#built a wall

Now that I have a boyfriend who I care so much about its painful. He is everything I could ask for and more. Though it sounds sappy, I really have to say he makes me a better person. Im not 'bitchy' and 'scared' around him. He told me that since we've been together he has been able to tolerate some of the things his band members do now that he couldnt before. Apparently Ive settled him in that way?

I was with him last night and he found out that during the week I had broken down crying because I had missed him (yes i know its stupid but its physically painful not being near him). At first he didn't seem to know how to take it and I felt like shit. Then he literally hugged me as tight as he could and said "What can I do to make you not feel like that? I dont want you upset, please tell me how I can fix it." I wanted to cry because its not like there is a fix. Its not anything that negative but the fact that some one finally cared enough and say things like that its unreal to me.

He is so understanding about things and if he thinks hes being an ass he calls himself out on it. He will call me out if Im being unreasonable and we can then apologize and go back to normal. Its so easy being with him. Talking, kissing, being myself...its so easy.

But it comes back to this wall thing. He has been slowly been breaking it down whether he knows it or what. He makes me feel like I am the world and nothing could compare to me. When I have no makeup on, a broken out face, hair in a ponytail and just jeans and a t shirt he tells me I look beautiful. He literally took my face in his hands last night because I was so mad about my face and he stared me in the eyes and said  "You are beautiful. I would rather see you; your face. No makeup." How could you not smile at that? I just really hope that he has the patience to deal with this wall of mine because he's worth it.

He suggested I go on tour with him and the band (not sure if I can though because Ill be in college most likely). He wants me recording on his one song the orchestral parts. When I write, he wants to read it because he wants to 'see in my soul' as he puts it haha. And he wants me to tell him all about my feelings and emotions because he wants to know every part of me.

I think I found a keeper lol. Lets just hope I can take down this wall....