#breakdown anon

breakdown anon (new)

I just had some time of breakdown. Idk if it was an anxiety attack or just a mental breakdown but it was something. I freaked the fuck out about how i have no future and i dont know what i want to do and i should know that and i dont know who i am and all my extended family doesnt know me and my immediate family hates me bc they know me too MUCH and i just want this to not be a thing. I just want to be me. Why do we have to do something for the rest of our lives to LIVE. I just want to travel and have fun and i cant bc i dont know what i want to do with my life and my grades arent the best and i dont have any real hobbies and im not gonna get into college and I'll just die alone and poor and sad. I hate this. I dont want to do this anymore. I cant be happy.

Hi hon <3

I want to remind you that this time of your life (i'm guessing high school) is a SUPER overwhelming time. you feel like you have to have all the answers; like every decision you make is life-or-death, like you have to be a grown-up NOW but you have so much kid stuff left to do, and I get it! Trust me, I remember.

I know it's hard to do, but please take a breath for me and listen when I say:

You do NOT have to have the answers now. You are ALLOWED to make mistakes. For all of the pressure that is being put on you now, I promise, if yoy make the wrong decision, it CAN be fixed (unless you like...kill someone or something). You have time, you have space, and you have freedom. I know the pressure is insane, but I promise it WILL be okay <3

I believe in you!

___

woes anon

Woes anon here

I’m genuinely feeling good with my identity. It’s weird. But like… the whole issue earlier this year made me realise just how much I spend forcing myself to be something I’m not, yknow?

Like… yeah, I spent a solid half a year lying to myself and pretending that I felt romantic feels, but I’m looking back now, and I can confidently admit that I was in fact just trying to be normal (and I still do that, sure but I’m getting better). A whole life of constantly being told you will find the right person royally messes a person up, especially when that person is someone who lacks those romantic feels

I still feel awful about the whole issue, but I’m learning that the person I thought I knew spends a considerable amount of time talking crap publicly (about more people than just me, btw) and is just… mean? You know? I the same time I feel bad for them, really. And like… I know that is a bit odd, but the fact that they feel the need to do all those things is just… crazy to me. Not to mention the weird account stalking that happened on their part. Once again, I wasn’t stupid, you know?

I just hope they mature at some point. Realise that they were also an issue in this odd situation. That they participated in acts that made it so some people didn’t like them the same.

Idk. I feel bad. I feel bad for them, bad about my inability to choose sides n stuff, bad about me just being me. Bad about a lot of stuff

But I also feel good. Good about learning that it’s okay to figure out feelings after everything goes wrong. Good about actually fixing the mental health that I lacked during that half year period of time. Good about expressing my feelings to people. Good about learning that not everyone is who they portray themselves as

I also definitely think I was a bit shitty, but I’m working on it. I’m trying. I’m really trying. I’m getting better. I wasn’t a saint, don’t plan on being one, but I do plan on being a better person. I might have been good, but I can be better

Idk. I feel like this still makes me seem like a bad person. That’s how I’ve felt for the past few months. Honestly might always feel like a bad person. I don’t ever truly let myself let go of the mistakes I make.

Hi! <3

I think the thing to remember is, good people are not perfect people, because perfect people don't exist! Good people are the people who, like you, are learning from their mistakes and always trying to do better (and who work hard to not repeat their mistakes)! I think the important thing here is that like...you seem to have really learned and grown from this experience- you've clearly reflected on your part in it, and you have a better understanding of yourself and the people around you.

I know you said you have trouble allowing yourself to let go, but it seems like you've had empathy for the other people in this situation...why can't you have empathy for yourself?

___

singing anon

Hellooo

Mom forgot about “researching for singing lessons”, again. She and dad seem really reluctant to let me do lessons. They don’t even say what the issue is… they just tell me to “do more research” over and over again, and I’ll do the research and they say they’ll “look into it” but they never do,

And sometimes they’ll even say I have to pay for it. Not because we don’t have money to spend (id fully understand if that was the case!) but just… because?? I am… a literal child? I have no job?? My allowance doesn’t have the bandwidth for that??? I don’t even get an increase in allowance for doing chores or getting As in college level classes as a high schooler because it’s “what’s expected”, it just sounds like they don’t want me to

They’ve kinda set a precedent that any new thing I want to try out will be scrutinized and fought against and made insignificant until they themselves decide it’s “acceptable”. And it sucks, because now I’ll never be able to even learn to sing well :(

I just want to sing and sing well, I just want to try new things. Why do they fight so hard against that? 😞

—singing anon

Hi <3

I'm so sorry that your parents aren't taking your want for lessons seriously. I know this is probably a silly question, but have you like...sat them down and said plainly, "Hey...I feel like you're really pushing hard against me getting lessons. Can you please just tell me straight why you're so against it?" Maybe there's some reason they think you're too young to know, or something? Maybe there's something with finances they're not sharing?

Either way, I'm sorry that you're feeling unheard </3

___

validation anon

Heyyyy how are youuuu?

I was kinda hit with a wave of melancholy today and I don’t really know what to do with it. Everything that happens puts me in a dismal mood and none of it really makes sense.

Parents talk to me? I am seething. WiFi doesn’t work? I am enraged. I get an email? Absolutely furious. Everything works fine? I’m angry anyways, I just want to lie down and stop dissociating and also be super angry at everything

I just feel so like… small. I feel like my world is shrinking (apparently Spotify supports ice and so my music world is being shrunk. YouTube uses ai and either prevents you from using your account or makes you give them your id, so no more trends or comedy videos for me to have like… any sense of community. And etc., with TikTok, instagram, and all the other big things people use). I don’t like feeling like my world is being made smaller, and easier for others to control… but what am I meant to do?

I don’t even feel at home in my own body. My hair makes me feel so dysphoric, my clothes aren’t me, and my binder is like… too small and also too big at the same time? All it does is hurt my ribs. I feel so small. I want to be myself

I’m trying so hard to be myself, and not be halfway in a fantasy world 24/7, and to just… let myself be where I am. But it’s so hard

I don’t even really know what I want anymore, I can’t really feel anything, my memories don’t seem real, it all just… is so hard

I feel really lost

—validation anon

Hi <3 I'm here to offer you validation (lol)

A lot of the emotions you were describing? I've been feeling them too. SO much. It sucks, because the world is just SO out of control right now. When you described the world shrinking? omg I just relate to this so much, you have no idea. I was talking about this the other day! Like...all of my coping mechanisms are slowly being tainted! it's infuriating! Harry Potter, Taylor Swift, Spotify! AHHH!

I get it. It's SO hard. But if it's any help, I promise you're not alone <3

____

math test anon (new)

I am going to cryy lol

I've been sick basically the whole week and haven't had the possibility to catch up with everything they've done at school

problem is I forgot I had a math test on Monday (tomorrow) and forgot to tell my parents

they're so gonna kill me, but If I told them now they would've gotten angry and I really don't have the energy rn to deal with that, so either tomorrow's test goes smoothly and I'm safe or I'm done for

Oh no, I;m so sorry! I hope you at least feel better! If you were out of school, is there any chance your teachers will give you some time to catch up?