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Day 7: Buddie + free choice
@buddieweek2020
If different people asked Buck when he knew he was in love with Eddie Diaz, he’s not sure he’d be able to give them the same answer.
Some days he thinks it was way back when they faced that live round in the ambulance. Other days he’d say it was after the tsunami when Eddie said he trusted him with his son even though at the time he didn’t trust himself after what happened. And some days he might say that he just didn’t know up until the moment he thought he’d lost Eddie under 40 feet of dirt and mud.
These days he thinks that it was wasn’t any one thing but rather an accumulation of events that drew his heart closer to the truth, close enough that his head finally caught to after a long period of what he thinks was denial.
All he knew was that the moment he realised it, there was no denying how he felt. What he didn’t expect was that Eddie had felt the same way. It took them a while to figure it out despite having so many clues thrown at them by others. At the time they just never put those clues together and maybe if they had, they might not have taken so long to act on their feelings.
Maybe that was a good thing in the grand scheme of things. They had taken so much time learning each other within their friendship that taking that next step, crossing the line from friends to boyfriends, didn’t seem all that much different to how they had already been around each other. His boyfriend is his best friend, that’s something that he’s never been able to say about any other relationship he’s ever had had.
And now. Now he can’t imagine doing anything differently. Not when he knows how things have turned out. Them now living together, Christopher being completely unbothered by the change in relationship status but being over the moon about him being around all the time now, the team exclaiming “finally!” when they made it official.
He’s reminded of Thomas, the older gentleman from so long ago, saying that you don’t find this kind of love, that you make it and it's only now that he truly understands what he meant; Watching Eddie and Christopher out in the backyard, looking carefree and happy in the hot spring sunshine as Eddie swings a laughing Chris around under the sprinkler he realises he’d done just that and it makes his heart sing over that thought.
Buck had become so engrossed in these thoughts while grabbing a glass of water having been out in the sunshine with the two Diaz boys, that he didn’t notice Eddie had joined him until his damp body pressed up against his back and his arms circled around his waist as he trailing kisses on Buck’s shoulder.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks, tucking his cheek into Buck’s neck.
Buck sets down his glass and crosses his arms over Eddie’s, gently swaying them, “Me. You. Us.” He gestures out the window to Christopher who was wrapped in a towel, basking in the sunlight, “Thinking about how lucky I am that you let me be part of your lives.”
“You already fit so seamlessly with us, there was hardly a decision to make.”
Buck sighs contentedly and tilts his head into Eddie’s, “I don’t think my life could get any better, I mean aside from marrying you of course.”
“Is that a proposal I’m hearing?” Asks Eddie curiously, surprised by Buck’s admittance.
“Mhm, think of it more like a pre-proposal.” Buck says lightly and turns in Eddie’s arms, repositioning his forearms to rest on Eddie’s shoulders, “When I propose you won’t know what hit you.”
“Oh yeah? Is that so?” Eddie asks teasingly.
Buck smirks at him playfully, “Hmm, yep, I do believe it is,” he says before dipping down to touch his lips to Eddie’s.
Unbeknownst to Buck, Eddie had already picked out a ring and has it hidden safely in the top of their closet, and he had asked Christopher for his blessing to include Buck in their lives forever. He was just waiting to know for sure that Buck was ready for that next step, and it looks like he has his answer.
What Eddie didn’t know was that Buck had done the exact same thing, which meant that Christopher had the coveted position of keeping both of their secrets and knowing exactly how happy and in love his two dads will be.
** ** ** ** ** ** **
They happen a week later, the proposals.
Both men had been carrying around their rings, each trying to find the right moment to ask the question and it ended up being on one of their casual date nights, one that they were having at home. Christopher was having a sleepover with Denny and Harry in the Grant-Nash household.
They had strung up some fairy lights over the back patio and set out a picnic dinner on the grass with some soft ambient music playing in the background. It was after dinner, with them both stretched out on the picnic rug looking up at the sky, searching out the stars when Buck rolled over and propped up on an elbow discreetly pulling out the velvet box from his pocket.
“Eds, I-” Whatever he was about to say had evaporated as he peered down at Eddie, entranced seeing him bathed in the soft glow of the fairy lights.
“What is it, Evan?” Eddie looks up at him curiously, sitting up slightly as he leans back on both elbows. That was when he spotted the box.
Noticing this, with a blush creeping up his neck, Buck presents it to Eddie, “I had a whole speech planned but looking at you just now has me speechless, so,” he breathes out a calming breath, “Eddie Diaz, will you do me the honour of becoming my husband?”
Eddie grinned back at him which was a good sign, what he didn’t expect however was for his to start laughing, a joyous happy laugh as he turns away before sitting back up and presenting his own little black box.
“Looks like we had the same idea!” he ends up saying in delight, “Would you do the honour of marrying me?” He asks with a chuckle.
And Bucks answers with a kiss, capturing Eddie’s lips in his own tenderly as he conveys all the love he has for the man. Eventually, they separate, both breathless from the moment.
“I guess the answer is yes for the both of us, huh.”
Buck pecks him on the lips again, eyes sparkling, “A thousand times yes.”
Buddie Week, Day Seven: You Can Hear It in the Silence
More time, more breaths, and the words start to make sense: “Eddie, love, my love, come back to me. You’re safe, I’m here, come back to me. Please Eddie, babe, come back to me.”
My love.
Babe.
Come back to me.
Buck.
AO3 Link Here
The ‘verse here
Prompt: Free Day!
Title is from You Are In Love, by Taylor Swift. I just found the song (it’s on the deluxe edition of 1989), and why yes, I am in love.
--//--//--
Eddie doesn’t remember the ride home. He doesn’t remember the hospital visit. He doesn’t even remember how he got his turnout equipment off, if he’s being honest. All he can think about is the dead boy he hadn’t been able to save, and watching the flames devour him as he’d fallen through the staircase. The boy was already dead, there wasn’t anything Eddie could do to save him, and the fire had already engulfed the house, but he just…
The kid’s eyes were open.
“We’re home.” Buck’s voice is soft, but it shakes Eddie out of his thoughts, and he winces as he looks at his husband. “Eddie-”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Buck,” he answers, snappy, and he winces again. “Sorry, I’m sorry. You...you don’t deserve that.”
“It’s fine,” Buck interrupts. “I just want you to know that I’m here whenever you do want to talk about it. I know what you’re going through, and...no matter what, you’re not alone. You don’t have to go through processing what happened alone.” He smiles sadly, reaching out to cup Eddie’s cheek, and it’s almost automatic that Eddie nuzzles into Buck’s wide, warm palm. “We’ll get you inside, and to a hot shower. It’ll help with all the soreness.”
“The boys-?”
“I gave them a call while you were getting looked over. Hopefully they’re in bed, considering it’s like two AM.”
“Shit, Buck, I didn’t-”
“No. You are not doing this. You are not apologizing for whatever time it is; you needed to go to the hospital, and I was more than happy to be there with you and wait if it meant you got to come home. Now, you just stay there and I’ll come help you out, hmm?” He says it like a question, but he’s out of the truck before Eddie can answer, already opening the passenger side door. “C’mon, babe, let’s get you inside.”
It’s exhausting just getting out of the truck, and Eddie can’t imagine how he would have managed it by himself, much less the long walk to their front porch. His body is screaming at him by the time they reach the front door, and he whimpers as they have to pause for Buck to open the door. “I know, babe, I’m sorry, but we’ll be there soon,” Buck murmurs, and he’s right, soon they are walking into the dark house (well, Buck is walking. Eddie is stumbling along and would probably faceplant in the entryway if it weren’t for his husband’s arm around him, keeping him up).
Eddie doesn’t know how long it takes them to get to the master bath, but soon, Buck’s dumping him onto the toilet, going over to turn on the shower. “I’m going to check on the boys; you at least try to get some of your clothes off, hmm? I’ll be back soon.” He runs his hand through Eddie’s hair affectionately, pressing a kiss to his husband’s forehead. “I won’t be long.”
It takes a moment for Eddie to realize he’s alone, a moment to remember that he's at home and the boy he sees is in his head. He’s dead, and there’s nothing Eddie can do to save him.
It hurts to think that he couldn’t protect that kid more than it did going through the stairwell.
Try to get some of your clothes off. Buck’s given him clear instructions, something to focus on instead of the nightmares in his head, and he’s so grateful to have a husband who understands.
He starts with his shoes.
He’s gotten as far as getting one halfway off when Buck gets back, and his hands are shaking from the exertion of it. He startles when Buck leans down in front of him, batting his hands out of the way, and Buck smiles at him. “I’ve got this now, old man.”
“You married me; you agreed to take care of me in my old age,” he manages to say as they get his shoes and socks off.
Buck grins. “You bet your ass I did.” He reaches for Eddie’s shirt. “Can you lift your arms while I pull?” Eddie nods, and they go slowly, inch by agonizing inch until Buck’s tossing the shirt on the floor.
“If this was any other day, I’d be pushing you into the shower to have my way with you, I’ll have you know,” Eddie manages as Buck hauls him back on his feet, quickly getting his pants and boxers off. Buck’s laugh fills the bathroom as he gets into the show, the hot water and building steam a relief against the ache that’s consumed him. He wants to make a comment about Buck letting out all the heat when he steps in behind him, but honestly? He’s too damn tired to do it.
He remembers little of the actual shower, mostly just moaning as Buck’s slick hands massage shampoo through his hair and work out kinks in his back; he doesn’t remember Buck switching places with him quickly to shower himself, or drying off. He doesn’t remember how his husband gets him into sleep pants, or how he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He doesn’t know that Buck stays up, watching him, worrying about him, waiting for the nightmare to come.
And come it does.
Instead of a little boy he doesn’t know, this time it’s Chris, and it’s Nate, both watching him with lifeless, soulless eyes because he was too slow, too weak, too late, falling as the flames start to char their faces. He gasps awake, and all he can see is flames and all he can smell is smoke and all he can hear is the roar of his heartbeat.
But he can feel a warm presence by his side, and a solid weight on his arm. There’s sound, still too muffled to make out, but it’s not...that’s not his heartbeat. A few more moments trying to suck in breath that won’t come quick enough, and he realizes the sounds are words.
More time, more breaths, and the words start to make sense: “Eddie, love, my love, come back to me. You’re safe, I’m here, come back to me. Please Eddie, babe, come back to me.”
My love.
Babe.
Come back to me.
Buck.
With an anchor point to reality that he holds onto as tight as possible, other things return gradually. First his sense of smell: Buck’s body wash and the laundry detergent, then his sight, and though it’s still dark, he knows it’s their bedroom. Buck’s hand is tight around Eddie’s wrist, and he realizes at the very end his nails are digging into his chest. He let’s go, wincing at the deep grooves in his skin.
“It’s okay,” Buck murmurs, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “You’re okay, right?”
“The...the boys. I need to...I need to see the boys.”
Buck nods. “We can do that. You think you can move okay?”
And it’s then that the soreness rears its ugly head, but Eddie murmurs “yes” anyway and forces himself to work through the ache to stand, to walk. He forces himself to take the steps across the house, so he can check that his boys are alive and fine, both still asleep, wholly unaware of the hell his mind’s been torturing him with. The entire time, Buck stands stoically beside him, hand on his lower back, keeping him steady, his anchor as always.
It’s early enough that they can return to bed, and Eddie’s settled enough that he can handle Buck wrapping around him. “Thank you,” he whispers into the darkness.
“For what?” Buck says, pressing a kiss to the back of Eddie’s neck, still keeping him steady.
“With you, I’m always on steady ground. No matter what’s happened, in a nightmare or a dream or...no matter what, I know I have you as my solid ground.”
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Eddie reaches over, forcing one of Buck’s hands out of his hair, wrapping it in both of his own. “We have to believe they're going to be okay.”
“But what if they’re not? Did I tell them I loved them before we left? Do they know we love them? Did I hug them enough? Did I-”
“Buck, just breathe, okay? Stop inviting trouble until we know more.”
“They’re back there all alone, Eddie. Our boys are alone,” Buck murmurs, turning to his husband, and he’s broken, eyes sad, and there are tears brimming, ready to be unleashed. “What if-”
Eddie shakes his head. “We’re not ‘what if’-ing this, Buck. We can’t. We hope for the best, and we wait for the doctor.” He kisses the back of Buck’s hand, and Buck lets out a breath, trying to center himself.
AO3 Link Here
Prompt: “Just breathe, okay?” + hurt/comfort
Notes: Title is from State of Grace by Taylor Swift. You can find the other stories in this ‘verse here and probably should read at least a few of them to know who the OMC is in this fic. Also: we are practicing suspension of disbelief and general magical handwaving over all the medical inaccuracies that are in here because a doctor/healthcare provider I am most certainly not.
And someone please let me know if Google Translate failed me anywhere.
--//--//--
They were just going to get ice cream.
It’s all Nate can focus on: they were just going to get ice cream, and Eddie and Buck are going to kill him, because now the truck is pressed against the concrete median of the highway, other crashed cars around them, and his blood’s splattering onto the seats and Chris won’t wake up. Would they send him back?
They wouldn’t do that, would they? They...no, you know they love you, and this won’t change that.
But he’s gotten Chris hurt.
Fuck. Just fuck.
He really likes his family.
He doesn’t want to go anywhere.
“N...Nate?” Chris whimpers, and he gasps, turning too quickly to look at his brother, and pain explodes in his head.
“Shit, shit, shit shit shit,” he breathes out, waiting for the pain to settle into something more manageable, so at least he can see. When he finally attempts to open his eyes again (and God, it hurts, but he has to check on his brother), Chris is watching him, worried, his right cheek red, bruising, a lazily bleeding laceration on his cheekbone. His glasses are gone, and there are more cuts peppering his face. There’s melted ice cream on his face (“I don’t see how you can eat that while I’m driving,” Nate had been complaining, just before the crash, and Chris had given him the biggest shit-eating grin as he took another huge bite of his mint chocolate chip), but for the most part, he looks okay.
Nate still can’t help but breathe out, “Buck and Eddie are going to kill me.”
Chris frowns, reaching over with an unsteady, shaky hand. “Did...did something hit your head?”
“What?”
“You’re talking nonsense, Nate. Did you hit your head?”
“I got you hurt.”
Chris’ frown deepens. “No, you didn’t. A car hit us. You’re bleeding.”
“I know. I’m getting blood all over-”
Pain explodes again as sirens cut through the air, and this time, thankfully everything fades to black.
--//--//--//--
“They’re going to be just fine, Buck,” Eddie whispers. They’ve been waiting for a doctor for a few minutes, and honestly, they probably both look a mess, still in their uniforms, halfway through a shift and just getting back from a rather disgusting run when Athena called, and now Buck is sitting in a hard plastic chair, hunched over, hands clenching into his hair, foot tapping over and over and over, and through his own worry, it makes Eddie hurt. “We’re here now, and they’re going to be fine.”
He reaches over, forcing one of Buck’s hands out of his hair, wrapping it in both of his own. “We have to believe they're going to be okay.”
“But what if they’re not? Did I tell them I loved them before we left? Do they know we love them? Did I hug them enough? Did I-”
“Buck, just breathe, okay? Stop inviting trouble until we know more.”
“They’re back there all alone, Eddie. Our boys are alone,” Buck murmurs, turning to his husband, and he’s broken, eyes sad, and there are tears brimming, ready to be unleashed. “What if-”
Eddie shakes his head. “We’re not ‘what if’-ing this, Buck. We can’t. We hope for the best, and we wait for the doctor.” He kisses the back of Buck’s hand, and Buck lets out a breath, trying to center himself.
“Is this what it was like? When Chris had to have surgeries when he was younger?”
“Every time,” Eddie answers. “We would be waiting, me, Shannon, Mom and Dad the one time I was gone-” he flinches here, and Buck squeezes his hand. “That one was the hardest, and I don’t think I”ll ever forgive myself for being gone. So yeah, the uncertainty and the worry and the fear...it’s always there, but now, now I have to believe it’s going to be okay. I have to, and you have to, even though we’re scared shitless.”
“I couldn’t imagine not having you here to share the weight,” Buck murmurs. “I’m really glad we’re here together. It makes it so much easier to bear.”
They don’t have to wait much longer, thank god, because Eddie’s about to press against Buck’s knee to settle his leg, and they both stand when the doctor calls about Chris. “He’s okay?” Buck asks before the doctor even has a chance to give them her name, but she smiles at him, nodding.
“Christopher is going to be okay. He has a mild concussion, some cuts and bruises on his face, and he’s going to be very sore for the next few days, but nothing permanent, and nothing overly serious. Oh, and I’m Dr. Rodriguez. It’s nice to meet you both. Which one is ‘Dad’ and which one is ‘Buck’ because I’ve heard a multitude of compliments about both and still don’t know which one is which.”
Eddie likes her immediately.
Chris is still in a bed in the ER, and he smiles widely as the curtain opens. “Dad!” he cries happily, and Eddie’s heart tightens as he wraps his son in a hug, as gentle as possible. He feels Buck hug them both tight, and their world is a little more right. “Dad, lemme go! I’m okay!”
“Mijo, you were in a car accident; let me hug you a little longer, hmm?” he whispers, pressing a kiss into Chris’ bedraggled curls.
“Yeah, Chris, let us baby you a little longer,” Buck adds, and Chris huffs, but puts up with a hug for another minute or two before he starts shifting, uncomfortable enough that they both let him go. “You’ve got a hell of cut there, kiddo.” His hand is shaking when he touches Chris’ cheek, just barely, pulling back when Chris flinches. “Sorry about that. I’m just worried.”
“I’m okay, really. My head hurts a lot, but the doctor said I shook my brain a little and it’s going to take a few days until I feel back to normal, And I’m pretty sure my morning exercises aren’t happening for a few days.”
Eddie can’t help his smile. “I think you’ll be okay if you skip them for a few days.”
“Have you...have you guys seen Nate yet? Is he okay? He was talking nonsense in the truck-”
“The doctors are still working on him,” Eddie says, careful with his words; Dr. Rodriguez said there was another doctor working on Nate, that he’d come find them as soon as he got a free moment. “But they’ll come get us soon, I’m sure.”
“Dad, he said something about you guys hating him, because I got hurt. But he got hurt, too! Can you...this wasn’t his fault. He didn’t do anything wrong. I begged for ice cream, and we’d just gone to get some-”
“Superman, neither of you did anything wrong; it was an accident, and they happen,” Buck interrupts, running his hand through Chris’ hair. “No one’s angry at either of you; your dad and I were so scared about both of you, scared that we wouldn’t get the chance to tell you again how much we love you and what amazing men you are both growing up to be. You can ask your dad-I was a mess out there waiting.”
“He really was,” Eddie confirms, grinning when Buck and Chris roll their eyes. “I mean it, Chris! He’s dramatic.”
Chris laughs, and Buck gasps at him, eyes wide. “Christopher! I thought we were buddies!”
When a nurse comes to grab one of them to talk to Nate’s doctor, Eddie goes, Buck having settled half on Chris’ bed, their son drowsy against his shoulder. “I’ll hold down the fort here,” he whispers as Eddie gives him a kiss.
“He was unconscious when the paramedics got to him,” the doctor explains, “but he woke up here, agitated and worried. We gave him something to keep him calm so we could examine him, so he’s going to be a touch out of it. He’s got a concussion, and there’s a nasty cut on his hairline from where his head hit the window. His side of the vehicle impacted the median of the road, and it caused damage to the left side of his body. He has a couple of fractured ribs, he’s got bruising from the airbag, whiplash, but most concerning, there’s damage to his spleen that we need to watch, but the CT confirmed it wasn’t as major as I first feared.”
“Do you want to admit him?”
“I would like to keep him overnight, especially with his concussion and to keep an eye on his spleen. We’re waiting to get him transferred to the children’s floor, hopefully it shouldn’t be too much longer. You can wait with him until they come to get him.”
Eddie thanks the man, opening the curtain as quietly as possible, and Nate...Nate’s watching him apprehensively, tracking him as he moves, suspicious. The laceration on his forehead really is nasty, large and circled in darkening bruises. There are smaller cuts peppered down his cheek and neck before disappearing under his gown, and his left eye is nearly swollen shut.
He looks awful, but he’s alive, and really, that’s all that matters to Eddie.
“Hey, mijo,” he murmurs, heart clenching when he sees Nate’s bottom lip wobbling. “Jesus, kiddo, you gave us quite the scare.”
“I didn’t-” his voice is soft, hoarse, and he winces, swallowing once. “I didn’t mean to get Chris hurt. Please don’t send me back. I’ll do whatever I have to to stay.”
“Nathan-” Eddie breathes out, hugging his eldest son as tight as he dares, feeling his kid sag in his arms. “Baby, you aren’t going anywhere but upstairs to a room and then home with us when we can take you. I know you aren’t thinking clearly right now, and that everything’s a little jumbled, but Nate, Buck and I? we aren’t at all mad at you, for anything. We wouldn’t be mad at you if the accident had been your fault, and it wasn’t. Athena said the driver beside you swerved into your lane and hit the truck, that’s it.”
“I just wanted to get ice cream,” Nate whispers, and Eddie can hear the tears, feel them getting the collar of his shirt wet. “I didn’t-”
“You were being a good big brother, mijo. We are never planning on you being anything but part of our family, being our kid; nothing you do is going to change that.”
“I thought you were going to hate me.” The confession is said into Eddie’s shirt, and his entire world freezes and he thinks about how scared Nate must have been, waiting for them to come, wondering if they wouldn’t. “I really didn’t want you to hate me.”
“Nunca, mijo. Never. Buck and I will always love you.”
“That’s good,” Nate finally answers. “Because I think I totaled your truck.”
Eddie laughs, the first real sense of normality since Athena’s fateful call. “I needed to replace it soon anyway.”
He stays with Nate until they come to transfer him, promising him either he or Buck will be with him as soon as the nurses allow. He gives him one last kiss on his forehead, one last gentle squeeze on his shoulder, one last “I love you,” and watches the bed until the elevator doors close behind it before retreating back to Chris’ curtain. He’s a little surprised to see Chris dressed in comfy clothes, Buck standing beside him, awkwardly holding his crutches. “What’s going on here?”
“Doc discharged him, and Mads brought them both some clothes from home. Chim called her for us,” Buck explains, handing Chris his crutches when asked. Together, they make their slow way out to the waiting room, where Maddie’s sitting, typing away on her phone. She smiles when she sees them, giving both Eddie and Buck a hug in greeting. “I guess I can go home with Chris, get a quick shower and then come relieve you?”
“Aunt Maddie can take me home,” Chris informs them, grimacing just a bit as he grips his crutches, the walk more painful than usual. “You both need to stay here.”
“Superman-” Buck tries to argue, but Chris stops him with one raised eyebrow.
“Buck, Nate’s the one in the hospital; I’m getting to go home. He’s the one who’s not alright right now. He needs both of you. Aunt Maddie said she and Chim could stay with me already, and you guys can stay here. I want to make sure Nate knows he’s just as important as I am to you guys. I know that, and you know that, but he’s not sure of that right now, and it’s important that we all make sure he knows.”
Eddie knows he and Buck have lost this battle (and seriously, Chris is fourteen; how are they losing battles to fourteen-year-olds?), so he shakes his head when Buck starts to argue with Chris. “You will go home, take a hot shower, and get some rest?”
“That’s the plan.”
“Promise?”
“Dad-”
“Mijo, I don’t want to worry that you aren’t doing what the doctor said while I’m here.”
Chris rolls his eyes, but nods. “I promise. Home, shower, cuddle with Scarlet, and then bed. Aunt Maddie can text you all about my very boring adventures.” He hugs his father, squeezing as much as he can muster. “As long as you take care of Nate.”
“Always, kid.”
--//--//--
Nate wakes sometime during the night, groggy from the meds they’ve given him to help manage the pain while he tries to sleep. Everything feels off, and he’s a little desperate when he looks around, the room empty until he turns his head ever-so-gently, the ache of moving that much starting to build, and he sees them both, sprawled out on the unused bed beside him, both of them facing him, Eddie spooned around Buck, their hands intertwined, resting close to Buck’s heart.
They’ve stayed.
It’s what Eddie promised him, when he was still confused, still worried that everything was his fault and they were going to send him away, but somehow, waking up now, more clear headed, it means something more.
