#brotherless

Brother dearest • Prologue

Just a short angst fic about Rubedo, Nigredo, Citrinitas, and Abedo.

Not really lore accurate.

I always wondered why my younger brother was the favoured one.

It was all so unfair.

How my mother looked at him with pride and adoration while she looked at me with silent disappointment and dismissed me whenever I was near her. And then finally, she fed me to my eldest brother who pitied me yet obliged to her order.

I spent a long time thinking about why, yet I seem to never find out the answer. Am I that worthless? Am I undeserving of love? My mother probably thought so for she never taught me what she taught Albedo.

What's so special about him? Was it because Celestia recognized him as human?

I thought about all whilst I sat on one of the mountains, a smaller blonde with pink eyes beside me.

"I'm just doing this because he stole my birthright." I explained as if the lookalike could comprehend it. I honestly don't expect much... Then I felt something brush on my hand. I turned to look at him, shocked.

"Ru... Bedo... Understands papa..." I froze. Papa? I never taught him that word! But then I laid my eyes on a children's book I stole from Albedo when he was out. It was a yellow book with cartoonish drawings, but I didn't think much of it.

"Citrinitas... Don't deserve name Albedo..." My heart swelled somehow... What is this feeling? "Yes. He doesn't deserve the name Albedo." I raised my shakey hand and scratched his head. He smiled with content.

Nigredo. My brother, Durin. His body dark as his name. The first creation. I remember when I first came to be. He carressed by hair and welcomed me to life.

My youngest brother... Citrinitas. True to his name, he outshines everyone. He took my name and the love of our mother. The golden child.

I, Albedo. Whiteness. I am but a blank canvas. Bland and ordinary compared to my brothers. Yet the most human name of them all. Is that why my mother gave him my name? Because he acted human?

And Rubedo. Poor him. He embodied my rage. I.. Why am I acting like her now.

Why?..

"Papa, don't sad Rubedo don't like see you sad." Rubedo... No. My son grasped my sleeve and looked at me with big emotionless eyes yet his words hit me harder than any emotion.

I gulped the invisible ball in my throat and open' closed my mouth like a fish out of water. After a few minutes I finally had the courage to utter out a few words.

"... Papa... Is sorry." I hunched my body towards him and let out a sob. I felt familiar hot liquid pour out of my eyes.

"Papa is so sorry..." I sniffed and sniffed, not daring to look at my son for I have thought of something so unreadable. I was filled with shame, guilt, and anger.

I now understand why my mother disliked me.

“I don't think my mum likes me very much...“

Lycoris is 6' tall and walks around with his shoulders slouched like he tries to make himself a smaller target.

He works part time as a cashier at Walmart and part time as a mechanic at an autobody shop.

Part of the time, he wears his brother's scarf hidden under his shirt and wrapped around the base of his spine when his anxiety gets bad— and boy does he have it bad.

Lycoris has PTSD, generalized anxiety, an aversion to touch (and yet he craves it to the point it hurts sometimes), and a mild fear of thunder and earthquakes.

He lost his brother in a cave-in accident, though he wasn't unfortunate enough to witness it. He was the one who unfortunately discovered him, though.

He... is not in therapy, but probably should be. He doesn't want to be viewed as "weak" (which he's not, nor does therapy make him weak, but his logic is... flawed) for mourning his Great and Terrible Brother.

He does drink a lot as an unhealthy coping mechanism.

He's roommates with his Grillby.

He wakes up every night he manages to sleep crying for his brother, thinking he heard him blaming him (because he blames himself).

He's blind.

He's about 9'8" and walks hunched over, using a cane to support himself where his back brace can't assist as much.

He has PTSD, an aversion of meat (even the smell of it), claustrophobia, and a case of mistrust towards humans as it was a human who caused his Sans' death.

He is in therapy, but he struggles with it. He vents his despair and grief in painting/sketching.

His brother's hoodie was turned into a plush doll that he sleeps with at night. He has a small altar dedicated to Sans that he has small things that remind him of his older brother— rock pillars, stars, and so on— and he talks about his day there sometimes as if Sans is there listening.

He has a guide dog (German Shepard) named Alfredo (or Alfie).

His brother's nickname is Hamamelis (Witch Hazel).

5 track album

"Thesis" is the opening track from Walk Of Shame, my debut EP.  The EP comes out this Tuesday, 2/25/2014.  It's gonna be available through a ton of digital retailers like iTunes but will be free/name your price on Bandcamp.  CDs, t-shirts, and other silly things will be available at http://brotherless.bigcartel.com.

I'm also here:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/brotherlessmusic Twitter: @brthrlss Instagram: @brthrlss Bandcamp (when it's up on Tuesday): http://brotherless.bandcamp.com

Hope you dig the song!