i used to like you. i love how you make me calm my storms — how you were able to get in touch with the other side of me. i long for you for your words learned how to spare me. thank you not just for staying, but also for pulling me out of the shadows. it consumed me, don't you think so? it nearly killed me. you helped me and i'm glad we found comfort in each other's life. no matter how short our memory from each other was. i still care for you though and it won't change just because we have our own priorities now. i found a home in you still.

you stayed with him, you stayed with rigo. the only difference was how they portrayed themselves and how they set their expectations on you.

take care always.

love,

yes i am posting this everywhere 〰️

finally gor my pendants from @buhaybabae 🥺🤍 who wouldve thought that id be able to call her a friend after all these years of just sharing random taylor swift related thoughts and basically just seeing each other on this dash for so long

i love it! theyre the prettiest! thank you!

I wanted to leave this place a countless times before, but I don’t know why I still end up coming back here. Over the years, I have met a lot of people-- been through a different circle of friends and it all goes down to just me.

Here’s what I have learned being here, pag bago ka pa, you want to feel a sense of belonging, so you’ll try so hard to fit in to the point na you will change your interests for other people to like you. Slowly, without you noticing it, it changes you to a different person lalo na pag na feel mong mas tanggap ka nila sa ganon. But then, you can’t always be that person kasi hindi naman ikaw yun. Take it from me, you will hurt yourself by consistently trying to stay as the person na you’re not kasi you think doon ka acceptable. Please don’t be that person. I know it’s scary at first na maging totoo kasi we’re all scared of being judged. But people are judgmental, kahit ano ka pa, magpanggap ka man o hindi, they will judge you. Remember that.

As you grow older on this place, magiging mundo mo na ‘to, iikot na yung mundo mo sa mga taong tumanggap sayo, masarap yun sa feeling I know kasi it really feels nice to be appreciated and be accepted by many. And then one day, they will change and leave. Suddenly, some people will become strangers. Dadaanan ‘nyo nalang yung isa’t isa sa dash and yun talaga yung cycle ng tumblr friendship. You’re lucky if you have one or two na talagang magsstay outside Tumblr and I can really say na I’m lucky to have Kirsten @buhaybabae who stays with me throughout these years.

But once you decide to become yourself, Tumblr will feel like it’s your home. Wala ka mang kausap, nagsasasalita ka man na walang sumasagot sayo pero ramdam mo yung gaan ng loob mo pag andito ka. And you know when to leave pag naging toxic na din and of course when to come back pag okay na.

Imagine: Waking up and finding out that you’re submerged at the heart of the ocean. Panic started rising because you knew you should be drowning. But in your surprise, you could actually breathe! So you started roaming around. You observed the schools of different fishes. You made friends with a blue whale. You sought shelter under their corals. Everything was blue and beautiful. Then as if on cue, there’s the sound of fingers tapping. Everything disappeared. You were caught in a daze at first but then you realized that it wasn’t the heart of the ocean, it’s the darkness. And all the fishes are your ghosts. You are haunted. And you’re still drowning.

Imagine: You’re sitting on the most comfortable spot of your favorite coffee shop. You’re enjoying the drink that you always crave. You wanted the time to stop as you savor on your usual order. Everything was peaceful and the silence was not eerie. But then, a barrista approached you to let you know that they were about to close the shop. He told you to go home. You noticed that it’s midnight and the roads were dark. You didn’t know your way home. You’re not sure if you have one. They were rushing you to leave. But all you wanted to do is to finish your goddamn drink.

Imagine: Going for a bungee jumping. Your feet were tied so tightly, you thought they’re going to wound your skin. But you didn’t mind. They insisted it’s for your safety anyway. You could see the entire world from where you were. The wide space was stretching in front of you and you’re free. That was when you plunged into the unknown. The feeling was so exhilarating. But then you were falling. And you were falling. And you were falling again. The bottom was your destination but it seemed like it didn’t like you for itself. So you’re suspended in the middle not knowing where to go from there.

Imagine: Crossing through a cemented bridge as you’re on your way to your dreams. But then the ground started shaking. The cracks spread so quickly and you’ve got nothing to hold on to. The earth was about to swallow you when this thought came across your mind: weren’t you buried all along?

Imagine: Being trapped inside a burning house. There’s fire everywhere and you’re finding it difficult to breathe. You wanted to ask for help but then you found out that all your words were written on the papers that have already turned into ashes.

I’ve missed you :(

what on your body is hurting or bothering you? I have a headache and this is bothering me for weeks now pero okay lang ako baka stress lang kasi I work too much.

what are you listening to? As I’m writing this, I’m listening to the song Ikaw at Ako by TJ Monterde (someone just dedicated and sang me this song and ugh!).

where do you think your best friend is right now? Idk where you are right now. wait heeey where are youuu? HUHU comfort me please! i need you!

favorite song? been listening to this spanish song cos it’s someone’s favorite. hindi ko sya maintindihan pero ewan bet ko lang sya haha nakalimutan ko title!

is there one person you want to be with right now? YES!

is there something you would like to say to someone? nope, there’s nothing that i’d like to say to someone cuz i have been telling that person everything that i want to say every time we talk

would you rather sleep at a friend’s or have them over? i would rather sleep at friend’s house pero i don’t have anyone pala. sad.

are you friends with any of your ex boyfriends/ girlfriends? no, you don’t befriend with your exes

ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with? YES! I like someone and he used to message me here on tumblr anonymously (can’t believe he likes me too haha)

are you slowly drifting away from someone? yes. well, i think it’s just right that we’re slowly drifting away from each other. it’s a toxic friendship anyways

can you do the alphabet in sign language? NO! HAHA i can’t do that.

you receive £60 without any reason, what do you spend it on? I would probably save that one cuz im trying to complete this ipon challenge since last year haha

is there anyone you’re really disappointed in? i’m disappointed with my exes ex kasi she’s kupal! jumping at him like a fucking tuko! HAHA

why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore? no comment on this one

when was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? ten, we never even had a conversation since forever. don’t u like me anymore? :’(

what are you looking forward to in the next month? i’m looking forward na sana March na agad para birthday ko na (aaah sht im 26 im old! i need to have a child na haha)

are you a patient person? YEAH i think so! most people told me that i am a very patient person

favorite color? NUDE. All shades of it.

are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? i’m wearing shorts under this pajama kasi di pako nakabihis mula kanina

do you love anyone who is not related to you? YES I DO!!!

do you like meeting new people? I like to meet you @buhaybabae pero i know you’re not a new person to me na haha i just really wanna meet you. omg it’s 2018 already!

ever self-harmed or starved yourself? self-harmed, yes i used to. i don’t do that anymore kasi magsisisi lang ako sa huli. starved? NO! FOOD IS LIFE!