#brutereason

““But wait!” you may say. “Cancer kills, but chronic pain doesn’t!” You got me there. Except not really, because first of all, not everyone agrees that a lifetime of excruciating pain is better than death. For instance, I don’t. Second, severe and untreated chronic pain absolutely does kill. It can increase the risk of suicide and actual opiate abuse and overdose, as well as alcoholism and complications thereof. People who become sedentary due to pain have a higher risk of dying of heart disease, diabetes, and literally any other disease for which being sedentary puts you at risk. People with untreated pain may be unable to work, and their ambiguous medical status can make them ineligible for Social Security. Poverty is itself a risk factor for just about everything.

Which brings me back to my opening analogy. Who decided that the risks of living with severe pain are preferable to the risks of taking opiates? Why do they get to make that decision for patients? What the fuck happened to informed consent?”

“Unfortunately, some people think that being responsible for your own feelings means that you don’t get to ask anyone for help with them–or that you shouldn’t be mindful of the people you care about and how they feel. “

I found this to be a really helpful clarification of “responsibility” and “support.” It still sounds like I prefer to both give and receive a lot more support than Miri does. I also feel like there’s a difference between the personal reality “you can only control your own actions” and the reality that we often respond in predictable (although not controllable) ways to stimuli. So if we want to hurt each other, very generally we can. I don’t it’s true in a moral sense that I am responsible for my emotional responses to trauma triggers. I do think it’s true that my abusive ex is responsible because traumatization was a foreseeable consequence of his cruelty. On the other hand, it is true that I don’t see anything helpful for him to do in the now. In contrast, I have found a lot of things that I can do that help in different degrees at different times.

And Miri absolutely addresses this an more in the article. Nuanced headlines are hard :/

So “responsibility” is maybe overburdened as a word (at least for me). I do think that people have an obligation to take the best care of themselves that they can (which includes not being too hard on ourselves when we don’t!) but I largely think that because viewing it as obligatory helps me do it.

I’m also a little surprised that the article is focused on romantic partnerships, because it seems equally applicable to friendships.

You know Miri and I used to date and are still friends, right? You know her comment is more like "lol buddy this test is of questionable validity" rather than "ohoho peasant clearly you are wrong", right?

My Tumblr Crushes:

mpreg-tony

florentinequill

slythwolf

curiously-chamomile-queer

brutereason

futuristicbowwow

jcatgrl

nonbinaryanders