Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader (formerly)
Hi this is my first time writing something for Harry Potter. The idea for this plot’s kind of based off a dream I had which is why some stuff doesn’t make sense. Like the setting. I know every autistic person has a different experience, so I tried to write this as similar to my own experiences as I could. Also the story doesn’t follow the main timeline of the books or movies. I don’t own any characters except reader and the four first year students.
Whether the reader is diagnosed or not, it’s open to interpretation
Summary: After you catch Draco cheating on you, you’re forced to go to a school banquet. Unfortunately you can’t avoid anyone.
Tags/warnings: ableism, internalized ableism, name calling, reader has an emotional outburst, Dumbledore being confusing, reader is autistic, social isolation, bullying, teasing, Draco being mean, pure blood supremacy, mentions of cheating, angst
You looked around the venue for an empty table. You were one of the last people to arrive, so all the tables were taken. If only you hadn’t spent the last hour overthinking and dreading this event, you could have gotten ready and arrived a lot sooner instead of grabbing one of the last portkeys that were set up at the school.
The theme of the party was for the students to dress in their house colors. Being a Slytherin, you wore an off the shoulder emerald silk dress that went down to your feet, accentuated with a slit that showed off your entire left leg. You decided to keep your hair down to use as a curtain for your face as you always did as a way to avoid eye contact.
As your eyes scanned the rows of small tables lined along the room horizontally, they met the very reason you were dreading coming here. You spotted the group of Slytherins from your year, which included your ex-boyfriend Draco and his friends, Blaise, Crabbe, and Goyle. Draco had his arm around Pansy, who looked over to you, which drew the attention of everyone else at the table.
“Look, it’s Flappy-hands.” Even through all the people talking in the room, you managed to hear Pansy’s comment referring to your habit of flapping your hands when you were happy or excited about something.
You saw Goyle get up from his seat. He started to flap his hands while jumping up and down. Even though you had a harder time reading people’s intentions, you knew he
“I can’t believe I ever dated a freak like her.” Draco was telling his friends. “She brings shame to Slytherin. Would’ve been better off as a Hufflepuff.” He rolled his eyes.
“Only because she's a pure-blood, but that doesn’t mean they should let freaks like her into the Wizarding World.” Blaise said.
“Dumbledore only made her Head Girl because he felt sorry for her. He’s the only one too.” Pansy laughed.
You knew that wasn’t the case as evidenced by your several conversations with him. Dumbledore always knew you were different from other students even before you figured it out, it seemed. When you came to him to question what made you deserve this position, he said something about how he knew you were one of the rare people who would never abuse their position, and that the extra responsibilities would help you grow as a person.
“She really earned her place as Head Girl.” Crabbe smirked before adding, “she’s the Head of the freaks.”
You were in no place to cry at the moment. You wished you could be in one of your “safe rooms” around the school where no one would be around you to bother you.
A few tables in front of the seventh year Slytherins, you spotted the table with the Gryffindors from your year along with Ginny and Luna. Every time you saw Harry Potter with his friends, you couldn’t help but feel jealous. You didn’t know why. Maybe it was because of how well they all seem to belong together, except for when they got into fights but that was normal for any friend group. Everytime you’d pass by them, you’d think about how nice it would be to be friends with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. They might as well have been friends with every Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and Hufflepuff too. They were welcoming towards students from other houses, except for yours which made you feel left out from the rest of the school. Especially during your fifth year when you found out Harry and his friends formed a secret group called Dumbledore’s Army, and hadn’t invited anyone from Slytherin. Not only was that group in on something you weren’t, but so were your former friends. You felt like a reject in the middle.
Your thoughts were consumed by the events of the past week and the course of your overall social life.
Everything from the day Draco asked you to be his girlfriend to that time you came back into the common room after patrolling the halls and saw him making out with Pansy on the couch invaded your memories. You were completely clueless to the fact that Draco had been flirting with you for the last two years, so it was a surprise to have him ask you out and call you beautiful. Everyone in your group could see how flirtatious he was except for you.
You had years of practice of holding in your tears when something emotional would randomly pop into your mind, this should be no different, you thought.
For as long as you’ve been in school, Draco, and all the other Slytherins from your year were the only people you’ve ever hung out with. Even though you hung out with that group for years, you always felt that there was something off, like you didn’t really belong, and they seemed to think that way too. It wasn’t until you broke off from them that the insults about your differences came at you unrestrained. They’d point out every little thing about you that they found odd, most of which were things you didn’t notice about yourself.
Before you became Head Girl when you used to share a dorm with the other girls, you’d catch them whispering to each other about the little odd things about you they would notice, like how you didn’t understand when you weren’t welcome into a conversation or how there were jokes and expressions you took seriously. You didn’t know how to stick up for yourself without crying, so all you could do was pretend to sleep by using your covers and pillow to muffle your sniffles.
It was a break from your routine after you cut them off where you were left completely lost and confused. You liked routines and order in your life. It was like having the rail of the stairs to hold onto for a long time and relying on it to get you through it, only for it to be snatched from you.
After you had caught your ex-boyfriend making out with Pansy, you used the disillusionment charm to sneak into your dorm where you cried. Not bothering to change out of your uniform, you hatched a plan to get revenge on Draco the next day, to humiliate him in front of the whole school. The plan was that you would intercept him in the courtyard after class and throw all your rage at him, then yell exactly what he’d done in front of everyone. What you didn’t plan was for him and his friends to laugh in your face as they told you that he’d been cheating on you with Pansy since a month into your relationship when he wanted to give up on “dating the freak.” You thought the other students from other houses around you would defend you, but with you being a Slytherin, you should’ve known that they’d keep quiet as you ran away since you were associated with that notorious group.
You were so in your thoughts that you didn’t pay attention to which table you sat yourself at.
“Hello.” You heard a small, high pitch voice from across you. As quickly as you turned to the owner of the voice, you looked down at your lap. It was a first-year Gryffindor student. Next to her was a Hufflepuff boy, also a first-year. It had just come to your attention that you, a seventh-year student, was sitting at a table full of first-years. To your left, you saw a Ravenclaw boy and to the opposite side of you, a Slytherin girl you didn’t recognize. You knew they were first years mostly because they were wearing their school uniforms instead of the fancy dresses and suits the older students were allowed to wear. You assumed the first-years had to show up in their uniforms so that the older students would be able to distinguish the ones who needed guidance more or something like that.
“Aren’t you the Head Girl?” The Gryffindor student asked you.
“Yeah.” You forced yourself to look into her eyes briefly before you spotted the staff table at the back of the room and looked down. You had come close to making eye contact with Draco’s father, Lucius. You should’ve known he’d be there. He was the governor of Hogwarts. Besides your former group, he was the person you were dreading to see for the rest of the night. You used your fingers to brush some hair in front of your face, hoping he wouldn’t see you.
“Why are you hiding your face?” The same girl sitting across from you asked. Shielding half of your face with your hand now, you looked up at her.
“There’s someone here I don’t want to see tonight.” You whispered.
“Who?” The same girl asked, not lowering her voice.
“There’s a man behind you. He’s sitting at the staff table. He’s the blonde man next to Professor Snape. His name is Lucius Malfoy. He’s my ex’s father and the Hogwarts governor.”
“Oh yeah,” the Slytherin girl sitting to your right piped up. “I’ve seen you around a lot with your friends.”
“They’re not my friends anymore.”
“Sorry, I forgot your name. We’re all first years. We don’t really know a lot of people at the school.” The Gryffindor girl said to you. After introducing yourself, they told you their names. The Gryffindor’s name was Melanie, the Slytherin’s name was Kayla, the Ravenclaw’s name was Stuart, and the Hufflepuff was named Owen.
“Why did you and your boyfriend break up?” Kayla asked you. You would’ve thought that she’d be more informed about your house’s gossip, but seeing as her friend told you that they didn’t know a lot of people, you deduced that the four of them mostly kept to each other for company more than students of their own houses.
“I caught him cheating on me with another girl from our house. It’s because they all think I’m weird. They’ve been calling me a freak.” You stopped yourself from saying more. You did not want to start crying.
“It’s okay we’re all weird here.” Melanie said.
“Yeah that’s why we have each other.” Stuart said.
You looked up at all four of them, smiling at their apparent welcomeness towards you. You quickly realized you shouldn’t have looked up again as you spotted Lucius and Snape having a separate conversation from the rest of their table, about you probably.
“I think they’re looking at us.” Stuart tapped on your shoulder. You flinched. “Sorry, do you not like being touched?”
“Don’t you?” You asked him.
“No, it’s fine I hug my friends and family all the time.” He smiled. “You’re like my cat. He hates being touched too.” You couldn’t understand how there were people who were okay with being touched, it felt smothering to you.
Stuart left the mostly one-sided conversation to dig into his plate which gave you time to eavesdrop on the one Lucius and Snape were having.
“I see your son’s ex-girlfriend has distanced herself from her usual friends.” You could hear Snape say even through all the noise of overlapping conversations around you.
As quickly as the two participants of the conversation looked over to you, you hung your head down for the umpteenth time that night.
After a while of you taking your eyes off them, you could feel two new presences behind you, and you didn’t like it at all. You were dreading the words you predicted would come out of Lucius’ mouth should he come into contact with you tonight.
It was Snape who spoke first instead. “If it isn’t the Head Girl, hanging out with the four troublemakers I have the delight of having as my students.”
“Good evening, sir.” It was the first sentence you heard Owen say since he told you his name.
You knew if you turned around you’d see the same scowl you’d grown familiar with seeing over the years.
“Aren’t you, an eighteen-year-old about to graduate, too old to be hanging out with first years? You won’t even be there for them next year.” Snape spoke to you.
With a shaky breath, you forced yourself to look into the eyes of the two men as you turned around in your chair.
Lucius put a hand on Snape’s shoulder. “If you recall our first meeting where I, a seventh year Head Boy befriended you, a first year, you wouldn’t be so harsh on her. She’s only doing for them what I did for you.” You were confused that your ex’s father was apparently defending you.
“I’m going off what happened.” He explained.
“You’re her ex’s dad aren’t you?” Owen turned to him with a raised eyebrow. That made Lucius’ attention snap away from you.
“Did you know your son cheated on her, that’s just mean.” Kayla said.
“How dare you disrespect your elders like that.” Snape clenched his fists. “I’ll be taking ten points from the five of you each. Such disgrace coming from my own house. Unbelievable.” He scoffed.
“That’s not fair.” Melanie argued.
“Does anyone want detention?” Snape warned and everyone at your table shut their mouths.
“I was not aware you and Draco were no longer together until your teacher mentioned it. I’m usually the first person who hears from him.” Lucius said to you. “Really disappointing how you turned out, given the pure blood family you come from.”
Throughout your relationship, you thought the less time you spent with Draco’s parents, the less likely they’ll come to find out about the part of you and your personality you were desperate to keep hidden from other wizards for the sake of you seeming normal to them. And now you knew Snape spilled everything to him, every single thing that made you different that he was able to pick off you.
“Will you stop acting like a child who was caught being naughty and look into the eyes of whomever is speaking to you? As I’ve told you over and over?” You had to suppress the urge to swat Snape’s hand away as he reached down to pull the curtain of hair hovering over half your face. Now, both of your eyes were on him. Even with makeup on, your face felt naked without your hair covering it.
“She doesn’t like it when people touch her, you know. She didn’t do anything wrong.” Kayla glared at him.
He pulled his hand away from you. “That is the second time you have disrespected me tonight.” He glared back at the younger girl.
“She’s just a child, it’s understandable to have the instinct to defend someone who’s unable to do it for themselves.” It hurt that Lucius was taking a jab at your inability to stand up for yourself, something he picked up on really quick. Why couldn’t you pick up things about other people like that?
Snape’s eyes were on you again. You used a trick Dumbledore taught you where you looked at people’s forehead or eyebrows whenever you’d get uncomfortable and overwhelmed with holding eye contact. You used that trick on Snape quite often.
“As someone who’s about to graduate, you should know that the real world won’t be as forgiving of your freakish nature as Professor Dumbledore or your little friends. You know how they treat werewolves and Squibs.”
“I know.” You spoke for the first time in the conversation. You were converting your anger towards how the world had treated you into courage to stand up for yourself. At least that’s how you thought of it “The whole school actually made sure of it when they made it clear I’m not welcome here with the rest of you people!”
You didn’t have much volume control or awareness, and you didn’t know most of the people in the room heard what you said until Snape and Lucius looked around themselves. Your eyes followed theirs. Everyone had halted their conversations.
You saw Draco slap his palm against his forehead, muttering “she’s so embarrassing.”
“So is his father.” Harry whispered to his friends. You heard him and his friends snicker, but Draco didn’t.
“Yes, Draco and Harry. Your father and I are an embarrassment to Slytherin! Whatever!” You snapped at them. “Everyone should go ahead and tell each other how much of a loser I am too!” Your voice started to tremble and so did the tear running down your cheek. “About how I’ve never been truly welcomed in any of you all’s friend groups.”
“If I’d been sorted into Slytherin I would’ve known just how mental she is. Almost feel sorry for Malfoy. And I thought you were the mental one at first, Hermione.” You heard another snide whisper, this time from Ron.
“We’ll maybe if you and the whole school weren’t so closed off in your anti-Slytherin world you would’ve gotten to know me as a person and exactly how mental you think I am or am not!” You shouted at him. He flinched back in his chair. Even though he and the whole school had seen your meltdowns, this was the first time he was the subject of it.
“She’s right. If only Potter’s little friends and us ever got together, then we could all agree and talk about how weird she is.” Draco said and you took a step forward, but Snape grabbed your arm, holding you back.
“Enough!” He yelled harshly enough for Ron to sink into his chair even further.
“Severus, trust me you’ll want to lay your hand off her.” Dumbledore stood up from the staff table and walked over to you.
You didn’t think he sounded mad, but you couldn’t tell most of the time.
“Everyone, you may go back to your previous social engagements.” Dumbledore addressed the whole room.
“Albus, she needs to be disciplined more harshly than the others. I just know she does. Look at the example she’s setting for the younger students.” Snape said to Dumbledore as soon as everyone else started to mind their own businesses.
“I’ll take care of it.” He said and looked over at you. Without any words of objection, Snape and Lucius resumed their places at the staff table, not looking back at the four students that were just talking to them. “I’d like to speak to you alone. This way.” Dumbledore said gently.
You were too ashamed of the way you acted to do anything but nod your head as you followed him on shaky legs to the entrance hall outside the room. You hated how you couldn’t seem to keep your emotions in check as much as everyone else did. It was something that other people would notice about you and call you out as being weak.
As soon as you were alone with Dumbledore, the sobs you held in exploded. “I’m so sorry, I know you’re angry with me. Blaise was right about me being a freak and how I don’t deserve a place in the Wizarding World. And Pansy said you only made me Head Girl because of pity. I tried so hard to be normal, but I can’t.”
Throughout your rambling and sobbing, Dumbledore didn’t interrupt you. Another way Dumbledore treated you different from how the adults treated you was that instead of interrupting you or trying to finish your sentences when you got stuck, he patiently waited for you to finish them yourself.
“I think Snape knows. He knows how… how much I’m not like the others. Please don’t tell him you know too. I can’t have him be… he can’t find out. He thinks something’s off about me. And he hates me for it. He’s ashamed of me and so am I.”
“I see.” Dumbledore said quietly, folding his hands in front of him. “And while I’ll respect your decision to keep some things about yourself private, I can only tell you it’s not something to do lightly.”
“What do you mean?” You were always confused when Dumbledore gave you advice in a cryptic way.
“Let’s just say one can only keep a house made up of mud for so long before it starts raining profusely.” You still didn’t understand the sayings he’d throw at you. You’d always get frustrated with figurative expressions. Why couldn’t people say exactly word for word what they mean?
“Why would I need to build a house with mud? We don’t live in that type of climate. Bricks would be easier to access where my family is from.” Dumbledore chuckled. If someone laughed at something you said it was because they were making fun of you. Dumbledore was the only person you trusted enough to know that wasn’t his intention.
“I can’t be angry with you for the person you are.” Dumbledore brought the topic back to where it was before. “When I was in school, I remember thinking everything I would learn in the classroom and the books would prepare me for what was to come in the real world. I was wrong. The best teachers are often our own experiences. And I think you and your classmates will share those same thoughts after graduating.”
“Thank you, sir.” You said. “I’ll um, get back to the party.”
“Oh, and one last thing.” Dumbledore said as you turned you were about to turn your back. “Before you leave school, I want you to always remember that you should never be ashamed to be who you are.”
“What if people don’t like me for who I am? That’s always the case.” You interjected. Even if you found people who cared for you and accepted you, you didn’t think you’d be able to do it for yourself.
“Which is why I said you should never be ashamed of yourself for your differences.” Dumbledore answered before telling you to go back into the room. You were left wondering if other people thought Dumbledore was just as much of a confusing person as you did.
Let me know what you think!
