not even their problem. Maybe it’s mine. Maybe I have a really weird personality that people can’t stand but they just talk to me while secretly thinking how much of a retard I am. Maybe that’s why I don’t have any real friends. Or maybe it’s because of my family. Which will be another post.

Thanks for reading~