I am not bisexual. I am straight. When I was younger, I thought I deserved to be wronged because I did not even like myself. Also, I wanted to look and appear noble and a fighter of justice, so I put the label of "queer" on myself, just to get attention and drama. At least I looked like I was putting effort into making lives more liveable for others. I am religious. I always secretly thought that guys being together looked rather unnatural. To this day, I still feel that way, especially in Singapore. I thought labelling myself as bisexual would help me make more friends. Since young, I have always gotten along better with guys. But then, I have also been molested and almost sexually assaulted when I was only in Primary Four, by a teenage boy. Anyway. That's why I also pretended to undergo a butch stage. I thought I would look cool and appeal to girls more. Because I did not know how to girlify anyway. So why not go full butch? That's cool. At least I belonged somewhere. People don't like things they don't understand, much less people who don't understand themselves. So why stick out with the "Unknown/Non-binary" label when you can stick out as a clear, well-defined "Butch"? When I learnt of the term "bisexual", I thought: 'Yes! Yes! This is the label that will help me succeed at Life.' That is why you don't see me associating myself with much bisexual people. Or go out of my way to find self-outed bicons or bi people to follow online. I mostly do my own thing. (I don't think listening to Dodie Clark's music counts as anything, tbqh.) Anyway. Being bisexual means that if guys don't work out for you, you can always turn to girls. Someone will come along, along the way. No lack of options. All free for all. Cast your net far and wide, get more gains, more returns. Makes sense? I think so. I thought so. Until today. I... masturbate. A lot. For a girl. I believe. And... this is the first time. It has dawned on me. That I always masturbated with someone special in my mind. That was literally my (sexual) driving force. Maybe I am a raging romantic at heart. But after today. I really want to lay off Love's game for a while. I don't know how long. Maybe I will "see how", like I always say. Anyway. Today. I almost lost my "Motivation" to Masturbate. And I have to Emphasize. Masturbation. I used to find it icky, disgusting, perverted, weird, gross; unbecoming, even. But. It is a science. It releases happy hormones. It helps you sleep better at night (at least for me). It is like exercise, it is like training. It is like kissing as well, I guess (if you're into that)? The more your practise, the better you get at it. And who doesn't want to excel at these kinds of things? Whether you get hitched or not. You do it for yourself. First and foremost. Your Own Self-Care. Your Own Self-Love. Your Own Pampering. You be Independent. You be Dependable for Other People, so They Can Trust You. Otherwise how the Hell are you gonna get Hitched in the first place? Anyway. Masturbation. Is a Science. If I were to be really Waxing Lyrical and "Romanticizing" Masturbation(?), I would say that it Stems From A Belief In Love. And today. I swear I kid you Not. I almost lost an Integral Part of Myself. My Belief in Love. And I did not know. It was so rooted in my "Motivation" for Masturbation -- Self-Pleasure, Self-Love, Self-Care -- until I. For the first time. In a long time. Was Not In The Mood For Masturbation. It legitimately scared me. And so... where am I going with this...??? I honestly forgot. Okay? But anyway. Final closures. I am not bisexual. I am straight. However. But. However. I am Not Available. As Of Now. Thank you for Reading.