HELP ME I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I STRUCK THIS POSE IN A STORE YESTERDAY WHILE SAYING "CACTUS JUICE"đđđ
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HELP ME I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I STRUCK THIS POSE IN A STORE YESTERDAY WHILE SAYING "CACTUS JUICE"đđđ

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Geralt has a network of people who donât mind trading with Witchers. They set things aside for him sometimes: herbs that heâs bought before, books or armor that heâs asked after. In return, he makes room in his saddlebags for metals the smith can melt down, books for the booksellerâs cart, and monster organs that can be added to an herbalistâs potions.Â
Business. An exchange of goods and coin. Nothing to do with the way Ensaâs eyes light up at copper and silver, with the way Brocâs hands rub together upon seeing a rare text, with the way Tusson smiles and leans closer when Geralt starts pulling eyes and tongues out of his bag.Â
Those smiles are for his money and his wares, not for him. Heâs worth nothing to them if heâs not buying or selling.Â
---
(Ensa makes bells with some of the metals Geralt brings her. The hammer of her profession has taken some of her hearing, she says; he tells her when the bells ring true, and she tells him the latest gossip, updates on which nobles have money and monster problems. Sheâs in Kaedwen, one of his first and last stops on the Path.)
(Geralt finds a few scrolls written during one of the Conjunctions stashed in a trollâs cave, and when he shows them to Broc in Novigrad, Broc shoves a book of armor diagrams into his hands along with a hefty purse. Hmm. Witcher gear must be out of fashion at the auction houses.)Â
(Tusson gives him live herbs from their garden and asks him to plant them at a crossroads. âPropogation is good for business. More places to harvest from.â Eventually, the ingredients for Swallow flourish around all the crossroads in Aedirn. Easy healing for Witchers passing through; easier pickings for herbalists who live there full-time.)Â
(Useful. Heâs useful to them. At least they donât mind being useful to him in return.)Â
---
Jaskier gives him gwent cards, sometimes. (âWon it off my comely companion from last night. Strip gwent, Geralt! You should try it.â)Â
Pastries, other times. When they encounter a baker, Jaskier usually pulls a spare coin from his boot and buys whateverâs apple-filled---Geraltâs favorite, because then he can share half with Roach. (âI got one for Roach too, of course. What do you take me for?â)
Mostly money isnât involved.Â
Instead, Jaskier does things like steal all but one of Geraltâs hair ties for a week and return them when theyâre dyed black enough to suit his fancy. (âNow theyâll go with the rest of your outfit!â) Like anyone cares how a Witcher looks, least of all the Witcher in question.Â
Jaskier sees winter cress on the path and says, âOh, those match your eyes!â He spends an hour weaving an elaborate flower necklace, only to give it to Roach for a snack when theyâre going through a bog.
When thereâs enough light to write by, there are stories scribbled on spare parchment, tales that Jaskier modifies with increasing ridiculousness, trying to lift the stern shield across Geraltâs face and get him to reveal an amused twitch of his lips, a mirthful crinkle around his eyes. (âOh, Sir Fair, I fear that your penetrating log---your banquet-sized sausage---your hip-heaving halberd---aha, there it is!---I fear that your hip-heaving halberd will leave me spoiled for all other polearms.â) When Geralt leaves for Kaer Morhen, he finds them stuffed in his saddlebag with a note saying that he can use them for kindling if he wants. He brings them to the keep instead.Â
Once, Jaskier spends ten minutes staring at stag beetles fighting on a log before noticing that Geralt is staring at him, and then he abruptly begins a stag beetle dialogue, underdog challenger versus heavyweight champion, and he leaves room for Geralt to voice the underdog if he wants.
(âAnd what do you have to say in the aftermath of your stunning upset victory?â
Geralt sighs, finally gives in, and says his most satisfied-sounding, âHmmm.â
Jaskier dedicates the resulting beetle battling poem to him in order to commemorate the occasion.)
Black leather. Apple tarts. Poems. A Witcherâs life hasnât prepared him for this kind of economy. Whatâs the value of a flower necklace, braided and eaten?Â
---
On the path from Kaer Morhen, Geralt sees an ammonite poking out beneath the melting snow, the curl of its shell perfectly preserved, and stops Roach so he can pick it up. Itâs not anything special. The land around Kaer Morhen used to be a sea, long ago, and the rock-wrapped bones of her old inhabitants are everywhere.Â
He slips the ammonite into his saddlebag. Still plenty of room for Ensaâs future bells when he finds them, and some people havenât seen this part of Kaedwen.
As he crosses the Mahakam Mountains, one of the regionâs massive vultures wheels above him and drops a primary feather right in his path. Tusson bought most of the monster parts from his saddlebags, but even if they hadnât, a feather is hardly a burden. He stores it in one of his longer potion vials. Thereâs a joke he might make about songbirds versus scavengers. Â
In Novigrad, Broc hands him a small purse in exchange for the books Geralt took from a bruxaâs lair, and then he slides a little pamphlet across the counter to him.Â
Itâs a copy of Jaskierâs beetle battling poem.Â
âNot a coin, but I thought I would toss it to you anyway, seeing as youâre in the dedication. I particularly liked the allegory about getting your muse to speak to you.â Broc winks at him. âNever hurts to invest in young artists.âÂ
Broc has never winked at him before, not in twenty-odd years. Geralt stumbles through his thank-you. Jaskier is clearly a terrible influence.Â
A terrible influence that he might just run into again, given that heâs near Oxenfurt. But thatâs all right. Geralt has made his preparations, the way he always does with monsters, with merchants, and now with bards.Â
The next time Jaskier gives him something useless, Geralt will be able to reciprocate.Â
gar will just have to babysit his boyfriend conner after his near death experience? only time iâll allow so it, better be gay, if not ima be real BITCH
Ciri: Hey, Yen, want to play a game?
Yennefer: Uh... Sure?
Ciri: It's called "Roach or Jaskier". I give you actual quotes I've heard Geralt say, and you guess if he was talking to his horse or to his boyfriend.
Yennefer:
Yennefer: Cool

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Writing fanfiction like:
Me: i cant do it. I cant-
My brain: STFU. DO IT. cuddling! hand holding! Picnics! Long walks on the beach! Sunset! Hugs! Soft! Pure! Wholesome!
Me, beginning to type: smut, pwp, fwb, sexual tension, sensuality,
My brain: no. NO!
Me, panicking, yet continuing to type: ITâS NOT WORKING
My brain: get your hands off the keyboard you fool. *sigh* now. letâs start small. How about hand holding.
Me, typing: âas Aâs nimble fingers traced along Bâs calloused palms, all B could think was, god what those fingers could do, how theyâd feel inside-
My brain: STOP.
Anyway so i cant write fluff
-wtf??? Your latest job was supposed to be easy, you said so!!
- this kikimora was tough
-i can't leave you even for one second. im coming home right away
I just had this super dumb modern au idea. Jaskier is on a world tour while his witcher bf is slaying monsters in the area đ€ I'm not gonna lie, Geralt used it as an excuse to get his bf home asap coz he misses him already
I havenât animated in years but i had a spur of inspiration at like 1am so enjoy the bitcher gif!!