Or maybe not.
Weellllll, in the meantime, these adventures, these dramatic rushes of adrenaline, these tiny little opportunities to stand up and to make a difference somewhere, somewhen, made her think of the lone, stalwart, pinstriped figure somewhere out in the cosmos for whom she was doing all of this, anyway. And they also made her hope that somewhere, somewhen, he was doing the same and thinking of her.
The explosion of light behind her eyes and the ringing in her ears that always accompanied the jump finally subsided and Rose attempted to regain her balance as the cannon deposited her with a running go on the ground. She stumbled and shook her head, trying to clear it. Sometimes these situations turned life and death so very quickly, she needed to think, she needed to react, she needed toâŠ
Trip, apparently. Bollocks.
Amazingly, instead of planting herself face-first into the ground, however, her shoulders were caught on the way down by a pair of sturdy hands with a cry of concern and an odd but warm, pleasant feeling of home. Sheâd have to examine that feeling in a moment.
But for now...everything was getting a bit fuzzy around the edges.
No, no, that wasnât good. No passing out, Rose. Remember how that went the last time?! she thought furiously to herself. But sheâd apparently chosen to not listen to herself today because the nasty ringing was back and it just kept getting louder and louder for some obnoxious reason.
âMiss? Miss, are you all right?â a hazy voice asked, concern evident even in the brusque Scottish brogue as a man shook her shoulders lightly. It was very lucky sheâd been caught, Rose thought, because sheâd had to break her left wrist to get out of a pair of shackles not too many jumps ago (the last time sheâd passed out, actually) and it was still rather tender.
But accent grazed rather pleasantly against her increasingly blurred reality as did the slightly cool hands she could feel checking her pulse point even as she fought to stay upright. Rose forced herself to look up at the man who was clutching her and that mysterious feeling of warmth suffused her again as she blinked into his gaze. Those were gorgeously ancient eyes. Powerful. Timeless. Stormy. Oh, that was good. She was a big fan of Storms. She giggled to herself, although, in this moment, she wasnât sure exactly why.
Her strangerâs eyes were wide and blue and concerned and...
Wait...timeless? And stormy? And blu-
Oh. And wrong. Wrong blue. Wrong eyes. Wrong face. Wrong...
Oh, no.
âOh. Youâre the wrong one,â she slurred, frowning slightly as her awareness retreated further. Oh, well, consciousness didnât seem like it was going to be sticking around much longer. That wasnât good. It was never good to pass out in a new dimension.
âThe wrong what?â the strange man asked. When she didnât answer, his own frown grew deeper. âPerson? Man? Alien? Time Lord?â
âNo, silly,â Rose snorted, looking rather dazedly at his odd question mark-ed jumper. The pattern on it was fascinating and puzzling and she was feeling very, very odd. âThe wrong Doctor,â she declared as if it were the most obvious thing in the universe.
And then she promptly lost consciousness, falling out of his surprised grip, against the door of the TARDIS with a thump.
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Well, the Doctor thought. This was going to be interesting.
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He stared down at the girl who had - literally - appeared out of thin air (the air was, actually, very thin on this planet, compared to Gallifrey, anyway, although - depending on where she had come from, perhaps she had appeared out of heavy air. Where had she come from?) and contemplated what to do next. Ace was gallivanting about the small, rural (and, heâd deemed, very safe) village theyâd landed near and so he was on his own for a bit. Heâd promised to give her a few hours of freedom (but had figured heâd go check on her in an hour or so - just to make sure there hadnât been any inexplicable explosions). Anyway, the TARDIS seemed rather insistent that he bring the girl inside and so, for lack of anything else to do, he complied.
He tried to take her to the MedBay but the TARDIS kept switching the corridors on him, showing him the library again and again until he finally acquiesced. After checking her over a bit and deciding that nothing was threatening her life, heâd laid her on the new, baffling couch that had appeared by the fire. He would like to take a closer look at that left wrist of hers but didnât want to do it without her permission and he couldnât get a read on her mental signature or timelines, so instead, he retrieved the emergency medical supplies he kept in the cupboard in here, he pulled his favourite armchair up nearby and he settled in to watch her (and to examine the odd device sheâd had around her other wrist, which he had, of course, pilfered).
He did so love a good mystery.
------------------------------------------
Rose drifted back into consciousness slowly, her mind pulling like uncooperative taffy. She was warm and safe and there was a comforting hum that she hadnât felt in a long time soothing her ragged psyche. Sighing happily, she stretched out on an oddly familiar couch and snuggled down into the cushions. However, as her cognizance seeped back in, she started to piece back together a few rather terrifying pieces of the amorphous, edgeless puzzle that was her life nowadays and she suddenly sat up, worry now chasing away happy memories.
Fighting the wave of dizziness brought on by the abrupt change in position, Rose shook her head and then automatically checked her wrist for the one connection she had back to the other dimension.
It was gone.
A slight cough came from about a meter away and, with great trepidation, Rose lifted her eyes to meet the gaze of the very man she was searching for, despite being several years (centuries?) early. Rose wasnât certain how she knew that she was too early (far, far too early) in his timeline, but she knew. It probably had something to do with the shiny golden box in the back of her mind that even this TARDISâ eager consciousness buzzed against happily.
Rose drank him in hungrily, filing away every minute detail of this small, older body because there was no doubt in her mind that he was the Doctor, her Doctor, even though sheâd never seen this form. There was something in his aura that spoke of the weight he carried, of the self-given burdens that he shouldered for the universe, even this early in his life.
She wasnât sure exactly how she was going to handle this situation...it wasnât as if sheâd ever been handed a guidebook on how to navigate the tricky waters of a very complicated relationship with a puzzling, temporally-sensitive being, especially one as mercurial as the Doctor. But, she was at least going to have to speak to him, so Rose simply blurted out the first thing of which she thought.
âHello,â she said.
Well, that was brilliant. She suppressed a sigh and then gave him the wide, friendly smile she used when she knew Torchwood was going to be able to help. Or when she knew she was going to have to lie through her eyeteeth.
Sometimes both at the same time.
âHello,â he replied, calmly, giving her an expression that, to her amusement, seemed to be the direct mirror of her own. Oh, sometimes she did wonder what, exactly, she was becoming (or, more to the point, who).
When Rose offered no other explanation (mostly because she couldnât think of one), the Doctor took it upon himself to speak next. âWere you searching for me?â he asked, eyes slightly narrowed at her.
Something delightful inside her tripped over those trilled râs...Scottish, huh? Oh, he had some explaining to do there. Did lots of planets have a Scotland, then? Had he ever been Scottish before? Would he ever be again? And would she ever get to find out?
The Doctor continued to watch her closely, a familiar, carefully-crafted, nonplussed expression on his face, which made Rose smile again. It was so, so good to see him again. On the inside, she wondered if she was hiding the love she had for him at all or if it was shining through her every move, radiating from her every thought.
On the outside, she made a noncommittal gesture with her head but didnât answer and so he continued, looking slightly irritated and very perceptive, an expression she recognized from another set of blue Doctor-eyes. âBecause just before you passed out, you told me that I was the wrong Doctor.â
âDid I?â Rose asked, vaguely, flexing her fingers and her left wrist only to flinch at its continued tenderness. âDonât mind me. Iâm a bit mad,â she finished, grinning up at him with a tongue-touched smile. Before he could say anything else, she stretched, cracking her back.
âPassed out, huh?â she repeated, looking at him for confirmation. When he nodded, eyes still slightly narrowed at her, she sighed. âBit embarrassing, that. I learned pretty early on that passing out when crossing into a new dimension was a spectacularly bad idea.â
âIâd never guess,â he said, drolly, stretching out the ârâ and looking as though he was filing away âcrossing dimensionsâ with interest and a bit of trepidation. Good. She needed to give him just enough information to keep him interested but not enough to hurt things.
âOh! Sarcasm! Iâve missed that,â she said, smiling gently at him again and once again, she thought, successfully confusing the hell out of him. âBut anyway. Passing out. Not good. Usually results in waking up in a jail. Or a medical bay of some sort. And that, especially, is not for anything good.â Her gazed darkened a moment and then lit up once more. âExcept on Altarian Four. I passed out there and woke up in a bar called âThe MedBayâ with no shoes. And in different socks, interestingly enough. Locals were kind enough to give me a lovely fizzy drink for my troubles and sent me on my way. Anyway, thanks for the, er, carry into your ship. If youâll just give me my property back, Iâll be on my way.â
âHow do you know this is a ship?â he asked, gesturing around the, to anyone else, normal-looking library. He made no move to hand over the device.
Instead of answering, Rose merely raised an eyebrow at him.
âYou know my TARDIS,â the Doctor stated matter-of-factly and Rose let a smile quirk the edges of her mouth. He stared at her, still perplexed before continuing, âAnd you know me.â
âYes, Doctor,â she replied, her smile growing despite herself. She had a feeling she wasnât hiding anything from him. âI know you.â
âDo you know me well? Or, rather, do you think you know me well?â he pressed, still sitting in his chair, fingers steepled together, eyeing her closely. There was the edge of something in his expression that she didnât like, a calculating and careful veneer protecting him from what, she suddenly realized, he perceived as a possible threat.
Rose blinked at him, unsure how to answer his question and a bit offended at his phrasing. There were a number of things she could probably say to him, things that she was certain only she knew or, at the very least, things that only someone very, very close to him would know, but she didnât want to frighten him. In all honesty, the people who knew the most about him were, in general, folks he didnât want to run into. Sheâd met a few of those along the way, as well.
She could instead relay to him things heâd revealed to her in intimate tones back when heâd been tortured and Northern and they had lain together, sweat-covered and sated, or when heâd been tortured and puppy-eyed and they had lain together, soft and satisfied. Memories of a sad, lonely childhood among red foothills, or of a wayfaring life of continued compromise, or of innermost worries of anxious insecurity, and the overwhelming, staggering need to always, always run.
Instead, she simply looked deep into his sharp, deep gaze answered, âWell enough.â
âAh,â he replied, after a long, intense pause and a nod to himself. She wondered what, exactly, he had gleaned from that interaction. âWell, then, Iâm sure you know that even future me wouldnât let you go until after I have garnered a few more answers. And fixed that bothersome fractured scaphoid,â the Doctor countered, raising an eyebrow back at her.
âYouâre going to have to forget this,â Rose cautioned.
âI expected as much,â he replied, the eyebrow coming back down. âBeen working on reorganizing this portion of my memory since I carried you in here. Shehas been rather insistent about it. Now then, who are you?â
âRose Tyler,â she answered, settling back into the cushions and breathing in deeply, enjoying the TARDISâ familiar smell and feel. She was determined to enjoy this experience as much as possible since she wasnât going anywhere soon and who knew how long it would be until she found him again.
If you ever find him again,, taunted the naysaying voice inside her that she typically ignored.
âSo, you are a future companion of mine,â the Doctor began. âWhen, if I may inquire, shall I have the honour of making your acquaintance, if you know?â
âI know your ninth and tenth forms,â Rose replied, smiling at his barely-concealed look of surprise when she mentioned two of him. âFor one, youâre tall and dark and have a thing for leather and brooding and for the next, youâre tall and bouncy with a thing for pinstripes and flirting.â
Several different expressions warred for dominance on his comical face and Rose just sat back and enjoyed the show with a smirk. Finally, he said, âTall, you say?â
Her grin widened.
âHow about this you?â Rose asked, truly curious.
âA Time Lord never discusses his age,â this small Doctor replied, sniffing slightly but smiling at her.
âI know that,â she answered, rolling her eyes. âTrust me, youâve told me anywhere between nine hundred and two thousand, depending on when I asked.â
And if we were in bed at the time, she added silently in her head with a wicked grin. She did so love to wind him up about his age, if only to get him to prove that it didnât matter.
Once again, he looked surprised. âHmm,â he murmured. âAnd I thought I was old now.â
âYouâre not old,â she scoffed. âOr at least not as old as you will be.â
âNo one is ever as old as they will be,â he replied. âOr as young as they were.â
âExcept for you,â Rose answered, smiling softly. âBut then, you seem to be the exception to just about every rule.â
âYes,â the Doctor said, looking at her askance again, as though he was trying to pull the answers to the unvoiced questions he really wanted to ask right out of her mind. Instead, he waved about the wrist communicator in his hand. âSpeaking of rules, why, may I ask, are you gallivanting around the multiverse using this very dangerous bit of shoddy, subpar, Time Agency knock-off technology?â
âOi! I helped design that, you know,â Rose snapped reaching for her device and huffing at him as he kept it from her grip. âNot all of us took advanced temporal mechanics at fancy Time Lord school.â Rose watched him out of the corner of her eye as he startled slightly again at the mention of the Academy. It had been difficult for her Doctors to talk about Academy life and she knew it wasnât just because Gallifrey was gone. She closed her eyes a moment, centering herself. Keep him interested, donât scare him off, distract him with banter. âAlthough, if I had, you can bet I wouldnât have failed it.â
âI didnât fail,â he sniffed, choosing to accept that she obviously knew a lot more about him than...well, pretty much anyone. âI passed all of my Academy classes, thank you very much.â
âYeah, by one point!â she teased, relieved that he was no longer pressing her for answers.
âI was making a point,â the Doctor answered, puffing up slightly. âAnd you, madam,â he pointed at her, âdidnât answer my question.â
Ah, who was she to deflect the master deflector? Well, honesty it was, then.
âI got separated from you,â she began, ignoring the ache in her heart from just the mention of that day. âAnd that shoddy, subpar bit of technology is my ticket home.â
âWhy havenât I just come to get you?â the Doctor asked, carefully sidestepping her use of the word âhomeâ to represent him. The TARDIS poked him in annoyance. Fine, to represent them.
Rose sighed, heavily, and put her head in her hands a moment.
When her head finally lifted, the Doctor blinked in surprise at the change in her expression. She had been holding herself very carefully before that, heâd noticed. The pain and sadness he could sense inside her had been carefully hidden away, covered up by a cheerful, almost manic exterior and a blue leather jacket. But now, he could see just how tired she was, just how sad she was and he could see...well, some other things he didnât want to examine all to closely at the moment.
âItâs complicated,â Rose replied, finally. He opened his mouth argue, but she stopped him with a wearily-raised hand. âI know you want to ask more questions, I know you want to know more and I wish I could tell you, I really, really do. But it really is complicated and we have a lot of living together to do yet, for you anyway. And I really, really hope...for me, too. I know itâs tough, but youâre going to have to trust me on this one.â
His brow furrowed more deeply. Well, he wasnât giving up that easily. âI already told you that I am going to file this memory away. Perhaps if you tell me your situation now, I might be able to assist you, since apparently I cannot in the future.â
âThe TARDIS told me not to,â Rose answered with a small smile and a pat to the arm of the couch, surprising the Doctor yet again. âAnd, hard as it is to do all of this, to fight back to you the way I am, to scramble, tooth and nail for every foothold I can get, I think Sheâs probably right.â Rose drew herself up a bit taller in her seat, looking more like a warrior than heâd seen of her yet. âAnd I think thereâs more left for me to do yet, before I find you.â
The Doctor opened his mouth to argue again, but then felt the nudge of his oldest, most trusted friend in his mind and, grumbling, agreed to Her terms. âCross-dimensional travel is very dangerous, young lady,â he began, using the tone of voice he sometimes used on Ace when she was being especially difficult. To his surprise, Rose merely laughed.
Although, to be fair, sometimes Ace laughed as well.
âNo, no,â she sputtered. âDonât go calling me that. No way.â
âWhyever not?â he inquired, enjoying watching her laugh even if it was at his expense.
âItâs far too weird, trust me,â she giggled and then, to his utter shock, she winked at him and he felt the tips of his ears begin to burn.
As if he hadnât had enough surprises today.
Flustered, he cast about for a new topic and his gaze settled on the medkit he had pulled out. âMay I see your wrist?â he asked and Rose smiled, holding out her left arm.
âOh, I have missed the MedBay, I can tell you that,â she said, sighing in relief as he spread some gel over the broken bone and then ran the Regenerator over it, activating the forty-third century cure. The heated gel seeped into her skin, re-connecting the bones and easing the swelling and bruising. âNo one can heal a broken bone like you.â
âSo youâve had multiple instances similar to this one, then?â the Doctor inquired, rather harshly, his fingers tight over the newly-healed skin, his eyes dark and flashing once more.
âHere and there,â Rose replied, shrugging and attempting to pull her wrist from his grip. He, however, did not let go.
âThen I donât believe that I, any of me, would approve of you doing this, whatever it is. It is too dangerous, as I said,â he finished, rather patronizingly.
âDanger! Ha! I laugh in the face of danger,â Rose quoted, deflecting once again, her heart clenching even as she referenced his (future) favourite film. HerDoctor would have gotten that. This Doctor merely frowned at her further.
âThis is not a joke,â the Doctor scowled and Rose could tell that heâd just barely kept from adding âyoung womanâ to that sentence and suddenly she was just as annoyed as he was.
Rose tore her wrist from his grip, glad that it was healed and stood up, facing him, her own eyes flashing as he stood up to mirror her. âDâyou think I donât know that? Dâyou think I donât realize that every moment of every one of these stupid jumps? I know itâs not a joke! But this is my life, Doctor! Itâs not fun, itâs not smart, itâs justâŠâ she stammered to a stop, realizing just whose words she was saying. She took a deep breath and met his stormy, dark blue eyes. âItâs just standing up and making a decision because nobody else will.â
He stared at her a beat longer, just barely taller than her in this form, still radiating power and authority, still her Doctor, even in this younger/older body. âNot even me?â he asked, quietly, and Rose saw, for the first time, the bit of fear for the future in his tempestuous gaze.
âYouâre not there,â Rose answered, honestly, her voice breaking.
âIâm sorry,â he whispered and, to her enormous surprise, he pulled her into a tight embrace, which she returned desperately. The tattoo of his double hearts against her chest, the smell of him, tea and time, and the feel of his strong, capable arms around her, even a different pair, had her finally shedding a few of the tears that had been living behind her eyelids and her strong exteriour for months.
How long they stood like that, Rose wasnât certain (although he could probably tell her, to the nanosecond). But eventually, her tears subsided and the Doctor pulled away, the back of his hand grazing against her cheek for a moment, following the tracks of her tears.
âCome with me,â he said, solemnly, taking her hand.
He led her back to the console room, which Rose observed with fascination, cataloging differences to keep herself from breaking down once again, this time over her impending departure. It was only a matter of moments, she knew.
The Doctor let go of her hand and busied himself with something on the console, allowing her to wander around the room, running her hands over the smooth white walls and lit roundels.
She was whispering compliments to the TARDIS when she heard the Doctor cough once again, this time from across the room. Rose patted the wall once more and walked back to him, noticing for the first time, that the object he had been messing with had been her wrist connector to the dimension cannon.
He held it out to her and Rose noticed right away that there were several new bits attached (rather haphazardly) to the device. âIâve made a few...modifications,â he confessed, smiling at her sheepishly.
âLike what?â Rose asked, genuinely curious, turning the altered technology over in her hands.
âWell, first of all, Iâve integrated a small, self-powered quantum loop shield, which will help with some of the discomfort and disorientation of these âdimension jumpsâ of yours,â he began. âAnd I have also upped the power intake and charging quotient, so it shouldnât take so long to ah, reset, between jumps. Just in case you end up somewhere that you really donât wish to be,â he continued, raising his eyebrows meaningfully.
Rose smiled at him and threw her arms around his neck, surprising him. That was her Doctor.
He returned the hug and then eased free of her embrace, looking a bit mischevious. âAnd one more thing,â he said, walking with her over to the doors of the TARDIS and holding them open for her.
âYes?â Rose asked, reluctantly stepping through the weathered blue door of her (future/past) home and strapping the connector back onto her wrist.
The Doctor reached over and, to her surprise, pricked his finger on a tiny needle attached to a miniature vial she hadnât even noticed. A drop of ruby liquid fell into the small container, which then hissed and receded into the mechanics of the device.
âNow, it will target me. Youâll only appear where I am. Or at the very, very least, where I have recently been,â he finished, pulling his hand back and watching her closely.
She stared at him, amazed. It was a priceless gift he was giving her and an enormous amount of trust. She sniffled, trying not to cry again. She was so much closer to finding him now. She would find him, she knew she would.
The Doctor shifted under her gaze. âOf course, it could send you to any of me but...at least youâll be safe.â
Rose raised a skeptical eyebrow at him.
He smiled at her, a silly little grin she wished she could see more often on this daft face. âWell, safer.â
âThank you,â Rose managed, letting out a watery chuckle. âFor everything.â
âYouâre very welcome, I do believe,â he answered, reaching out to once again brush his knuckles lightly across her face. With even that light connection, Rose thought perhaps he saw more of their future than he let on. She focused on the feeling of them standing so close to one another, of his cool fingertips on her flushed cheek, and she poured all of her love into that touch, willing him to feel it, willing him to understand. They smiled at one another for a long moment before his hand dropped and Rose looked away to adjust the dials on her wrist connector, punching in the necessary coordinates to take her back to Mickey and Pete and Torchwood.
He took a step back from her and Rose looked up, suddenly, desperate for one last connection with him even as she felt the cannonâs pull begin. âDoctor!â
âYes?â he replied, tilting his head to the side and watching her with a soft expression she thought, once again, she had seen on two other Doctor-faces.
âTo answer your question...yes, I was looking for you.â
His bright eyes crinkled as his smile widened. âWhy?â
âI think you might know the answer to that,â she answered, smiling at him once last time.
âIndeed,â he murmured softly, flexing the fingers of his right hand, the hand that had been so recently resting on her cheek.
And then she was gone.