This is a list of sad and heartbreaking quotes from my morally gray OC Shadow with a tragic, painful and bloodstained past who almost never trusts or gets attached to people. She had a lot of self-hatred and appears to be a tough, stoic character at all times, but inside she's just plain broken, and her dialogue shows it.

"The sad thing about life is that every time you say 'Hello', you carry the knowledge that there will one day be a 'Goodbye'..."

"The truth is, kid, you're too innocent to understand what I've been through, and I'm too broken to remember what 'peace' is..."

"When you live as long a life as I have, it starts to lose its meaning. It's not really living, not anymore. You just keep dying over and over again every time you lose someone you love. And I'm... so tired of losing people. I just... can't. Not anymore."

"I guess I just thought losing another friend would hurt less, after all the times I've watched loved ones die right in front of me, thought that maybe I'd been desensitized to it, but nope, still hurts like a dagger to the chest."

"Stop treating me like I'm one of you! I'm not, and I never will be!"

"The less you care, the less it'll hurt."

"Moral lines are like shackles, but for me?" I believe in grays. I believe in getting things done."

"If you're fighting an enemy, always go for the heart. Find what they love, and hold it hostage. Because that's where it will hurt most. I know this from experience."

"My enemy is anybody who’s going to get me killed, no matter which side their on."

"You think something like that would hurt, after all I've been through?"

"I guess I'm afraid to be happy. Because happy means lowering my guard, and I just can't bring myself to do that."

"Maybe if I was to kill the most important people in your life, everyone who’s ever meant anything, maybe, then I’d listen to you because maybe then you’ll have some idea how I feel."

"What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a wolf in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset."

"I know you're just trying to help, kid, and that they say time heals all wounds, but not this one. Not yet."

"I'm nothing more than the consequence of catastrophe."

" 'Follow your dreams' is a lie. Because nightmares are dreams too."

"The goodbyes hurt, but the lingering memories hurt more."

“Don’t judge me unless you have looked through my eyes, experienced what I went through, watched everyone you ever cared about die. Until then buzz off, because you have no idea what I've been through.”

“Grief is forever, kid. It doesn't go away; it becomes part of you, step for step, breath for breath.”

"I won the war... but lost the only person that truly mattered. Winning is supposed to be a cause for celebration. So why does it still feel like losing?"

"People see my vicious scars and they are instantly terrified of me. But they don't realize that I got them running into a burning building to save a young girl's life. But even with that knowledge I'll always be the villain to others."

Masterlist

Masterlist #2

TW; Smoking of various types, ambiguously bad decisions.

Part One

-

It had been a week or so since the so-called intervention.

In reality, nothing much had come of it. Hero was still overwhelmed- No one seemed to understand that the issue wasn’t Hero- It was them.

It was his father’s declining health, his mother’s debt, his sister’s deadbeat boyfriend, Villain’s meddling, the police force’s inability to do their jobs like they should-

Hero curled up into a tighter ball, their limbs cold from the night air as they sat on the cold cement stairs leading down to the docks. They lifted a cigarette to their lips, taking a long drag and exhaling before they heard that voice- that damned voice- that was becoming so grating and anger inducing.

“Smoking’s bad for you, you know.”

Hero didn’t even give Villain the satisfaction of turning toward him. In fact, he didn’t have to. The cigarette was plucked from his hand so that Villain could take a hit before passing it back, sitting next to him.

As irritating as Villain was, his warmth was invited. Hero had been out here far too long, chain smoking and ignoring the declining temperature.

“Yeah, well apparently everything I do is bad for me,” Hero responded finally, finishing off the cigarette and smashing the butt into the stair next to him among the pile of other butts.

“There are other ways to blow off steam and destress, you know. Therapy, journaling, exercise, making friends-”

“I don’t even have time to eat most days, Villain, when the fuck do you think I have tine to make-”

“Thomas.”

“What?” Hero looked at Villain fully.

“My name is Thomas.”

“...Yeah. Okay. Thomas,” he sarcastically repeated. “I don’t have time to-”

Thomas’s hand was extended.

“My name is Thomas,” he repeated again. “And you are?”

Hero stared for what felt like an eternity, the two of them sitting on the stair- too close.

“Pierre,” Hero finally responded, taking the hand.

“Congrats, Pierre, you just made your first friend.” Thomas slid closer, if that was possible, and wrapped an arm around Pierre. “Now let’s talk about those hobbies-”

“How about we talk and be friends after you take off this god forsaken power-canceling cuff?” Pierre glared at Thomas, watching the smile never leave his new “friends” face.

“Not until we make progress. That was the deal.”

“I could tell the agency about this and they’d take you in in a heartbeat.”

“Then why haven’t you?”

Pierre fell silent, slumping unintentionally closer to Thomas.

“You want the help, Pierre. And besides, your family would be considered suspects now, too, so why don’t we keep everyone safe and make sweet little Pierre whole again?”

As Pierre reached for another cigarette Thomas slid a vape-looking device into his hand instead.

“Is this a weed pen?” Pierre asked incredulously.

“Sure is,” Thomas beamed. “Way better for you than chain smoking your cancer sticks.”

Thomas opened his mouth to say something else- to convince Pierre- but the currently powerless hero needed no more convincing, lips pressed around the head of the device gently as he inhaled deeply and sighed.

“Wow, you really are just at your end, huh?” Thomas looked at him almost fondly, but that could be the fuzzy feeling in Pierre’s head making him imagine things. “You keep that, take the edge off a little, and why don’t we get you home?”

Somehow Thomas had convinced Pierre to get off of the stairs, the walk home starting off awkward and quiet and somehow turning…nice. Pleasant.

Thomas’s arm was still around him by the time they got back to Pierre’s house, the now thoroughly high hero blinking at Thomas in their close vicinity.

“You…coming inside?” He asked slowly, and Thomas practically bounded inside of the house without waiting for Pierre to open the door.

“I thought you’d never ask!”

Pierre closed the door behind them, turning and staring toward the kitchen. He was hungry- No, starving, but he hadn’t had time to go grocery shopping in weeks. Delivery wasn’t an option- He’d already maxed out his credit card-

“I know that look,” Thomas teased, striding over to Pierre and poking him gently on the nose. “You’re hungry. What’chu got the munchies for?”

“Nothing,” Pierre snapped, or…tried to. It came out weak. “Don’t have money.”

“My treat, little Pierre, no worries!”

By the time morning rolled around Pierre was tucked into bed, taco bell bags discarded in the trash, and Thomas was sneaking out the front door, glancing back toward the bedroom once last time before leaving all together.

He’d be back later, he was sure. Or sooner if Pierre didn’t throw away the phone number scrawled on the back of an old piece of mail left on the kitchen counter.

-

Part 1 here

******

“Why’d you do it?”

Hero was frightened at first, thinking the worse- that Villain was mad at her. And maybe he was, but not in the anger which Hero assumed. An anger which involved malice, hatred, and revenge.

"I'm sorry. I didn't think about it. I should have let him finish instead of-"

"Let him finish?" Villain squinted over at Hero, who wouldn't face him no matter how gentle his tone was. Hero seemed- "Are you afraid of me?"

In response, the chains attached to Hero's wrists clashed and jangled. She said nothing. Swallowed. Stared at the floor. Pondered whether this silence was a better or worse response than...than anything else. Maybe silence would upset Villain further.

Why exactly would he be mad with her? Well, it could have been for several reasons.

The first, Hero eliminated: Villain cared for her.

The second, infinitely more likely: Hero messed up, didn’t allow him to pass out- to avoid the pain which Supervillain caused.

The third, perhaps close to the first: Villain was annoyed by her self-sacrifice, only for it not to work. The stupidity of the act, the thoughtlessness.

“Hero.” Villain’s voice was more demanding this time- a mistake on his behalf. “You are afraid, aren’t you?” Even after that...scene. Villain felt bad, he did- though perhaps he shouldn’t have. He was truly a villain. Caring about whether or not some philanthropist was afraid of him might as well have been considered a crime against his own moral codes. And yet... “We’re- uh- we’re in this together, alright?”

Was such a simple statement easy to say? Not at all.

But was it necessary? Absolutely.

Truthfully, Villain wasn’t sure he would have survived had Hero not stepped in. Yes, he was upset- because he did believe Hero deserved better than to go through...through that. That, which Villain didn’t like to think of, even if it was over for the time-being. The torture.

In any way, Villain appreciated Hero for the help, but...but, it made him angry. Not at her. He couldn’t be angry with Hero, not for something that was so natural to her, and not when it saved him from more torment than he could handle. He was angry with Supervillain, for breaking someone not worth breaking.

It wasn’t that Hero wasn’t a worthy opponent. It was that she didn’t- again- deserve to be an opponent at all. She was kind, self-sacrificing, giving, thoughtful- in a caring way, not so much in a strategic one. Opponents were created with negative connotations, with spite and hate. Hero didn’t deserve that.

“What did you mean earlier,” Villain asked, “about letting Supervillain finish? Finish what?”

“Finish learning,” Hero said, voice almost quiet enough to miss. “It’s easier to let him finish the process, to- for you to sleep, so that it doesn’t- um- doesn’t hurt anymore. But I stopped him too soon and now-”

Is she sniffling? Villain couldn’t see her face anymore. She’d dropped it, letting her hair fall over her eyes and cheeks.

“-he’ll have to do it again. He’ll finish next time, have to do it all over again. I’m sorry.”

Don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong, Villain wanted to say, but by judging the rest of this situation, saying anything would make it worse. Hero would view every word as a lie, or read it as aggravation, and fall further into brokenness. Not to mention, if Villain told Hero not to apologize, then she’d likely apologize again, feel bad for it, and then it’d become a cycle which neither party knew how to deal with.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Hero. It’s okay.”

‘It’s okay.’ Well, wasn’t that the biggest lie of all? None of this was okay, but it was all Villain knew to say. All he could do in order to give Hero hope.

That’s what she deserves.

Hope.

Part 1  || Part 2  || Part 3  || Part 4  || Part 5  || Part 6  || Part 7 || Part 8

It became harder and harder not to break. Supervillain knew exactly what hero couldn’t handle, what their weaknesses were. They made sure that hero knew they weren’t the one in control anymore and hero hated it. It made them unsure and sometimes even scared not to know what would happen. They hated that they couldn’t do anything about what was happening. They hated the hopelessness and it had caused them to scream out of frustration already.

Their body was covered in bruises, cuts, and scars. Every day supervillain added a few more. The knife had been their favorite toy, but breaking hero’s arm, or popping their shoulders out of their sockets had also been a fun activity. They loved to mock them, to play with them like a cat played with their prey.

Hero was worried about their family, but supervillain wouldn’t let anything slip. “I decide if you get to know something or not.” Hero had refused to beg back then, they demanded to know something. They had screamed, they even said please, the first sign of them breaking. “My family, please, supervillain!” Supervillain had just walked past the cell door, ignoring hero. “You can’t just ignore me! Supervillain! Hey!”

But two days later they already were on their knees begging supervillain to tell them something. “Please, I just want to know if they’re okay.” It only annoyed supervillain and it ended with new cuts and bruises. Hero refused to cry, but from that day they wanted to.

Sometimes villain came to watch during the torture. There were a few more things supervillain loved to do. One of them was taking hero’s breath away. “Oh? Did I take away your breath love? Look villain! Isn't it lovely to see them losing their breath when they see me?” The room began to spin and their sight started to blur. They tried to breathe but no air came in. They panicked and clawed at supervillain’s hands. Hero vaguely heard them laughing and villain’s voice.

“Well that's because you're choking them.” Supervillain let go, dropping hero on the ground. They coughed hard and took gulping breaths. They didn’t even have the strength to wipe their tears away. “Ah, maybe you're right, it was still fun to see.” Supervillain tried to take hero’s cheeks, but hero flinched at the touch. Supervillain squeezed and it hurt.

“Look at those teary eyes. Is it becoming too much for you, hero? You know it is all your fault. What’s happening to you and your family, all on you and there is nothing you can do.” Normally hero would have pulled their head back, but now they couldn’t find the strength. Normally they would have looked supervillain straight in the eyes, daring them to give their worst. But now hero dropped their eyes in defeat. Supervillain was right, they were weak, it was all their fault.

“I haven’t heard you ask about your family for weeks, so maybe I will feel generous today and share some of the news with you.” Hero immediately looked up at that statement. They had given up, knowing for sure that supervillain would never give them what they wanted to know.

Hero didn’t dare to ask, scared that supervillain would change their mind. To take the chance away immediately. “Aren’t you gonna ask, little hero?” They were shaking, wanting to know so badly, but far too scared to ask and play something that was maybe nothing more than a sadistic game.

Supervillain grinned at seeing the fight in hero’s eyes, the doubt. They could almost hear hero’s thoughts fighting inside. They wanted to know so badly.

“The first few were dead within the first week,” supervillain said with a cruel smile. “Others had more luck and only got hurt.” Hero fell back on the cold floor. Dead.. they were killed. Only because hero betrayed supervillain, because they thought they could win. It was their fault, it was their fault. If they only hadn’t betrayed supervillain, if they hadn’t been so full of themselves.

“How many? Who? Which villain?” Hero couldn’t help themselves. They wanted to know the damage. What they had done. Supervillain patted their shoulder. Hero hissed, it still hurt from the stab wound supervillain had made there last week. “And that, my little hero, is where you lose your control again.” Hero had started to cry, to beg, but supervillain hadn’t spilled a single thing after that, making hero feel even more helpless.

Months passed by. Hero didn’t fight back anymore, didn’t make any mocking comments, didn’t even try to be sarcastic. They were jumpy, didn’t sleep, and only wanted to go home. They didn’t care if they were begging or not. They didn’t try and fight the pain anymore when supervillain tortured them. They cried, screamed, begged. They did everything to let it stop, but supervillain was cruel and wouldn’t let hero get away so easily.

"Put your suit on, we're going for a little trip." Hero's movements were slow and they were in too much pain to get to their feet. As soon as hero had their suit on supervillain dragged them out of the cell. Hero had no strength left to protest, no will left to fight. They wanted to be gone, to cry.

They drove for a while. Hero gagged and tied up, laying in the back of the van. Supervillain had given them a collar and hero hadn't even cared. Maybe supervillain would finally let them go. May it be by dropping them off somewhere or by finishing it.

They drove up a hill or at least hero thought it was a hill. They heard people screaming outside the van and it sounded like some people were hitting it. Hero whimpered, wanting it to stop, to be left alone.

The van stopped and then the hitting also stopped. Supervillain left the car and hero could hear them scream outside. "Ladies and gentlemen, villains, and heroes. May I present to you, the cities hero! Completely broken by me!" The door opened and hero didn't get the chance to get away. Supervillain attached a leash to the collar and pulled hero out. They fell on the ground. Right in front of.. public, people everywhere you looked.

Hero recognized some of the villains that were yelling from the rooftops. They saw some cops at the sidelines, too scared to do something. They could hear the people whisper and all they wanted was to hide and crawl away.

Supervillain pushed hero on their knees. They lowered themselves to hero's ear and whispered. "I will take away the last thing you cared about. Your image as a strong hero, your pride." At that moment they took hero's mask and gag away and pushed them on the ground. Hero stayed there, too weak to actually do something. Tears streamed down their cheeks. Everything they were, everything they stood for, shattered just like their spirit.

"Don't just lay there, try and escape, try and hurt me. You can try, I know you won't succeed. You're weak." Supervillain rolled them on their back with their feet. Pushing down on hero's ribs.

"Your lovely hero fell in love with a villain! Not just a villain... me!" Hero could hear the shocked reaction of the people, the laughing of the other villains around. They could hear some people scream at them. Saying they weren't allowed to be a hero. "Do you want a hero who loves villains?! Who falls in love with a supervillain like me? What good can come from that?!" People agreed with supervillain, shouting no, and wanting the hero gone. Some people even started to throw their shoes at them.

Hero covered their head and pulled their knees towards their chest. They wanted to go home, to let the pain and the humiliation stop. But instead they lay on the bricks and cried, barely able to breathe through their tears.

Supervillain pulled them off the ground. Hero hangs limp in their grip, defeated, hurt, broken, and crying. "I told you I would break you," supervillain whispered. Hero could feel them smiling against their ear, sending shivers down hero's spine. "And if you thought I would be done by now, you were wrong. You're going back with me where you can rot in your cell. Maybe villain will show you a little mercy and give you some food if you're lucky."

"Please," hero whispered. Their mouth was still dry from the gag and their voice cracked. Supervillain raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Did you say something, darling?" Supervillain's voice was amused and their smile even became bigger. They turned hero around to look them in the eyes. "Please, make it stop." "No, you asked for this yourself. All the pain all the suffering, you deserve it and you know it, don't you, darling." Hero nodded, it was their fault, everything was their own fault.

You enter the house and close the door behind you, leaning heavily against the wood as you let your things slip from your arms to the floor. You lean your head back with a soft thunk as you look up at the ceiling. Why did you ever agree to any of this? being the chosen one is nothing like the glamor and praise you were promised. Its just dark circles and nightmares. A trembling fear and weariness that weighs you down like a chain. And with every day they seem to add another shackle with each new impossible expectation. Every time they ask you to do the impossible, to do the unthinkable, to do the things that they are too scared to do. It’s blood and tears and scars.