Dec 26, 2025
sometimes i find myself genuinely missing my childhood but not in a nostalgic way. like i miss being abused in a way but it's not that i miss getting my ass beat or think i deserve it. i'm just so comically terrible at handling nuanced conflict and i keep falling on my face every time i try. so i sort of miss when things were as simple as "just hit back"
#i was gonna post this to twitter but it's too concerning for my regular friends i think#i miss when things were just 'they're awful i need revenge'#i miss when we were just throwing punches and whatever. it was so easy. i knew i wasn't the 'bad one' for hitting back. it was all#their fault and this was so solid in my brain i didn't have to feel guilty about being violent or impulsive. it was the right thing to do#i Wanted to do it it felt good to do it. now i just freeze?#i can't bring myself to do anything i see personally as Wrong (not necessarily morally reprehensible i just have this specific code in my#brain etc#it would be Wrong to react in a certain way. but i don't know how else to react#no one in my life solved anything without violence. it was all so simple#actually aspd#aspd safe#<- idk if anybody else feels this way but if you do feel free to chime in. i'm kinda going crazy over this rn
