#bzzzt

I am not a photographer so I will not apologise for the blurriness I was scared to get too close

— Dress up crazy and wild. Halloween is ALL month long, ha ha. Don't talk to me until I've had my cup of BLOOD, ha ha. Smear blood (fake) on your face (real) and burst into your friend's house, hollering that there's been an accident. When your friend stands up, startled, from their delicious dinner, and they ask you who you are, and how you got into their house, do not admit that you went to your friend's old address. This would make you a fake friend (real). TRUE friends know the street addresses of each of their Top 5 Friends, and their garage door codes. True friends memorize details and wait, lurking, for the perfect time to strike.

— Use powerful incantations to revivify the dead and play tricks on them. Quarter behind the ear on the corpse of Susan B. Anthony. Got your nose Cleopatra. Use your terrible powers to defy the finality of death and wake up famous women throughout history and "neg" them using popular pick-up artist techniques. ("Wow. You must have been gorgeous back when you had skin and were alive. But that, sadly, was thousands of years ago . . . !!") Post the results to YouTube for a fun reaction. Gain a sizable following. Introduce a sports-adjacent drink-adjacent beverage drink to monetize your popularity. Do the dead thirst for sports drinks? Concoct a very interesting business strategy to unload some of your sports drinks on the taxpayers of Colorado. Get arrested for Conspiracy To Commit Wire Fraud (Fake).

— Pranks are an exciting situation. String an enormous spider from a tree along a sidewalk in a busy street in Brooklyn. Set up a small mechanical eye to monitor the path below. When the motion detector is tripped, have the spider drop down on the passer-by and stab them repeatedly in the throat, killing them. Can't convict a spider . . . no jury in the world would blame a spider for doing what they do best (Murder) . . . There is a law above man's law . . . NATURE'S law . . . and also the laws of the Ultimate Fighting Championship MMA promotion (no eye-gouging, no biting, no roughhousing, be respectful, nothing past second base unless it's 11 PM and night)

— Have you ever thought about what it would be like to be a ghost? If you haven't, start now! Think about death for a little each day. Not in the contemplative approach of a monk, quit that! Pretend that a speeding dangerous INSANE car driven by a MANIAC is about to hit you at all times, especially when you're eating or peeing. Now imagine being a ghost, looking down at your charred, mangled corpse. Capture this feeling and let it motivate you to take another pass at your failed sports drink idea from the previous bullet points. No jail is strong enough to hold your entrepreneurial soul or literal body, if you take enough steroids.

— Throw a rubber snake at a passing cyclist and when they careen off a cliff (this is happening at the Grand Canyon btw) do a land acknowledgement really really quickly before they hit the sides or bottom so their spirit doesn't get sucked up by the U.S. Government Spirit Vacuum that is secretly located in all National Parks and Catholic Churches.

— There's nothing more demented than the future. Seize on this fact by making plans with friends and coworkers that will cause them dread. A dinner 45 miles from their house. Drinks way too late on a Wednesday. Invite them to a church you don't belong to. Invite them to a Best Buy 1,800 miles away. Buy 5,000 atlases, rip pages out of each, and randomly mail them to individuals all across the world. Learn more about the city you live in. Memorize popular imports and exports for your state. Leave clues for the police letting them know that no one is is safe from your thirst for socio-topographical knowledge.

— In the future, the world's most popular computer game is a matter of life . . . and death!! And in THIS game, there ARE no EXTRA LIVES!! It's called Plormo and it is a rogue-like where you play as the eponymous Plormo, exploring caves and dungeons for loot. It comes out in the year 2041 and it is very popular initially (great gameplay, graphics, fun supporting character named Moop who gives you hints and sings), but Plormo loses popularity when people realize that the game kills you.

— In the mid-2000s, the shock-rap group the Insane Clown Posse was revealed to be under FBI investigation. An excerpt from the FBI's secret dossier: "THESE CLOWNS HAVE ATTITUDE! BUT THEY SPIT REAL SH*T, TOO."

— George W. Bush one time dressed up as a ghoul to scare his daughter. The name of that ghoul? Dick Cheney . . .. !!!

— Banksy one time painted George W. Bush dressed up as Ronald McDonald The Hedgehog 3.

— FBI on Banksy: "We must not let these insightful paintings reach the public . . . it could cause chaos!"

— The Pope, upon seeing that Banksy had teamed up with the Insane Clown Posse: "Yes. . . . everything is going according to plan."

— The Pope, to his Northern Cardinal: "Tell me. . . . what do you know about State Birds?"

— "When you think about it, don't we ALL wear masks, every day?" — The Masked Philosopher

— "Buddy, don't get me started!" — The Man In The Iron Mask (cut scene)

— Popular Costumes For Demented Month, 2024:

- Greasy Screaming Man

- Flirty Pope

- State Bird Of Virginia

- Generic Buster Of Ghosts

- Pile Of Discarded Bricks

- Angry Rabid Dog Running 25 Miles Per Hour At Your Car

- Flirty Succubus

— Dick Cheney's Dying Words In 2041: "Plormo is a must-play experience"