Rin’s easy to make jealous and sometimes you think that that’s probably one of the reasons you started dating.
You’ve been friends with the boys for long enough that a casual hug is the most common form of greeting and Bachira has tried to climb your back more than once.
Touching your friends is something you’ve never thought twice about until you realized how Rin focused on it.
The way he flexed his hand after you shook it or how stiff he got when you hugged him that first time. How he came back to it, again and again, pretending that he needed to learn how to hug and that you’d probably be the best one to train with.
He hadn’t exactly been subtle about it.
And it’s cute, how he pulls you closer when the boys are around. How he holds onto your legs when you try to get up from the Couch to answer your phone that’s buzzing on the kitchen counter.Â
Rin’s a menace and you love him for that.
But some days it’s a little less fun.
-
“Can we talk about this?” You ask one night, shoes still on, Mascara smudged.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He’s grumbling in the kitchen, back turned to you.Â
You’re tired. Of this, of the day, of the way you’re feeling.
But you love him and you’re willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“Okay,” you slip out of your shoes and put your purse on the table. “The way you reacted after Isagi hugged me.”
You can see the way he tenses, stiffens all the way down to his toes.
He knows what he’s done. Cold shoulder for the whole evening, silent treatment on the car ride home.Â
“You’re my girl-”
“You don’t possess me.”
He visibly pulls back at that, the emotions mixing on his face. It’s a mess and you know he knows it too.
“I thought-”
“Rin,” you step closer, reach for his hands. Your tone is soft, like you’re talking to a wounded animal. In many ways he is. “Rin, I love you. Just you. I will not cheat, I will not let anyone get in between. But I have friends and I like hugging them and they like hugging me too. If you don’t like something, we can talk about this like the adults that we are, but-”
“I don’t want you to leave me.”
“I know.”
His hands squeeze yours tightly. “I just… feel so incredibly angry when someone…” He can’t even bring himself to say it.
“For me it’s just a hug. What’s it for you?”
“I only hug people that mean something to me.”
“I know.”
“When you hug people like that, does it mean nothing to you?”
 Hurt washes over you but you bite your tongue. He doesn’t mean to hurt you and it’s not going to solve the problem if you’re getting defensive now.
“I does mean something to me, these are my friends. People I care for. I don’t kiss them though. Or cuddle with them. Or share a bed. Or-”
“Yeah, I get it.” Rin lets go of your hands and rubs a hand over his face. “I- I think I need some space.”
“Okay.”
He nods, but he does not move. “You’re not mad at me?”
“No. You need some space to think about this and I get it. I want us to work out, I want us to figure out how to deal with this. If you need space for that, that’s okay. Just, talk about it, okay? Tell me what you need and what you feel.”
“Okay,” he nods again. “You’re… staying tonight though, right?”
“If you want me to.”
“I’ll always want you to.”
-
“How are we doing?” You ask a week later, playing passenger princess on the way to a hangout.
His hand is on your thigh, squeezing you.Â
“I have an idea. It’s going to suck at the beginning, but I think it might work out.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” he swallows thickly, eyes on the road. “I’m going to hug Bachira.”
“Really?” You turn your face to look at him. “That’s brave. He tends to bite too.”
“He tends to what?”
“Bite. He usually aims for the shoulder, so keep that in mind.”
“Why do you let him do it?”
“It’s kinda funny,” you can’t help the giggle. “He’s like a dog. But… you want to hug Bachira?”
“Well, want would be a strong word. But I think if I get used to hugging people casually, I’m probably more okay with you hugging people casually.”
“Mhm, I like that idea. You can practice with my parents too, you know how much of a hugger my dad is.”
“True,” he releases a sigh. “Sorry.”
“For what?”
“For taking so long with this.” He squeezes your thigh again. “For letting it out on you.”
“Everyone has some struggles. For you it’s this, for me it’s something else.”
“Thank you.” His voice is thick with emotion and you let him have the space to gather himself.
By the time you reach Bachira’s place he’s back to normal and only those who know him well could see the hints of anxiety.
“Heeeey, you’re here!” Bachira aims for you, arms outstretched, goofy grin on his face.
Rin is a little faster though, pulling the smaller guy into a hug. It’s a little tense and knowing Rin he’s probably squeezing a little to tight, but Bachira’s hanging in there with the dopiest look on his face.
“Am I in heaven?” Your friend asks, hanging almost lifeless in Rin’s arms. “Did I die?”
“Idiot.” Rin drops him like a sack of potatoes. “I’m not doing that again.”
“Nooooo!” Bachira whines from the ground. “You have to do it again! Please!”
“Do what again?” Isagi’s at the door in seconds, too curious for his own good. “Why are you on the floor?”
Rin catches your gaze, your proud smile and the questioning lift of your brows.
Will he hug Isagi too?
“Let’s not go that far,” Rin mumbles, reaching for your hand. “One step at a time.”
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he comforts you during thunderstorms, tells you he would rend the sky and tear lightening from the clouds if you asked him to. that if you wanted, he might storm olympus and challenge zeus, the god of gods, that he would win, just for you. he tells you that were you to ask for the head of john the baptist, he would bring it to you on a silver platter.
all these things, he would do for you. if only you'd ask.
he tells you too that you are to be his ruin, that you hold the very essence of his soul in the palms of your hands. he tells you he loves you, that he burns for you, that he drowns in your closeness and that if you wanted to hurt him, it would be only too easy a thing to do.
sometimes, he wants you to hurt him.
sometimes, he takes your hands, kisses your palms, and puts them around his throat.
sometimes, he smirks at you and says, "well go on then, let's see the worst that you can do."
hi dira. since your timestamp acitvity is still open, i'm sending in 11.10 PM with itoshi sae if you feel like it :~]
-lena
11.10 pm - Itoshi Sae
Outside, the city is falling asleep, the streets growing emptier by the minute. It's a weeknight, after all, and ordinarily, you'd be in bed too.
But your bed is occupied now.
You lean against the fridge as you wait for the water to boil, don't even try to pretend you're not staring.
Sae's just that pretty, all lean muscle and pale skin, his magenta hair pushed away from his face by a fluffy kitten headband he found in your bathroom.
"Take a picture," Sae drawls now, swiping on his phone. "It'll last longer."
"Already did," you fold your arms across your chest and rest your cheek against the cool metal of your fridge. "Now I'm just staring because I can."
His eyes flicker up to yours and back again. There's the faintest smile dancing over his lips. You think about kissing them, but your kettle clicks off, so you force yourself to move instead.
"Salty seaweed tea for the guy with no taste," you put it on the nightstand next to him and gingerly climb onto the mattress next to him, trying not to spill your own drink.
"What are you having?"
"Instant hot chocolate," you blow on it, inhaling the sweet scent of cheap chocolate, freeze-dried marshmallows, and peppermint aroma.
"That sounds nasty."
"Don't knock it till you've tried it," you claim, stretching your legs and knocking your knee into his at the same time.
You wonder why he's here again. You've seen his apartment. Your dingy little place could probably fit in his bathroom and then some.
But it's exhilarating to have him here, in your bed, your headband pushing back his bangs.
Sae stretches and puts his phone away, eyeing you carefully.
"What?" You ask, blowing on your drink again.
"You're beautiful," he points out, drawling out the words as if he can barely be bothered to say them.
"Mhm," you nod. "Thanks."
Sae blinks. Furrows his brows. "Thanks?"
"What?" You take a tentative sip, but it's still a little too hot. "Am I supposed to say something else?"
Sae laughs then, and it sounds both surprised and genuine, a sound you don't hear often.
"I like you," he mutters, reaching out to brush his thumb over your cheek. "Tell me something about you?"
-
It's only weeks later, the alarm clock next to your bed reading 11.10 pm once more, that you realize.
"Wait," you lift your head from where it had been resting on Sae's chest. "You've been flirting with me."
Sae laughs, surprised and genuine, like he only seems to do around you. "Have been for a year, thanks for noticing."
You get home at exactly 6:45 pm, which is more than half an hour later than usual.
Rin's not home yet, his shoes not by the door and his body not stretched out on the Yoga Mat in the living room.
Your heart's racing as you slide down the hallway, aiming for the bedroom door.
You need an excuse, and a believable one, too, by the time he returns. Train running late? No, he could google that. Maybe a coworker keeping you back with some gossip? But what if he asks about it and you don't know what to say?
Your brain comes to an abrupt halt at the sight of Rin, halfway tucked into your closet.
"Are you hiding my present?" You ask, never mind the fact that you've got your own box tucked under your arm.
He snaps back, turquoise eyes on you. "What?"
But there's a box in his hands, large enough to house the shoes you've been raving about for a month, and the closet is your favorite hiding place and-
"Is that my present?" Rin asks, pointing at the box tucked under your arm. The box containing the pair of running shoes he'd been eyeing for a week or so, debating if he should get them or not.
"No." You try to hide the box behind your back, but it's too large. "What makes you think that?"
"Because you're late and our anniversary is coming up ."
"Well-" You draw out the word. Rin's eyes are flickering through the room. You wonder who will cave first.
He pulls out the box, flicks the ribbon on top. "Should we do a pre-celebration?"
You gasp. "You're not even trying to hide it from me?"
Rin snorts. "As if you're not going to tear the house down, trying to find it, now that you know it's here."
Well, he's got you there.
"Can we order take-out for our pre-celebration?"
He huffs out a laugh. "Just don't make it too unhealthy. I have a game on Friday."
-
When you got married a year ago, you wouldn't have believed anyone that a pre-celebration of your anniversary, held on a random Tuesday night, could make you this happy.
But when you got married a year ago, you also thought that nothing could ever top the joy of getting married.
Rin stares down at the color, unable to fully recognize that feeling in him.
“Uh, Boys?” You ask on his side, equally flummoxed. “What does yellow mean?”
“Oh,” your eyes flicker up to Rin and then to Bachira, who smiles brightly. “Number one didn’t want to show his or her gender, so we thought yellow was neutral.”
“Are you kidding me?!” Rin snaps back. “This is supposed to be a gender reveal!”
“Yes, and your kid decided not to reveal themselves. That’s not my fault!
“Wait, Rin,” your hand on his arm calms him down a little, just enough to let you speak up again. “What about Number two? Do we have another yellow?”
“No,” Bachira shakes his head with a wide grin. “Number two was not shy at all.”
Rin, practically fuming, marches over to the second cake. You reach him just in time to stop him from ripping into the dessert.
“Rin, Honey, please. This is still a celebration.”
“Yeah,” Kunigami makes himself known from the back. “You need to work on your temper if you’re having kids.”
Rin tries to glare holes into his friend's head but he listens, takes a deep breath before he hands you the knife.
“You do the honors,” he asks and if not for the squeeze of his hand, you wouldn’t have guessed that he was scared.
But there’s the sigh of relief you can’t miss when you cut through, lifting the bright pink piece of cake up so everyone can see.
“Number two is a girl!” You announce and everyone cheers.
If anyone else notices a tear running down Rin’s cheek, they keep silent about it.
- - -
“How about yellow and purple?”Â
Rin shoots you a look over the morning paper. “That’s a hideous combo.”
“Not if you do it right. We can also do purple and turquoise, but that might be too close to blue, you know?”
“Green and Purple- no, that’s even worse.”
“No, I like it.” You nod to yourself. “Like, we can pick a darker green and a lighter purple shade. Let me pick it out, okay? My Dad’s going to paint it, too, so we don’t have to worry about messing it up.”
“I wouldn’t mess it up.”
You doubt his promise, but you still giggle and lean in to kiss him.
“The kids are going to love it.”
Rin’s brows are furrowed at that, like he’s not yet believing it.
“And if they don’t like it, they’ll have to pay for the new color with their pocket money.”
“Newborns don’t have pocket money.”
“Just because other parents are boring, doesn’t mean we have to be. I say we pay them a little pocket money. We can pay for their snacks with that.”
Rin looks like he wants to disagree but then he nods, smiling a little.
“Our kids are going to be the richest kids on the playground.”
“Now we’re talking.”
- - -
“How about Mari for Number Two?” You ask, waddling after Rin, your notebook in hand. “And for Number One, I’ve got Masuyo if it’s a girl or Masato if it’s a boy.”
Rin sighs, stopping in the doorframe. “It’s not going to be a boy.”
“We don’t know,” you ease him into it. “It might be. It’s best to be prepared, right?”
“Mari and Masuyo,” he tells you firmly, softening when he catches your look. “I’m sorry,” he steps closer, his hands already reaching for the swell of your belly. “I’m sorry guys.”
“You’re not a cool dad right now,” you point out, keeping your voice light and teasing. “You need to chill before the baby’s come.”
“I know, I’m just-” You flinch and he stops, his brows furrowing. “What?”
“Nothing, nothing,” you breathe out through your nose and in through your mouth. “Just… I think Number two just kicked me.”
“Not cool-” You flinch again and he cuts himself off, crowding you against the door now as he waits, silently, for your next move.
“Rin?”
“Yes, love?”
“I think something’s wrong.”
-
You know twins generally come early. There’s something about the lack of room and other stuff you can’t quite focus on right now, not as panic has a hold on your throat, keeping you from breathing in as deeply as you should.
Rin’s panicking as well, you can see it in his eyes and in the way he shuts down, his hands on your shoulders, his whole body rigid against yours. He’s shielding you, but he’s not letting any emotion in or out, not until he knows what’s happening.
It doesn’t take long to figure out that the kids are coming.
The only thing ready is their room back home.Â
Mari comes out first. You know because she’s the bigger one, screaming the minute she’s free, red-faced and ready to tackle the world.
They hand her over to Rin, let her rest against his naked chest where she struggles to get food.
“It’s a boy,” you can hear over the sound of your own blood pumping in your ears, the beeping of the machines, the muffled whiny sounds Mari makes on your right.
“Masato,” you call out weakly, “His name is Masato.”
Masato does not cry at first. He’s a tiny little thing and they hand him over with apologetic faces. They don’t think he’ll make it very long, you can tell, but he drinks and he sleeps and all you can think of, as you slip into sleep yourself, is the look on Rin’s face as he takes it all in.
Mari and Masato. Masato and Mari.
-
Everyone worries about Masato. He’s so small and quiet compared to Mari, who cries all the time - when she’s hungry, tired, or just wants some attention - and he needs to be reminded to feed.
They leave you with supplements and helpful advice, with the cautionary tale that sometimes, only one twin makes it.
Rin takes a couple more days off. Every day there’s a new gift on the doorstep. Homemade food. Diapers. A soccer ball from Bachira.
One night you wake up to Rin cradling a sleeping Masato against his chest, mumbling over and over again, like a prayer: “You can be whatever you wanna be if you just make it.”
And then, the first hopeful smiles.Â
Masato’s growing. Slow, but steady.
Somehow, there’s always something to celebrate. Always something to call family about.
“Yeah, he actually cried today,” you hear Rin tell someone on the phone. “He was hungry and he cried because of it. Can you believe it?”
And where you’d thought that Mari would for sure become Daddy’s favorite girl, you find him curled up with Masato a little more often, a little more infatuated with this son he claimed he never wanted to have
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To find Sae at your front door is never a good sign, but to find him there today is the worst of all signs.
“I’ll talk to him,” you say like he’s the evil you need to protect him from.
“No,” Rin shakes his head, “I’ll deal with him. You go inside, okay?”
One look tells him that he’s serious. He might not have fully grasped the news yet, but he’s firm on his stance here.
“Okay, love you.” You lean in to kiss his cheek and shuffle along, bidding Sae the shortest greeting you’re able to. The fact that he doesn’t try to stop you on your way in tells you anything you need to know.
He’s Rin’s brother after all.
But you wouldn’t be his wife if you didn’t know to leave the door open a smidge. Just in case you need to come to his rescue in whatever way he could need.
-
“Mom said you’re expecting.”
“So what?”
“Listen,” Sae’s voice is low, urging, “I’m not a good brother. Probably never have been, but I… I have been thinking about it, lately, if things could have been different. And if there ever had been a sign to try again, this is it, right?”
“Just because we’re having a child?”Â
You’re clutching the doorframe now, wishing, hoping, begging Sae to say the right thing.
“No, Rin, the kid’s not even here yet. But yeah, I don’t want your kid to only know me as some guy you can’t help but be related to. I don’t have to be an uncle if you don’t want me to-”
“The hell you mean you’re not going to be an uncle?!” Rin snaps, the sign for you to push the door open, to call out his name.
His head snaps over, concern cutting through the anger in an instant.
“Be nice,” you tell him softly, making the way back to lean into him, “Sae’s offering. You can do with it what you want.”
Rin sinks into you, heavy with emotions you can’t even begin to understand. But you try, for his sake.Â
“How about…” You start, peering up at Sae who looks so unusually insecure, “How about you come inside and we have a cup of tea? Just to catch up. We can go from there.”
-
The weeks pass.
You can tell that Rin’s slowly, slowly starting to grasp reality.
Not one child. Two.Â
“What if they end up hating each other?” He asks more than once, mostly when you’re about to fall asleep, his most vulnerable spots hidden in the darkness.
“We’ll help them through it. Most siblings have fights. It’s how you get out of those fights that define you, you know.”
“When do we know the gender?” He asks next.
It doesn’t take long to figure out why. In his head, daughters will not go through what he went through. Daughters, sisters, will not turn their backs on each other.
Your arguments fall on deaf ears but at least he listens to your wish, shakes his head when the doctors asks if he wants to know instead of making it a surprise.
He’s still a bundle of nerves on the way to the Gender Reveal.
You can only hope that Bachira and the boys don’t poke the bear.
It’s not that he didn’t think about having kids before it happened. Rin was everything if not thorough and though he did not bring up the topic on your first date - truthfully, he had been too flustered to think properly in your presence that night - he brought it up soon after.
He wanted children, but he would not let them go through what he’d gone through.
“An only child,” he said, “and I’m not willing to compromise on that.”
He was willing to compromise on a lot of things. Where to live, when to get married - and how - or if you wanted to keep working or not after the wedding or the birth of said child.Â
This decision could make or break your relationship, but luckily it was one you could compromise on.
“They’ll find lots of friends at school,” you agreed, “and we can adopt some pets to play with.”
Pets were another thing Rin wasn’t entirely comfortable with.
But, as it turned out, he could be convinced to keep the little furry thing you’d found on your way home from work, a kitten that liked to sleep on his stomach, purring up a storm.
-
It’s not that he didn’t think about having kids before it happened, but as the red line appeared on the pregnancy test everything shifted, like an earthquake had hit his home and his home alone.
And even if he might have wanted to wait another year or two, enjoy the comfortable Silence only interrupted by Kita’s purring or your giggling, the breathless wonder on your face made all of that irrelevant.
-
“Vitamins?” is a daily question in his household now, popping one out of the package for you each morning.
There’s a pile of books on his nightstand and he spends most evenings reading now, your body curled into him, Kita snuggled in between, purring so loud he can barely hear the TV in the background.
“We’re going to have to cut back on the coffee,” he says one day, never once phrasing it as something only you’re going to go through. If you have to miss out on something, so will he.
At least until they tell you to cut back on sports. That’s non-negotiable for now.
“What do you think of Mana?” You ask over a cup of tea on Sunday, going through your own books. “For a girl? Or Yoichi for a boy.”
“Not Yoichi,” he groans, “Anything else.”
“Megumi?” Your giggle betrays you.
“Not Megumi either,” he still plays along, leaning in to kiss your nose.
-
“Now you’ll hear the heartbeat,” the doctor announces, Rin’s hand squeezing yours so hard it hurts. The sound fills the room, new and somehow familiar at the same time.
“Oh,” the doctor blinks, “There’s a second one.”
“What?” Rin’s voice breaks on that single-syllable word. You repeat it for him.
