#validation anon

breakdown anon (new)

I just had some time of breakdown. Idk if it was an anxiety attack or just a mental breakdown but it was something. I freaked the fuck out about how i have no future and i dont know what i want to do and i should know that and i dont know who i am and all my extended family doesnt know me and my immediate family hates me bc they know me too MUCH and i just want this to not be a thing. I just want to be me. Why do we have to do something for the rest of our lives to LIVE. I just want to travel and have fun and i cant bc i dont know what i want to do with my life and my grades arent the best and i dont have any real hobbies and im not gonna get into college and I'll just die alone and poor and sad. I hate this. I dont want to do this anymore. I cant be happy.

Hi hon <3

I want to remind you that this time of your life (i'm guessing high school) is a SUPER overwhelming time. you feel like you have to have all the answers; like every decision you make is life-or-death, like you have to be a grown-up NOW but you have so much kid stuff left to do, and I get it! Trust me, I remember.

I know it's hard to do, but please take a breath for me and listen when I say:

You do NOT have to have the answers now. You are ALLOWED to make mistakes. For all of the pressure that is being put on you now, I promise, if yoy make the wrong decision, it CAN be fixed (unless you like...kill someone or something). You have time, you have space, and you have freedom. I know the pressure is insane, but I promise it WILL be okay <3

I believe in you!

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woes anon

Woes anon here

I’m genuinely feeling good with my identity. It’s weird. But like… the whole issue earlier this year made me realise just how much I spend forcing myself to be something I’m not, yknow?

Like… yeah, I spent a solid half a year lying to myself and pretending that I felt romantic feels, but I’m looking back now, and I can confidently admit that I was in fact just trying to be normal (and I still do that, sure but I’m getting better). A whole life of constantly being told you will find the right person royally messes a person up, especially when that person is someone who lacks those romantic feels

I still feel awful about the whole issue, but I’m learning that the person I thought I knew spends a considerable amount of time talking crap publicly (about more people than just me, btw) and is just… mean? You know? I the same time I feel bad for them, really. And like… I know that is a bit odd, but the fact that they feel the need to do all those things is just… crazy to me. Not to mention the weird account stalking that happened on their part. Once again, I wasn’t stupid, you know?

I just hope they mature at some point. Realise that they were also an issue in this odd situation. That they participated in acts that made it so some people didn’t like them the same.

Idk. I feel bad. I feel bad for them, bad about my inability to choose sides n stuff, bad about me just being me. Bad about a lot of stuff

But I also feel good. Good about learning that it’s okay to figure out feelings after everything goes wrong. Good about actually fixing the mental health that I lacked during that half year period of time. Good about expressing my feelings to people. Good about learning that not everyone is who they portray themselves as

I also definitely think I was a bit shitty, but I’m working on it. I’m trying. I’m really trying. I’m getting better. I wasn’t a saint, don’t plan on being one, but I do plan on being a better person. I might have been good, but I can be better

Idk. I feel like this still makes me seem like a bad person. That’s how I’ve felt for the past few months. Honestly might always feel like a bad person. I don’t ever truly let myself let go of the mistakes I make.

Hi! <3

I think the thing to remember is, good people are not perfect people, because perfect people don't exist! Good people are the people who, like you, are learning from their mistakes and always trying to do better (and who work hard to not repeat their mistakes)! I think the important thing here is that like...you seem to have really learned and grown from this experience- you've clearly reflected on your part in it, and you have a better understanding of yourself and the people around you.

I know you said you have trouble allowing yourself to let go, but it seems like you've had empathy for the other people in this situation...why can't you have empathy for yourself?

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singing anon

Hellooo

Mom forgot about “researching for singing lessons”, again. She and dad seem really reluctant to let me do lessons. They don’t even say what the issue is… they just tell me to “do more research” over and over again, and I’ll do the research and they say they’ll “look into it” but they never do,

And sometimes they’ll even say I have to pay for it. Not because we don’t have money to spend (id fully understand if that was the case!) but just… because?? I am… a literal child? I have no job?? My allowance doesn’t have the bandwidth for that??? I don’t even get an increase in allowance for doing chores or getting As in college level classes as a high schooler because it’s “what’s expected”, it just sounds like they don’t want me to

They’ve kinda set a precedent that any new thing I want to try out will be scrutinized and fought against and made insignificant until they themselves decide it’s “acceptable”. And it sucks, because now I’ll never be able to even learn to sing well :(

I just want to sing and sing well, I just want to try new things. Why do they fight so hard against that? 😞

—singing anon

Hi <3

I'm so sorry that your parents aren't taking your want for lessons seriously. I know this is probably a silly question, but have you like...sat them down and said plainly, "Hey...I feel like you're really pushing hard against me getting lessons. Can you please just tell me straight why you're so against it?" Maybe there's some reason they think you're too young to know, or something? Maybe there's something with finances they're not sharing?

Either way, I'm sorry that you're feeling unheard </3

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validation anon

Heyyyy how are youuuu?

I was kinda hit with a wave of melancholy today and I don’t really know what to do with it. Everything that happens puts me in a dismal mood and none of it really makes sense.

Parents talk to me? I am seething. WiFi doesn’t work? I am enraged. I get an email? Absolutely furious. Everything works fine? I’m angry anyways, I just want to lie down and stop dissociating and also be super angry at everything

I just feel so like… small. I feel like my world is shrinking (apparently Spotify supports ice and so my music world is being shrunk. YouTube uses ai and either prevents you from using your account or makes you give them your id, so no more trends or comedy videos for me to have like… any sense of community. And etc., with TikTok, instagram, and all the other big things people use). I don’t like feeling like my world is being made smaller, and easier for others to control… but what am I meant to do?

I don’t even feel at home in my own body. My hair makes me feel so dysphoric, my clothes aren’t me, and my binder is like… too small and also too big at the same time? All it does is hurt my ribs. I feel so small. I want to be myself

I’m trying so hard to be myself, and not be halfway in a fantasy world 24/7, and to just… let myself be where I am. But it’s so hard

I don’t even really know what I want anymore, I can’t really feel anything, my memories don’t seem real, it all just… is so hard

I feel really lost

—validation anon

Hi <3 I'm here to offer you validation (lol)

A lot of the emotions you were describing? I've been feeling them too. SO much. It sucks, because the world is just SO out of control right now. When you described the world shrinking? omg I just relate to this so much, you have no idea. I was talking about this the other day! Like...all of my coping mechanisms are slowly being tainted! it's infuriating! Harry Potter, Taylor Swift, Spotify! AHHH!

I get it. It's SO hard. But if it's any help, I promise you're not alone <3

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math test anon (new)

I am going to cryy lol

I've been sick basically the whole week and haven't had the possibility to catch up with everything they've done at school

problem is I forgot I had a math test on Monday (tomorrow) and forgot to tell my parents

they're so gonna kill me, but If I told them now they would've gotten angry and I really don't have the energy rn to deal with that, so either tomorrow's test goes smoothly and I'm safe or I'm done for

Oh no, I;m so sorry! I hope you at least feel better! If you were out of school, is there any chance your teachers will give you some time to catch up?

october anon

It's been a year since my first October canon event (a messy situation ship thing with this girl, it ended terribly, we used to be friends before and now we barely talk and if we do...she acts like nothing happened) she moved on within a month and has been dating her now gf for almost a year now...

I'm still not over her

Will it ever get better?

I used to hear so much about people's first lesbian canon event which somehow always takes place in October and used to think that it can't be that bad...but now that I'm in the same situation??? I damn well understand them now

Hi <3

I'm so sorry that happened. Yes, it'll get better eventually but these things definitely take time. Honestly, I think heartbreaks when you're younger are sometimes worse, because you then have to see the person every day, you know? When you're older, it's easier to get space.

Have you worked to process all these feelings? I think a lot of times people aren't able to move past big hurts like this because they haven't worked through all the shit that happened. Have you talked about it/journaled/screamed into a void? Remember that your emotions deserve to be recognized <3

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14 anon

my best friend might be moving to my school!!!!! She’s been going to a different one for the past three years but she barely went in year 9 and she’s went 4 ish times this year and her dad finally said he’ll move her school if she wants to!

Hi!

That's so exciting! I hope that moving her helps her attendance and motivation and also makes school even better for you, too! Let me know what happens!!

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Midnights anon

Hello Cas! <3 this is a pretty long vent, so please don’t feel pressured to answer! 🫶

Thank you for the answer to my last ask. What my friends go through isn’t something for me to like… mull over or be bitter about, it just feels like, from my perspective, they’re suffering from success I guess? I know they like, are actually bothered about it and i shouldn’t expect them to just be happy and stuff, it just kinda hurts to see that someone just… is actually liked by someone else romantically and hates it, and I’ve never felt more alone right now in terms of people liking me or not liking me. I didn’t meant to come across as thinking they should just deal with it or stop talking though, I can understand that these are real issues that they are hurt by,

But I also had a really bad day today in terms of friendship. 7 people who said they considered us to be friends saw me sit alone at lunch (at the regular spot that we all sit at) and completely ignored me and sat directly behind me (when like, 8 chairs were next to me), and I told my one other friends about it, and she basically just played devils advocate the whole time. It really hurt because whenever she vents about them not including her, I listen, but when I vent about them doing the same she immediately says that I was the one being antisocial instead of listening,

So I left lunch and texted her after saying that I feel that when she vents, I listen but when I vent, she doesn’t listen, and that I was really upset. She replied saying i was weaponizing things she told me in confidence (I haven’t told anyone else btw, I just don’t know how else to describe it) and that she wasn’t upset but said she was listening but also just wanted to understand their perspective, which I get… and I do understand that I sounded like I was using things she told me against her (I apologized for that), but I just still feel really unheard.

I was ignored by 7 (and then later it felt like 8) “friends” and didn’t matter to them, and it really hurt. And I sounded angry and mean because I was angry that, the people I’ve been trying over, and over, and over to connect with (I text, reach out, give candy, listen and share, and I genuinely try my best to be a good friend) do not care about me enough to even say hi to me,

And now I kind of hate myself for even being angry about it and just wish I berated myself mentally and cried when I got home instead of telling someone else because the only result now is that Im more alone than before. I’ve tried so so hard to make friends. I’ve tried so so hard to just be an all around kind person, and I’ve tried so hard to be friendly, but it doesn’t work and I’ve failed miserable I guess. Now I feel like I’ll be alone for all of high school I guess, and it sucks

I just don’t understand what’s happening. I just want to be okay, and I want to feel like I matter, and I want to be listened to and not argued against when I’m feeling miserable

I feel like all of this is my fault.

Was I a bad person for being upset at the 7 (and then 8) people?

Am I just a bad person? (Not in the “oh I feel so miserable and all my actions are futile because I’m bad” sense of the “am I a bad person” question but in the “am I genuinely being cruel, dramatic, manipulative, or dislike me right now” way)

I really want to know what’s happening, honestly. I have no sense of self, and I have less and less awareness of my surroundings and head and emotions and actions, (this isn’t to excuse my actions), and I think something’s going wrong with my head because this is happening more and more

I feel like I’m going crazy, I don’t know if anything will ever be okay again

—midnights anon

Ooooo okay this story reminded me of a huge fight I got into with a friend in high school. I hope you'll indulge me by listening to it, bc I promise I have a point.

So when i was in high school I was friends with these two girls who were cousins. they always fought and I always tried to help them get through their fights, right? And the way I did that was by trying to play devil's advocate and get them to see each other's POV. and after a while, one of them, let's call her M, got SO mad because we were friends first and she thought I was taking the other girl, K's, side. But I wasn't! I was just trying to solve the problem

We weren't friends for much longer after that.

It took me a long time in life to realize that in that situation, M wanted to vent. She wanted acknowledgement of her feelings! And now, in my bog old adulthood, my wife is the same way. She often comes to me with problems and I want to solve them but she just wants to sit in her emotions with me.

My point is, different people need different things. In both the ups and downs of friendship, people need different things from their friends, and sometimes friendship is hard when one person naturally wants to give what another person doesn't need. It sounds like your friend naturally wanted to give advice and solve the problem when you wanted your feelings to be acknowledged. Similarly, you want friends to reach out and show love, and many of your friends are not doing that.

SO you are NOT crazy. You're not wrong or a bad person at all! You have needs that are not being met.

I think you have to decide--is it worth it to point-blank ask for those things? Because some friends are just on the same wavelength and will give you those things NOT because they're better people but because they have similar love languages. Those friendships will be simpler. But other friendships will require more communication. Not because EITHER of you are wrong but because neither of you naturally understands the other.

It's a lot to think about, honestly. Friendships are complex. I still struggle a lot with them.

Wishing you so much luck <3

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Validation anon

Hi!

Yeah, sometimes NOT masking is as tough as masking. And I think it's worth it to say...there are some times when masking is necessary. In places where your safety might be in questions (mental or physical safety) or where you're VERY overwhelmed...then yeah, masking can help.

But unmasking around trusted people is the only way to find those people who will love you for you. It's a balance, and it's a TOUGH balance to find, I know <3 Please make sure to prioritize your safety and mental health and remember that I believe in you!

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frog stuffie guy anon

hey so uh

guess who might be getting evicted! ontop of having to find money for a new wheelchair i have to find a new place to live which is superfun and my gofund me isnt going so great and also im so fucking tired oml its crazy

But hey i have some art supplies and ive been called to make some merch for my friends gig this weekend

frog stuffie guy

Oh my god that's awful! I am so, so sorry <3 I know you said you're in school, does your school offer on-campus housing at all?

random dm anon (new)

Hey Cas! I got a random person dming me recently and I've been talking with them a little but I don't know them at all and honestly they're kinda creeping me out a little, idk why but I feel uncomfortable and avoid messaging them. But I feel like blocking them would be mean and unnecessary, seeing as they haven't said or done anything wrong..

Hey Cas this is the same person who sent an ask earlier today about feeling uncomfortable with someone dming me, they just asked me where I'm from and if I live alone...

Hi!

Yeah at this point I feel like you have a reason to block. It sounds like you need to trust your gut. While they could be innocent, those questions are def red flags and if anything, they'll learn not to ask them again. Good for you for recognizing red flags!

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validation anon

Hello Cas!

Thank you for your reply and my anon name 🫶💕

I guess the way I wrote could’ve come off as pretty… not great. (Thank you for telling my btw, you’re a rockstar) I’ll try and do better in the future, The thing is I’m not really sure how to describe myself though? In all my English classes I’ve been told not to make claims/statements on someone’s attributes if I can’t like… find supporting evidence (and supporting evidence is usually actions and stuff one does, so I just skip to the action part. instead of saying “Xyz is kind and considerate” i say “Xyz often does things for others, such as volunteering, etc., and tries to make people feel included, like talking to everybody around them when they seem left out”), alsooo

I feel kinda weird describing myself sometimes lol, like… I am… creative? I guess?

I dont know how to support that claim or even quantify myself most of the time, but I think you’re right with about the “who I am” thing, so… attempt number two!

I would say that I do show the good parts about myself a lot of the time. I tell people about what I find interesting, what I dislike or things that have happened recently and how I feel about them, other similar things. I cant really bring myself to not try and make people smile. I feel and show affection really deeply, even if the way I do it seems really weird or just, not noticeable at times. Most of the time I’m overstimulated or my social battery is super low, but when I’m around others I really want to make them feel safe and stuff, so I keep talking and trying my best! Even when I’m angry at people it’s hard to imagine genuinely hating them or wanting them to feel miserable. I’d just… much rather have the reason I’m angry at them have never happened, I suppose? Whenever people are around me I try and let them into the way I think and see things, like penguin pebbling! I’ll tell people all about the things that remind me of them or that I’ll think they’ll find cool

As for receiving affection? I don’t think I’ve ever received it in a way that I felt safe doing so. It might be tied to my own insecurities, and also past friendships that were… not so good (but that’s not super relevant I guess), but all affection in my friendships, even when my friend is giving it me, just feels like I’m performing and unsafe around them,

(And then there’s like, the people who aren’t close friends (and sometimes even my close friends) who sometimes seem to get bored of me/ignore me as a person, and just enjoy what I do for them)

I’m sorry if all of that is kinda weirdly written. I don’t think I’ve ever tried to write about who I am before. I don’t think I’ve ever valued myself outside of… what I can do? It’s not like I look at my friends and think “okay they sing, play guitar, and do the drums… they are a good asset to be friends with”, I just remember how they make me feel, and their vibes (and also the stuff they do so i can buy like, birthday gifts that they’ll like)

I don’t think I’ve ever done that with myself before

And I’m sorry (again) if all of this sounds cringy as well,

Thank you so much, this was really good advice. You’re awesome, and I hope you have a great day 🫶🫶💕💕

—validation anon

Hi! Please don't be sorry at all, I can relate to a lot of this so much- the constant masking, the not really receiving affection....but I think the thing is, if you don't ever show who you are, you're not going to get those closer friendships you crave.

Here's the thing- showing who you are, taking off the mask...it's scary. I know it is. Acting like YOU and not just GIVING, is terrifying, because you know people can reject you. But when you just give and mask, NOBODY likes you for you, because you're not giving them the chance to. Whereas, if you act like you...it's scary, but if you mke a friend, you actually make a friend who likes you for you.

<3

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sister with 29 year-old boyfriend anon

Hi, it’s sister with 29 year-old boyfriend anon. Idk if you got my second ask, but two hours after they finished arguing he said he was addressing me and talking about her and didn’t understand why she was mad. Which makes a little sense bc he said “Hello (my name)” and then in a separate message he said the thing he said. I just think it’s weird that he specified what he meant two hours later. Apparently he said that he was working and he was confused which doesn’t make sense to me bc he had the time to defend himself and text back immediately. To me it kind of sounds like he spent that time trying to come up with a response to make my sister stop being mad at him. My sister got a little pissed off when I said that. But I’ve never actually met him so maybe he’s telling the truth. But even then it’s still a weird thing to say.

Hi!

Yeah I saw that part- I agree, i still think it's super weird. I stand by what I said before- you should tell your parents and make sure you're not alone with him. He may not be a full-fledged creep (or he could be) but he's got some red flags and it's so much better to be safe than sorry. <3

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dilemma anon

hi! it’s dilemma anon. turns out the guy has a crush on me! I’m officially the third person in my friend group this kid has liked

Oh wow! Okay well I don't think that changes anything for you, though. (unless you decide that you like him but I'm guessing you don't lol) I still think you should tlk to him and talk to the teacher. It's not your job to take care of him or be friends with him if you don't want to be.

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midnights anon

Hi Cas! How are you?

Rehearsals are staring up, but honestly I can’t really bring myself to care about how late I get home and then how late I finish homework because everything feels really hard right now,

My English teacher is mischievous, but like in an evil way. He giggles and cackles at us while we all stress over pop quizzes his gives us almost every class. He wants us to know words like or rarer than “ameliorate” or “din”, stuff like that. Old British words. And he won’t give any extra credit opportunities and the pop are 20 percent of our grade which feels like overkill. It’s basically the same amount as in class participation

And my friends I guess are like you said. Not… the friendy-est, but I’m managing. Some of them are pretty nice, but I feel like one of them specifically just… I feel like I’m not justified in being frustrated with her because I’ve occasionally been frustrated about stuff unrelated to her and rambled to her… but all our conversations are usually just about her, or the “opps”. She’s really stressed out about people and apologizes for dumping it on me and the friend group, but then literally @ s different people so they will get an alert to listen to her ramble about her “roster”. I don’t want to dismiss her issues or not care, because I really do care, but it’s just… a lot to handle when she yells at me or snaps because “the teachers hate her and won’t let her test out of Latin” or her “fine shyt” keeps being dry… even though she said she’d stop talking to him 5 different times and got upset when I said that I wasn’t very comfortable continuing to talk about him. And on top of this there’s the rest of the friend group being… the way they usually are I guess

I feel like I have negative spoons, honestly. I wake up with 4 spoons, getting ready takes 3, doing small talk or just being around others takes 5, the 8 hours of school takes like, 8 spoons, rehearsals actually give me a spoon or two back, and homework takes like, 5 spoons because I’m tired after everything, and studying takes another spoon (I will be honest my spoon system is a little arbitrary/silly but i hope it makes sense)

I have -16 spoons :( and sleep only gets me up to four spoons at very best, and 0 spoons on average

My body is in constant pain. I feel like I’m working out 24/7, like when you’re lifting weights, and you have the physical ability to carry a weight, but you know you can’t hold it for like, 3 hours. I feel like I’ve been holding a weight with every part of my body for weeks

Everyone says this year of highschool is the worst, but them those same people say that I have nothing to complain about and am melodramatic

I haven’t gone outside and touched grass in like 2 weeks

I’m so tired and nobody cares. Whenever I tell my parents they try their best but… their best is sitting next to me, holding me when I asked them not to, and yelling across the house (also in my ear) that I’m not well,

Everything hurts so so bad

And I have my first ever chem test on Friday, which is apparently according to all the people in the grades above me, the hardest subject ever

I’m so tired

Thank you for listening to my ramble :(

—midnights anon

Hi!

Please know that you're not being dramatic or overreacting. This time in your life can be SO hard, especially because people don't take it seriously. You have every right to feel tired and overwhelmed and upset that people don't acknowledge that. Full stop.

Remember, though, your friends also have a right to feel this way. I know tht the things they're struggling with seem trivial to you because you have things that are more difficult to focus on, but to them it's not. It's okay to not want to talk about their issues (sometimes I feel the same way with people I know!) but try to give them some grace because I promise, they're not trying to be annoying, you know?

anemia anon

hiiii cas!!

i have anemia (diagnosed and everything) and some days it can be quite hellish. like i’ll lay down for just a second, get up slowly, and still almost pass out, i’ll step outside of the warm shower beam and have to sit down because the black is creeping in my vision and im wobbly, and some days it’s hard for me to stand without holding/leaning onto something. i have this friend, and whenever i talk about how much i hate having anemia, he says something along the lines of “oh yeah me too i get it”. he has told me his only symptom is sometimes getting dizzy when he stands up too fast (and he is not diagnosed in any way shape or form). it always pisses me off because i know we’re not supposed to compare things like this but i hate how he acts like him just sometimes getting dizzy when he stands up is equal to the amount of frustration i go through when i can’t even stand for long periods of time, or that i can’t go in hot tubs anymore or that when i stand up sometimes i just go straight back down. i guess it’s not only that he says he has anemia but even if he does have anemia, our anemic symptoms are not the same thing, and he acts like he struggles the same as me. i reallyyyy don’t know what to tell him when he says “me too” like we’re soldiers who fought in the same war (because we very much didn’t) because it gets under my skin so badly, but at the end of the day he’s still my friend

Hi!

First of all, I'm so sorry, that sounds absolutely awful. I think as far as your friend goes, the best way to deal with this would be to tell him exactly what you told me- that you're not trying to discount his feelings, but you feel very minimized when he says those things because you really struggle. Communication is always the goal, and the best way to keep a good friendship.

However, as a less-advised and a more-petty approach...any time he agrees that anemia is awful, could you be like, "Oh, wow, you also experience x symptom?" and see if he doubles down or not? Like if he says anemia is awful, could you genuinely be like "Oh yeah, you also have trouble standing up after you shower? Isn't it awful?" and see how he reacts? Maybe he'll get the hint?

Idk, communication is best, but maybe that could be a more subtle way to do it.

Good luck!

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validation anon (new)

Hello!

I’m sorry if this is too weird (if it is please don’t feel obliged or pressured to answer!)

But nobody values me as a friend and I don’t know why. I don’t know if I just haven’t earned it, if I’m not cool enough, I don’t know

I mean, I do a shit load of stuff! I study and help all my classmates pass their classes by teaching them the material, I hang out after school and join a ton of clubs, my friends always go to me if they want to start a club and just need like, a person to help start it. I bike and play guitar and uke and I write books and paint and draw and read and have studied nearly ten languages, I wear like, so much jewelry all the time, I thrift almost all my clothes,

I don’t do it for external validation… but I still want external validation, but I never ever get it from anyone in my life unless I directly ask

How do I earn the right to be loved? None of my friends make me feel loved because anything they like to talk about is always about them, and I feel like I never matter. Am I just not pretty enough? Is it because I’m tall? Black? Do I just make people angry at me?

I don’t know what I did to earn being ignored and disregarded, and then randomly treated like I matter every so often

I thought love felt good. I just want to be in love (platonically, romantically, etc.) but so far it just feels shitty

Hi hon! okay so the way you were writing really bothered me and I finally figured out why.

PLEASE don't take this the wrong way because I'm not saying you're a bad person at all, but...all of the things about yourself you listed are like...the way you look and the things you do. You didn't tell me who you ARE. What kind of person are you? How do you love people? How do you show affection, how do you like to receive affection?

Again, I'm not saying this as a jab. It really sounds like you need to think about what you've been prioritizing in yourself, in your friends, and in your thoughts. You seem like such a genuine, fun, curious person and I wonder how much of that you show to others, you know? How much do people know about YOU, and not the things you wear and the things you can do?

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sister with 29-year-old boyfriend anon (new)

Hi I'm hoping this anon name is specific enough that you know who you are because I don't want to copy/paste what you wrote...because it IS icky!

First of all, I have to wonder why this man is dating someone so much younger than him, especially with this timing. Like 29 and 19...yeah, that's not illegal, but...I am around the boyfriend's age and I could never date someone so much younger than me. I feel like it's different if it's a 49 and a 59 year old. Things even out by that point. but no...

Then the fact that he was joking about it....

here's the thing. If he's not creepy, then he's not very smart about his word choice, and he certainly has no idea how to act around you. He's at least got boundary issues, and I agree that he's showing major red flags. While I don't think it's a bad thing to tell your parents, and you should tell them so they know, I worry that there's not much they can do, since your sister is overage. I also feel like you should talk to your sister about being uncomfortable, even though she might go to her boyfriend.

I think the priority here is keeping yourself safe. As in: DO NOT do anything that would put you in a situation where you are alone with him. Have an adult around at all times. Don't feel bad about insisting on it. You can;t control your sister, but you can do your best to control your own situation, you know? And remember that if he does something inappropriate, it's NOT your fault. Call him out if it happens.

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born this way anon (new)

Cas hey.

I am confused.

So, in lgbtqia places, either in real life- but mostly internet. I noticed people say they have been born like that and didn't chose that.

And I understand the not chosing part. Like, for example a person in a religious family wouldn't chose to be gay if that was a choice. Or I see some straight girls saying they wished they weren't attracted to men. I understand it is not a choice.

But I don't understand the born like this part.

Like, if I have been identified as lesbian, and then asexual, was I always asexual and didn't realized it? I don't feel like that tho.

I didn't born asexual. I was attracted to people back then. I am not now. But I knew I liked and was attracted to girls before.

Now I don't.

Was I always asexual and discovering it now? I wasn't born asexual. I don't want to be. I want to believe what I felt before was real, bc even though I don't have a desire anymore those are my good memories.

And I am confused. When someone was being homophobic towards me, my friend said it was who I am, that I was born like that, and he had no right to hate for something I can't control.

I don't know though. I love her, I know she meant well, but I was just....idk.

It stick to my mind.

Sorry if this is a stupid question.

Hi!

Not a stupid question at all! I'll share my opinion, but I know that opinions can differ about this..

So I think saying queer people are 'born this way' is like...a simplification. A lot of queer people ARE born this way. Like from a young age, then know who they like, and that doesn't change. But for others (you) it DOES fluctuate and change. It's changed for me, too!

It used to be that people used 'born this way' very literally. Like you're born as your sexuality and it doesn't change at all. Now, some people are realizing that certain experiences and soul-searching and things out of your control can make your sexuality change and that's valid.

The idea of 'born this way,' to me, means that nobody has a choice in their sexuality. Nobody sits down and chooses to be (or to not be) queer. People don't choose to change their sexuality, either. It can just happens sometimes and it doesn't erase your old feelings at all. But you were born as you are, in the fact that you didn't choose any of this so people should not judge you <3

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FBAEL anon (new)

Hey. I have a lot of anon names here. But. But it's a very different topic, and it's kinda connected.

I have multiple personalities. Like, really. I switch. And we created different anons when different ones were in control. And we are kinda ashamed of that? Not all. But well, I am. And we just wanted to ask if that was okay?

And um. I am too different. I am too... Unpredictable. Like one of is white, then one of is black. Opposites. I am not sure if you are comfortable with receiving asks from each of us, because I feel like it's weird since it's all one person but also not.

Is that okay?

F, B, A, E, L.

L (at the moment.)

Hi! <3