#bisexualiriswest

“Iris-“ he breathed out, his voice hoarse and barely there. She tried to keep the sob inside her, and was honestly not sure whether she did or not. She crossed the short distance between them, her vision tunnelling on Barry, and sat down next to him on the bed. He moved his hands, and she wrapped both of hers around it. “Shouldn´t you be- be at work or something?” he whispered, his voice croaked.

Iris honestly didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Both were extremely tempting.

“No, don´t be stupid,” Iris said quietly, feeling her vision blurring slightly. Barry tried for a smile, but it really came across as nothing more than a pained grimace. Iris brushed her fingers across his cheek, before she moved to grasp his hand again. “I can´t just go to work, and pretend like you aren´t here, with your-“ Barry gave her a look, almost surprised she knew, and Iris let out a shuddering sigh.

“Caitlin called me, dad apparently didn´t, because he didn´t wanna make me unnecessarily worried,” Iris said, trying not to show just how angry she actually was. She had yelled at her dad for quite a while about that one, and especially described the whole scenario with Zoom at Picture News last night. Which had been pretty easy, because she was never forgetting that. “You okay, or is that a dumb question?” Iris said quietly with a soft smile. He returned it weakly. Her thumb brushed across the back of his hand.

“Not doing too well,” he admitted below his breath. She could see the tears at the edge of his eyes, and she reached out and wiped them away. Barry was shaking slightly, and Iris´ heart broke in her chest. Why couldn´t she fix this? She wanted to fix it so badly. It wasn´t fair. “I just- I just can´t believe this is happening.”

“We´ll figure it out,” Iris cupped his chin, knowing she was crying too. He gave her a disbelieving look. Her voice was shaking as she continued, but she was determined to say it. Because she knew, he needed to hear it. Maybe she needed to say it too. Barry had been hanging from Zoom´s hand by the neck, and she couldn´t do anything to save him. “We will. I don´t care if Cisco has to give you robot legs, some kind of serum or whatever. You´re going to walk, and you´re going to kick Zoom very deep into hell, as a thank you for this okay? And even if you don´t, we´ll figure that out too.”

“Do- Do you never get tired of always believing in me?” Barry asked quietly with a dry laugh. He gave her a look, and looking into his eyes, Iris could really tell how much this had affected him. Even if she hadn´t said that her immediate answer would always be the same.

“No,” she said softly and shook her head. But it was what came afterwards that was difficult. She was supposed to be good with words wasn´t she? But every option felt wrong. Because you´ve never let me down, would be a lie and they both knew it. Because I love you, felt really loaded and heavy right now, and probably would for a long time, until she stopped thinking about Eddie, every time she even considered saying those words to Barry in that way. Which she might have done, once or twice. It felt like betraying Eddie, even if Eddie really couldn´t have an opinion about it, because he was dead. Iris quickly squashed the feeling down. She smiled warmly at him. “It´s an easy job,” she whispered.

She leant forward and pressed her lips against his forehead. She felt Barry´s grip around her hand tighten a little. “Get some sleep,” she said quietly, her fingers slowly loosening their grip around Barry´s hand. “You look like you need it.”

“Iris?” he asked, his voice barely audible.

“Yeah?” she replied, her words just as quiet. Barry scooted over a little, using his arms, and she could see the strain it put on him, and she was about to protest, when he spoke again.

“Do you mind staying?” Barry asked, and gave her an almost begging look. Iris swallowed hard, but took the cue and laid down next to him, her fingers once again interlocking with his. He let out a long breath. “I need you here,” he whispered quietly, so quietly that if Iris hadn´t been barely an inch away from him, she wouldn´t have heard it.

Barry had hung from Zoom´s grab like a rag doll. After a while, his breathing was so even, Iris knew he was asleep. That was the benefit of knowing Barry so well. None of this was fair, that was the thought that wouldn´t escape her. It wasn´t fair that Eddie had died, almost straight after Iris had chosen her future with him. It wasn´t fair that her mother was dying, and Iris never even really got the chance to know her, and now she was far from sure, she even wanted to. It wasn´t fair that she had a brother out there somewhere, who she couldn´t tell her dad about, because it would crush him just as much as it crushed her. And it wasn´t fair that Barry was beaten to a bloody pulp and paralyzed, just because he wanted to help Linda, after Barry and Iris´ plan went wrong.

Once the first sob escapes her, she can´t stop. They just keep coming, broken and pained, her vision blurry from the tears she can´t keep inside anymore. She can cry like nobody can see her, once Barry´s asleep. She doesn´t have to be brave for his sake, she doesn´t have to remember that this is so much worse for him, and keep anything in in an attempt to make him feel better. The sobs keep on coming. Suddenly Barry squeezes her hand, and Iris stills. It´s warm and reassuring, and it´s exactly what Iris needs, even if she didn´t want him to notice her breakdown. “Barry?” her voice cracks a little, but the tears stop falling for a moment.