I Got The Juice

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/i-got-the-juice-tianii-sharpe/1142837488?ean=9798985547412

Soooo this one is a bit of a moral check…definitely questioning myself atm.  I knew shit would get weird but I wasn’t expecting this.  Ugh, let me just explain, maybe I’m not that fucked up of a person.  Alright, where to start???  Hmmmm, okay, lets start with the invite.  So in the last blog I told you guys my state is starting to open back up or whatever but things still aren’t open.  So yea, because of that, everyone is doing these little cookouts and plus the weather was really nice last weekend so people were out.  So, a friend invited me to a cookout, her birthday was in March but since she couldn’t celebrate she figured she would wait until outside opened to celebrate.  The party was actually lit, she has a pool in her backyard and she had a DJ and a bar. Pool + DJ + Bar = A good time.  So anyways, she’s a mutual friend of me and my ex so she gave me a heads up that he would probably be there too with his new girl.  I kind of figured that but I honestly didn’t care, I really am over him.  So anyways, we’ll just call him Avery because why not? So before I get in to this story I should tell you why Avery and I aren’t together.  I’ll give you the somewhat short version.  So pretty much, things were good, we had good communication; good sex and liked similar things.  He’s very active in our community and does a lot of community service.  Sometimes I would go with him to serve.  So there was one girl I met while helping him one day. She was homeless.  She had just become homeless and was looking for a job.  Her parents were in another country and she and her sister weren’t on good terms.  She literally had no one.  But, she was hella dope and I fucked with her so she would come over for dinner occasionally. Lol y’all are probably like, “I know where this shit is going.”  Let me keep going though.  So, as you can guess, she eventually moved in with us while she was saving her money and we all became really close.  Plot twist, she actually turned out to be hella dope and that’s the girl who’s having the pool party, she’s fucking rich now, her story is actually so motivating. But anyways, one day when she was still living with us she said she needed to talk to me alone, without Avery there.  I assumed she was having guy problems and needed to vent.  So we went out to eat one Saturday night, and she told me that she had something to tell me about Avery.  My stomach instantly dropped because if anyone, especially another girl, is telling you they have to tell you something about your partner, it’s never good.  I was a little annoyed with her because it seemed like she was trying to build up the anticipation.  She kept dragging it out…kind of like I’m doing now lol.  So anyways, she finally tells me that Avery is cheating on me. No surprise that that’s what she had to tell me.  I asked her how she knew, she said the other day she walked in on Avery eating someone else out.  Now let me just pause here for a sec.  Fucking someone else? Okay that’s fucked up but if you used a condom we might be able to move past that shit but you’re putting your mouth on someone else’s pussy?! It’s a fucking wrap fam.  You gotta go!  So anyways, she said they were obviously scared shitless and they begged her not to tell me.  Apparently he promised her he would tell me.  Well a week went by and he never told me so she figured she said she couldn’t keep it from me any longer.  If shit couldn’t get any worse, I asked her who the girl was and she said “I actually asked her to come to the dinner date.”  Some of you are probably thinking this girl is hella messy and wondering why I’m still friends with her. I’m not gonna lie, it did take me a while for me to talk to her again and we’ve never been that close since that day but I have her at a place where I trust her.  So anyways, she calls the girl and tells her to come in…who walks in?  Her FUCKING sister.  Remember?  The sister she wasn’t getting along with?! Ugh, thinking about it pisses me off all over again.  She came over ONCE, so I thought, for a game night.  I was focusing so much on trying to get them to rekindle their “sistership” that I didn’t even notice the sister and Avery flirting.  We’ll call the sister Bianca.  So anyways, Bianca comes to the table and not alone…the girl was pregnant.  Yup, they were fucking raw…I hate him.  Anyways. I didn’t give her a chance to explain anything.  As soon as I saw her and confirmed that what I thought was going on, was actually going on, I left.  I ended up getting the story in a long as text later that night but it really wasn’t anything.  The normal, one thing led to another bullshit.  Not worth your time or mine.  Oh and Avery also had nothing good to say for himself.  I mean wtf could he have said anyways?!  He did try to get me to stay in the relationship to make it work but I just couldn’t.  Anyways, I ended up moving in with my friend for a little and eventually got my own spot. Eww I hate telling that story.  But yea, that’s what led to me being celibate for 9 months.  I can honestly say I’m not mad at anyone anymore.  Ova it.  Oh and the kid wasn’t even his, the kid does live with them though.  They’re still together but he’s drunk called me several times saying he regrets everything so trust me, “I don’t want your situation” and that’s on Jordyn.  I’m not gonna lie, I low key miss the D though.  The sex was mind-blowing.  So anyways, fast-forward to a day before the actual party, he FT me and we just talked for a bit.  He said he didn’t want things to be awkward at the cookout.  Which, I mean I guess I get, but whatever.  So we pretty much just talked about how we were, caught up and I’m not gonna lie, it did make things easier when we saw each other the next day.  It pretty much removed the need for small talk.  So anyways, the cookout was lit.  Ya girl was getting juiced.  The girl hosting it got a moon bounce that had a slide that went into the pool. Ahhh it was so fun lol.  I can’t stop talking about it.  She had it catered too.  It’s crazy how much your life can change in such a short amount of time, this girl was literally homeless a year ago.  So anyways, the party was every fucking thing.  Y’all don’t really care about that though lol.  You wanna know wtf happened between Avery and I.  Alright so he was juiced too.  Oh and so was his girl, but honestly, to her own detriment lmao don’t hate me.  So I honestly can’t say what happened to her.  There’s a lot of different stories out there about that.  Some are saying she left with an ex, some are saying she ended up walking home which would’ve been a 2 hour walk and others are saying she just fell asleep in the yard and caught a uber home in the morning.  I truly don’t know nor do I care, cause fuck her honestly.  By the way, when we saw each other in the beginning of the cookout she was hella jolly and “excited” to see me.  So there wasn’t really awkwardness between the two of us.  Well there probably is but we both covered that shit up well. So anyways, Avery and I ended up taking shots together on some chill shit.  Three shots later I had to break the seal so I told him I would be right back. I went to the bathroom and was just fixing myself and really laughing at the fact that I was taking shots with this man who I never thought I would ever see again.  So I was done with the bathroom, I opened the door to leave and Avery was standing right there.  He walked in the bathroom and I walked back in.  lol I know, I really aint shit.  We stared into each others eyes and he lifted me up on the sink and started making out with me.  You guy, there was so much sexual tension between us.  The kiss didn’t last that long because someone knocked on the door and scared tf out of us.  So we waited a bit laughing at what just happened and went back out when it was clear. We somehow ended up playing beer pong together.  We were on the same team.  Honestly, I don’t remember how that happened but whatever.  We used to play it all the time.  So while we were playing, the eye contact between us was so intense guys. When I say I could feel this man staring into my soul whewww.  Thinking about it gives me chills.  It was the perfect combination of eye fucking and passion.  I can tell we both just wanted to finish what we started.  I could tell he was just replaying us.  And I was doing the same.  Just replaying everything that happened between us in the middle of a beer pong game.  So anyways, the whole time we were playing beer pong I was undressing him and just imagining what I would do if to him if we had the chance to fuck just one more time. It was getting late and “Like I Want You” by Giveon came on and gave me all of the feels.  I guess he felt it too because he walked over to me without losing eye contact.  Those 5 seconds of him walking towards me were some of the most intense 5 seconds I’ve ever felt….When he finally got to me he grabbed me by the nape of my neck and started passionately kissing me in front of everyone.  He started playing with my hair like he used to.  I placed my hands on his waist and grabbed him closer. The feeling felt so good.  I missed him so much and didn’t want the moment to end.  He suddenly stopped kissing me, grabbed my hand and led me to his car.  We got in and drove to an empty spot near the woods. Not one word was said in that car ride. This wasn’t our first time in his car. I knew exactly what to do.  I went to the backseat and sat there horny af thinking about what was about to happen while he turned the car on and went to his playlist, you know the playlist I’m talking about…we all have one…if you don’t have a sex playlist, you should get one.  So, he closes the front door and comes to the back with me.  We continued making out.  Oh also, not one actual word was spoken.  We communicated entirely though our bodies.  Fuck it was so beautiful.  So while we’re making out he stopped and did that passionate stare thing again.  That shit drives me crazy.  He positioned himself so that he was slightly on top of me and started kissing me on my neck so softly, I swear I felt my soul leave my body.  I think the combination of the history, sexual tension and alcohol just intensified everything.  While he was kissing my neck I rolled my head back and softly moaned in his ear while holding him by the nape of his neck.  We took it very slow.  I can tell both of us just wanted to be present for this moment.  He stopped and took his shirt off. Everything was exactly the way I remembered it.  My shirt was already off because I just had my bathing suit top on.  He looked down at my bikini top and started kissing the parts of my tits that weren’t covered by the bikini top.  While he was kissing on me I threw my head back and just fell into the moment.  As soon as I threw my head back he licked me from my tits, up my neck and started making out with me again. This time, while we were making out, he untied the back of my bikini.  As my bathing suit fell to my lap fully exposing my tits, he slowly moved down kissing me all over my neck and down to my nipples.  He stared at me and then started sucking on my nipples so passionately. He knows I love that shit.  He was being perfectly rough.  I can’t even begin to explain how good it felt.  At this point I was moaning and grabbing his back. Oh, and while he was on top of me I could feel his dick pulsating through our shorts.  At one point, he grabbed my hand, kissed it and locked my hands in with his.  At this point I’m fully laying in the back of his car with my hands over my head locked in with his while he continued to lick and suck on my nipples.  I lost control; I was moaning and calling his name while pretty much thrusting from under him because I could not stop moving my body, I had no control.  And I loved it.  He eventually let my hands go and started moving down.   I knew exactly what was about to happen next.  Part of me wanted to offer him head first since he was taking such good care of me but fuck it, I was enjoying it too much.  He pulled down my shorts and my bikini bottom.  At this point I’m laying there completely naked staring up at him while he stares back at me, almost analyzing my body, wondering what he’s going to do next.  He kissed me on my forehead and said he missed me.  FUCK! I hate this man.  He knows exactly what to do.  I told him to take his shorts off.  He looked at me and said “you do it.”  So I sat up and made my way to his shorts.  I realized they were swimming trunks when I got closer.  I took them off and immediately placed his dick in my mouth and began sucking it with no hands.  He was on his knees and I was pretty much on all 4s with my ass up giving him head. Does that visual make sense? Anyways, I didn’t want to make him cum for some reason, maybe part of me was still bitter about how everything happened, idk.  Anyways, I stopped, came to my knees and we started making out again.  Our naked bodies pressed against each other completely amplified everything.  He laid me back on my back and spread my legs.  He started thrusting his tongue in and out of my pussy while my legs quivered.  After about 5 minutes in, he stopped, laid on his back and told me to ride his face.  Riding is one of my favorite things to do, I just love putting on a show and it feels amazing.  I rode his face while playing with my tits until I had an orgasm.  He’s been the only man that could ever make me squirt. I squirted in his mouth and he swallowed every bit of it.  I eventually got off of him and he sat up.  I climbed on top of him and we smirked at each other.  He leaned in and started making out with me again, while rubbing all over my body.  My pussy was dripping and his dick was so fucking hard.  While I was sitting on him my pussy was right on top of his dick. We weren’t fucking at that time, just damn near close.  I guess I was so wet he could feel me dripping because he made a comment about it.  We just looked at each other and laughed. He looked down at his dick and I said, do you have a condom.  He looked at me with a confused look and said yea with his eyebrow raised.  Now the reason for this is because we never used a condom, not even when we were first dating.  I honestly didn’t want to use it but I know he has a gf so I was trying to be somewhat respectful.  But after I saw his reaction I looked down at his dick, bit my lip and lifted up just enough for me to put his dick inside my wet pussy and we started fucking.  As soon as I got the dick in his eyes rolled back, his head went back and his mouth dropped.  I love seeing him like that.  Once he got himself together he sat up a little and placed his hands on my ass and started sucking my nipples again while I was riding him.  It was such a slow passionate grind.  I would occasionally lift of his dick midway and slowly glide back down, that shit drove him crazy.  He eventually laid me down and started fucking me with my leg lifted. He came in me, fuck, I wasn’t even worried about it atm, I was lost in the sex.  He put on his shoes and walked outside with nothing but his shoes on and put his hand out suggesting I get out the car too.  It was dark and we were in the middle of nowhere so I said fuck it, we were both outside with nothing but our shoes on.  He pushed me against the car and started making out with me again. We moved to the front of his car and he bent me over and started fucking me from behind while kissing me on my neck. I know I was loud yall.  Damn!  After about 10 minutes of him fucking me like it was nobodies business, I had another orgasm and I moaned so fucking loud.  My entire body was weak.  He turned me around and laid me on my back on the front of his car and kissed me up to my forehead and said I never stopped loving you.  I just looked him in his eyes to take in the moment and we went back in the backseat of his car and just talked and reminisced for the rest of the night.  At about 7am he drove me home and I just laid in my bed replaying the whole night over and over again.  I suddenly heard my name being called repeatedly…It was Avery, yelling my name in excitement because we won the beer pong game.  He asked me if I was okay because it seemed like I zoned out for a little.  I told him yup, I just had a crazy day dream.  He asked me if I was ready to go home and said he would drop me off.  I said yes.  While we walked to the car he asked me what I was daydreaming about, I told him not to worry about it.  In the car he asked me if I wanted to talk about our bathroom kiss.  I told him I didn’t want to talk about it atm, I just wanted to enjoy the daydream I just had and not ruin it with any dumb shit that might come out of that conversation.  He was okay with postponing it, he dropped me off and took my ass to sleep.

Okay, I’m back! So anyways, I ran behind him out of fear he was going to put his hands on her but don’t worry, he’s not a complete idiot, he didn’t touch her.  He did get real close to her and started yelling at her.  By the time I got over there she was walking away.  I finally told him we need to go.  He insisted he was fine and to not let that moment ruin our date…too fucking late but you know what, for whatever dumb ass reason I said okay LI still regret that decision and it got so much worse.  So, now that everyone’s staring at us, we go back to our picnic area and he continues to drink and record me *eye roll*.  Oh he brought speakers too, I’m not gonna lie, his music choice was a vibe. But he ruined that shit too low key. He acted like it was his playlist but it was actually a Brent Faiyaz Spotify playlist…which, I mean I’m not judging…but I’m judging, but only because he acted like that was his beautiful creation.  Why lie about that?  Anyways, it happened guys, the moment I was most afraid of, he turned to me and said, “oh shit, you know Blaine?!  She told me to tell you hi!”  I was so fucking pissed.  Blaine was one of those girls I knew but would never tell my business to.  She seems to always know peoples business.  I kid you not, within 30 seconds of him saying that, I got a DM from her saying “Yo you know he has a whole ass kid on the way right?”  My. Stomach. Turned.  I dropped my phone and just stared at him.  His drunk ass didn’t even notice.  So, once I gathered myself I told Blaine I had no fucking idea but good looks.  I may not fuck with Blaine but in that moment I did, she responded with sending me the girls IG profile, clutch.  Luckily it wasn’t private.  My heart was racing, we all know that feeling, scrolling hella carefully to make sure you don’t accidentally like anything, meanwhile he’s just living his best live with not a clue of what’s going on.  Just goofy.  So I’m scrolling and it didn’t look like they were in a relationship but he was definitely the dad.  The picture of them at the baby shower, yea y’all she’s been pregnant for a while, had a caption that said “Our situation may not be ideal but I’ll always respect you as the father of my son.”  So that’s why I figured they probably aren’t dating but still! Call me crazy but if you have a kid or one on the way that’s definitely worth mentioning.  So anyways, I’m scrolling and scrolling on her page and guess who tf I see.  The girl taking the pictures of us.  Yup, she was at the baby shower, I didn’t know her relation to them but she was for sure there.  This idiot knew her all along.  So now I’m pissed because I’m clearly caught up in some mess but also, this girl was really taking pics of me and my dumb ass was too naïve to realize, sticking up for her and everything.  Ughhh!! So when I finally got over the initial shock, I was like “Yo”, and I showed him the phone.  Y’all I can’t make this shit up, this man instantly burst into tears.  Sir.  Fuck is you cryin for?  Because you were exposed? Ewww.  I rolled my eyes and started packing my shit.  He started crying even more and, I mean do have a heart y’all.  I felt bad just leaving him there crying.  Sometimes I wish I was ruthless.  So here I was, consoling a liar in the middle of a pandemic, and he starts coming up with all of these reasons for why he didn’t tell me. All BS tbh.  Oh and that girl is the future kids moms best friend AKA the God Mother.  She happened to see us and was investigating, as any good friend would.  Kudos to her frfr.  So once he calmed down I told him we should leave and he said he wanted to show me something to try and make up for everything.  I just wanted this “date” to be over but he clearly was hurting and I knew I would never talk to him ever again so I said fine.  He suggested we go to the water to see the sunset. Ehhh that part was actually really cute. So anyways we were chillen by the water and it was beautiful, I was actually considering hearing him out when he sobered up BUT…this dumb ass thought it would be funny to rough house near the water, he thought tickling me would be cute…I hate being tickled.  It’s the worst feeling because I’m telling the person to stop but I’m laughing so it’s misleading lol.  I should start putting a “No tickling” disclaimer in my bios. Anyways, after trying to escape the “tickle monster” I kept backing up, tripped on a rock and fell in the Nasty! Ass! Water!  I got out the water drenched and just fucking lost it! Everything I had bottled up just exploded and I just went off on him the way Tyra Banks went off on that one girl we were all supposedly rooting for back in the day.  Anyways, I guess he didn’t like what I had to say because he started going off on me.  I don’t really remember what he was saying because he was so damn drunk and barely making any sense but I do remember him saying “Nobodies fucking with your dusty ass anyways.”  Oooop. Bruh that shit honestly had me weak though…but only because I know I’m not dusty and that’s on periodt.  But also, I love a good roast session.  So anyways, I’m walking back to go get my skates so I can get tf and they weren’t there…yup, my fucking skates were gone. I mean why not?  It was a horrible date already, lets top it off with my skates being stolen, nbd.  Anyways, I hopped my nasty soaked ass in an uber and ubered my ass home.  As you know by now from my other blogs, ya girl is a whole ass investigator outchea.  As soon as I got comfortable I went back on his future kids moms IG and just started digging lol.  Lucky for me she’s one of those girls that posts everything so it was quite entertaining. I didn’t really find anything juicy out though, just that the bike he came with was hers, apparently he didn’t have a car for a while so she was kind enough to let him use her bike since she couldn’t use it right now, maybe it was her brothers, idk but regardless, the FUCKING nerve of him.  Long story short, I got the juice and I don’t have time for shit like that and I think I answered my own question, no second chance for him.  He’s actually texting me now saying he was so embarrassed and out of character.  Aht aht, sucks to suck.  Lmao what a damn mess?  Well anyways, I’m about to be out.  Oh guess what?! Remember the ex I mentioned a few blogs ago?  The one that led to my 9 months of celibacy?  I think it’s time I fill you guys in on that story.  I’m going to a cookout this weekend and him and his new gf will be there.  I hate having mutual friends with ex’s.  The last time we spoke he drunk called me and told me he regrets everything and that he was sorry and he wanted to meet up…his girl was in the other room.

Mkay so it all started when I noticed he was drinking a lot…like A LOT.  And if you can’t tell by now I really don’t like to judge, it’s just not my thing. So while I noticed he was drinking a lot, he wasn’t acting dumb or anything so I didn’t say shit, go awf fam. Welp friends, I should’ve said something because hit the fan real quick.  It started with him talking a lot and telling me weird shit about people I didn’t know.  Normally that wouldn’t phase me but keep in mind, this man was hella shy on FT.  My dumb ass still didn’t say anything.  Side note:  this is just another lesson.  It’s okay to be that “chill” person, but don’t be so chill that you let people just self-sabotage right before your eyes, you’ll regret it.  So anyways, he started putting me all over his IG which made me feel uncomfortable because I like to hoe in peace and plus, we live in the same area and y’all already know how that shit goes.  There’s no way we don’t have mutual friends.  So anyways, after about an hour of him throwing back shots of henny (barf) and recording more and more on his IG he swore some girl was recording us on her phone.  Now was the camera facing our way?  Yes, but she was far away and it was a beautiful day.  She could’ve been recording anything so I kept telling him not to worry about it.  But y’all he would not let that shit go.  He kept saying “naw trust me, I know exactly wtf it is.”  Now at this point we should’ve left…fuck it, I should’ve left. But I just didn’t.  So he starts yelling at the girl, ugh jus thinking about it makes me feel so embarrassed and it makes me wonder why I STILL hadn’t left. So anyways, she was with the shits, like sis had time that day.  So she’s screaming back at him and at this point they’re going back and forth.  He’s calling her a nosey “that” and a hatin’ ass “this” and she’s coming right back it him just as strong.  So at this point I’m just watching like everyone else.  Oh and at one point she said I had disgusting taste in men.  I’m thinking, now wait a minute, I don’t even know this man.  So anyways, she must have said something that triggered him because he got up so got damn quick y’all.  Sorry, I have to stop here, I’m still working lol.  I just wanted to start telling this story since I promised it a few days ago.  More tomorrow!

    Sorry y’all that shit was a little crazy.  On a positive note, I got a new job!!! Yup, even in the middle of this quarantine ya girl was still out here putting in work.  It’s with the same company but a completely different sector.  I’m so hype guys.  I might get to move to a different state or maybe even a different country.  Which, I mean shit, after all of this shit I just went through, I’m all in.  All of the logistics are put on hold right now until we have a better control on COVID, but we’re still discussing things! I’ll keep you guys posted as I find info on that.  Anyways, guys, idk what to do.  I met this guy on Bumble and we went on literally the worst fucking date ever but he’s been reaching out to me every day he wants to “try again”.  Ugh idk.  I’m about to go on a run but I’ll explain what happened on the first date when I get back, lets just say it ended with my clothes soaked AND me having to catch an uber home which wasn’t how I got there.

Anyways, I got off the phone with her and the leasing office called me shortly after and we set up an appointment to meet.  They didn’t say much, just that I need to come in.  So fast forward to when I met with them.  There were three people in the conference room, two people that worked in my building and a police officer.  The set up was kind of weird because they were trying to maintain social distancing.  They started asking me if I saw the people coming in and out of my neighbors apartment. I mentioned that I had seen a few people but never paid any attention to them.  They also asked me if I heard any odd noises like screams coming from her apartment during the day, which I hadn’t but now I was getting a little nervous…because screams?! Tf???  So I asked them if my neighbor was okay.  They ignored me and asked if I had ever been in her home.  I told them yes but initially I didn’t want to tell them why because someone was taking notes and it just made me feel uncomfortable.  But they made me feel like I would be causing more problems for myself if I didn’t come out and tell them so I said fuck it and just told them I see her occasionally for therapy sessions.  They didn’t really seem to care about that. BUT they did suggest I no longer see her anymore or go anywhere near her.  I asked them if they could tell me why and they said they couldn’t go in to detail but that she is possibly involved in some illegal activity.  I asked them if I should be concerned for my safety and they said no but wouldn’t tell me shit.  So anyways we finished up and I started to leave the room and on my way out they said they had one more question for me.  They asked me if I knew anything about, hmmm lets call her Leigh, I asked them if they were talking about Olies younger sister.  They confirmed that’s the Leigh they were talking about.  I told them I know her but I never saw her leaving my neighbors apartment.  They thanked me for my time and sent me on my way. So I was walking back to my apartment confused and scared.  Scared to bump in to my neighbor and just confused about everything.  So I called Olie and told her I met with them.  After about 30 minutes of begging her to tell me what happened and why they asked about Leigh she FINALLY told me what happened.  Sorry y’all I’m going to stop here.  I promise I’ll tell you how this one ends tomorrow.  Oh, and do you think Olie was wrong for involving me? I’m conflicted. 

Damn I’m so glad that shits behind me.  Remember the drama I mentioned last time about my neighbor?  It’s finally done…I hope.  I know I didn’t go in to too much detail last time but don’t worry, I’m about to deliver you awl the tea.  It’s actually a good thing I didn’t say too much last time though because it’s a lot deeper than I thought.  I hope you guys are doing great btw.  Alright, go grab some popcorn and get comfortable…I’ll wait…you good? Alright lets get it. SO!  I’ll start with background information and answering some questions you might have. So first of all, why is my neighbor also my therapist?  Well, she became my therapist after I moved in the building.  I got to know her as a neighbor and I liked her.  She’s super relatable and checks a lot of the boxes I wanted in a therapist like being flexible (I’ve literally called her at 3am to chat and she’s been completely fine with it.  Unorthodox? Perhaps, but I liked it), she’s convenient, relatable, non judgmental and most importantly I can trust her.  She’s my first therapist actually.  It was something I always talked about but never took serious. Talking to her was just so easy and I loved the way I felt after talking to her so about 3 months ago she officially became my therapist and it was the best decision I made.  Oh, and the other neighbor I mentioned, the one that snitched lives 3 floors below.  I met her at one of those little community events our apartment building throws for residents.  We ended up chatting and hit it off.  We hang out occasionally and it’s always a good time.  She’s probably my closest friend in the building….I’m still a little irritated with her after all of this though, I still don’t really get why I had to be involved.  So anyways, now that you have some background let me get into the deeds.  Since quarantine started I’ve obviously been home during the day which I never used to be, I used to be gone from 6am – 4pm. That’s 10 hours a day for any damn thing to happen and me to never know.  Low key my apartment building could turn into a whole ass strip club during the day and I literally wouldn’t have known.  So it wasn’t a shock to me when my next door neighbor consistently had people coming in and out of her apartment.  She’s a therapist and I meet her in her apartment so whose to say other people don’t meet her there too.  I mean I started seeing her via FT because of social distancing, but maybe people needed to see her in person...practicing good mental health, whatever that looks like for you, is still important during this pandemic, perhaps even more important.  So anyways, I really didn’t pay it any mind.  Well, about a month in to quarantine I was on FT with my neighbor friend, hmmm lets call her Olie.  So Olie and I were having a little virtual happy hour making tiktoks and just talking shit like we always do.  Speaking of which, I’m not stressing myself out trying to learn the Savage remix dance, y’all can keep it.  We started talking about quarantining and how it’s getting difficult and I said “shit not for my neighbor, she’s consistently had someone in her apartment on a daily basis.” Now, lets take a second and pause….this could be time for a good lesson for someone.  Was it my place to say that?  No probably not, but it happened so quickly and innocently.  Now, you’re probably thinking, Alyn wtf?! Have you ever heard of thinking before you speak?  Yes guys, I know, BUT tbh, I hate that saying.  If I think before I speak I’m filtering myself to the world and I feel like as long as I’m not hurting anyone I should just be able to present myself in my truest form, so rarely do I ever think before I speak.  Anyways, when I made that comment, Olie honestly didn’t say much so I thought it was over.  She literally just responded on some, damn that’s crazy, shit.  So you know, conversation over in my mind. Moving tf on.  Welp, obviously that’s not how it went.  So fast forward to about two weeks ago I get a FT call from Olie.  Her energy seemed off from the jump. She called me but it seemed like I was the one keeping the conversation going so eventually I asked her if everything was okay and she said she’s glad I asked…now, I’m not gonna lie.  I was a little irritated because girl…why did I have to be the one to ask?  Why couldn’t she just say she needed to talk to me about something, you know what I mean? So anyways, she proceeds to tell me that she did something she shouldn’t have and she started apologizing repetitively…Damn, this is such a long story and I’m getting tired lol.  Plus it’s Taco Tuesday and ya girl is hungry.  Don’t be mad but, I’m going to split it up.  I tell you guys more tomorrow!  

Whew chile, that was a lot.  I’m exhausted lol.  I’m about to carry my ass to bed and binge some Cut videos until I crash.  Plus, I have to get up early tomorrow for a meeting with my leasing office regarding an open investigation that I’m not looking forward to…especially since I may be the reason that all this shit even happened in the first place.  I’ll fill you guys in later and let you know how the meeting went but basically I saw my neighbor doing some shit I apparently wasn’t supposed to see and I may have mentioned it to another neighbor (ooops) who mentioned it to the leasing office.  But now my neighbor is potentially getting evicted and maybe even going to jail.  I know…I fucked up.  I wish I kept my mouth shut.  Whole time, I’m typically so good with keeping secrets, this one just slipped. Y’all are probably like well wtf happened.  I’m so tired though and it’s a long ass story so I’m not going to get in to it right now but don’t worry, I’ll fill you in soon.  I just wish I never saw that crazy shit to begin with.  Oh yea, I almost forgot to mention, the neighbor I ran my mouth about happens to be my therapist.

           Alright so person number two hmmm lets call him OG because I’ve known him for a while.  So this is one of those relationships where we stay in touch just enough to stay in tough if that makes sense lol.  Y’all know what I mean.  But since quarantine he’s been reaching out a lot more and I’m with the shits but I’m scared to get too close to him on that level though because of past failed relationships so I naturally try and stay away when things feel like they’re getting real.  I know, that sentence screams trauma but whatever it’s how I feel, I’ll always be raw with y’all.  So yea I feel like we all have that person in our lives…the friend we were real cool with but just causally flirted with and never talked about our feelings towards each other.  I’ve known him since middle school, crazy right.  But yea, since we’ve been talking more frequently I’m just really starting to see him in a different light.  Like actually envisioning us together.  The best part of this one is that we’re frfr friends like that’s the homie.  He knows me so well, like on a real intimate level and I love that…oh yea and the sex is bomb.  But again y’all are probably wondering what the flaw is. Wellllll this one’s kind of crazy.  Idek where to start lol.  Alright fuck it I’m just gonna say it…he has an only fans account and not because he needs the money, he just knows he looks good and saw a business opportunity. Ha, why does part of me find that attractive?  Lol but yea here’s the thing, he doesn’t know I know.  So, how did I find out?  Well here’s where shit gets real weird and if I tell him not only that I know about his only fans, but HOW I know, it could potentially end our friendship.