We Dem Boys

How quickly we forget the dangerous crow boy who’s job it is to destroy plastic

belphie is always psyched out of his mind to see me, and the feeling is mutual. I'm like "BELPHIE! MY BOY!" and he's purring and wagging his tail and doing his little plip-plip-plip speed trot toward me, and meanwhile we were together all day but were just in different rooms for a second

we need to find the beating heart of The Job Market and we need to plunge a holy gleaming blade into it. its the only way to be free

Yeah okay there are like 11 species of heron native to the USA and yes fine I’ve only managed to spot 10 of those species. You might think I’m bitter about that one species evading me but I’m not. I’m actually the Least Bittern person about it in the entire world

travelling back to the paleolithic era to explain to a neanderthal that in the future there will be food that is simultaneously disgusting and also the best tasting food you've ever eaten. the neanderthal nods and says "oh yeah we have that" and leads me to a clearing in the woods where a perfectly normal mcdonalds sits.

Look outBig tooth cat in play place

idk if this is an usamerican thing or not but it always blows my mind as a small european country resident that yall have many names and types of apples???? what do you mean its not just red yellow or green??? why is it so complicated??? who is granny smith????

'whats your favorite apple' 'red' 'no i mean like what type' '??????' actual conversatiom i've had with a mutual from usa

the world is so big and beautiful

i hope they never stop using floppy disk icons to indicate saving your file. doesn't matter how obsolete they are it's like honouring someone with a portrait on your currency

hey friends where is that picture of boromir with the gondor flag except its a pride flag?

that? oh thats the mysterious bruise i got thursday , #mybruise

If you're ever feeling sad at night just remember: your cat is probably somewhere in your room attempting to do bizzare half life physics puzzles with fragile objects

"you couldnt make seinfeld today" you couldve made seinfeld in 45 B.C.

Diane, clear my schedule. I’m attempting a recipe that says “prep time: 15 minutes.”