#brokenback mountain

So, as anyone can gather from my former account @pixie-skull I am comfortable with open the LGBT+ Community being important to me. Especially as I am bisexual so watching the movie Blue, White, & Red very happy to watch. Besides a fun friendship to romance, it just makes me feel oddly so acknowledged.

Like the elephant in the room I am a trans man, but as someone again finding media that actually shows a relationship between men more honestly. It is frustrating how finding intimacy so rarely I connect to. It could be because I am a late bloomer, only recently of 2022 I was beginning to allow myself actually understand myself fully. I mean dang prior to my transition I thought for years I was demisexual, non-binary, sapphic, and just in general unable to see myself connect men x men or men love men relationships. Dang the fact I went from strictly romantic relationships to now more complex. Although, not shaming those under asexual umbrella, just taking time to figure out is powerful. I am just a bisexual (glad bi is actually acknowledged) who unsure his future person if a man, a woman, or even person (yes I am non-binary inclusive), plus mean I only had been intimate nine relationships (shortest two month to year and a month dating from 17 to now), with four people (one FWBs, a man, a man, a woman, and a non-binary person), and I still feel weary of finding a love that works.

So, back to the movie, yes obviously a book written by a woman, movie director by a man, and two men screenplay, this movie I wish I represents friendship, banter or snarky back and forth, romance, and just in a sense of movie this I needed to watch after a very, I will just say, traumatic weekend. Which I am not sure if share, but let’s say such a film like this I needed to watch. Especially as the relationship not just sexual, it is an actual full on relationship. Closest relationship I saw between men who make me so happy is Sense8’s Hernando x Lito, could argue Brokenback Mountain Ennis x Jack, debatably Ethan + Dorian Penny Dreadful (to be fair the character Ethan incredible bi representation), and The Lord of the Rings Frodo & Sam.

I am in zero rush to date again, but this movie help feel less I guess alone? I have yes had an emotionally last two, especially recent weekend, been so hard. I mean it hurts this previous weekend alone made me worry I am not as confident of humanity, even worry I am not as optimistic, to maybe just the most guarded.