#buffyangel

This is a Buffy/Angel video edit I made to Roxas' theme from Kingdom Hearts (composed by Yoko Shimomura). The lyrics were written by 1BlueRozez1 and then sung by BelovedStar18: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u80zavFDEOY

This was another video I started a long while ago, and then stopped, and then started again in thinking I'd gotten a lot more done in it than I initially had and that I might as well finish it. LOL

This video kicked my butt. Namely because for some reason, I decided to not cut out the intro and outro music like I usually would these days. And while it did pose a challenge--like what the heck do I put there? I decided to go with hugs, Buffy holding onto Angel's neck parallels (an idea I got from @liam-summers), and parallels in general--it was fun. And I think the video's better for it. Namely because the music is so beautiful, it would have been a crime to shorten it.

Two comic instances in this video are:

1. Via the Buffy Dark Horse comics' logic, Buffy really should have remembered the events of "I Will Remember You" in Buffy Season 9, so I used panels to make it look like that happened here to fit the lyrics.

2. And some of the comic panels later on in the video are when Buffy has shown up to help Angel in them a number of times.

Edit: There's also stuff from Buffy season 8 (that I really did not want to put), but it just seemed to fit: the glowing bit.

Stuff from Boom Studios is in here, as well (even though that's an AU. Shh), as it worked with that section of the video: Buffy being miffed at Angel there, but then giving him another chance... at least the latter would have happened (we know via a prophecy Angel got) if the comic hadn't been cancelled midway through. Ahh, well.

Author's Note: It might somewhat seem that Buffy and Angel have switched sides here (and if anyone thinks that, that’s definitely fair. Since Buffy was always a defender of the things the demon did not being attributed to Angel. And Angel said things like, “I can walk like a man, but I’m not one”), but this story, in some ways, is kind of supposed to explore why I think Buffy might have called Angelus “Angel” in season two: Because deep down, I think she does realize there’s a thin line between Angel and Angelus/man and demon. And, I mean, some of the things she says in “Amends” also makes me think this: “I know everything you did, because you did it to me. God, I wish I wish you did. I don’t. I can’t.” Note that she doesn’t say, “I know everything Angelus did, because he did it to me. I wish I wished him dead. I don’t. I can’t,” or anything like that, but she’s linking it to Angel, because she seems to know that they’re really very much the same.

Also, likewise, I feel like Angel actually, in some ways, thinks that he and Angelus are different? Like different personalities (actually, I do think Angel has split personalities, but that’s another discussion for another time). But I remember in the comics, he tells Drusilla that Angelus hasn’t been there since he was cursed with his soul (and I’m sure he also meant that Angelus would appear again the times he lost his soul, of course). But I’m like, “Are you sure about that, Angel? Are you really sure?” Everyone else seemed to disagree with that in that section of the comic (in thinking Angelus was always there with Angel), like Dru, Faith, and Spike.

This story has a lot of references to the tie-in books (and one classic comic). Actually, this story takes place after something that happened in one of them “Visitors” (though I changed something that happened there. Buffy never once thought that Angel might have been responsible for summoning the demon there. But that book has a list of suspects in it, making the reader wonder who’s responsible for that certain demon being in Sunnydale. And he and Buffy are somewhat estranged in that novel [just because it’s too hard for them to be together, but not truly be able to be together, either]. So, for the purposes of this story, I was like, “let’s make it so that she did for a hot second think Angel could have been responsible and build something from there”). Sorry if it’s a little confusing for those who haven’t read the tie-in novels. But for the most part, I feel like they’re mostly references here and you shouldn’t really need to have read them to understand what’s going on. Hopefully I’ve explained the references enough when they show up.

Anyway, onto the story!

Angel's PoV

Angel wasn't entirely sure what his and Buffy's problem was lately.

Okay… maybe that wasn't entirely true. Not being able to make love with your soulmate was no easy thing. And deep down, Angel thought that both of them again knew once again that their love was doomed and they were really just kidding themselves in trying to stay together. So perhaps that was where her thoughts lied lately and that was why she’d been staying away.

Angel certainly couldn't have blamed Buffy, if that was the case (even if a part of him had thought they'd found their way together again, after he'd comforted her when her mother had been temporarily kidnapped by the Sons of Entropy). But he also couldn't help thinking he was seeing something else behind her eyes whenever they met lately.

For instance, he had met her one night to warn her about an old power that had come to the town, a Korred demon, and Buffy had been almost… ungrateful for his help, seeming desperate to get rid of him. Mayhap because his presence hurt her as much as hers pained him, Angel allowed (though they also couldn't stand to be apart, which was the conundrum). But there had seemed like there was more to it than that.

Which was why Angel was at such a loss now.

He knew he probably should have been with Buffy right now, preparing to help her with her patrol for the night if nothing else… however, he also didn't want to crowd her. So Angel found himself sitting with his feet resting inside her school pool (because Buffy was getting ready to for her patrol here at Sunnydale High, of course—no doubt wanting to ask one of her friends to join her instead of him). And Angel knew that she could sense him here… So, if she decided she wanted him along with her, or anything else from him, she could come and find him in here.

And as it was, a refreshing dip in the swimming pool was sounding more and more tempting as he stared at it. And Angel was just about to strip down into his boxers, at least, and dive into it when he suddenly felt Buffy behind him.

"Buffy," he whispered, whirling around to face her, and at once taking in how beautiful she looked in the little orange dress she wore, making Angel think at once of Velma and Buffy's Scoobies. But she was so much more lovely than Velma, wasn't she? Even though Angel thought she was every bit as good of a detective as the cartoon character was… but why wasn't she detecting right now?

"Angel," Buffy choked out just as breathlessly and with her voice chock full of emotion. But for what reasons, Angel still could not say. He looked at her in an imploring way, begging her to tell him, and finally she did not disappoint as she began walking towards him.

"Do you remember when Oz and I defeated a dinosaur in here?" Buffy asked, shaking her head in wonder at the thought, because that had been an amazing ordeal and he’d been scared for her through it.

…But it wasn't what he wanted to hear from her right now and she knew it, so he chastised her. "Buffy-"

"What? The person in the room, who is considered an extinct creature to some, doesn’t want me to talk about another extinct creature? I didn’t know you got the monopoly on that, Angel."

Angel shot his girl a look—meanwhile hoping that she was, in fact, still his girl—but if she was stalling like this, he had the feeling that what Buffy was about to say next wasn’t going to be “of the good” at all. And she pretty much confirmed that with her next words.

"You're not going to like this, Angel," Buffy admitted, biting on her lip. And Angel was pleased with himself that he didn't get distracted by that movement at all and instantly thundered back with, "Not as much as I have not knowing what's going on with us, Buffy. So, spill. No more games."

Buffy's shoulders somewhat shook at that. And Angel felt guilty, remembering how he had reacted—and how Buffy had then responded—when she'd told him about Scott. And he was about to apologize.

But Buffy was already sitting down beside the pool and absentmindedly running her index finger in it while she found her voice. "I think it all started when you were willing to leave Oz, as the wolf, behind when we were fighting the Sons of Entropy.”

And before Angel could say anything to that, Buffy was continuing with: "And I know, Angel, the logical reason behind that decision. They were holding us all hostage and it was a dangerous situation. They were about to rip my heart out for a sacrifice… and were so close to destroying the world. They even had my mom at the time, which was making me an absolute wreck. I know it. Then, the two of us had miraculously escaped, so I get why you wanted to get out of dodge, and didn't think we'd be able to find where they had wolf-Oz hidden and then be able to escape with him… But that calculating, cold attitude still felt more along the line of Angelus' thinking to me. And then more things like that started happening."

Angel remembered well what Buffy was talking about. And though it certainly wasn't a favorite memory of his, she'd explained his feelings then exceptionally well. He had been afraid that there was no way they would have been able to escape if they'd tried to rescue Oz. Especially since they hadn't known at the time that Micaela would change sides and open a path into the Ghost Roads for them, so they could quickly travel between locations and truly get away from all of those sorcerers—so Angel had really thought they would have been up a creak without a paddle if they'd been trying to run for miles while trying to drag an angry werewolf alongside them.

But even so, even when he had posed the idea to Buffy, he'd hated the idea of leaving Oz behind. Oz was his friend.

"That still doesn't really answer my question," Angel protested, shaking his head. Of their own accord, his legs came to brush against Buffy's, that were also now resting in the pool. "Have you been mad at me all this time for Oz's sake? Or-"

But Buffy silenced him by turning his way and placing a finger to his lips, instantly reminding Angel the night of Buffy's seventeenth birthday. But he dared not go down that road.

"N-no. Maybe things would be more clear if I brought up the Hollower."

"Right. When you thought I might have let all these vampires get regurgitated in the town, because it could have potentially made my soul permanent. I did think about it," Angel remembered. But he never could have done that. His defeating others of his kind had caused the Hollower, a demon who ate vampires to gorge itself on them and overrun a city once. And being evil at the time, he was afraid its monstrous appetite would come for him and his family. He'd willingly sacrificed one of his companions to try and stop it, back in the day (though she'd miraculously survived). And when it had eventually come to Sunnydale, there had been a part of Angel that thought that if it got a hold on him, it would kill the vampire and just leave him a man with a soul. But the problem had been the Hollower had feasted on too many vamps at that point—it did have a limit—and if it ate many more, it would have thrown them all back up into the town, and then Sunnydale would have been overrun by the vamps. And Angel knew he could never be that selfish.

"…And then when the Korred got here, there were so many suspects about who summoned it to Sunnydale, when usually it doesn't leave its home."

"And you thought it could have been me. Especially since I knew about this legendary creature and was bringing you everything I knew about it," Angel realized, the puzzle finally coming together for him.

"But of course I realized it wasn't you, Angel!" Buffy exclaimed. "And then-"

"And then?" Angel asked, confused, running a hand through his hair. There's an 'and then' here? I sort of figured you realizing it wasn't me would be the end of this story." And Angel had to curl his hands into fists to resist the urge to take Buffy into his arms, and finally leave all of this madness behind them, but he got the sense that something really wasn't right here.

Buffy sighed loudly. And before she continued, she looked deeply into Angel's eyes, imploring him for something, though what it was he couldn’t say. Not just yet. "This- this is the part you're not going to like. Also, please let me finish before you get all judge-y, because at first you might be confused by my logic and think I'm contradicting myself.

"I finally realized that you and the demon—Angelus is what I'm saying here--aren't so different. And I know that makes little sense with my last example, since you didn't even bring the creature here. But I know in different circumstances… you might have.

"And at first realizing this was upsetting to me. And honestly, what was keeping me away from you. But now understanding it, but also seeing how you differ… I don't know, Angel. It's like it's freed me from an illusion I’d been under and made some things click into place in my head. And really, it's better this way."

Angel looked at Buffy, aghast. And he reached out his arms, wishing to shake her for what she said—his soul crying out in anguish for the betrayal she’d just uttered, as his entire world fell down around him—but he was able to keep from doing so by jumping into the pool before him.

He could tell that Buffy was not happy by this action. She huffed rather loudly and crossed her arms over her chest, before glaring daggers at him. "Really, Angel? Avoiding me and the issue now? Really?"

Angel might have argued that avoidance seemed to be Buffy's shtick lately, but he was too busy keeping his demon from ripping her throat out and proving her latest sentiment right in doing so.

Once he thought he'd gotten somewhat a hold of himself, after taking a few calming breaths, he looked at the girl he still loved with betrayed eyes and demanded, "How can you say that to me, Buffy? Weren't you always the biggest advocate for me and Angelus being different when you debated with your friends?"

Buffy blinked, confused, at Angel's question. And he considered that maybe she hadn't come up with a second answer to all of this, perhaps having not thought she'd need anything else to explain her reasoning to him than everything she’d just said.

"Uhh… first off, I guess I'm going to get into this freezing cold pool with you, mister, because someone just had to jump into it and now, you're too far away for me to really have a conversation with." And after a quick little splash she had done did just that. Despite himself, Angel found that he had to smile. And then she was beside him.

“I guess… Maybe think of it like Chex Mix, Angel.”

“Chex Mix, Buffy?” Angel asked, cocking his head to the side, confused. He didn’t even know if he was upset with her anymore. Not truly. Now he was just too curious to see how she was going to try to link his soul and demon situation with that strange human food that he thought he’d maybe seen at the corner of his eye at the store a few times. Angel was constantly mystified by the way Buffy’s mind worked, but he couldn’t say he didn’t love it.

“Yeah, I know that this is a very strange analogy I’m coming up with here,” Buffy admitted, just as she placed a gentle hand upon Angel’s heart, that instantly had it warming under her touch, “but just roll with it.

“A bag of Chex Mix is one thing, really—or one brand, I guess—the Chex Mix itself. Now: say that someone wanted just the pretzels in it or something. They might try to scoop out a handful of just that and mostly succeed… And I suppose I’m comparing your soul to the pretzels here. But of course, sometimes, they might get something else, like the Chex Cereal itself in their hand, like sometimes the demon spills over even though you have a soul. But it’s all still Chex Mix, like you’re all still you… and that’s really what I’m trying to say here. And I know this is a crappy comparison. I’m sorry.”

Angel threw his head back and laughed. And at first, Buffy looked somewhat wounded that he would mock her carefully chosen words so. Even if she herself had just admitted how strange they were, but then even she seemed to see the humor of the situation and joined him in giggling.

It was true that her words were bizarre—and perhaps too simple to really match what everything he went through—but it did make some sense, Angel supposed. And more than anything, he found that he appreciated Buffy so much for trying to understand him where he was, like always, and loving him no matter what.

“More than anything, my love, I’m just glad you didn’t compare stuff with my soul and demon to acting,” Angel admitted. “Because that- that could have led to some bad places, and we may have had to tell this sad tale of you being unsure of me all over again,” Angel said against the top of Buffy’s hair, before placing a gentle kiss there.

As Angel pulled away, he could see Buffy’s eyebrows crease and then a frown appeared on her face. She opened her mouth, and at once Angel could tell she was about to apologize for having been unsure of him at all, but he silenced her by putting a finger to her lips and stealing a line of hers from time ago. “Water over the bridge.”

And now it was Buffy’s turn to laugh pretty uproariously before settling comfortably into Angel’s arms here in the water, he noticed. It wasn’t perfect happiness for a few reasons (one of them being that the water was a little too cold for Buffy’s tastes and with his cool temperature he couldn’t warm her up), but he could still hardly think of any other place he’d rather be. “I love you, Angel,” Buffy smiled, looking up at him with her eyes shining.

“And I you,” he confirmed, tucking a strand of hair behind the light of his life’s face, as it had obscured her from him.

“Now what do you say we enjoy some of our limited time off here and go for a swim?”

Angel smirked. “I think much like us training together, this is going to turn into a competition. And the first one to the other side of the pool gets to decide our next date.”

The next thing Angel saw was a splash of water and Buffy’s leg directly in his line of vision as she took off swimming. And all things considered, the way things had been between them lately, he couldn’t say he was complaining.

No. Not at all.

Author's Note: I think there was originally some dialogue in here that got lost somewhere. But basically, Buffy’s friends are patrolling for her for the night, because they know that Buffy and Angel have really been at odds lately and they’re giving them the chance to work things out.

I also know the setting for this story is kind of strange, but I kind of put Buffy and Angel here on purpose as a “have them anywhere else other than the mansion or a cemetery” challenge.

Season Nine

Buffy’s PoV

When Buffy called Angel after the whole Twilight fiasco—and wasn’t that putting it mildly?—it was actually an accident.

She’d butt dialed him, if you could believe it. But once she’d realized that she had, and he was saying her name in disbelief that she’d called him, she found that she couldn’t just hang up on him and act like it hadn’t happened. Even if, more than anything, she wished that she could.

Buffy wasn’t exactly ready to talk to her former lover, after all, and she had no idea how she felt about him at all.

Somedays she wished that Faith had taken Angel even further away than London—like Japan, or somewhere—so their time difference would be even crazier… and so maybe Angel would be so used to talking in Japanese, he would start speaking to her in said language and then she’d have an excuse not to have this conversation.

But Buffy had no such luck.

And as it was, she wasn’t as heartless as to leave him hanging here, when she flashbacked to how he’d been catatonic the last time she’d seen him.

So Buffy swallowed, and tried to act like this was her plan from the start. “A-Angel,” she started. And instantly cursed herself for stuttering and how awkward she sounded. She used to be able to tell this man everything—things she never would have dreamed of telling anyone else—so how was it that they had come to this sad, miserable place? “How are you? How’s Faith?”

And once upon a time, there would have been a jealous lilt in her voice at the mention of Faith, Buffy knew. And she honestly didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing, that there wasn’t at all when she mentioned her sister Slayer when speaking to Angel now.

She’d never been a good actress. Buffy would be the first to admit it. She’d been sitting down, somewhat depressed with a half-a-pint of ice cream, about to try and call Spike after he’d mysteriously disappeared, or maybe even Dowling before she accidentally made this call, and Angel must have been able to tell.

She could easily imagine the half-smile that would have been lighting up his face now while he chuckled, even as sadness came to light in his eyes. “You didn’t mean to call me, did you, Buffy? I won’t hold you, then. You should get back to… whatever you were doing.”

“Angel, wait!” Buffy cried. And then she had to wonder why she had. He wasn’t wrong, after all. And she wasn’t ready to talk to him. Why lie, and force herself to have a horrible conversation that might leave things worse than they were?

But at the same time, could Buffy really leave things like this? Surely there had to be some way here, right?

Taking a bite of her cookie dough, fudge mint chip ice cream for some endorphins to see herself through this, Buffy reminded herself that honesty was the best policy—it was what she’d always wanted from Angel, wasn’t it?—so she’d be honest, and she’d see where they went from here. “Angel, truthfully? I did kind of call you by accident, yeah. I don’t really think I’m ready for the heavy yet. But I don’t entirely want to leave things where they are, either. Can you… can you at least tell me how you’re doing. Are you okay?”

Buffy heard the vampire take a breath on the other end of the line. And that hurt—she wasn’t gonna lie; she knew well from Angel himself, that vampires didn’t need to breathe—and as he did, Buffy wondered if maybe it would have been best if she had hung-up on him. What? Did he think she’d sucker punched him or something?

If so, Buffy had some bitter thoughts about how Angel kind of deserved that and more after he’d killed a plethora of her girls. But she tried to force these ideas down.

See? This was really why they should not have been talking now.

“Uhh, yeah, sure. I- I’m… okay, I guess. Better than I was before. Faith and I have been-been trying to do some detective work, I guess.”

“Oh. That’s-that’s really good. Glad- Glad to hear it, Angel. Uhh… you keep on fighting. I-I’ve also been good. Been doing some bodyguard stuff with Kennedy, if you can believe it. It’s a hand that I won’t bite, but I still think I’m the Slayer first and anything else second.”

“…I’m so glad to hear you say that, Buffy. Do you finally feel something about your calling, then? I always admired you for all that you did. And thought you had a fire about you, that the other Slayers didn’t.”

God damnit! She couldn’t do this! As awful as it had been to speak to Angel like this—and it really had been—Buffy had been able to stomach = it, if she could imagine that he was sitting on the couch with Faith, drinking a beer with her or something, as he casually talked with her on the phone.

But with what he had just said, Buffy could just imagine Angel in his room, thinking about her and loving her—perhaps even drawing her—and she just couldn’t bring herself to rip his heart out right now, when he was still in such bad shape. Because that was what she would have to do here! She couldn’t love Angel again after what he’d done!

Buffy couldn’t love him again, because it seemed that fate had decided long ago that them together meant a slow death to everyone and everything.

“Uhh, yeah, Angel, I have to go. I’m Kissing you on your cheek now, bye.”

Oh, God. She had not meant to say that. Buffy had not meant to say anything remotely romantic sounding towards Angel at all! It just had slipped out! It was what she had used to say whenever she’d talked over the phone with Angel, when they’d been dating. And her brain must have short circuited and gone back in time for a moment, or something, and thought that since they were doing that old type of thing again, that everything was okay and they were back together, when they were clearly not.

Buffy was about to take it all back, when with the arrogance she would have expected from Angelus—which really took her aback—Angel said, “Kissing you on your cheek now, Buffy. Bye,” and hung up.

Buffy decided then and there, that she had never hated anyone so much in her life.

She would not be letting him in again.

Season Ten

Buffy’s PoV

Buffy had thought that she would be prepared to see Angel once more, but she should have known that she never could be. The moment she saw him, all the feelings that she’d tried to keep locked up—that she’d even thought were completely gone—hit her like a tidal wave. And she prayed to every god that she could think of that Spike didn’t see this.

Because she hadn’t been lying when she told him that Angel coming here wasn’t going to change things between them. As it stood, all of the issues with Angel were still there. And Buffy cared about Spike and was excited about finally seriously trying things with him. Their relationship was good, whereas her one with Angel wasn’t.

But fuck. There was something about Angel that still made her weak in the knees, even though Buffy was trying to hide it and to fight her body’s reactions to him.

She tried to blame it on her inner sixteen-year-old, but deep down she knew the real reason. She had found it out very recently, hadn’t she? Angel was her soulmate. The universe had created the two of them to be together, so it could evolve. She had hoped that with the Twilight prophecy being over, that wouldn’t be the case anymore. But with her clearly still being so drawn to Angel, Buffy knew she wasn’t getting off that easily.

And oh, how she wished that she was. Because, ironically, it seemed their being soulmates was the exact reason that she and Angel couldn’t be together.

“Listen, it’s.. it’s great to see everyone, but… can I have a minute with Buffy? I mean, if that’s okay with-” Those words were coming out of Angel’s mouth the moment he was inside the apartment Buffy shared with her friends. And while there was a part of Buffy that wanted to playfully shut him down for the way their last conversation had gone.

Or, moreover, because she was still so furious at him for some of the stuff he’d done as Twilight and always would be (though she was also trying to understand it some), Buffy knew that they did need to talk.

And she’d heard from Giles that Angel had wanted to settle things with her more than once, but had held himself back for her sake. So, she could give him this, Buffy allowed. “No, totally. We should.”

Then, before Buffy even knew it, they were in her room. And once again, she was a teenager. And all of her feelings for Angel were back. Even with how she felt about Spike.

Oh, God. If Angel a monster, then so was she, for wanting him as she did.

Without having noticed where Buffy’s own thoughts had led her, Angel began talking about how sorry he was for everything he’d done—which was something Buffy could certainly appreciate; this wasn’t Twilight, the strange universe they’d created, or Angelus: this was the man she’d loved so much, for so long—and this led to Buffy realizing she’d mostly made peace with him, which astounded even her.

One of Angel’s greatest sins had been taking Giles from her, so when he’d returned him—and Buffy was now looking into the face of someone who could do so much good—what could she do but remember how she had once championed him, and would again.

Though, even with that, it was all still so confusing: a mess inside Buffy’s head. And she tried to explain it all to Angel, upon him sitting down beside her on her bed. “I probably haven’t spent enough time thinking about it all, like you have. It- it hurt too much to do so. Seeing you now… I honestly wasn’t sure how I’d feel.”

“And?” Angel asked her. There was a hopeful note to that question, as he peered at Buffy from beneath his lashes. He was again Peter, asking her—Jesus—to save him from drowning. And Buffy couldn’t help but fall in love with him even more with that. This was the Angel that she would always love. Not the swaggering Angelus, but the Angel who wanted to believe in miracles but needed just a little bit of guidance to do so.

“It’s complicated. What else is new, right?” Because that had been their entire life story, hadn’t it? Only a fool would deny that. And even if Angel had gotten a second chance and had found his water legs again, Buffy still had to remind him of this sad fact of their lives before he really committed himself to her and her cause here. “But enough of it’s good.”

“Buffy,” Angel whispered her name, as if it were a prayer and his only lifeline: like he had so often done before.

Angel’s right hand found her chin and very gently tilted it up towards his lips. Buffy was about to protest: to tell him that even though he’d always be in her heart, that things didn’t work between them—that they couldn’t work between them—and that she was with Spike now.

But the moment his lips very lightly glided over hers, she was lost. She always had been when Angel kissed her. Really, his lips should have officially been registered as a drug. It just wasn’t fair.

The kiss was actually soft and sweet for them. Angel was clearly asking for permission as his lips moved with hers, and one hand petted her hair and the other encircled her waist.

It was permission Buffy readily found herself giving, lost in the haze. Her tongue mated with his own and her hands tangled in Angel’s hair, just as things began to heat up.

Funnily enough, it was when that turn of phrase reached Buffy’s head, that she remembered what she was doing and pushed him way. Because she remembered when things had “heated up”, and they’d raised the Earth’s climate to a dangerous degree when they’d both ascended by their coupling before.  “Oh, God, Angel. I’m so sorry. I- we can’t. That was… temporary insanity on my part. And I’m so sorry for doing that to you. I guess what we were both created for will always hold power over us. But Angel, that’s exactly why we can’t. We’re too dangerous when we’re together.”

Buffy got up from the bed, smoothed out her hair and clothes, and grabbed a mint that she thankfully had in her pocket (she did not need Spike smelling her “Angel breath” again, thank you very much, when she had not meant to kiss him at all), before trying to continue some of the conversation that she and Angel had been having before.

“And also, uhh… Back to some of the ‘good’ I was talking about before; I at least hope that it is. Spike, can you come in here?”

And Angel, poor Angel. Maybe he knew that she was about to break his heart (why she did, exactly, Buffy didn’t know. Though she would certainly try and piece it all together later.)

Because almost as if to delay her, Angel began talking about battle strategy, of all things. “Hold on- We can talk battle strategy in a minute. I want to make sure we’re okay.”

“So do I,” Buffy said somewhat awkwardly herself now, the moment Spike came around the corner and held her hand. “‘Cause it’s been a long time and we have a lot to talk about.”

And Angel’s betrayed face in seeing her and Spike together would be something that would haunt some of Buffy’s worst nightmares.

Season Eleven

Buffy’s PoV

“So, we agree that this ray that the U.S. is making to zap everyone’s powers away, isn’t going to just stay here, right? And it’s probably going to reach other countries before we can even blink?” Dawn asked about everything they’d just learned from having kidnapped the Vice President, that Buffy was still panicking about, thank you very much.

“Uhh… yeah, Dawnie. We’ve been over this. What’s the sitch? Please tell me you’ve decided you’re actually going to leave the country and go somewhere safe. Even if the other countries are only going to be days away from this, I’ll feel safer knowing my little sis is there and not on the front lines.”

Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Buffy for that. It was honestly pretty chilling. Sometimes, when Dawn wanted to, she could really look like their mom. And here Buffy had thought that that was supposed to be her job. Jeez. “I’m going to pretend that you didn’t say that. You know you guys need me as the Key, if you need me to teleport you out of a place, toot sweet. But, no. What I’m getting at, is that you should warn Angel about this. Especially since if vampires get hit with it, they just flat-out die. Does he even know what’s been going on here? Does he have a plan to fight this, if they come-a-knockin’ on his door?”

Dawn actually didn’t wait for an answer to that, Buffy saw. She just jumped onto her hotel bed, and began work on one of her art projects for school—in probably not wanting to psych herself out too much before tomorrow’s big battle, if Buffy were to guess. Surely, she must have that Buffy was better than she was, and that she’d told Angel about all of this ages ago… except that she hadn’t.

In her defense, Buffy tried to remind herself now, she did have the excuse of having been in an internment camp for a long time here—and under duress in general—and thus not in her right mind at all, as she’d worried about herself and her family.

But more than that… maybe she’d been too lost in her relationship with Spike to give Angel much thought lately.

And maybe she’d even felt betrayed by him, somewhat, when he’d tried to kill Spike while under the control of Archaeus, even though she’d of course understood that that wasn’t his fault.

What a woman she was, Buffy thought, furious at herself now, as she began pacing a hole into the of their hotel carpet. She’d told Angel that they should stay friends and keep in touch by texting and e-mailing and stuff, but had she even listened to her own advice?

Well, Buffy was going to start now, by warning him of this impending danger.

Digging out her phone, Buffy dialed Angel’s number—fully intending to mean to call him this time—and waited several rings until someone finally picked up… it was a voice she’d never heard before. And someone with an English accent, though what did she expect when he was living in London? “You’ve, uhh, reached the phone that Angel left behind. How ever may we help you?”

“Who is this?!” Buffy demanded, hating immediately that jealousy was coloring her tone, when she had absolutely no reason to be jealous, since she was happily in love with Spike. She and Angel could never be together, anyway. And if she did still have some feelings for Angel, she certainly hadn’t been showing it lately, so what was this? ‘Get it together, Summers’, she scolded herself. ‘You attract more bees with honey than vinegar.’

“The name is Sophronia Fairweather, though those I care about call me ‘Sophie.’ Including my dear sister. I assume if you have dear Angel’s phone number, you’re someone he cares about, since he hardly gives the number to anyone. The poor thing also barely knows how to use his phone. He’s also sort… of disappeared now, as it were, but if you want to leave a message, I’ll give it to him whenever he eventually reappears.”

“Sophronia Fairweather…” Buffy muttered, now sitting on the bed beside Dawnie and pulling out a notepad and writing this name down to try and figure out where she’d heard it before. “Are you- are you Giles’ great aunt? One of the ones responsible for him looking like a kid now?!” Buffy shrieked the last bit out, as it all came back to her in sharp detail.

Yes, indeed. One of the first things that had happened when Giles had returned to life, was him ranting to her, Xander, Willow, Spike, Andrew—hell, anyone who would listen—about how Sophronia and Lavinia had wronged him once again… whatever that meant.

“Uhh, yes, that would be me. But I think what you’re forgetting here, that is we that helped revive him! And in such prime form, too! Why, think how long he’ll go without having to worry about wrinkles, warts, and skin tags now! We did him a favor and he should be thanking us, really!”

“…Right. So, what’s going on with Angel?” Buffy ventured. She’d also heard from Giles that Angel was working with his two great aunts, alongside Faith, in Magic Town. So now that she’d figured out who she was talking to, she supposed her connection to Angel shouldn’t have surprised her too much. And Sophie surely must have actually known what was going on with him… if she could get her to talk about Angel, that was.

“He seems to be jumping through time with that temperamental goddess Illyria. Something about them trying to fix some sort of paradox, but it seems to have spiraled out of control,” Sophie said with a yawn. And Buffy could just imagine her painting her nails, or doing some other girly thing, whilst recounting this “boring story”.

How Buffy wished she were Sophie, and not dealing with the fate of the world yet again. But alas.

“Illyria’s back?”

“Buffy, what’s going on? Are you actually trying to tell Angel all of this info now? This conversation seems to be going a lot deeper than I thought it would,” Dawn said, looking up from her homework, seeming to be pretty curious now.

“Yeah, Buffy. Who are you on the phone with? What’s going on?” Buffy waved Dawn and Willow’s questions away (it seemed that Willow and the rest of the gang were coming back upstairs from the cafeteria they’d been at), and charged on with this bizarre conversation, and her need to see to it that Angel was safe, damnit.

“I mean, she is an Old One. What did you expect?”

That was fair, Buffy supposed.

“Anyway, Sophie… have you been keeping up with what’s going on in America. Do you know they’ve made a ray to steal everyone’s magic powers? And, more than that, it’ll kill a vamp if it touches them?”

“Oh, yeah, Buffy… I’m assuming your little Rupert’s golden star, Buffy, anyway. I keep my ear to the ground for anything that might steal my powers and ruin my beauty routine that way. And this is Magic Town, sweetie. You’ve gotta believe that Magic Town doesn’t want that sort of nonsense coming here. We’ll be fine. But thank you so much for your concern, my love. Rupert made a true real one with you, I’ll tell you that much.”

And now Buffy was whispering into the phone, as quietly as her voice would let her. Because Spike was in the room now. And even though she was doing this all platonically for Angel’s safety—and she thought that even he would surely do the same for his sire—she didn’t want him getting the wrong idea here. “If Angel comes back, though… Will you just make sure that he lays low and has a plan to survive this?”

“I have the feeling, dear Buffy, that by the time Angel is back from his Wibbly-Wobbly, Timey-Wimey Stuff, you’ll have made this entire threat blow over, but if not, I’ll see to it. Now bye, love. XOXO. If Angel were here, I know he would tell you the same thing.”

“…Bye, Sophie,” Buffy said somewhat gravely. She just felt that she wasn’t taking this threat to Angel seriously enough. And she was afraid that she would lose him over it, but hopefully—for once—she was panicking over nothing. “XOXO. And I hope we get to talk again sometime! And with Lavinia, too! You’ve been great! Any family of Giles, is family of mine… And when you do see Angel, tell him ‘XOXO’, as well.”

And this time, Buffy actually meant it. Because she thought that now, with this, she was repairing the bond between her and Angel as friends, at least.

And she wanted little else in the world, but that.

...

Season Eleven

Angel’s PoV

When Angel eventually got back from his chaotic adventure with Illyria, feeling all kinds of confused for so many different reasons, the apocalypse that Buffy had faced (that Sophie had told him about) was already over.

But it warmed his dead heart to hear that Buffy was fighting for his sake once again.

He did, however, cringe in hearing that Sophie had told Buffy he would have told her “hugs and kisses”—because he wanted to believe he never would have done something so cheesy—but, hey: if it had led to Buffy saying the same things back to him, even if it was just friendship, since her heart was with Spike now, Angel would take it.

Because he may have been in some sort of… something with Illyria now, that had started when he needed comfort after everything that had went down with his family in the past.

But his and Buffy’s relationship was a forever kind of love, and that would never change.

So, okay. Maybe for that reason and none other, Angel would embrace the cliché. “Hugs and kisses, Buffy. Wherever you are,” Angel whispered, blowing a kiss out into the London night.

He hadn’t been able to keep Kathy’s ring—Zuzu’s petals, as it were—but he would keep the feelings that Buffy had inspired in his heart, always.

...

Season Twelve

Buffy’s PoV

Buffy had fallen in love with Angel again. There was no denying it.

She wasn’t entirely sure how or when it had happened.

Maybe it was when she’d begun to realize that she and Spike only worked together when there was some apocalypse going on, and she then remembered the vampire who had fallen in love with her before she’d become the Slayer.

Maybe it was in seeing how much Angel had changed for the better, and how hard he had fought—like no one else, even—to keep her from accepting her fate and going to Hell.

Or, if it had been the only option, to suffer and go with her, then. To suffer for the umpteenth time there, really.

And even when they miraculously had their hard-fought victory and happy ending, Angel was still planning on putting himself through more torment by going to said Hell dimension to try and save Fred-Illyria, because that was just who he was.

The truth? Buffy Anne Summers had probably never fallen out of love with Angel, she supposed. And it probably had something to do with something he’d said what felt like a lifetime ago—when he’d done something that she had thought had ruined any chance for them being together ever again—that they just couldn’t be happy with anyone else.

Perhaps she was ready to accept that now, and actually try when it came to them again.

They’d beaten fate so many times now, that who was to say they couldn’t beat the odds that said they were doomed to fail every time they tried to love one another?

Buffy had wanted to tell Angel she loved him, the moment she’d told Spike that seeing them all fighting so hard and caring so much had filled her heart… or when she had touched him in wanting to alleviate his sorrow for Illyria and Fred.

But she had held off on it, in knowing that he needed to heal some first.

Angel was still healing… but Buffy thought that now might just be the time to test the waters, at the very least.

Because like the young girl who had learned she couldn’t take any time for granted, when she’d given Angel her virginity when they’d faced the Judge, Buffy understood how short life was after facing Harth and she didn’t want to waste any more time.

The two of them were outside an ice cream shop right now—and yes, they were even very cautiously holding hands—and as they were, Angel was giving Buffy his new epiphany about something: “I know I invited you to get coffee all those years ago. But I didn’t even like it. I only suggested it because Willow did. But moving to L.A., I actually developed a taste for it, because I knew in starting a detective business, I was going to need the caffeine.”

“And you’re thinking it’s going to be the same with ice cream, huh?” Buffy all but purred, leaning into him. How glad she was that Angel was coming out of his fog some. And glad that they could have these flirty, fun days with each other back, when they had once seemed forever out of reach. Buffy was also thrilled that he’d decided to stay in San Francisco with her, and for once not run from their relationship, either. “That’s a pretty big bet, Angel. Ice cream’s a whole different kind of temperature and texture. What if you hate it? What will you do then?”

The two of them were sitting at a table now, waiting to have their order taken, and Angel took both of Buffy’s hands and kissed them. And good God, it took everything Buffy had in her not to swoon. Fuck! She wasn’t a teenager anymore. She was thirty-years-old. Shouldn’t she have more control over herself than this?

But… he was Angel. And hadn’t she long ago realized he’d always have this affect on her? And, perhaps, they were finally getting their happily ever after—or at least trying to—so maybe it was okay if she swooned a little bit, even as an adult. And she did. Oh, did she ever.

“If I do, it’ll be okay, Buffy. Because I happen to know a certain someone who loves cookie dough, fudge mint chocolate chip ice cream. And if I dislike it, it’ll just be more for her. But I don’t think that I will. I guess I’m open to taking chances now, is what I’m saying.”

There was something with what Angel had said there, that Buffy couldn’t put her finger on. And she somehow knew that if she looked deeply enough into Angel’s eyes, she would be able to puzzle it out: the truth… and all the happiness and pain of whatever it was, too.

And as much as Buffy usually wanted her answers… she found that she really didn’t want that right now. Because as much torment—and oh, was there ever torment—and bloodshed as there had been to get here, she was content where she was right now.

Before she could second guess herself on this, Buffy leaned across the table and kissed Angel.

It was just a peck on the lips. She barely even gave him the chance to react before she was pulling away.

Because this moment? It still wasn’t absolutely perfect. (Though given Angel’s history of perfect happiness, that could have been a good thing.)

Buffy got the sense that Angel was trying to get himself to like ice cream to have something else positive in his life after losing Illyria and his friend Fred forever (as it seemed she never wanted to leave that Hell dimension now).

But this instance was definitely a start on their road to recovery. A start that wasn’t ending in tears for them. Wasn’t that a miracle.

And somehow, time had slowed down when their lips had brushed even just that microscopic amount, and the strange alchemy that was always present when they kissed was definitely still at work there. Maybe even more than ever before.

“Buffy?” Angel asked, clearly confused when she pulled away, but then settling on grinning like the cat that got the canary as he leaned his hand on his palm.

“Uhh… Just checking in to see if you’re still with me, Angel,” Buffy weakly tried to defend her position. It was horrible even to her own ears. Maybe she really should have been doing love confessions here already, but she was still somewhat afraid and she didn’t want to push her luck. She didn’t know how over or not over Illyria he was, after all.

And at that, Angel raised an eyebrow and laughed before he covered her hand with his own.

Finally, a waiter was coming to take their order. But Angel finished his piece by the time the man finally got there.

“Buffy… can I ask you something? Privately?” Angel asked Buffy while she was getting an ibuprofen out of the kitchen cabinet (her fight with Fray had hurt her more than she had let on; not that she’d ever tell anyone that, of course)—a kitchen that was right next to the library that everyone else was still in, trying to find anything more they could about the upcoming battle with Harth.

Harmony had, unfortunately, set some things straight, in explain that Buffy probably went to Hell with all of the demons in the future skirmish. But now that the Scoobies knew this fact—and exactly what information they were looking for, in these future textbooks—everyone wanted to have another go at searching the library, and see if they could learn something that might save them.

“Uhh… sure, Angel. Come on in,” Buffy said, breaking gender norms and pulling out a chair for him at the kitchen table, so he could sit down.

Though, in some ways, that was the exact opposite of what she wanted to do. The way that Angel was speaking, it sounded like they were going to talk about something highly uncomfortable here.

And while Buffy was realizing she had feelings for him again, she didn’t know if she was ready for the heavy. Angel was dating Illyria, of course, and she was terrified that he was going to let her down easily.

But she could be brave for him. This might be some of her last moments with Angel, after all—because she refused to let Harmony be right about him or Spike going to Hell with her—so tough, soldier girl Buffy she would be.

“You had, umm, a certain look on your face when you talked about Gunther, Buffy. What was it for?” If Angel could have blushed, Buffy imagined he would have been right now, with his question. Why had he had to notice that? Buffy wondered, trying not to give her humiliation away by sinking into her own seat, that she’d just sat down in.

And why would he even ask it now, if he was with Illyria? Buffy wanted to demand of him. Was he completely naïve—and had missed that she’d felt something romantic for him in that moment—and was just trying to have some sort of sweet moment with her here (since they’d had so little of them lately)? Or did he actually still have feelings for her, despite being with Illyria?

Buffy wanted to lie to Angel here, and try to play it all off as something other than it had been—or to find some excuse to leave and not to answer him—but she knew he really wasn’t so foolish as to not have an artist’s eye and to not know the answer.

And, despite herself, Buffy found herself now wanting to have this conversation. So, if Angel had really asked this of her, Buffy would lay all of her cards on the table.

“There was actually… two reasons for that, Angel. The first one I said out loud: I was embarrassed that you guys might think that I was a whore, or something, for having said that Gunther saw my underwear the last time I was here. So, I was trying to explain that the whole floor is his fish tank, and that I was wearing a dress that time, and that’s how it happened.

“And, I guess, for some reason… I was worried you might think that of me more than everyone else. I don’t know. I know it’s stupid. I guess it’s because some of the things we got up to… when we had sex the last time. Like, destroying mountains and stuff. Well, I-”

Well, if Angel couldn’t blush, Buffy certainly could. And she definitely found herself flushing and ducking her head now, as the last time she and Angel had been together came back to her. There were definitely some things she would take back there, if she could.

Of course there was. Really, that was all bridge under the water. But there were also so many things she’d enjoyed about it, too—as awful and selfish as it had been—since it had been the only time she’d slept with Angel since she’d been seventeen, and it had been wonderful. And at least he hadn’t shot her down after that time.

And perhaps she should have been telling him some of this…

But Angel seemed to understand where Buffy was coming from. Because as soon as she’d voiced some of her embarrassing moments about the whole Twilight scenario, his hand had shot out to cover her own.

And very hesitantly, Buffy lifted her face to look at his once more. Angel gave her a small smile as her eyes met his own, and suddenly she was seventeen again.

“You’re not a whore, Buffy. I would never think that of you. And as for the Twilight stuff… we were both under the power of a force we couldn’t even begin to control. You can’t beat yourself up for anything you did there.”

“Uhh… yeah, for sure. You’re right. Thanks, Angel,” Buffy mostly agreed, sobering up, and offering Angel a small grin this time. She also might have ran her thumb over Angel’s hand to thank him. Back and forth it went.

…And there was a part of Buffy that wanted to tell Angel that the Twilight high hadn’t been all bad, of course—far from it—and she hadn’t been lying about the afterglow she’d felt in those first few moments, after they’d reached their destination. And Buffy knew that there was a darkness in her, and that she really liked her sex rough… just not god and goddess rough. But now really wasn’t the time for all that.

“So, what was the other thing, Buffy? If you don’t mind my asking?”

“Stroking your ego, Angel?” Buffy quipped, because suddenly it dawned on her that that had to be the reason he was in this room with her. Right?

At first, Buffy had thought that Angel must have been trying to find blood in the fridge. But then it had dawned on her that there were no good ‘lurks’ in this era they were in, so no one would be supplying blood for them here.

And seeing the way their conversation had gone thus far, Buffy couldn’t see any other reason that Angel was spending time with her and not helping her friends in the library research to “fight the good fight”.

“Not at all, Buffy,” Angel chuckled, now getting up to go to the fridge and try to drain some blood out of some raw meat that had been in there. Ahh, clever. “I guess… I’m just kind of bored. And I know I should be helping everyone right now. But if I’m being honest, I didn’t even enjoy reading that much in my time period. And I could be talking to Illyria… but well, what does one say to a goddess who thinks they know everything? Sometimes I think I understand her. Other times, I think I’m one word away from her turning into a giant and crushing me beneath her dainty feet.”

Isn’t there your friend Fred that you could talk to? Buffy wanted to ask, but in the end, she kept it to herself. That was a whole can of worms that she’d best not open, she knew. Besides, she got the distinct impression that Illyria was choosing not to turn back into Fred right now (or vice versa).

Also… Buffy felt that Angel was lying about all of this, anyway, and did just want to know she’d reacted like a schoolgirl to him a moment ago.

And she was feeling charitable, with her impending demise in the future. She would humor him. “Oh, fine. I suppose I’ll tell you reason number two, as well. It was… nice seeing you take charge of the situation like that. I realized I’d never really seen you do that before. You’re a natural leader, Angel. And I can see why ‘Angel Investigations’ was the success that it was.”

“Yeah, a real success,” Angel grumbled, sitting back down beside Buffy now, the blood he’d been trying to get for himself completely forgotten. Point One in the column for ‘Angel trying to get blood right now is just an act.’ “So much a success, that that’s why most of my friends are dead.”

Buffy was about to say something to that—perhaps that the Powers that Be were bitches, that she’d encountered her own amount of losses, of course, or that even with this, Angel was carrying on and forming new alliances and continuing the battle in Magic Town—but before she could, Angel was holding up a hand palm-forward and stopping his own pity party. He really had grown. Color Buffy impressed. “And that’s exactly why no one’s going to Hell. Why you’re not going to Hell. I swear we’re going to find another way, Buffy.”

As it turned out, Buffy wasn’t as optimistic as Angel was. She just thought that she had changed her fate too many times now. And this threat- it was like nothing they had never faced before. If the only chance was going to Hell with them, Buffy knew that she would do it for the greater good, no questions asked.

But she knew that Angel needed her to agree with him, so she wouldn’t let him down here.

She was the Slayer. She would never let anyone down.

Maybe least of all Angel… Buffy had certainly felt that way long ago.

And now, ever so slightly, maybe those types of feelings were starting to creep back into her.

“Okay,” Buffy promised, squeezing her once lover’s hand, and certainly feeling something there. She wasn’t entirely sure what it was, however. “Then we wage war. Isn’t what we’re always here to do?”

“Yeah… I guess so, sweetheart.” And Angel smiled that little half-smile of his—that kind of smile that certainly had a bit of maliciousness to it—that he was so well known for: that made his enemies quake in fear, and had made Buffy fall in love with him all those years ago.

And it was almost all too much for Buffy. While it was a natural look for Angel to wear, she wanted to demand why he was wearing it with her, and why he was calling her “sweetheart”, when he was fucking Illyria (though Buffy knew that wasn’t fair, because she’d been with Spike for ages here. And it wasn’t like Angel had known the two of them had broken up).

And Angel’s next words here were, perhaps, the final nail in the coffin. “…Buffy, given everything you told me about your reaction earlier… I think you have feelings left over for me, and I honestly don’t know what to do about that.”

“Why?!” Buffy demanded at once, wanting to smack the confused, concerned look off his face, that was breaking her heart. This was exactly what she’d feared before this conversation had started. “Is it because you love Illyria?”

“…About as much as you loved Riley, I’d say. And enough to not end it, just because you’re suddenly single, Buffy. Are you even sure that you’re over Spike?”

“That’s none of your busi-” Buffy erupted with, her old, natural defense, when Angel would inquire about her feelings for Spike. But then she deflated. Because, suddenly, everything that Angel had just told her about Illyria hit her and she fell more in love… but her life also sucked for it.

Angel loved her, then, and wanted to be with her... But she could also understand why he wouldn’t end things with Illyria. Buffy knew when she had been with Riley, she wouldn’t have just broken up with him, if Angel had come swaggering back into her life.

She definitely still had feelings for Spike, too, and her heart was confused. Angel was right about that, too, damnit.

And while it had been Buffy’s idea to break up with Spike, if the two of them suddenly figured out how to make it work without Slaying all the time, she couldn’t say she wouldn’t jump back into his arms.

And though Angel hadn’t said it… Buffy imagined there was still the Curse to contend with. Always that.

She sighed long-sufferingly.

“So… where does this leave us, Angel?” Buffy ventured. This conversation was the best one they’d had in so many years, and she was afraid that—with their usual luck—she had just jinxed it by drawing attention to the fact.

Angel reached across the table to tuck a strand of Buffy’s hair behind her hair after she’d asked the dreaded question, and she couldn’t help but lean into his touch and kiss his palm as he did so. “We’re about to face the toughest battle we’ve ever faced, love. And when we do… I imagine our lives will flash before our eyes, and all those things the good poets write about. And when said thing happens, I feel like what we see… might tell us a lot: might finally tell us who we are and what we feel. When we do survive this, Buffy, let’s meet up afterwards and dissect all of this then. Does that sound good to you?”

Angel’s lips just barely ghosted against Buffy’s own, before he got up and disappeared—very much like a ghost himself.

And only after he was already gone, did Buffy finally find her voice. “Yes, Angel. That does sound good. Good like the sound of music.”

Author’s Note: Ehh. I didn’t really know how to end this. The ending sort of refers to how what defeats Harth, is him getting the Slayer memories and not being able to handle them: and one of the major ones being, of course, when Buffy has to kill Angel.

So, that’s—one—kind of what the “life flashing before your eyes” thing was referring to (even though Angel was actually talking about it for him and Buffy).

And, two, the music thing Buffy said is, I guess… maybe imagine Harth hears Buffy and Angel’s theme play in that moment, too?

Also, really Buffy and Angel only have a theme for Buffy ships. At least much more than Buffy and Spike have one in the following sense: Wikipedia says that the song that plays in “Chosen” is kind of Buffy and Spike’s song, but, if so, you only hear it one time (which is kind of sad), as opposed to the numerous times we hear Buffy and Angel’s theme.