#buddie4ever20

Buck was ready to get out of there as soon as he could because all his thoughts were consumed by Eddie and the gravity of that situation, of the fact that he’d almost lost him for good. The need to see him and hold him to be sure his self-rescue wasn’t a figment of his imagination was near overwhelming, thankfully when they returned to the station, they were mercifully free of calls for the next few hours allowing them time to get warm and clean after being out in that torrential rainfall, but that didn’t mean he was able to get even a wink of shut-eye.

And with the mental exhaustion of being at the tail end of a 24-hr shift, there was little energy for speculative conversation to which Buck was secretly grateful because at least the tiredness gave him a buffer from the potential consequence of that call resulting in Cap calling him into his office to discuss interpersonal relationships and ask the questions that could very well be on everyone’s mind since witnessing his less than subtle emotional outbursts, something he assumed based on the way they looked at him.

Not that it would be a bad thing seeing as neither he nor Eddie were actively trying to keep it a secret anymore, not since Christmas really, but it was one thing for people to guess and speculate, and another thing entirely him to announce and confirm it without his better half present and consenting to share such news.

Much to his relief, the end of their shift came around soon enough, and having had a message relayed from Eddie through the hospital reminding him that Chris would need to be picked up from Pepa’s for school, a job he usually reserved himself but seeing as he was out of commission the job defaulted to Buck, meaning he had to leave as soon as humanely possible to keep to the schedule.

It was enough for Chim and Hen to question his eagerness to leave, seeing as he was usually the one of the last out of the station.

“What got you in a rush this morning?” asked Hen as he collected both his and Eddie’s bags, slinging them over his shoulders, “got somewhere to be or something?”

He looked at his watch and said distractedly without missing a beat as he added up time it would take to get from the station to Pepa’s and then to the school, “Actually yeah, I need to pick Christopher up for school seeing as Eddie is still at the hospital, and if I’m going to make it, I really need to leave right now. I’ll see you guys later.”

And promptly left with a wave, leaving Hen and Chim to share a long questioning look before staring after him, only now noticing that he was in fact not just carrying his own bag.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

Eddie was glad to finally be allowed to go home having been given the all-clear some 8 hours later.

The hours had passed slowly for him, lying in the hospital bed, waiting for his observation period to be over. It was excruciating, especially knowing that he could not for the life of him get any measure of rest despite being told by the hospital staff that was exactly what he should be doing.

It was something that he was unable to do, not when his mind was replaying what happened in that tunnel over and over again feeling as though he’d just barely cheated death, which in reality he had. He shouldn’t have survived being trapped down there, probably wouldn’t have it not for the family that he created for himself, with the fire station, with Buck, with Buck and Christopher.

Christopher.

Tears had sprung to his eyes at the thought of his son, knowing that he had been so close to not being able to return to him and that Chris could have very nearly lost both parents in the space of a year. It was a sobering thought, one that plagued him in the early hours of the morning while most of the hospital still slept.

And thinking about it all had just left him restless, itching to hold his son in his arms to remind himself that he actually did make it out and Chris still had a father to come home to. It was those thoughts as well that lead to remind him that he was supposed to be taking him to school and ended up convincing one of the nurses to call Buck to take his place for the morning, something he knew Buck would do without hesitation.

Speaking of Buck; the man showed up after dropping Chris off with an inexplicable warmth to him greeting him with a soft “hey” before insisting that he hang around until he was discharged despite looking just as exhausted as he felt, as if he had just as little sleep as himself.

Much to his displeasure, his body still betrayed him still showing signs of exhaustion despite being given a clean bill of health. And Buck walked closely beside his tired frame to the door carrying both of their bags and opened the door using his own key looking distinctly at home in doing so, a stark difference to the first time all those months ago.

With a sigh he sat on the couch, eyelids drooping while Buck left him for the kitchen stating he should at least have a shower while he made them some tea before getting some rest. Rest: there was that word again. Something Eddie was slowly beginning to hate because every time he closed his eyes he was back in that hole, trapped and alone. It was enough to keep the chill in his bones.

Reluctantly, he trudged to the bathroom and turned the shower on as hot as he could stand, and gave himself a quick but thorough wash not wanting to be surrounded by water for longer than necessary, unwilling to let the sensation of it get the best of him.

Soon after, he returned to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, smoothing out the pillow and finding himself unable to lay down, terrified that the moment he closed his eyes he would just keep reliving that moment when he realised he was alone, no connection to the outside world, no way of knowing that they knew he was still alive.

“I made you some camomile tea, thought it might help,” Buck announced as he joined him in the bedroom, setting the tea beside him on the bedside table, before turning and standing between his legs, cupping his cheek with one hand and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Eddie couldn’t help but lean into it with his eyes closed, relishing in the contact.  

It was over too soon, and he mourned the loss of contact until he heard the sound of clothes rustling and opened his eyes to see Buck changing into his sleepwear. He watched over his shoulder as Buck climbed onto the bed behind him and felt his heart speeding up at the prospect of the simple act of sleeping.

“Eds?”

“I can’t close my eyes, Buck.” He admitted under his breath unable to move from his spot, “I still feel cold even though I know that I’m not and I’m afraid if I close my eyes, I’ll open them again and I’ll be back there.”

He felt Buck’s weight shifting on the bed before his warm body pressed up against his back, a firm but gentle hand placed on his waist, and Buck’s lips lightly touched the junction between neck and shoulder.

“If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t been able to sleep either,” Buck murmured against his shirt, “Let me be here, with you- for you. I’ll keep you warm.”

He could feel the tension melt from his shoulders, not realising that he had been holding any in the first place and allowed Buck to drag him with him to lie down. Almost instantly he relaxed into the comfort of Buck’s arms, feeling the heat the man radiated seep into his core, warming him up in the specific way that he had been sorely needing.

And they just lay there in the still partially lit room, finding an easy rhythm in their breaths. He was close to sleep before he started with a sharp intake of breath, his brain reminding him of one important thought, “What about Chris? We need to pick him up from school.”

Buck shushed and lazily stroked a hand in his hair, “Don’t worry, I’ve got an alarm that’s hours from now to get us up before pick up, and then we can cuddle him on the couch for as long as you want, but right now we both need to sleep.”

That was something that he loved about Buck. His innate sense of knowing and understanding him as much as he knew and understood himself. He settled back down, nestled in Buck’s arms, and reflexively breathed out the words neither of them has said out of fear of saying it too soon despite knowing how the other felt.

“I love you.”

Buck’s arms gently tightened around him, pulling him in closer to his chest as he answered softly into his hair, “I love you too, Eddie.”

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

True to his word Buck’s alarm startled them into consciousness. Much to their relief, sleep had come easily, exhaustion pulling them under swiftly, leaving no room for dreams or memories to wake them.

In no time they were dressed and fed with sandwiches Buck had prepared earlier when he was in the shower and were at pickup waiting for the moment that Eddie had been waiting for since he resurfaced in that pond.

“Daddy!”

After that nothing else mattered, he scooped up his son and held him tight and wouldn’t let him go, even going so far as sitting in the backseat with him on the drive home.

“Bucky said you had to go to the hospital because you got really cold when it was raining last night. Did they help you get warm?”

“That’s right bud, I was very cold and tired because I was helping a little boy, only a couple of years younger than you, get back to his mom.”

“You saved him?”

“He sure did Chris! Your daddy is a hero.” Chimed in Buck from the driver’s seat, and Eddie shared a look with him as Buck mouthed in the reflection of the mirror, our hero.

Soon enough the three of them were cuddled up together under a blanket on the couch with Eddie in the middle and Chris and Buck on either side of him, bellies full of pizza and ice cream, slowly being lulled into a food coma while watching the latest Disney movie that Chris was excited about.

Eddie was content, having the two reasons that helped him make it back alive wedged under each arm, feeling the most at peace than he had ever been in the last 24 hours.

By the time the credits were rolling, Chris was out like a light and he and Buck weren’t that far behind, despite having a solid 5-hour nap earlier. So, they drowsily set about relocating Chris into bed before falling into their own, resuming their earlier position with Eddie curled around Buck’s side head on his chest with Buck’s arms circled around him, securing him in place.

He was nearly lulled to sleep by the sound of Buck’s steady heartbeat when Buck’s voice quietly rumbled in his chest.

“Hey Eddie.”  

He hummed in response, not bothering to open his eyes.

“I’m pretty sure the team knows about us now,”

“Is that so?” He asked with an air of levity as he shifted his head.

“I would like to preface it and say that it’s not my fault, I thought I lost you.”

“I guess I can forgive you for that,” He answered before quietly laughing into Buck’s chest, “Really it’s on them for taking so long to notice anyway, its not like we’ve been all that subtle at recent gatherings.”

Buck softly snorted at that, “Yeah, that’s true.”

“We can figure it out in the morning when we’re awake to remember it.” He suggested with a deep yawn, barely able to stay conscious.

Knowing the man should be home after seeing his jeep parked outside, Eddie knocked on the door a second time and called Buck’s name after getting no response from inside. He sighed, tipping his head back in exasperation feeling ridiculous over his unease, like he was overreacting, which he felt like he was.

He knocked one last time and when he still heard nothing from the other side of the door, stepped back, pulling his keys out of his pocket to get to his phone to call the unresponsive man, only pausing in his actions when the blue marked key captured his attention.

Forgoing the call, he decided to make use of the key instead and let himself in, calling out to Buck once again. He peered around taking in the space, easily finding him in the living room on the couch with his back to Eddie, play what looked to be Minecraft?

It’s only when he looked more closely, could Eddie see the reason why Buck didn’t answer the door. He was wearing what seemed to be noise cancelling headphone and was completely unaware that there was anyone else in the apartment with him.

Setting the beer down on the dining table, Eddie moved to stand behind Buck and lifted one of the earpieces from Buck’s ear, and said quietly, “Someone could rob you right now and you wouldn’t even know it.”

He pursed his lips in amusement when Buck visibly jumped, dropping his controller on the floor in surprise.

“Jesus Eddie!”  Buck hissed as he clutched dramatically at his chest, turning to look up at him as he slipped the headphones from his head, “What the hell? Give a guy a heart attack why don’t you!”

Eddie put up his hands in surrender, not feeling in the least bit guilty taking the opportunity to scare Buck, “I knocked and called your name 3 times.”

Buck huffed as he picked up the controller and set it down on the coffee table, “What are you doing here man?” he asked, half-turning around on the couch to look at him properly.

Eddie rubbed at the back of his neck, feeling silly seeing now that Buck seemed perfectly fine. “I came to check on you.”

Seeing the confusion written on Buck’s face, he elaborated “You’ve been quiet since that call at the overpass, thought you might like someone to talk to.”

Buck lit up in understanding and shook his head, “I’m alright, just had a lot on my mind is all.”

Eddie moved back to the table and pulled out two of the beers, proffering one to Buck, “Did you want to talk about it? I mean- it’s not every day you have a gun pointed at you.”

“Oh, that?” Buck waved his hand dismissively with a shrug before extending it out over the back of the couch towards Eddie, gesturing for the beer, “That’s not the first time I’ve had to deal with a gun, although it was the first loaded one.”

Eddie pressed the bottle into his hand and took the cap off his own as he moved to sit in the nearby armchair, curiosity piqued “It’s not?”

Twisting the top off his beer, Buck took a swig before answering, “Weapons training and simulations was part of Navy SEAL training. I guess it’s something I got used to.”

Eddie leaned forward, feeling both surprised and impressed over this revelation. “You trained in the SEALs? Wouldn’t have pegged you for something like that.”

“Yep,” Buck answered casually, popping the p as he settled back into the couch cushions, sling an arm across the back, “I didn’t finish though, figured out after a while that it wasn’t for me.”

The conversation lulled for a moment as Eddie mulled over this newfound knowledge, realising that he actually knew very little about Buck. And from what he’s slowly discovering, there was a lot more to the man than meets the eye, making him want very much to get to know this surprisingly enigmatic man before him.

It’s Buck that eventually broke the silence, “We talked about relationships, about not wanting to be ignored anymore.”

It took Eddie a moment to understand what Buck was talking about. “You and Lola? The lady on the bridge?”

“Yeah, that’s why I’ve been quiet, our talk just got me thinking about everything with Abby.”

“Your invisible girlfriend.” Said Eddie jokingly, hoping to ease the tension in Buck’s shoulders and at least get a smile to Buck’s face. He felt somewhat triumphant when Buck chuckled at the dig.

“She might as well be a ghost at this point.” He said with a sigh, “I don’t know, man. I’ve just been thinking how long is too long to wait for someone when you live in their apartment, but you barely even talk with them anymore.”

“I’m probably not the best one to talk to about relationships at the moment but let me ask you two questions. Do you love her as much as you did when she was still here? Or is it now that you love the idea of her?”

He watched as Buck considered the questions, knowing that it could difficult to distinguish between the two of them.

“You don’t have to know right this second, but just think about it. If it’s the latter, then it might be time to move on. From what you’ve said about her, she sounds like she's happy, just don’t forget that you deserve to be happy too even if that means it’s time to let go.”

“Yeah, I guess you might be right.”  Buck eventually uttered after a long pause, scrubbing at his face

“Of course, I am, would've thought by now you'd have figured out that I’m always right.” Remarked Eddie light-heartedly.

‘Sure, you are Eddie.” Buck responded with a smirk and a shake of his head as he finished off what was left of his beer before setting it down beside the controller, reminding Eddie of what Buck was playing when he came barging in.

“So... Minecraft?” He asked, changing the subject as he indicated towards the idling screen.

“Yeah, yeah I know, it’s a kid’s game,” Buck answered rolling his eyes in good humour, “But it’s surprisingly relaxing to just chill with some music and build stuff.”

“Hey, you do you man,” Eddie put his hands up, doing his best to look non-judgmental, “just please tell me you have some competitive games too.”

“I do! I swear, there’s just not many people I know who would be interested in playing.”

“Well, we’ll just have to fix that won’t we…” Eddie looked down at his watch, “…just not today. I should head off, got to pick Chris up from school.”

Buck stood up with him and they both made their way to the door, “Oh yeah of course man. But yeah we should totally do that sometime, and you know Christopher is always welcome too.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Eddie opened the door and made a move to leave when Buck’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Hey, Eds.” Eddie paused in the doorway and turned to find Buck awkwardly tapping a knuckle to the door frame. “Thanks for stopping by to check on me. You didn’t have to, but I appreciate it.”

“No worries Buck, what are friends for. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you at work.”

They were pretty sure the others were finally catching on. It was hard to miss the side-eyed glances when he mentioned something involving Buck and Chris or when Buck did the same mentioning him and Chris. They were also noticing long considering looks coming from Bobby, especially when they were doing something together alone when at the station, but it was hard to say whether he knew but was waiting for them to come to him or if he just suspected something was going on.

In any case, they knew it was long overdue for them to officially be seen as a couple in the eyes of the team and the universe, except the problem was, anytime they tried to get Bobby alone for a chat or tried to bring it up when there was a dip in conversation, something else became more important.

Their most recent attempt was the closest they had ever gotten, having managed to catch Bobby alone in his office looking at them expectantly behind his desk.

Buck had just managed to utter, “Bobby, there’s something that Eddie and I have been wanting to tell you. We’re in a--”

He was cut off before he could finish the sentence, the call alarm blaring for their attention and distracting them all from the conversation at hand. It resulted in a rushed promise from Bobby that they would finish the chat when they returned after the call.

The call being the train derailment; bringing Eddie face to face with a person that he has only ever heard of.

Abby.

Buck’s ex-girlfriend.

As soon as Buck appeared by his side and said her name Eddie knew exactly who she was. How could he not? Buck had been living in her apartment in the first half of the year of him knowing the man and he remembered how long Buck carried a torch for her. How long he desperately held on to the idea that she was still his girlfriend until he finally let go and moved out of her apartment.

And now here she was, just showing up after all this time; no text, no call, no warning at all that she was coming back into town. Returning with a fiancé no less. He saw the way Buck reacted, how that revelation affected him. And then Buck, his kind-hearted, selfless boyfriend goes and promises her that he’d bring back her fiancé with the heavy implication that he would make sure they brought Sam back alive.

He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand why Buck would make that promise, she had ghosted him for months before he had finally given up on the hope that she’d return. It made him nervous because he knew exactly how far Buck would be willing to go for a promise, and that terrified him.

And he was right. Buck wouldn’t listen to reason, so focused on being able to deliver on his promise that he seemed willing to ignore rational thought. He was so hell-bent on trying to save Sam even though there was no feasible way of rescuing him and the girl, that he was willing to put his life on the line. It was maddening and enough to make him snap out of fear and frustration in a last-ditch attempt to make Buck see reason.

“Buck, stop! Alright, I know you made a promise.”

And then for him to see Buck to back-track and fail to divulge pertinent information to Cap as to why he was acting the way he was, well, it set his teeth on edge and it had him spitting out, “Abby! His fiancé is Abby.”

Unable to look at Buck as he continued to blatantly disregard his own safety for a promise he shouldn’t have made, he left Bobby to deal with him, hoping that maybe the Captain would have more sway in talking Buck down from his dangerous plan. But it seemed not even Bobby could talk Buck down, especially when, much to his chagrin, he was offering admittedly sound reasoning.

That didn’t stop him from worrying about the man the whole time he was out there, hanging off the side of this awfully unstable car. It was one thing to be on the inside if it destabilised and falls, it was another thing entirely to be attached to it on the outside with no way to protect one’s self from the fall.

Thankfully, it was a situation that didn’t eventuate, and for that Eddie was enormously relieved because he wasn’t sure his heart could take it if it did. In the end, he was left with Buck watching as the ambulance drove away and could only imagine how Buck was hurting from seeing Abby and Sam together. It was enough to dispel any residual feelings of frustration and anger that he might have felt about the situation.

In fact, the whole situation was enough to put things in perspective for Eddie. Reminding him of how far he and Buck’s relationship has progressed and how much he wanted it to keep progressing and take the next logical step. But first, they were going to have to deal with Bobby who seemed to have remembered their previous meeting, despite the exhausting call, as he muttered to the two of them to join him in his office once they returned back to the station and restocked the trucks.

“Now what was it that the two of you wanted to talk to me about? Don’t tell me it has something to do with the way you were both acting today in that train car,” Opened Bobby when they finally joined him, looking up from his paperwork with a tired sigh.

“Well, it does, and it doesn’t,” Eddie answered vaguely, causing Buck to shoot him a look as he closed the door and took a seat beside him.

“What’s that supposed to mean, Eddie?” asked Buck in a hushed tone, half-turning in his chair.

“Nothing. We can talk about it later,” he muttered back, not wanting to talk about it right this second.

“If this is about Abby, you know I had no idea that she was coming back.” Pressed Buck.

Before he had a chance to respond to Buck and say that yes it was about Abby but not it the way that he thinks, Bobby was clearing his throat, reminding them that he was in the room and waiting for an answer to his initial question.

“Right, sorry Cap. What Buck and I have been wanting to tell you is that we’re in a relationship.”

Bobby looked between them as if he were trying to gauge whether or not he was joking and must have come to a conclusion because his next question was simply, “How long has this been going on for?”

“Over eight months.” Buck jumped in, answering resolutely, “We wanted to be sure before we told anyone.”

“Well, that clears up a few things.” They heard him mutter under his breath as he pulled out a manila folder from his top desk drawer before addressing them again, “I had a feeling this might come up at some point, I’ve been waiting with the paperwork for the last couple of weeks.”

“You knew?”

“Well,” Bobby drew out as he slid across the relationship disclosure form, “I didn’t know for certain, but I have been suspecting that something was going on, so have Hen and Chim, just didn’t realise exactly how long it’s been going on for.”

He waited patiently after handing a pen to them to fill out the form and sign it before sliding it back to him.

“As your friend, I am happy for the two of you but as your boss let me make one thing clear. If your personal relationship starts to affect your work on the job, I won’t hesitate to transfer one of you to one of the other teams in the station. Understood.”

“Yes, sir.”

“We promise to be 100 percent professional at work just like we have been when you didn’t know about us-”

Bobby raises an eyebrow at that, giving them a pointed look.

“- but we will try to do better at controlling our emotions if and when one of us is in a dangerous situation?” Buck tacked on questioningly, assuming that was Bobby’s look was alluding to.

Bobby nodded in approval before adding in good humour, “I should hope so, however, I have a feeling we might have to revisit this conversation sometime in the future.”

Eddie chuckled as he stood up, “That is entirely possible, but we will do our best to avoid it.”

“Good.” Bobby said with a grin as he offered his hand to both of them, grasping each of their arms warmly with his free hand, “I really am happy for you both. Now go, tell the others.”

With a sigh of relief, they left the office feeling somewhat liberated over finally disclosing their relationship. Admittedly, one of the reasons for their hesitation was that they weren’t sure they would be allowed to continue working in the same team and they wanted to prolong the moment for as long as they could, not wanting to be separated. But it seemed they were worried for nothing and now they could bring Hen and Chim into the loop.

Funnily enough, they didn’t have to look far for their friends, finding them not so subtly loitering nearby. Feeling Buck’s fingers thread between his own as they move to greet the other two, Eddie found himself unable to keep the smile from his face, knowing that this was something they could now do freely in front of their friends.

They barely had to say anything, with Hen immediately zeroing in on their joined hands and crowed in delight over their announcement before a group hug was instigated by Chim, celebrating their news, and declaring how overjoyed they were.  

“Can I just say you two are adorable,” Hen remarked when they relocated to the couches, causing him to blush over the comment, knowing that he and Buck had left little room between each other on the couch and had yet to relinquish the other’s hand. “And it’s nice to see that you guys are so comfortable about it after only a couple of months, I honestly thought you’d be more awkward about it.”

“Well,” Buck drew out in a contradictory higher register, “I’d say that’s because it’s been a bit longer than a couple of months.”

“Uhh, how long is ‘a bit longer’?” chimed in Chim, parroting the short phrase back at them.

Eddie looked at Buck who in turn looked at him, and they had a momentary silent conversation based on eyebrow movements and head tilts over who got to break the news. It ended with him sighing and turning back to the waiting pair, knowing what their reaction would be, “Some time since before Halloween last year.”

Their collective response to the admittance had him both wincing and trying to suppress the laughter that was bubbling in his chest over Chim and Hen’s affronted exclamations that they had waited so long to tell them.

“In our defence, we stopped actively trying to keep it a secret at the beginning of the year, we thought you’d figure it out sooner.”

“So, at all the gatherings this year, when you just happened to be dressed similarly and always also came in the same car together with Christopher and seemed to spend your days off together more often than not, that was you being a couple?”

“Yep!” Buck confirmed, popping the p as he relaxed further into the couch cushion and pressed himself more heavily into Eddie’s side.

“Oh my god, that makes so much sense. I can’t believe we didn’t see it.”

They watched as Hen and Chim withdrew into themselves re-evaluating all the moments together and realising what was so blatantly there. It was after a few more drawn-out minutes that Chim startled and stared Buck down.

“Wait, does Maddie know?”

Naturally just as Buck is about to respond, the call alarm sounded sending them all into a flurry to head down to the trucks. Chim however stopped at the bottom of the stairs and repeated his question more loudly. “Buck! Does Maddie know?”

Eddie watched out of the corner of his eye as Buck stopped mid-step and turned back to Chim gesturing for him to hurry up as he does so, “Yes Chim, Maddie was the first to know, now come on, we’ve got to go!”

This jump-started Chim back into action, “Right, yes, of course.”  But that didn’t stop him from muttering that he couldn’t believe she didn’t tell him sooner.

** ** ** ** ** ** ** **

It’s not until they make it back home, do they revisit the aborted conversation that started in Bobby’s office.

“So Eds,” Buck opened with from the bathroom doorway having just finished brushing his teeth, “it’s later. Want to tell me what you meant in Bobby’s office.”

He sighed, realising that he might have been a bit dramatic about the whole situation as he shucked on his bed shirt, “I didn’t really mean anything by it, honestly.”

“I feel like that sigh said otherwise,” Buck observed as he turned off the bathroom light and flipped back the covers, and slid into bed.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Buck! In that train car, I was just so worried about how far you’d go for that stupid promise. That’s all,” he ended up saying in hushed exasperation, turning on the bedside lamp and moved around the room to turn off the bedroom light before moving to climb into his side of the bed.

Buck wrapped an arm around his shoulder when he did and he let Buck pull him into his side, “I only said that because I was thrown. I haven’t seen or spoken to her in almost 2 years and she came back with a fiancé.”

He huffed at that and pushed his mild annoyance aside, relaxing into Buck’s embrace instead, “Okay, so maybe I was being a bit irrational too. But so were you promising to save him, you know that we’re not supposed to do that.”

“I know. And as much as I know I shouldn’t after the way things ended between us, I do still care about her, I didn’t want to be the reason she didn’t get to be happy.”

He repositioned his head to settle it more closely to Buck’s heart speaking softly, “I get it,” and then after a period of quiet as they listened to each other breathe he suggested, “You should go see her.”

The was a beat of hesitation from Buck, “…you sure?”

“Yeah, of course. I mean, I may resent her as your friend and boyfriend for what she did, but this is about you. You deserve to get the closure she owes you.”

There’s a long considering pause as Buck thought it over, long enough that Eddie actually thought he might have fallen asleep, so he shifted across Buck’s warm chest to turn off the lamp and resettle back onto his pillow.

“Eddie?” is spoken softly into the darkness, the sound of a head turning on a pillow.

Rolling back onto his side to face Buck even in the darkness, he places a hand on Buck’s bare chest, “Yeah Buck?”

“I just want you to know how much I love being part of your life. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I promise to do everything in my power to keep it that way for as long as you’ll have me.”

Smiling softly at the heartfelt declaration, he uttered immediately in response, “I love being part of your life too Buck and I know how seriously you take your promises." He pressed a kiss to the tip of Buck’s shoulder, "Don't worry, I don’t intend on letting you go anytime soon.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” He felt as Buck adjusted his position slightly to drop a kiss to the crown of his head with a contented sigh.

“Any word from Eddie?” He asked while they took the opportunity for a 3 pm lunch, passing Hen her sandwich, hoping that maybe he’d reached out to someone.

“Haven’t since the hospital,” Chim responded in between mouthfuls of his sandwich and looked to Hen who shrugged and shook her head empathetically.

“Last I spoke to him was when I let him know he could have a much time as he needed and that wasn’t much of a conversation.” Added Bobby as he packed away the sandwich fillings.

Buck nodded along in understanding but still feeling uneasy, unsure of what he could do to help his grieving partner. It takes him the rest of the shift to decide but eventually he figured it would be worth it to at least check on him in person on his way home after shift.

Before leaving the station, he sent a quick message to Eddie.

Me: I know you haven’t answered any of my other messages but thought I might stop by on my way home tonight, just thought I’d give you a heads up if you didn’t want me to.

Eddie: Read 8:28pm

It was nearing 9 pm by the time Buck made it to Eddie’s place. He intended to be there much earlier, but he ended up stopping along the way to pick up a Nutella pizza and beer figuring Eddie might like some comfort food.

Buck checked his phone when he parked outside Eddie’s house. Taking the lack of response as a sign that he didn’t not want him to come over. He slid the beer and pizza from the passenger seat into his lap before getting out and locking the truck.

As he walked up to the house, he hesitated a few steps from his Jeep briefly reconsidering this whole idea, doubt colouring his thoughts about whether or not he was overstepping just to give himself peace of mind. With a bite of his lip, he surged forward to the door pushing past the indecision and gave it a cursory knock before using the key to unlock it.

Upon entering, he could hear the faint sound of the tv as he tentatively made his way inside calling out to Eddie, wondering if he was even going to accept his presence. Moving through the house he passed the empty living room immediately noting the lack of Chris’ presence and energy within the walls despite the hour, the heavy weight of sorrow taking his place.

He found his partner in the kitchen peering absentmindedly into the fridge seemingly unaware Buck had been calling his name and watched as he startled slightly when he closed the fridge door having taken nothing out of it.

“Uh, hey man. Thought you might like some company.” Buck said cautiously, unable to read Eddie’s face like he normally could. Eddie’s eyes momentarily flickered with what looked to be gratitude before taking the beer out of his hand and carried it to the living room.

Taking that as an invitation to hang around, Buck followed him, concern blossoming in his chest. Eddie set the beer down, immediately taking one, and opened it as he collapsing on the couch. Buck did the same, placing the pizza down next to the beer and fell into the adjacent armchair.

The tv was quietly playing some kind of nature documentary and it was only now that Buck noticed looking around that most of the lights were off except the lamp sitting behind the couch bathing them in muted light.

He turned his attention back to Eddie, who has slouched down into the couch, staring glassy-eyed at the tv with the beer resting on his leg, untouched. He looked exhausted, with dark shadows under his eyes and hair mussed. It looked like he hadn’t shaved since Buck last saw him which, considering the circumstance was unsurprising. All in all, he looked like what you’d expect of a man who had recently lost his wife.

“I – Uh, brought a Nutella pizza, it’s not the healthiest of choices but I’ve always found that it’s surprisingly good comfort food. Though, you don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to.” Buck rambled, unsure of what else to say. Eddie barely acknowledged that he heard aside from a quick glance at him and the box, staying silent as he turned back to stare off in the direction of the tv.

Buck rubbed the back of his neck feeling kind of awkward, “Look, man. I don’t know how you must be feeling right now, but I’m here if you wanted someone to talk to or I can just sit here quietly…” he took in Eddie’s far off expression, “…or I can just go if that’s what you want.”

He moved to get up taking the quiet as an answer, but Eddie quickly snagged his wrist, halting his movement. Buck looked down at him, who in turn was looking up at him with glistening eyes.

It was then that Eddie uttered a small, “Don’t go, not yet.”

With a look like that, Buck couldn’t imagine being able to deny such a request, his heart just wouldn’t allow it.

He sat back down, choosing instead to take a seat next to Eddie on the couch, shuffling closer to him until their legs were pressed together. Eddie sagged into the couch following Buck’s seating choice and released what sounded to be a relieved sigh, seemingly taking comfort in the contact. After some moments he leaned forward and set the still untouched beer on the coffee table and then rested his forearms on his knees with his hands hanging between them and head bowed.

“The house is so quiet when Chris isn’t here, even when he’s asleep it never feels like this. My Abuela and Tia have been here ever since they found out about the accident but today, they thought it might be a good idea for Chris to stay with them tonight just so I could have some time for myself to process.”

He absentmindedly reached for a slice of pizza and took a small bite of it before setting it on top of the box, “I just don’t know what to do with myself. The funeral is a day from now, my family and her family are coming, and I have no idea of what I’m going to do or say.”

He continued, voice now thick with emotion, “I was ready to be a family again, I thought we were having another kid together and then we weren’t. I was ready to be a family again and she wanted a divorce and then she died just like that,” Eddie choked back a sob, “Even after all of that and everything that we went through, I still loved her.”

It was then that he started to cry in full force over this admittance, letting the grief and the emotions that were mingled in with it flow through him through his tears.

Not knowing what to say, Buck did the only thing he could think to do and silently wrapped a supportive arm around Eddie’s shoulders as he crumpled in on himself.

Eddie’s body shook with the heavy sobs as he turned his head into Buck’s shoulder, soaking the material of his shirt with his tears. Feeling his heart break for the man that he’s grown to care for, Buck rubbed soothing circles into Eddie’s shoulder as he cried, knowing there was nothing that he could say that would ease this kind of pain.

They stayed like that for some time, Buck just holding Eddie until the flow of tears start to dry up and Eddie pulled away, wiping at his face and looking embarrassed. Buck let his arms fall away, allowing Eddie as much space as he wanted.

“Sorry, I’m never like–”

Buck interrupted him with a stalling hand before he could finish what he was about to say, “Don’t say another word, you have nothing to apologise for. I’m here for you, whatever you need, even if it meant just being a shoulder to cry on.”

“Thank you,” breathed Eddie softly as he gave him a small smile.

“Did you want me to stay?” Buck asked gently, seeing now that Eddie might need the company.

He watched as Eddie slouched down and rest his head on the back of the couch, tilting his head to the side look at him. “Could you? You make it feel less quiet, you always do.”

Buck slumped down, mirroring Eddie as he took in the smoothed lines of his face in the glow of the tv, making himself more comfortable while keeping his knee in contact with Eddie’s.

“Okay then, I’ll stay.” He breathed, knowing that he would do anything Eddie asked of him

They stayed like that for a couple of hours, with Buck quietly telling Eddie about all the calls that he had missed over the last couple of days, embellishing where he could. Eddie for his part, did his best to respond and ask questions when appropriate, but as the time passed, his answers shortened and started turning into hums, and eventually he slid sideways against Buck, lightly snoring.

Buck carefully moved out from under him and gently set him down on the couch, lifting his feet up so that he was lying more comfortably on his side. He then went to Eddie’s room and grabbed the comforter and a pillow and brought them back to the lounge room, easing the pillow under his friend’s head before draping the comforter over him.

With hands on his hips, he tore his gaze from the sleeping man to survey the rest of the room and decided to, at the very least, clear up the coffee table, gathering the beers and pizza, moving them to the kitchen. Placing both onto the bench, he scratched his head in dismay.

There were a number of dishes piled up beside and in the sink. It looked as though nothing had been washed in a few days, that is not to say that Eddie didn’t have or use his dishwasher, he did, except for the fact that it was currently half full of clean dishes.

Realising that it was too late to get stuck into them now as it was past midnight and not wanting to wake Eddie with the clattering of dishes, Buck made a mental note to tackle the cleaning in the morning and instead put both the pizza and what was left of the beer in the fridge.

When he returned to the living room, he kicked off his shoes and set them by the door before grabbing the blanket draped on the back of the armchair and settled into the chair for the night watching the quiet rise and fall of Eddie’s chest, letting the rhythm lull him to sleep as he kept his promise to stay.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Eddie woke up suddenly for no discernible reason, confusion muddling his thoughts as he took in his surroundings. Why was he sleeping on the couch? And how did his comforter and pillow get from his bedroom to the living room? He jolted upright, now realising that the reason he woke up was because there were noises coming from the kitchen.

A quick surge of panic rose within him and he threw back the comforter preparing to defend himself against the intruder as he heard the footfalls travelling towards the kitchen doorway. Almost as quickly as it had come, the panic vanished and was replaced by relief as soon as Buck came into view carrying two mugs of coffee, bringing forth the memory of the night before.

“Morning.” Buck greeted as he set down a mug in front of Eddie on the coffee table before sighing and falling into the armchair.

Looking him up and down, Eddie noticed that Buck was wearing exactly the same clothing as he was the night before, minus the shoes. The blanket that was usually folded and draped on the back of the armchair was now bundled and spilling over the arm.

Eddie took a sip of the coffee, watching Buck as he did so.

“You stayed.” He murmured over the lip of the mug, both unsurprised and surprised that the man had stayed in the awkward chair for the night just because he asked him to stay.

“I said that I would,” answered Buck easily.

They fell into a companionable silence after that, not feeling a need to fill the air with words, instead sipping contentedly at their coffees. It wasn’t until he had finished half of the mug that Buck announced that he answered a call from Pepa on Eddie’s phone earlier, saying that she would be over with Christopher in an hour or so.

Once their coffees were drained, they straightened up the living room, gathering up the bedding from the couch and took it back to the bedroom, it was here that Buck cleared his throat, “Hey, Eds.”

Eddie hummed in response, focusing on smoothing out the comforter.

“I know we’ll be on shift when the funeral is scheduled, but if you want, I’ll ask Bobby if we can stop by…”

“You don’t have to Buck, it’s okay if you guys can’t make it, I’ll have my family there,”

“I want us to. To be there for you.”

Touched by his insistence, Eddie looked up and gave him a small smile, “That would be nice.”

Buck matched his smile with one of his own, “Okay then.”

And that was that. Buck left shortly after once everything was in order, claiming that Eddie should take some time to himself to clean up and sort himself before his son came home, to which he didn’t disagree as he ran a hand across his jawline.

It was only after Buck had left and Eddie had taken a shower did he notice that the laundry hamper in the bathroom was void of any clothes causing him to do a double take. Puzzled, he headed to the laundry, still wrapped in his towel, only to discover two neatly stacked piles of freshly washed and dried clothes, one for him and one for Christopher.

He smiled to himself taking his stack to his bedroom and got dressed. Stomach now grumbling from the lack of breakfast, Eddie made his way to the kitchen to discover that Buck had also cleaned every inch of the kitchen. All the dishes had either been washed by hand and stacked or been put in the dishwasher which was only a few minutes away from finishing its cycle.

He opened the fridge revealing the last surprise of the morning, a jug of pancake batter with a post-it note attached to it, “Eat Me! :)” was inscribed on it in Buck’s scrawl causing Eddie to actually chuckle to himself, something that he didn’t think was possible since Shannon had passed. He pulled out his phone and send Buck a text.

Me: I hope that note isn’t suggesting that these pancakes will make me a giant like Alice. Me: Thanks again for everything you’ve done.

Buck’s response was almost immediate.

Buck: Can’t say I can promise anything about the pancakes ;) Buck: No worries man, I said I’d have your back.

“Buck! Evan. Talk to me, what’s going on?”

Eddie was already scrambling out of his bed, phone held between his ear and shoulder as he slipped on some pants and then shoes that were tossed beside his bed. As he gathered up a hoodie and briefly checked on Chris, he fished his keys from the bowl beside the door as an almost inaudible whisper came through causing him to pause.

“…Eddie.”

He heard a few thuds and clatters from Buck’s end of the call, sounds that Eddie couldn’t quite decipher until he heard the recognisable sound of rushing water. It was at that point that the call suddenly ended, with three ominous beeps. Eddie swore, setting the house alarm knowing that Chris wouldn’t be moving around in the middle of the night, and rushed to his truck as he hit redial, putting the phone on speaker as he started driving, the dull ringing tone the only sound filling the silence.

“Come on Buck! Answer the damn phone.”

His call rang out without being picked up and Eddie just hit redial again, doing his best not to take his eyes off the road. Buck still didn’t answer the second time. Giving up on the phone, Eddie tossed it on the passenger seat and pressed his foot down further on the accelerator, pushing the speed limits, thankful that the late hour meant minimal traffic.

It had only been a couple of days since Buck had managed to convince Maddie he would be fine back in his apartment. When he first got out of the hospital after all the surgeries to his leg, she had insisted that he stayed with her until he was more mobile on his crutches.

That was little more than a week ago and now with the way the call ended, all Eddie could do is fear the worst thinking maybe it was too soon for him to be by himself, far removed from help. He had stairs in his apartment, what if he had fallen down them? Recalling hearing the sound of water, maybe Buck slipped in the bathroom and he reinjured himself through the cast? All these scenarios played in his head as he made his way to Buck’s place.

Finally arriving at the apartment complex, Eddie haphazardly parked his truck and flew out the door, barely stopping to lock it with the button over his shoulder.

He took the numerous flights of stairs two at a time, easily arriving at Buck’s apartment in half the time the elevator would’ve taken. Fumbling with the keys, Eddie easily picked out Buck’s new blue one for this apartment thankful that it was easy to identify. As soon as it was open he rushed inside, calling out to Buck.

“Buck! Buck? You here?”

A croaky reply of, “In here,” could be heard coming from the downstairs bathroom.

It was only now that he heard the shower running and found the bathroom door wide open. From where he stood, Eddie could see Buck’s crutches laying messily inside the door frame.

Stepping inside, his attention was immediately drawn to the bathtub revealing Buck lying inside still fully dressed and completely soaked to the bone by the running shower, his casted leg awkwardly hanging over the side.

“…Buck.” Eddie breathed out with a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding taking in Buck’s appearance for a moment before he swiftly moved to the bath, pushing up his sleeves. The ice cold water splashed on his exposed arm causing Eddie to flinch at the temperature as he reached for the tap to turn it off.

Buck only acknowledged his presence when the water was no longer running over his head and he looked up at Eddie with a haunted expression marring his features. The nearly healed scratches beside his eyebrow look even more pink than usual, standing out against Buck’s pale, cold skin.

His eyes looking almost sunken, shadowed in the lighting as if he hadn’t slept in weeks. A small whimper passed through his lips as recognition set in, tears intermingling with the water droplets that were still falling from his hair.

Buck reached a desperate hand out to him, and Eddie took it in his own, kneeling down next to the bath now at eye level with Buck.

“Eddie? You’re…here?”

“Yeah Buck, I’m here. You called me, remember? And then you hung up on me and wouldn’t answer your phone, I was worried.”

“Oh.”

“Come on. Let’s get you out of the tub and into some dry clothes.”

Eddie helped hook Buck’s other leg to the side of the tub and turned him around so his body was facing out and all he had to do was pull him up to a standing position. He then guided Buck to the toilet and got him to sit down so the water from his shorts didn’t drip down into his cast.

Eddie handed him his towel that was hanging on the towel rail and instructed Buck to dry off as much as he could while he went to get some plastic wrap and fresh pajamas. Searching in his chest of drawers, he easily found some comfortable and warm clothes, and coming back to the bathroom, Eddie was greeted with a much more alert Buck who was still soaking up as much moisture from his shorts as he could with the towel.

“I have something dry for you to change into and some plastic wrap to cover the top of the cast while you change if you think you need it.” He set both items on the counter next to the sink and picked up the crutches that had been left abandoned, resting them within Buck’s reach. Catching Buck’s eye, Eddie gave him a quick nod before leaving the bathroom, closing the door behind him for privacy.

While he waited, Eddie was able to take in the state of the apartment, noting all the details. Every single light was turned on, from the kitchen to the living room making it seem like it was daytime. The couch had been turned into a fold-out, with blankets and pillows strewn across it. His work duffle bag was resting open next to the couch, presumably containing a selection of clothes for Buck to wear instead of having to go upstairs every day to get dressed.

His attention was brought back to the man in question, who awkwardly managed to open the bathroom door with his crutches and sheepishly ducked his head as he moved past Eddie to get to the couch bed. Eddie followed him and took a seat in the armchair next to the tv. He waited, watching Buck as he straightened up the pillows and blanket around him, doing what he could to avoid eye contact.

Buck finally sat down on the edge, briefly making eye contact with Eddie before running a hand through his hair and letting his gaze slide away, “You don’t have to stay you know. I’m good now.”

Knowing that he wouldn’t get a straight answer from Buck by pushing him with questions, Eddie stayed quiet leaning back in the chair with hands resting on his stomach, clearly indicating to Buck that he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. It didn’t take Buck long to realise this, so he picked up a pillow and rested it on his lap, smoothing out the wrinkles in the pillowcase as he traced random shapes that only he could see. He exhaled slowly before opening his mouth.

“I’ve been getting nightmares about the bomb, ever since I got home and was off the heavy meds. From what I can remember it tends to be the moments leading up until the explosion with me and the guys riding in the back of the truck except I always know what’s going to happen before it does, and I always managed to wake up just as it went off.”

Buck paused and gathered the pillow up in his arms, hugging it. Eddie waited patiently, giving him the time to gather his thoughts.

“Before, when I was in the hospital, I said that I couldn’t remember anything after the explosion and at the time it was true while I was all doped up. And I’ve remembered bits and pieces, but tonight was different.” His voice cracked before he breathed out, “Tonight I remembered everything.”

“I remembered all the pain from being thrown out of the truck, and the crushing weight of it on my leg. I remember thinking that I was going to die there, stuck and alone when that kid came over in his vest, surrounded by this intense heat trapped from the explosion in the metal and radiating from the road. There was no escaping the heat, it felt like I was burning from everything around me.”

Eddie leaned forward, concern colouring his voice with his observation, “I’m guessing that’s why I found you freezing yourself in a cold shower.”

Buck nodded, knowing where Eddie was going with that line of thinking, “I don’t even remember getting in the bath, but I guess even in my panicked state I recognised that I needed something to cut through the heat and properly pull me out of the memory.”

Eddie hummed, knowing all too well the need for a shock to the system to break of a memory.

“I’m surprised you managed to call me if you were that far gone.”

“I honestly don’t remember doing that either, I just remember you holding my hand back then, and then you actually were.”

Eddie bit his lip, recalling that moment and all the conflicting feelings that came along with it, his heart and his head fighting for control as he tried to decipher what they all really meant.

“What do you need?” he eventually asked after a moment of quiet.

Buck looked at him in confusion, not understanding the question.

“You called me – what can I do? What do you need me to do?” Eddie clarified, wanting to be of use, to help the person that has helped him through so much, his closest friend and confidant since moving to LA.

Buck answered with a shrug, looking away. “I- I don’t know. Really, you should just go home to Chris, I don’t want to keep you from him. I’m fine now, honestly.”

Shit. Eddie chewed his lip feeling both guilty for leaving his son and torn, wanting to help his friend who was clearly in need of some comfort but with the reminder, he didn’t want to leave his son for any longer than an hour even with the security alarm on.

Coming to a decision he shifted to the edge of the chair and leaned forward, “Do you trust me?”

“More than you could know Eddie.” Eddie couldn’t help but smile at that.

“Lie down. On your stomach.” And Buck does as he’s told, hugging a pillow under his face which he turned to the side to watch Eddie as he settled a pillow under Buck’s cast before moving around the apartment to turn off most of the lights.

He left the lamp beside the couch on, so now the apartment was bathed in a soft glow without feeling oppressively dark. Once all that was done, he took a seat beside Buck who gave him a questioning look but said nothing.

“Just close your eyes, let’s see if we can get you a few more hours sleep.” Buck shut his eyes without question, showing Eddie how much he really did trust him, which had him hoping against all hope that this idea would work.

He started to hum, a soft tune that his mother used to sing to him as a child that he now sings off-key to Christopher at times when he couldn’t get to sleep and started tracing the backs of his fingernails in lazy circles across Buck’s shoulders and back, gently enough that wasn’t scratching but firmly enough that it didn’t tickle.

Surprisingly, it didn’t take long before the tension in Buck’s body started to bleed away until his breaths evened out into a slow deep pattern. It looked as though he’d fallen quickly into a deep sleep and he didn’t stir when Eddie stopped in his ministrations. He couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief to see Buck looking to be at peace before he headed home to his son.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

Buck woke disorientated, somehow feeling more refreshed in the few hours of sleep he’d gotten than in the days after he’d left the hospital, unsure of how he even managed to fall asleep in the first place with that lasting memory still fresh in his mind.

It was only as he started paying attention to how he got in this position did Buck begin to notice the quiet clattering of dishes in the kitchen and the low murmuring of two very familiar voices causing him to blearily open his eyes to see not only Eddie but also Christopher huddled together over the island bench bathed in the morning sunshine making his heart flutter over their presence.

Seeing Eddie brought back the rest of his memory of what happened in the time after he’d woken from the nightmare and put himself in the tub. Remembering that Eddie had not only come at such a ridiculous hour because he’d called him in an irrational state of panic, but he also helped him out of his sorry state with zero judgment and stayed long enough to him get back to sleep which he didn’t think he would be able to do.

Sitting up slightly he sniffed the air, smelling the familiar scent of pancakes permeating the air and drew the attention of Eddie who caught the movement, gesturing for him to stay put while looking quite pleased with himself. Buck turned over to sit in a more comfortable position as the two Diazs’ continued murmuring to each other as they finished before they changed tact and made their way over to him in the living room laden with the freshly cooked breakfast.

“What are you guys doing here?” he asked, unable to keep the incredulity from his voice at having them being there on a weekday morning, “Not that I don’t appreciate that you’re here and made me breakfast, but shouldn’t you be at work, school?”

Buck watched bemused as Eddie carefully settled the tray on his lap, ensuring no coffee was spilled and sat down on the arm of the couch as he answered, “Well, Chris has just started spring break and I have an afternoon start, so I figured you might like some company for at least part of the day,”

They share a meaningful look at that and Buck gave him an appreciative nod, before patting the spot next to him, inviting Chris to join him, and laughed when Eddie quickly rescued the coffee mug just before Chris bounced into position excitedly.

“And I’m guessing you’re the genius who decorated these delicious smelling pancakes.” Buck proclaimed to Chris as he surveyed the strawberry slices and whipped cream smiley faces adorning the stack.

“Yep, Dad let me do it!”

“That’s a good thing, I don’t think your dad could have done a better job.” He said in a staged whisper to Chris.

“Excuse you! I managed to cook these pancakes, didn't I?” frowned Eddie in feigned indignation, causing Buck to laugh.

“Of course, Eds, and you did a great job,” he answered lightheartedly with an appreciative pat to the knee before reaching to reclaim his coffee which Eddie begrudgingly returned to him.