Okay, I’m back! So anyways, I ran behind him out of fear he was going to put his hands on her but don’t worry, he’s not a complete idiot, he didn’t touch her.  He did get real close to her and started yelling at her.  By the time I got over there she was walking away.  I finally told him we need to go.  He insisted he was fine and to not let that moment ruin our date…too fucking late but you know what, for whatever dumb ass reason I said okay LI still regret that decision and it got so much worse.  So, now that everyone’s staring at us, we go back to our picnic area and he continues to drink and record me *eye roll*.  Oh he brought speakers too, I’m not gonna lie, his music choice was a vibe. But he ruined that shit too low key. He acted like it was his playlist but it was actually a Brent Faiyaz Spotify playlist…which, I mean I’m not judging…but I’m judging, but only because he acted like that was his beautiful creation.  Why lie about that?  Anyways, it happened guys, the moment I was most afraid of, he turned to me and said, “oh shit, you know Blaine?!  She told me to tell you hi!”  I was so fucking pissed.  Blaine was one of those girls I knew but would never tell my business to.  She seems to always know peoples business.  I kid you not, within 30 seconds of him saying that, I got a DM from her saying “Yo you know he has a whole ass kid on the way right?”  My. Stomach. Turned.  I dropped my phone and just stared at him.  His drunk ass didn’t even notice.  So, once I gathered myself I told Blaine I had no fucking idea but good looks.  I may not fuck with Blaine but in that moment I did, she responded with sending me the girls IG profile, clutch.  Luckily it wasn’t private.  My heart was racing, we all know that feeling, scrolling hella carefully to make sure you don’t accidentally like anything, meanwhile he’s just living his best live with not a clue of what’s going on.  Just goofy.  So I’m scrolling and it didn’t look like they were in a relationship but he was definitely the dad.  The picture of them at the baby shower, yea y’all she’s been pregnant for a while, had a caption that said “Our situation may not be ideal but I’ll always respect you as the father of my son.”  So that’s why I figured they probably aren’t dating but still! Call me crazy but if you have a kid or one on the way that’s definitely worth mentioning.  So anyways, I’m scrolling and scrolling on her page and guess who tf I see.  The girl taking the pictures of us.  Yup, she was at the baby shower, I didn’t know her relation to them but she was for sure there.  This idiot knew her all along.  So now I’m pissed because I’m clearly caught up in some mess but also, this girl was really taking pics of me and my dumb ass was too naïve to realize, sticking up for her and everything.  Ughhh!! So when I finally got over the initial shock, I was like “Yo”, and I showed him the phone.  Y’all I can’t make this shit up, this man instantly burst into tears.  Sir.  Fuck is you cryin for?  Because you were exposed? Ewww.  I rolled my eyes and started packing my shit.  He started crying even more and, I mean do have a heart y’all.  I felt bad just leaving him there crying.  Sometimes I wish I was ruthless.  So here I was, consoling a liar in the middle of a pandemic, and he starts coming up with all of these reasons for why he didn’t tell me. All BS tbh.  Oh and that girl is the future kids moms best friend AKA the God Mother.  She happened to see us and was investigating, as any good friend would.  Kudos to her frfr.  So once he calmed down I told him we should leave and he said he wanted to show me something to try and make up for everything.  I just wanted this “date” to be over but he clearly was hurting and I knew I would never talk to him ever again so I said fine.  He suggested we go to the water to see the sunset. Ehhh that part was actually really cute. So anyways we were chillen by the water and it was beautiful, I was actually considering hearing him out when he sobered up BUT…this dumb ass thought it would be funny to rough house near the water, he thought tickling me would be cute…I hate being tickled.  It’s the worst feeling because I’m telling the person to stop but I’m laughing so it’s misleading lol.  I should start putting a “No tickling” disclaimer in my bios. Anyways, after trying to escape the “tickle monster” I kept backing up, tripped on a rock and fell in the Nasty! Ass! Water!  I got out the water drenched and just fucking lost it! Everything I had bottled up just exploded and I just went off on him the way Tyra Banks went off on that one girl we were all supposedly rooting for back in the day.  Anyways, I guess he didn’t like what I had to say because he started going off on me.  I don’t really remember what he was saying because he was so damn drunk and barely making any sense but I do remember him saying “Nobodies fucking with your dusty ass anyways.”  Oooop. Bruh that shit honestly had me weak though…but only because I know I’m not dusty and that’s on periodt.  But also, I love a good roast session.  So anyways, I’m walking back to go get my skates so I can get tf and they weren’t there…yup, my fucking skates were gone. I mean why not?  It was a horrible date already, lets top it off with my skates being stolen, nbd.  Anyways, I hopped my nasty soaked ass in an uber and ubered my ass home.  As you know by now from my other blogs, ya girl is a whole ass investigator outchea.  As soon as I got comfortable I went back on his future kids moms IG and just started digging lol.  Lucky for me she’s one of those girls that posts everything so it was quite entertaining. I didn’t really find anything juicy out though, just that the bike he came with was hers, apparently he didn’t have a car for a while so she was kind enough to let him use her bike since she couldn’t use it right now, maybe it was her brothers, idk but regardless, the FUCKING nerve of him.  Long story short, I got the juice and I don’t have time for shit like that and I think I answered my own question, no second chance for him.  He’s actually texting me now saying he was so embarrassed and out of character.  Aht aht, sucks to suck.  Lmao what a damn mess?  Well anyways, I’m about to be out.  Oh guess what?! Remember the ex I mentioned a few blogs ago?  The one that led to my 9 months of celibacy?  I think it’s time I fill you guys in on that story.  I’m going to a cookout this weekend and him and his new gf will be there.  I hate having mutual friends with ex’s.  The last time we spoke he drunk called me and told me he regrets everything and that he was sorry and he wanted to meet up…his girl was in the other room.

we stan

THE WAY JEFF HOLDS A GUINNEA PIG >

THIS COULD HAVE ENDED TERRIBLY VICTOR

GOT SUPER SWIPED BY A GUY SIDE-PLANKING A GOAT PUPPY IN A ‘DON’T BE A DICK’ SHIRT DID I WIN HERE OR DID I WIN HERE

i'm getting real sick of trying to date

I was reeeeeally looking forward to kissing them. Hopefully we can reschedule soon. 🤞🏽

I talk about how I’ve been stuck in a cycle of regret and disappointment over one man for the last six years, you tell me about the countless string of men and women you’ve paraded around town and how none of it has ever felt like this, I admit the same. Everything is easy.