#black aromantics

'Using this age old script of whiteness, ace and overall aspec communities weaponise the Mammy and the Jezebel against Black aces and aros, assuming and projecting sexuality onto us that we do not want, whilst also demonising the parts of sexuality we do want to take part in, directly or indirectly, alongside our romantic attractions, sensualities, QPRs and friendships. In online ace and aspec spaces, the white fear of Black sexuality is reborn with queer terminology in its right hand and a tumblr login on its left. Echoing James Baldwin’s words, the queer world still isn’t prepared to accept Black people yet and neither are the asexual or aromantic worlds either.'

'Eeriely, I now follow the very same path as Yasmin Benoit. An Asexual Jezebel, a somehow sexless sexual predator, who enforces Black sexual deviancy, the great harasser of innocent white children and the white sex repulsed, but also an Asexual Mammy, expected to serve her white counterparts endlessly, on demand, with no reward and no rest and a threat to white sexual normalcy and its sexual reproduction.'

Black Aromantic Texts Masterpost

It can be hard finding aromantic texts especially outside of the context of asexuality. Because of this, Black and mixed perspectives of aromanticism can be left out. That's why I'm sharing all the works I found for this Aro Week in a masterpost. Please share this around and support the OG Black aro writers and creators too! Tagging @blkaroculture as that's the new official Black aro culture account.

Michaela Coel On London and Love in Netflix Musical 'Been So Long' by Ann Lee on The Culture Trip (2018)

'“I googled aromanticism and I very much felt like, ‘Oh, that’s me.’ Which means if you tell me to dress up nicely because we’re going to go to a dinner with candles, it’s not going to mean a lot to me. It’s a waste of money and I have ingredients at home. Things like weddings and the expense of these things – I would rather settle for the rest of my life with a person. I am OK being by myself.'

Being Aroflux and Black by Kimberly Butler (@/TheAsexualGoddess) for AUREA (2021)

'I think black women could feel more assertive in themselves if they realized that they can be Aromantic and not pushed into this box where they have to play a role they don’t want to play. Black women deserve to explore romantic orientations as well as sexual ones and have a deep dive into how they feel. And that should be respected.'

My Personal Experiences in the Aro community by Jason W. for AUREA (@/DerelictSpectre) (2021)

'I am unaware of any exclusive space for Black aros, however I believe the creation of one would be best for the safety and wellbeing of these members of our community.'

hello! from a Black Aromantic by Mazarae, idkjustwordsyameen.wordpress (2021)

'..but because of my undesirability, because of my Blackness and Black womanhood, and because of my aromantic identity, I feel very much cut off from having the types of relationships that I would like to have.'

"I'll never fall in love and that's OK"know what it means to be aromantic by Yasmin Benoit for Stylist (2022)

''We are taught that you can have everything – great friends, a loving home, a beautiful family, a successful career, comfort within yourself – but if you’re single, you’re incomplete. You haven’t succeeded in life unless someone romantically loves you and you romantically love someone else. Some assume being aromantic must be a terrible thing – like you’re missing something essential. But romantic relationships aren’t the ultimate relationship, and I appreciate all of the others.''

Videos:

Being Aromantic (While Not Asexual) By Nick Hampshire (2017)

More info:

Do not reblog with “I’m white, but…” because frankly, I do not gaf!

As black aromantics, fighting amatonormativity is an extension of fighting white policing and being held to white standards. For centuries (at least in the US), black people have been seen as socially and effectively dead and inanimate, inhuman. Either we’re property to serve the white people or aggressive animals needing to be tamed by white people. Black people in our own communities tend to enforce this type of policing in all types of ways. Through amatonormativity, they do it not because (or not just because since folks be tripping) they actually think being alloro/romance favorable is morally good and incline but because they view aromanticism/romance repulsion as an added detriment to being black already.

[Reblogs would be greatly appreciated!]

Seriously, it’s been ten years and I have yet to see Nick show any romantic chemistry or attraction to anyone (not even Coulson)! Thus! Nick Fury is a BAMF Aromantic Asexual and you can fight me on this. 

Being black and Aromantic is an experience. When I came out through social media my family felt the need to drill me with questions about my past romantic relationships and why now all a sudden, I’d chosen to go by Aro. I remember talks of bandwagons, even though I can count the number of aro-spec black people I’ve met on one hand with like three fingers. In church when my oldest sister led the prayer, she alluded to how younger kids had so many demons they had to fight, and I instantly knew what she meant. Subsequently, my being Aro had become a thing to pray off and use as a talking point in Sunday school rather than being discussed on a deeper and serious level with just myself. But when we did speak about it the conversations felt like an interrogation. It always felt like black culture couldn’t align much with Aromanticism, especially cause growing up I was taught that marriage was the end goal and that’s what I should want but I don’t think marriage was in my plans. I would dream of having dogs and living alone in a big house instead of having a romantic partner. For me being Aro and black is an interesting intersection because romance is very much portrayed in black narratives in both good and bad ways, but it’s never talked about in the capacity to which I experience alloromanticism. Alloromanticism is never ‘the decline of romantic attraction’ or ‘the strong romantic attraction to people only when I know them just as well as I know myself’. With my demiromantic identity people don’t understand the difference it has from regular attraction . My attraction is fluid so in the case of when I feel more Demi I’m glued to one person and one person only for a really long time. Attraction like that is what I wish was shown on TV and not just packaged as someone who's got an obsession and needs to get over someone. They could be Demiromantic. A thing I love about being Aro-spec is how comfortable it feels. Like I don’t feel this overwhelming need to perform. If my partner knows I’m on the Aro-spec they know it’s best not to try to force romantic gestures or even be offended by my lack of attraction at times. ... How come black women just can’t experience attraction a bit differently from how everyone says we should. So many black and brown men and women probably have to repress the way they feel and run the risk of being the bad guy because no one would understand or want to navigate the ways in which they experience Aromanticism. They bottle it up and when things go wrong probably find it easier to just blame themselves for not being enough or their partner when really, they just have to look into themselves and their orientation. I think black women could feel more assertive in themselves if they realized that they can be Aromantic and not pushed into this box where they have to play a role they don’t want to play. Black women deserve to explore romantic orientations as well as sexual ones and have a deep dive into how they feel. And that should be respected. To black Aromantic people I say keep pushing the odds, keep daring to form a new mold for black kids to come because we’re drowned in content and media that tells us we’re overly sexualized and romanticized and that can change with us. Our families and friends may not understand, the world may not even understand, but as long as you get who you are that’s honestly all that matters. As a collective we can help each other learn and grow, we can push each other in our advocacy and know it’s not a competition. All our efforts should be us trying to get Aromanticism to be taken as seriously as any other orientation.

It is incredibly frustrating to be aromantic and for people to treat you like you’re heartless, or could never care about anyone at all. We are also put in the unfair and uncomfortable position of justifying our lack of romantic love and explaining the “validity” of other relationship types. It can feel like you’re still stuck within the system, because either way society is telling you that you yourself are not enough, and that you need to be partnered in some way. some people never want a partner, and that’s incredibly fucking valid and should be respected. In trying to navigate aromantic identity in relationships, I also have to deal with the frustration of being a gender nonconforming Black woman as well. I am hypersexualized, told i’m ugly, expected to perform emotional labor for free, subject to hella micro- and macroagressions, told that i’m scary, and always trying to make myself palatable for someone else. this is exhausting. and so it is fun to dream and think about love and relationships, and i have some very important and meaningful relationships with folx, but because of my undesirability, because of my Blackness and Black womanhood, and because of my aromantic identity, I feel very much cut off from having the types of relationships that I would like to have. It can be difficult and frustrating and isolating to see friends, family, strangers, move in and out of casual, serious, or no labels types of relationships knowing that if they one day decide to have a romantic partner, they will be supported in that choice. Perhaps not by all of society, perhaps not everywhere, but there are models for what their relationship could look like. Society has given them options on how to find partners–as a Black Aromantic, I have been given nothing.