#bloggingagain

Okay, so this blog was created over a year ago now, and I won’t lie, uni swept in and took me out. I completely forgot about this space and didn’t keep up with it. It was meant to be a hobby, a distraction, and a comfort place for me… but I let it go. That’s on me.

Tbh, I don’t even know if anyone’s reading this but if you are, I’m sorry for disappearing.

Anyway, let me talk a little about myself (I rarely do this). I’ll be keeping my name anonymous just a little mystery from my side. I’m a 20 year old Nigerian girl, born and raised in Spain, and now living in the United Kingdom this cold, grey, and kinda grimy country 😭. I won’t get into my political side today (I’ve been way too political lately), but honestly, it’s good to be. We are the leaders of tomorrow, and the leaders of today are doing some really harmful things.

What’s happening in places like Palestine, Congo, and other countries the killings, the injustices, the inhumane treatment it’s heartbreaking. Innocent people are losing their lives. We need to keep advocating for an end to these genocides.

Okay… enough of that for now.

A lot has happened since my last post. At 19, I went through some really painful heartbreaks. I found out that someone I was deeply devoted to cheated on me with my friend’s situationship. That story is very blurred, but yes… I was cheated on.

Surprisingly, I didn’t feel much. I’d already lost feelings for him and was ready to move on. I mostly felt bad for the girl he hurt it was her first love, and she was shattered. What really got me was how he disrespected me afterwards. The things he said… I never knew he had that much bitterness in his heart.

He later tried to apologize just to say he “missed me.” He’s done that multiple times popping up randomly, saying he regrets everything, just to mess with my peace. I’d blocked him on everything except WhatsApp (because we never really talked there), and of course, that’s where he reached out 🙄.

But y’all would be proud of me I told him to keep his “I miss you” to himself. I didn’t need it. I told him to hold onto the no-contact rule and that I never wanted to hear from him again. I don’t miss him, and him calling me names only showed me I made the right choice.

Then came someone new. Something serious or at least I thought it was. Like I said in my previous post, I hate begging or having to ask for effort. I asked him, “What’s your plan with this relationship?” because I didn’t want to be stuck in a talking stage forever. He kept saying, “Yes, in due time,” but guess what? He ended up ghosting me.

He did eventually call me (on WhatsApp again that app needs to join my block list 😩). He gave me the closure and clarity I once craved, even though I’d already started healing. I didn’t need his words anymore, but it felt good to confirm I was truly over it.

And now? I’m dating someone who’s probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s goal-oriented, has his life together, and actually sees a future with me. He makes me feel like a princess it’s lovely. We’ll see where it goes, but right now, I’m happy. 💕

Also, I’m in third year of uni! A whole nursing student with big, big dreams 🩺. One major chapter is almost complete, and honestly, it’s a mix of bliss, sadness, and anxiety. I’m excited to be done — no more essays, exams, or placements (2300 hours, I’m so done 😭).

But at the same time… I’m terrified. I’m about to be a “big girl” in the real world, and that’s scary.

So yeah, that’s where I’ve been healing, growing, and trying to figure out life one day at a time.

Now’s as good a time as any to revive my tumbling. It’s Thursday of Week 1 of self-quarantine and social distancing, and I’ll be honest... we are actually living our best lives this week. I feel like I’m made for this time! because here is how we live:

long walks alone

working from home by myself listening to podcasts

always keeping expectations low about kid’s school projects

not being great about making plans in advance

a house full of books and art supplies

looking out the window at birds and squirrels while drinking various beverages

Ok. Again, I’m back. But this time it’ll be more of my passion, my life, and less with sad feelings, cause as we all know college is over! by that means, less 3 am broken thoughts. Ayun.

Been doing social media detox for couple of days na and *wew* I am finding all ways not to open my accounts! Annnnd that’s the reason why I’m here again. I’ll just write my thoughts diri and also be uploading good quality photos — hanash — food trips — travels etc. 😘😘 ay. if not busy with other works lang naman. so G? G!

trying out the blogging thing again. i really feel like i need a reliable outlet to push out all these thoughts. good, bad, random, and unnecessary. all the sad shit i think, that i may or may not shine light on one hundred percent but will try my best to elaborate for the sake of putting it out to the world of strangers (and the occasional friend). 

i’m not sure when’s the last time i committed to journaling my day-to-days. i used to write a lot, both public and private. i miss it. i’ve felt like i’ve lost a lot of myself in the years growing up, to now. i’ve gradually been finding bits and pieces of myself again, and learning how to truly embrace these elements that shape me. i’ve also discovered new parts of me that make me both sick and excited. i’ve been itching to explore more of myself, even if it isn’t always good. 

lately, early childhood/teenage nostalgia has been hitting me hard. it might sound absurd, but i think it’s some sort of sign. i’m not entirely sure what it means yet, or maybe i never will know. i know that a huge part of myself has been holding back on really 'feeling’... i know that doesn’t make sense without context, but for the sake of remembering for myself, i’m just going to leave it at that. for now. 

I don't know why I decided it would be a good idea for me to create yet another blog for the 100000th time. I've already got blogger, WordPress, and Dayre and all seem to really not last at all cause I’m shitty at trying to stay on something for a long period of time.