#called to

I have a friendship with, lets call her person A, and its always been rough. Not only did person A disappear on me for no real reason except that they wanted a break, but person A then told me she felt like I was leaving them out. To say I was hurt/confused is an understatement. I was rejected by the one girl at the time that I was good friends with, and then told later that I was somehow hurting them. The issue here was communication. Person A didn't tell me they needed a break until a month after disappearing on me, and then also never told me they wanted the said break to be over. On my side I should have done better on trying to figure out what was going on, rather than allowing myself to be hurt. I dont like conflict and as a result I dont tend to fight for people if they dont seem to want me around. We eventually talked about A feeling left out and things got better for a hot second. Soon tho, this relationship with person A kept getting worse until we were basically not speaking at all. I dont know what went wrong there except me feeling very much like A was being rude to me on purpose. I then also began to be excluded from anything going on with any of A’s roommates. My conflict with A had spread to everyone she lived with. A’s problem with me became their problem with me and I still didn't know what had gone wrong. 

Currently A and I are on speaking terms and everything seems ok. Though I dont know what happened I still dont want to push it. In my heart I know a conversation needs to happen and eventually it will, but I’m not ready. For now what I need to work on is forgiving her and not letting the aftermath bother me. I am still excluded from a lot because of whatever happened and that isn't fun. I am part of a community here and being the only one in my friend group not invited to things really does hurt. In that rejection tho is a chance to grow and learn and pray. In that is a chance to love those that have hurt me, and work on forgiving them. 

Forgiveness and friendships are hard, and thats ok. While we are called to love others, we aren't called to be best friends with everyone. I went on a retreat this past February and a seminarian came up to me the first night and asked me what I wanted. The only thing I could think of to respond with was this: To not be alone. The seminarian reminded me that I am never alone and that God will provide all the people I need. If we trust in God, try to Love as He did, forgive others and learn to ask for forgiveness we can continue to strive in holiness and live out our faith as we are called to do.