callmekrowley replied to your post “Hi Everybody! Y’all probably know by now that I’ve been obsessively...”
So basically, the dangers of romanticizing hunting? it makes sense that dean would be peeved not only at jo giving up a safe life, but also at jo romanticizing the nightmare life he’s had
Especially with his “no one chooses this” speech
(sorry there, I added that bit in from your second comment. I still suck at tumblr after all these years... :D)
But yeah, now I’m thinking about all the times Dean has lamented his own lost childhood. Come cry with me.
Of course we have all the flashback episodes where we see that for ourselves. But this goes right back to 1.03, and Dean’s conversations with Lucas that give Sam his first bit of insight into everything Dean has endured. Sam’s comment about “name one child you know” mocking Dean about his interest being in the kid when Sam thought he was just trying to hit on the boy’s mother. Sam’s impression that Dean knows very little about raising a child are so painfully misguided, you know? Because Dean DID raise a child. He raised SAM.
This is clear in every episode where Sam and Dean have to confront their past, the way they were raised, and the gulf of secrecy and massive walls Dean had to construct in order to survive it all. Every time one of those walls falls, you can just watch him become lighter. Just think back to every end-of-episode serious conversation between Sam and Dean, and consider just how many of them involve Sam saying something to the effect of “gee, I never knew how bad it was,” or “I never understood why you are this way, but I’m beginning to get it.”
The one poking at my brain at the moment is 9.07. The entire episode is one big string of revelations for Sam (and a lot of flashback episodes function on this pattern of Sam slowly uncovering the truth he might not have picked up on as a child, but that he’s getting to the bottom of now... just as 1.18′s narrative unfolded, as well). My tag for “the story became the story,” for all the things that Dean was either forced by John to lie about to Sam, or at least forced to keep secret by whatever means necessary, is from a quote in this episode. So this is not an outlier in that respect.
Sam: You just got lucky? Kind of like you did with this place. I mean, here I was thinking this was the worst part of your life, and it turns out it was the best. Why'd you ever leave?
Dean: Never felt right.
Sam: Really?
Dean: It was two months, Sam, okay? And I couldn't wait to get out of here. I don't know what to tell you. It wasn't me.
The missing critical information that WE see but Sam doesn’t is that it was Sam himself that Dean felt duty-bound to protect, rather than duty to return to hunting with John that pushed him to leave when it was clear he would’ve rather stayed for his own sake. It’ll be a long while after this before Sam finally gains that knowledge and understanding, because back in 9.07, Dean was still only saying as little as he could get away with. It’s been a long process.
And this painful current runs through the entire series, right through his “I hate you” speech to Mary in 12.22. Right through his final family dinner in 14.13. This is who Dean is, and he might not know any other way to be, but hell if he’d wish it on anyone else, either.
So yeah... that’s what I take away from 2.06 now, too.
