#blitzxstolas

"That's not-" Blitz couldn't get a word in edgewise.

Stolas closed his eyes and clenched his fists, "No, I don't want to hear your excuses anymore. In fact, I think it's only fair I get to remind you of all your worst qualities. You're a hypocrite, a fraud, a-and . . ." He sighed, and turned away from Blitz, "and it doesn't matter what I call you, because it will never cut you as deeply as you've cut me, because you've never given a rat's *ss about me." Stolas was crying again, but he had to say the words, "But it doesn't matter now, because I'm done. I'm done being treated like disposable sh*t. I won't stand for it! Not anymore! Not from you, not from my wife, not from anyone in or out of hell! I don't deserve much, but I deserve better than this! Go back to ignoring me to your heart's content, I won't be trying to win it anymore."

"No, wait, please!" Blitz begged as Stolas made another portal.

"I think I've waited long enough, Blitz." He went through the portal, and didn't look back.

Once again, Blitz was standing left alone on the pavement, watching someone he loved dearly walk away from him. The consequences of his own actions catching up to him, and leaving him in the dust.

"Blitz! What the f**k happened?!" Loona ran over but came to a fast halt when she got close to Blitz's accusing finger.

"What the f**k, me?! What the f**k, you! I can't believe my own daughter would betray me like this!" Blitz quickly turned his despair to outrage, taking an angry stance.

"Hey! I didn't set any of this up." She put her hands up and took a step.

"So you had no idea what was going on in there, the whole time?" He crossed his arms and leaned back, looking down on her while looking up at her.

"Well, no, but I-" she started.

"It's funny, I don't seem to remember hearing anyone try the door." He sarcastically acted like he was trying to recall.

"Blitz-" she tried.

"Oh, did you have trouble finding the bathroom sweetie?" He patronized, "Because I know for a fact that not even your biggest sh*ts take that long!"

"Why would you-" she cringed.

"Did you want a royal step sugar daddy to pay for all your expensive *ss eyeliner? I've told you a thousand times that drugstore brands work just as well!" He didn't even know what he was yelling about anymore, he just felt the need to scream.

"Blitz!" She screamed, and clamped both hands on his shoulders, and finally he looked her in the eyes, "I'm. . . sorry."

Loona pulled him close and leaned down to give him a hug. Blitz was taken by surprise; he tried not to breathe for as long as he could, but the moment he inhaled her warm puppy scent, he started letting out little sobs. He clinged to her fur for dear life and cried.

"Come on, let's take you home" she picked him up, and cradled him as she walked to the van.

Find out how they resolve things on The Pompous and the Prick:

"Oh c****t on a stick, not another one of you f**kers." Blitz said as the robot effortlessly replaced the tablecloth, candelabra, and menus, putting the ruined ones on a cart beside them.

The robot grinned disturbingly wide, “Now, now. I am entirely my own bot, so whatever experiences you have had in the past, should not apply to me. So, are we ready to order?”

Blitz, still standing from his seat, jabbed a finger at the faux fizzarolli, “You listen here, you low-grade piece of scrap, you had better turn right back around, tell whoever the f**k your master is to let us out, or I will tear off your arms, tie them together, and shove them up-”

The robot backed up in response, putting it’s hands in front of him as a blockade, “Woah there, buddy! R-relax! No need to-”

“Hang on, just a g**d*mn minute!” Blitz grabbed it by the collar, and pinched it’s cheek, “Fizza-f**king-rolli, you trapped us in here?!”

“I-I-I assure you, sir, a-a-as realistic as I was made to seem, I am only a replica of the real thing.” The ‘robot’ began to sweat.

“Sticking to the lie, huh? Tell me, are you s*xbots ticklish?” Blitz said as he went for Fizz’s sides.

He let out a high pitched squeak and fell to the ground, Blitz followed, still tickling his waist, “Okay! O-okay! I give up! F**k!” He said between laughs.

Stolas looked between the two men feeling confused, and maybe just a twinge jealous.

“Good. Now let us out. You will have some explaining to do later, but right now I just want to get Loona back home before it gets dark.” Blitz stopped tickling Fizz, but still straddled him.

“Oh come on! We had this whole thing planned. At least stay and chat with your birdie over dinner.” Fizz urged.

Blitz let out an exasperated sigh, “No, Fizz. I am not staying here for one more minute with that pretentious owl. Okay? Enough of your bullsh*t.”

“Oh, you wanna talk about bullsh*t? How come we set up this whole romantic atmosphere for you guys and all you can do is sit in silence? You guys are both dying to talk about your feelings, but you say nothing!” Fizz slithered out from under him and sat up.

“My g** Fizz you really don’t know when to mind your own business, do you? There are no-" Blitz's sighed, his face blushed a little as he looked at the ground. Then remembering who's fault all this was, got back at it, "No feelings to talk about, okay?!” Blitz grabbed the jester by the shirt and shook him a little, his bells jingling, “You can lock us in a gaudy *ss room, with all the f**king candles you could fit in one of your boyfriend’s condoms, but nothing is going to convince me to go out with a binge drinking, kinky *ss doormat who can’t call someone daddy without thinking of his own neglectful father and is weirdly clingy with his daughter 'cause she's the only good thing in his life-”

“Blitz, I’m pretty sure you just described yourself.” Fizz pointed out, but Blitz ignored him.

“I mean, what did you expect?! For me to burst out into song, proclaiming my undying love?! Get real. Even if we started dating, it wouldn't be long before he realizes that I’m just a pathetic excuse of a demon, and he’ll regret all the sacrifices he would've had to make for to be with me. In the end, I’ll just end up ruining someone else’s life! It always ends the same! Just like you said, I will die alone!" He was crying, head down, tears dripping onto Fizz’s shirt, which he was still clutching onto.

Fizz watched the tears stream down his face, "I never said tha-"

"It doesn't matter, Fizz. Nothing matters. And there's nothing you can say or do will convince me to tell him how I feel.”

“. . . I think you just did.” Fizz said, and they both looked over to Stolas’s direction, but found him gone, a portal left open by the table, “Ah, f**k!”

“He could’ve made one of those the whole time!” Blitz stood up and shouted.

“That’s not the point, idiot! He probably left after hearing all the sh*t you said about him.” Fizz went up to him and smacked his shoulder.

“. . . Ah, f*ck.” Blitz covered his face with both his hands, and dragged them down, so done with himself.

Fizz sighed, “You dumb*ss.”

Read More of The Pompous and the Prick: a Stolasxblitz fanfiction here. Chapter 15 is out now!

Stolas turned back to him, “No! No, no, I-I love it, truly. That’s exactly the problem. You see, well-” he sighed, looking away again, “I don’t think it’s something you would understand.”

“. . . If you actually love them, then you should just take it. I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.” Blitz pushed the napkin back towards Stolas.

“It’s a big deal to me, because you didn’t really want me to have your art in the first place. I pressured you into giving it to me, and I won’t do that anymore.” Stolas pushed back the napkin

“Well, I’m telling you, unpressured, to take the g**d*mn napkin, so here.” Blitz was beginning to feel frustrated.

“You’re only giving it to me because you were just going to throw it away, but it’s your art. It’s precious, and you should get to choose who gets to keep it, not just let anyone who shows an interest snatch it away. I won’t take it, I won’t. In fact, I’ll include all the things of yours that I currently have the next time my butler brings you the grimoire.” Stolas shut his eyes and pressed his lips firmly together, pushing back the napkin back like he was refusing diamonds, but he was determined.

Blitz was taken aback, but he was not going to let this go, “I don’t want my f**king things, and I don’t want this f**king napkin. Just. Take. It.” He slid it back towards Stolas again.

“No!” Stolas pushed the napkin, clumping up the tablecloth with it.

“Yes!” Blitz shoved it back, knocking over the candelabra.

“No!” Stolas’s face was becoming half engulfed in black and red, partially taking on his full demon form, but Blitz just glared back, unafraid.

Later Blitz would wonder why Stolas keeping the napkin was such a big deal to him, but in the moment, he was not going to give up until the bird pocketed the doodle, “Let me spell it out for you Stolas. I want you to have the f**king napkin, and you are going to take it home with you. You can throw it away, hang it on your fridge, c*m into it, I don’t care! But if you don’t I swear to-”

“Why?” Stolas interrupted, shadows growing around him.

“Huh?” Blitz was thrown off.

Stolas took a deep breath, coming back to his regular form, “Why do you want me to have it? You don’t have a reason, do you? You just decided this was a competition and that you need to win. Well, I’m not playing your game, so the answer is no.” He pushed back the napkin and leaned back in his chair, folding his arms.

“I have a reason, d*mnit!” Blitz threw his fist on the table.

“Oh, do you really?” Stolas didn’t hide his sarcasm.

“Yes, I do!” Blitz shouted, standing out of his seat.

“What is it then? Enlighten me.” Stolas stared him down.

Blitz opened his mouth to speak, but he choked on the words. Why did he want him to have it again? A memory flashed through his mind, of the first time Stolas had caught him doodling. They were in the mansion, and Blitz was drinking the tea he had been offered in the kitchen. Stolas had picked it up, examined the paper, and with the biggest grin on his face shouted, “Mine!” and that was that. Blitz had told him that it was trash and to throw it away, to which Stolas hung it on his fridge. Blitz had said that if anyone asked him about his horse fetishes, he couldn’t blame Blitz. Stolas had just stood there for a moment, then walked over to him, and picked him up, once again declaring, “Mine!” and that was that.

“Well?” The present day Stolas asked, looking down his beak at Blitz. Stolas was mad; inexplicably and irrevocably mad. He loved Blitz, he really did, but he drove him up the wall sometimes. Blitz was only trying to give him something that he so clearly wanted. It was just the fact that Blitz was treating Stolas’s thoughtful consideration of his boundaries as something to vie against. It was just the fact that the horse drawings meant nothing to Blitz, when it meant so much to him. It was just the fact that Blitz knew that he loved him, and still treated him as though nothing had happened. Perhaps that was the most hurtful thing of all. He held back the urge to cry, kiss him, or punch him in the mug, and simply asked again, “Why do you want me to have it?”

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Blitz looked up, still with a shocked look on his face, and Stolas corrected himself, “Oh, dear. I’m sorry. I won’t call you that anymore. I swear, it was just out of habit. I didn’t mean to disrespect you or your boundaries.”

Blitz came back to himself, and though he had started to sweat, he tried to talk out of his *ss like he always did, “It’s fine. And I was just thinking that this was probably some kind of prank Loona was pulling: Force Dad to be alone with an old slam piece. She’s always playing tricks on people around the office, though usually they aren’t this elaborate. As a trick connoisseur, I’m kind of proud, but as her father and boss, I am both disappointed and outraged, but that’s just how it goes raising a kid, am I right? HAHAHA. . .!” He laughed a little too loudly.

Stolas saw Blitz acting nervous, and interpreted it as him being uncomfortable around him, and he had to himself to keep it together, “. . . Right, well I did see Loona briefly while I was outside. I suppose it makes sense that she pulled Via away if she were trying to get us together. Oh, well. It seems they locked the doors the moment I entered the room so-”

“Aw, d*mnit," Blitz slammed his fist on the table, "that Loona sure is going to be in trouble when she finally decides to let us out of here.”

Before Blitz had interrupted him, Stolas had been about to offer to make a portal for the both of them to leave through. He supposed he still could. All he had to do was say the words. Would it be a lie not to tell him they could leave at any point? Blitz did technically already know that Stolas was proficient at making portals, even without his grimoire handy. Maybe Blitz simply wanted to spend some more time with him . . . ? No, that was wishful thinking; dangerous thinking. He was probably just so startled and off put by the whole situation that he was having a lapse in memory. Maybe Stolas should remind him of it. Not only was he morally obligated, and it would be a lie of omission not too, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be stuck in a room with Blitz. As romantic as this setting was, he was clearly uncomfortable, and he had promised he wouldn’t do that to Blitz.

Stolas rested his arm on the table as he opened his mouth to form the words, when his hand touched something, “What’s this?”

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