Night at the Museum AU where Ahkmenrah and Kahmunrah are two Coptic brothers living in New York in the same flat after their parents died, and they both work at a coffee shop/convenience store type establishment, and they show up at each other’s shift to drag asshole customers so the other one isn’t breaking policy.
There’s Gus, the guy who gets coffee there EVERY MORNING despite being an absolute grouch the whole time and not knowing what the brothers are saying to each other, but he’s certain it’s about him. Somehow.
Cecil is at least pleasant, as is Reginald. Larry is barely conscious after working the night shift, or comes in looking for sleeping pills.
Jed and Octavius are two gay strippers who work at the joint down the block (hence the weird costumes). They’re in a relationship with each other, and Octavius always gets the weird beverage but no one gives a shit because he’s consistent.
Teddy comes in for a bagel every morning, and recently started bringing his girlfriend.
Attila and the Huns are the local gang, but they’re like totally cool and look out for everyone else. Seriously, tell them if someone’s bothering you and it will never happen again. (They’re also secretly great big softies.)
Amelia’s training for the Air Force, and lets EVERYONE know it. Custer talks a big game about the army and whatnot but we all know he’s full of shit much of the time. Then there’s a pair of circus monkeys that like to steal things and generally cause trouble, but no one can or will get them to leave.
Napoleon, Al Capone, and Ivan the Terrible are in once a week, as a trio, like clockwork. But they never buy anything. It’s weird.
(Also there’s Brunden, he thinks he’s the security agent for the place and no one knows quite HOW to get him to leave.)
