#bipolar!reader

Then the next week, you would sleep like a dead person, going to bed at 8pm and managing 10 or even 12 hours of sleep, only to wake up looking like you didn't sleep at all. It was during these weeks that Sevika would hold you closer during the night, hoping maybe her warm embrace would help you feel rested. It was a lost cause, she knew that, but what else could she do?

"Don't go yet. I'm still awake." Sevika's gravely, but soft voice rings out from behind you. Her arm tightens around your waist, her forehead pressing into your back. She tiredly scoots up further onto the pillows to tuck your head under her chin, hoping that engulfing you will be enough to convince you to stay in bed. And you'd be lying if you said it didn't work.

"Sorry babe, I thought you were asleep." She hums softly, and you feel her chest moving against your back. "Why would that matter either way. Why you gotta get up this late?" She seems to be slowly becoming more conscious and coherent, her voice traveling from confused to more clear and intentioned.

You shrugged your shoulders, feeling the weight of Sevika's chest on them as you do. "I dunno, I just can't settle down. Besides, there's tons of other things I could do. And it feels like there's a bunch of tiny ants in my skin right now so I kinda wanna take a shower."

She sighs and lays a kiss just behind your ear. "Okay, let's go then." She sits up from behind you. You stay where you are though, looking up at her in confusion as she blinks her eyes awake. "What do you mean?" You ask her.

"Let's go take a shower." She grabs your hand and pulls you up, her grip around your arm being a gentle firmness you've only ever experienced with her. "You don't have to, Sev-" She cuts you off with a shake of her head, strands of her messy dark hair falling as she does, and she leans in to press her lips to yours. "I want to." She mumbles as she pulls away.

It's when you're in the shower together, your head resting on her chest as you both share the stream of hot water pummeling down onto both of you, that she finally brings up what has been on her mind.

"You know, I notice everything, right?" She asks you. If you didn't know her so well, your stomach might have dropped with uncertainty and dread. But you did know her, and you know that right now, naked and intertwined, she views you with nothing but care and concern right now. And not just now in this setting, but always and anywhere, as long as it's you.

You don't say anything in response, not knowing what to even say. She fills the silence that you left open. "You always get really itchy when you don't sleep." You close your eyes and take a deep breath, taking in her words. She still holds you close to her, her comforting embrace mixed with her compassionate tone is enough to make you feel safe.

Even as your deepest vulnerabilities are laid out right in front of you, by the woman you love and respect the most in your life, you can't help but feel safe.

"What else do you notice?" You ask her quietly. She thinks for a moment before replying. "Those weeks that you don't really sleep, you're always lighting incense. You say the house smells weird and metallic, but I never notice a difference. You're always responding to the cats when you hear them scratch at the doors to be let in, but they weren't even at the door. They're asleep on the couch. You get paranoid about bugs, thinking there's one flying around the house or on your skin."

Your breath hitches as she lists everything too closely, too accurately. If she notices, she doesn't say anything. "Then after your sleepless week or two is up, you go another sleeping non-stop. It's cute, don't get me wrong, but can be worrying sometimes." She strokes back your damp hair and lays her head on top of yours.

Your fingers nervously fidget against her back, brushing the scars and lightly scratching your nails against her bare skin. "You don't seem to feel as much when you're in your tired weeks. But you seem to feel everything the other weeks. It's nice, seeing you so happy. You're always so optimistic and sunshiney. I know you always are, but especially so during certain weeks. But you also get stressed out easier, you can be more irritable, and overwhelmed. A lot more sensitive."

Her voice is steady and thoughtful. You're sure she's had these thoughts pent up for ages, but the way her words are spoken doesn't make it sound like it. Her words are carefully chosen and considered.

"And I don't think I need to really say much about your impulsiveness." Your face burns at the mention, her tone light and teasing. "You know that's why I love you though. What else would entertain me, if not you coming home with 3 new piercings on a random Wednesday?" You crack a smile at her words.

"And obviously there's your in betweens, where you're just the same old gorgeous girl that I love, but there's definitely a pattern. For as inconsistent as you are hun, you definitely have a pattern." Her hand circles your back as she finally peels her body away from yours. Her hand moves to rest on your shoulder, just shy of your neck. She gazes into your eyes, water droplets falling down her forehead and onto her nose.

"Xavier, I'm so sorry," you blurted, shame lacing your voice. "I was reckless yesterday. I'm sorry." You pulled your body away from his hand, you didn’t deserve his comfort.

You shivered under the blanket and curled up tighter, trying to make yourself as small as possible. “I shouldn’t have…” you began, but the words caught in your throat.

Xavier didn’t interrupt. He slowly placed his hand on your back again, grounding you even when you wanted to push him away. “Hey,” he said softly, “look at me, please.”

You wanted to disappear, but something in his voice made you hesitate. Slowly, you turned your head toward him, eyes meeting his steady gaze. He sat there, quietly patient, radiating calm.

“I know you’re scared of yourself right now,” Xavier said, voice low and firm. “I know it feels like the world’s closing in on you, but I need you to listen. You are my everything. My star, my light. None of that changes, not for a single second, no matter how dark your world feels.”

You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat making it hard to breathe. “I feel… broken,” you whispered.

“Not broken,” Xavier corrected, tilting your chin so your eyes met his fully. “Hurt. Exhausted. Overwhelmed. But never broken. You’re still you. Still my everything.”

He shifted closer and lifted the blanket so it draped fully around both of you. Slowly, he created a small ball of light with his evol, the soft warmth spreading across the bed. The glow wrapped around your trembling body, pushing the icy edges away, filling you with steady warmth that seeped deep into your soul.

You leaned into him, embracing the warmth and light. You realized you didn’t need to hold it all in. All that mattered was this—him here with you, through anything, through everything.

“I’m right here,” he whispered, wrapping his arm around you and tugging you close. “Always. And I’m not going anywhere.”

For the first time that day, you let your muscles relax. Your body still trembled, but less. Your chest felt lighter.

Safe. Warm. Loved.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ🖤ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Zayne:

Zayne was familiar with manic and depressive episodes. He kept notes on each one, your moods, your reactions. And although his specialty was cardiology, not psychiatry, he felt confident in his ability to help you through anything.

But today was different. When he answered your call, your voice was trembling and so quiet he could barely make out the words, but the message was clear: you needed him, and you needed him now.

When he arrived at your apartment, he found you lying on the kitchen floor and rushed over.

"Tell me what's wrong." His voice was commanding, but laced with concern.

"I…" You started, your voice barely a whisper. "I'm tired of the way my brain works." You admitted, defeated. "I thought things were finally evening out. I thought I was starting to take control of my life, but last week was fun—wild, maybe—but now… now I'm empty." Your body trembled and quiet sobs escaped your throat.

Zayne watched you carefully; he had never seen you like this—the shaking, the tears. This was uncharted territory. "Let's get you off the floor." Before you could argue, he lifted you as if you were weightless and brought you to the couch.

"Have you been taking your medication?" he asked, and you gave a small nod. "Do you feel the dosage is correct? Should we talk to your psychiatrist about adjusting it?"

You didn’t respond right away. Zayne repeated the question.

"Zayne, stop it." The harsh tone in your soft voice caught him off guard.

"I'm just trying to figure out what you need," he said.

"I don't need you here as a doctor, Zayne. I need you here with me."

At this, his whole demeanor changed. Zayne’s expression softened. “I'm sorry, I misunderstood. You don’t have to fight alone. I’m here, and we’ll get through this together.”

He moved slowly, sitting on the couch and letting you lean against him. His hands pressed lightly into your shoulders, thumbs tracing slow, deliberate circles to release your tension. “I know it feels like you’re moving mountains with how your body is fighting you,” he said gently. “It’s okay. I’m here with you. I’ll fight with you.”

You shivered, too weak to respond. Zayne wrapped a thick blanket around both of you, his body a steady wall of warmth. “I’ll stay all night,” he murmured. “You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to move, you don’t have to pretend. I’ll just be here, breathing with you, until this passes.”

His hand found yours and squeezed tightly. “You’re not failing. You’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re just… You're human. And I love every part of you, even when it hurts.”

You let yourself sink into him, and the trembling slowly eased. For the first time in days, you didn’t have to hold yourself together. You could simply exist. And in that moment, Zayne’s presence reminded you that even on the darkest days, you were loved.

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Rafayel:

You never knew what to expect, or when your brain would shift. You had been manic for days, maybe weeks, and it had been great. All of the energy you had, you channeled into art with Rafayel. He was proud of your creations and encouraged you to try everything, do anything. It helped you feel grounded.

But then it changed. Everything you were looking forward to seemed far away. All of your bright, creative ideas had dimmed, the energy you exuded was drained. You were supposed to meet Rafayel later that afternoon to sketch the sunset on the beach together. He had been excited for you to try his new pastels. But getting out of bed was too much, even picking up your phone to cancel felt impossible. Instead, you slept.

The sleep wasn’t restful. You tossed and turned for hours, watching the time pass. 6 p.m. hit, and you frowned knowing this was when you were supposed to meet Rafayel. You stared at the numbers on the clock as they taunted you: 6:00, 6:01… 6:07. You knew Rafayel would start to wonder where you were. You rolled over and let the dark embrace of slumber overtake you again.

When you woke, sunlight filled your room. Your head wasn’t resting on a pillow anymore.

"Cutie?" Rafayel asked tentatively, and you realized your head was resting on his thigh. You mumbled incoherently, too surprised by his presence to form words. "Cutie, when you didn’t show up at the beach I waited for so long," he said, his voice slightly whiny. "But then, when you didn’t come and didn’t answer your phone, I got worried and came right here."

You glanced up at his face, eyes filled with concern. "I… I wanted to text you," you spoke slowly, each word draining your energy. "I just… couldn’t pick up my phone. I was so tired, I couldn’t move."

"It’s okay," he reassured. "When I got here, you didn’t answer the door, so I let myself in. I called your name, shook your arm, but you didn’t wake. I couldn’t wake you, so I waited. I sat up all night to make sure you were okay. You’ve been asleep at least thirteen hours."

You lay there, processing everything he said. "Thank you," your voice cracked. "Thank you for staying."

"Of course I stayed! There’s no place I’d rather be than with you." He said just as your stomach rumbled. "When’s the last time you ate?"

You considered it and shrugged. "Maybe when we ordered takeout while sculpting?"

"That was three days ago. Let’s order something for you." He pulled out his phone and smiled at you. “Your favorite. I’m eating too, so you won’t be alone.”

When you started to murmur an apology for missing your date, he quieted you with a gentle brush of his hand through your hair. “You don’t have to explain, cutie. I’ll always wait for you.”

Your throat tightened, and Rafayel leaned closer, pressing his forehead to yours. “Tomorrow, or next week, we’ll catch that sunset again.”

You let out a shaky laugh, and he grinned. "But first, let's just get through today."

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ🖤ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Sylus:

Luke and Kieran pounded on your door, announcing their presence loudly as they stepped in. The three of you had been up to crazy shenanigans over the last few days; you were surprised Sylus hadn’t murdered one of them with all of the pranks you had played.

"What plans do you have for today?" Kieran asked loudly.

"I have some great ideas!" Luke added, matching his brother’s volume. "Wait, where are you?" The two of them scanned the room, expecting you at your desk or on the bed, but you were nowhere to be seen. They explored the room until Kieran found you slumped on the far side of the bed, shoulders hunched.

"Luke," he said, his voice more serious than you had ever heard it, "go find Sylus, now." Without hesitation, Luke rushed out of the room.

"Hey," Kieran said softly. "You doing okay?"

You didn’t respond. Your body shook violently, and your skin was icy cold.

"How can I help?" he asked, draping a blanket over your shoulders.

"I’ve got it from here," Sylus’s deep voice cut through the room. "Thank you," he added, nodding at Kieran as he left.

Sylus sat down in front of you. "What are you doing on the floor, sweetie?" he asked cautiously.

Without lifting your head to acknowledge him, you whispered, "The bed was too high… it was easier to stay here."

"Did you sleep here?" he questioned. You shrugged.

"I didn’t sleep." Your body trembled as he rested his hands gently on your shoulders, trying to calm you.

"When was the last time you ate?"

You slowly lifted your head, meeting his gaze with a blank stare. "Why?" you asked, your voice cold and distant.

"Because your body needs food, kitten."

You lowered your head again. "I don’t need anything."

Sylus stayed with you on the floor until your trembling dulled to small shivers. When your breathing finally evened, he pressed a kiss to the crown of your head and shifted to get up.

“I’ll be right back,” he said softly, brushing your cheek with his thumb. “Don’t worry. I’m just grabbing something from the kitchen.”

The moment he left, the room felt colder, but you stayed wrapped in the blanket he’d left behind. You heard his footsteps fade, then the quiet conversation of Luke and Kieran in the hall.

“How is she?” Kieran asked, his voice heavy with concern.

“She’s not great,” Sylus admitted, voice low. “But she’s strong. I’ve got her.”

Luke piped up, “Is there anything we can do?”

Sylus considered seriously before replying, “Keep things quiet. Give her space. That’s all I need from you right now.”

“You got it, boss man,” Kieran said and Luke murmured agreement.

When Sylus returned a few minutes later, he knelt beside you with a small plate of crackers and cut fruit. “Kitten,” he said gently, “just a few bites. I’ll sit with you.”

You hesitated, staring at the food, until his hand settled reassuringly against your back. His presence steadied you, and after a long silence, you picked up a piece of fruit. Sylus watched quietly, letting you take your time.

You held the fruit, squishing it slightly and rotating it between your fingers. Eventually, you put it in your mouth and chewed slowly.

“That’s it,” he murmured. “One step at a time. You don’t have to be okay all at once. You just have to let me stay.”

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ🖤ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Caleb:

The last few days had blurred together, each one indistinguishable from the next. Caleb had watched you with a mix of admiration and concern, always by your side, supporting your every endeavor. But now, the energy had left you, leaving a dull ache in its wake.

Usually, the changeover was like a light switch, one moment on, the next off. This time was different. It had crept up slowly, stealing everything, leaving nothing behind. The bed, once warm and inviting, now felt like a prison. The world outside seemed impossibly far away.

Caleb had been patient, giving you the space you needed without pushing. He knew better than anyone that your mind was often a battlefield, and he respected the silence. But he only had so much patience before he had to check in, to make sure you were still breathing.

He entered quietly. "Pips?" His voice was soft, tentative. "You in there?"

You didn’t respond, continuing to stare at the ceiling, wishing the world would disappear.

Caleb let out a quiet breath and made his way to the bed. He sat at the edge, his gaze never leaving you. "I’m here when you’re ready," he murmured.

Minutes passed. Hours. Caleb remained a steady presence as you stared, your mind racing. The dip in the mattress from his weight reminded you he was there, ready for you whenever needed him.

Eventually, you stirred, your body stiff and reluctant. Caleb noticed the subtle movement. "Hey, Pips," he said gently. "How about we get you out of bed? Just for a little while."

You met his gaze, his eyes were bright, full of hope. This wasn’t the first time he had seen you like this, and it wouldn’t be the last. You nodded, a small, almost imperceptible movement.

With careful hands, Caleb helped you sit up. "That’s it," he praised. "One step at a time."

He led you to the kitchen, where the aroma of something familiar and comforting filled the air. "I made you some soup," he said, gesturing at the pot on the stove. "Thought it might help. Let me heat it up for you."

When he handed you a bowl of warm soup, you stared at it, uncertain. Eating felt foreign, impossible. But Caleb’s gaze held yours, silently encouraging you. Slowly, you picked up the spoon.

As you ate, Caleb sat across from you, his presence unwavering. "We'll take it slow," he said.

The day stretched on, each minute a small victory. Caleb quietly celebrated every little thing you did.

"You’ve got this, pipsqueak," he assured you as you reached up to straighten the kitchen towels that had slipped from the counter.

“See? That’s all it takes,” he said, voice low and calm. “Little things. You’re doing just fine.”

He falls next to you with a grunt, pushing blond hair back as he pants. In your post-sex haze, laying in your sweaty sheets, you slowly register bits and pieces of the room. The messy sheets, your comforter nowhere to be found - it must have made the floor its home at some point in the night. Dust particles flowing in the air, illuminated by light peeking into the room through the blinds - it must be early morning already. Where did the night go? Besides under the man you brought home last night.

Tapping and clicking reaches your ears and your face scrunches. Unfocused eyes directed at the ceiling, you throw an arm to the side, hitting your bed mate. You speak harshly, “I swear, if you’re about to fucking smoke I’ll throw you out the damn window.”

A rough laugh fills the room. “Really? That’s the first thing you’ve got to say after fucking your boss?”

You squeeze your eyes shut and rub your face with both hands. With a huff you warn, though it comes out more like a muffled whine through your hands, “Keishin..”

Keishin turns to his side, scooting closer to you with a low hum, sweaty forehead meeting the side of yours, “Yes?”

Refusing to catch his warm brown eyes, you lock yours on the ceiling. You shake your head lightly without speaking at first.

“Please just leave,” you breathe out.

“Hm.” His breath tickles your cheek before you feel the bed shift.

You carefully look out the corner of your eye and see Keishin now standing with his back to you, slipping on his jeans. Your eyes flick back to the ceiling as he starts to turn around.

“Yeah, okay.” More shuffling comes from his side of the bed. “I know the drill.”

The sound of footsteps carries from one side of the bed to the other and he leans over you. As much as you wish there was, there’s no malice in his expression. Sure, he's got that smirk he often gives you, but it's closer to a warm smile with a comfortable gaze. Quickly, your eyes shift away and you roll to your side.

“Hmph. Yeah, yeah,” he quietly huffs.

“Goodbye, Keishin,” you speak clearer this time, but he was already walking away.

“See ya later,” you hear him open your bedroom door, “You work today, right?”

“Yeah.”

And the door clicks closed. You look over to confirm he’s not on your side of the door, then roll over. Face down into the pillow, you groan, “Fucckk..”

“What the fuck, Y/n..”

This isn’t the first time your boss has spent the night. No, on the contrary, it’s happened often enough that you can’t count on one hand the number of times you and him have rolled beneath the sheets. And it happens the same way every time - you lose your composure and self medicate with alcohol, or you really lose your impulse control and sleep with whoever answers the phone. And Keishin has yet to turn down any invitations.

You vowed after the first time, never again. But the sex was good, better than good - you two are incredibly sexually compatible. With him seemingly always down to fuck, why wouldn’t you jump at the opportunity as presented. Oh wait, because he’s your employer. He’s your boss and you don’t want the guys to think you’re getting special treatment or anything. You also really don’t want Keishin treating you differently either. And you’re really not into the idea of a relationship with him outside of work. You can’t say you’re friends even, not exactly.

One night stands, and whatever this is, isn’t your thing. You're not the girl that gets wasted and sleeps with the first guy to give her attention. At least not normally. When you’re not acting reckless, anyway.

But in a manic high, all concerns are thrown out the door along with any rational thinking or inhibition. And when you go through the numbers in your phone with hypersexuality out the roof and impulsiveness in the extreme, Ukai Keishin always gives you what you want.

Or at least what you want in that moment. In the moment of needing to satisfy those racing thoughts, or to distract yourself from them.

Is it fair to be so cold to him the next morning?

No.

Regardless, here you are laying in bed, annoyed with yourself and Keishin.

You roll to your back and rub your eyes with the heels of your palms, sulking in your dirtied sheets.

Eventually, you’ve had enough and roll out of bed and into the hallway, not even bothering to put on clothes when you’re headed for a shower.

That was the plan anyway.

The plan was not to be intercepted by Tendou as you creeped out into the hallway.

Ah, shit.

He lazily points at you, looking rather tired. It is early yet. Though, while you don’t rise with the sun, Tendou often does. “You wanna put something on real quick?”

You cross your arms over your bare chest. Not that you were trying to cover yourself, Tendou has seen you in all your glory plenty of times before. No, your just frustrated and don’t want to talk right now.

“Get something comfy. I’ll be in here.”

With an agitated moan, you go grab a black hoodie and pajama pants that have little cats on them and join your roommate now that you’re not sporting your birthday suit.

Tendou is on the floor, legs criss crossed with his back against the sofa. He apparently shoved the coffee table forward enough to get comfortable while you were getting dressed. One elbow rests on the cushions behind him while the other hand taps the floor next to him before it finds a place in his lap.

You should have expected this. No, he hasn’t confronted you like this. Maybe passing comments and checking on you, but you’re an adult and he isn’t going to babysit you. But..

“So,” he draws out as you sit on the floor with your knees to your chest, “Was that..?”

You know he cares about you, not how - or with who - you spend your nights.

An odd yet familiar feeling in your chest has you fidgety. So you move from the floor and choose the arm of the sofa as your new seat, peering down at him with brows drawn together.

He doesn’t seem to mind, only shrugging and leaning back more. Head tilting back to see you better.

“Don’t you work today?” His eyes aren’t threatening, no aggravation swirling in them. Just attentive as always. Nothing gets past them, like an all seeing force. “Maybe you should take today off.”

You know he cares.

You feel a crawl under your skin as something between sadness, regret, and irritation pricks you further.

“I can’t call off. In case you didn’t notice, that was my fucking boss,” you hold out on barking your words, though your tone still has a mild bite to it anyway.

You know he cares, but..

Eyelids lowering ever so slightly along with his eyebrows, Tendou mutters, “Oh, I noticed..”

And just like that, it's like a match has been struck. Whatever control you had on your expressions and tone has now melted through your fingertips like the wax of a candle burnt for too long.

Tendou has definitely noticed. That flicker in his eye says he’s picked up whatever emotion is now scribbled on your face. Voice like the calm before the storm, he speaks with love entwined in his words. “..Look. You- Hmm. Were you drinking last night?”

You can’t take it.

With the burning in your throat and waves of clashing emotions in your head, you stand to your feet. No longer able to sit still, you nearly stomp around as you pace the living room aimlessly. “Why’s it fucking matter.” It wasn’t a question.

Ignoring the bite of your words, he watches you intently. “Mhmm, yeah. We’ll say it does.”

“What,” you sneer.

“You don’t usually drink on a work night, not much at least, no?”

You don't say a word. Just standing there with eyes locked on nothing out the window as fury bubbles up your throat.

He takes your silence as a means to go on, “And well, this isn’t the first time Keishin‘s been here-“

You interrupt him, the mention of your boss’ name adds fuel to the fire, “So what? I can’t have someone here?”

“He’s not someone you ever have over when you’re not- Just-“ He sighs, rubbing a hand over short red hair. Dropping the calm facade, he breathes out, “I’m worried is all.”

“You don't need to worry about me, Satori.” At least you're spitting his given name instead of Tendou. Right?

A heavy exhale leaves his lips as he lets his head fall back, it lightly hits the sofa a few times. “It's just that you aren’t.. Typically the reckless type is all. Not until you get into one of these moods.”

You tap your foot, arms crossed, and look away. But the pause in movement doesn't last long.

Tendou’s eyes follow your movements for a moment before he quietly pushes up off the floor and steps your way. “Please call in sick. You can do that and I'll stay here with you.”

“I don't need a babysitter, Tendou.” The aggression drops from your voice. You bring your fingertips to your temples and try to slow your heart rate with some steady, slow breaths. “I need to work.”

Tendou doesn't want you to risk your job anymore than he worries you may have last night or this morning, and he doesn't want to stir you further. But..

“Maybe, but how's that gonna go? Are you going to talk to your coworkers like this? You’re not going to talk to customers like you are me, are you?” Getting closer, he places his hands firmly on your upper arms. “I care, Y/n. I’m not trying to be a dick. I’m just worried and I know how much you love it there and I might be able to stand you being feisty with me, but you don't want to strain things with work. Right?”

In shame, your eyes flit away. “I’m not going to do anything stupid.“

“Haven’t you already?”

Your eyes widen and snap to his. Agitation returns to replace the shame, “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

Tendou squeezes you against his chest, pulling you into a hug, and rests his head on top of yours. “Maybe not.. You seemed upset when I saw you come out of your room. And now you're pissed, and why?”

You’re not returning the hug, but aren’t fighting it either. You just stand there, voice muffled against the fabric of his cotton shirt, “‘Cause you're acting like I'm crazy.”

He sighs heavily and it tickles your scalp. “Oh Y/n, Y/n. I don't think you're crazy. Not at all, and I'm sorry if I came across that way.”

A hand comes up to smooth over your hair. “No, I just think you need a break. Why don't we watch a movie and eat shitty food?”

Silence.

More silence and something screaming claws on in your mind, but the longer his arms are around you and you feel his warmth and smell his familiar scent, the intensity starts to wane.

A shutter comes from you as he continues to hug you. He moves a hand to your cheek, wiping away moisture you hadn't noticed falling from your eyes. He pulls away enough to get a look at your face, tears streaming down your cheeks even though your face is still scrunched in a tamer rage.

He uses the hem of his shirt to blot your tears away. “Hey, have a chance to clean up yet?”

“No, you stopped me when I was trying to.” You wrap your arms around his waist while he catches any tears that slowly fall while you calm down some.

“Ah. Right.” He looks up in thought, lips pressed in a thin line. “Why don't we get you cleaned up then, hm? I can join you if you want or stay out here. Whatever you want.”

You rub your face into his palm with a shaky exhale. “I apparently can't make any good decisions right now.. I don’t know what I want.”

A sad smile touches his lips. He hates to see you cry, but he's not exactly a stranger to the sight. “I don't know, that says enough there, hm? How ‘bout I keep you company and if you want to scream at me and tell me to get out, I will.”

You clutch the back of his shirt, arms still not leaving his center. “I don’t want to scream at you.”

“Seemed otherwise a moment ago.” He snickers softly.

“Okay, I kinda wanna, but I don't. Not at you. I’m just pissed and sad and can't hold it in and I can't sleep.”

“Mm.. Is that last one because of your festivities that lasted ‘til the crack of dawn.”

A small, sad giggle escapes you. “No.. I haven’t been sleeping much lately. Not tired is all.”

He hums, “Well, maybe we can get a nap in too.”

Satori ushers you down the hall. “Come on! You’re a mess.”

You groan, “Can’t I eat first?”

“Maybe if you didn’t reek of sex, alcohol, and cigarettes. Now, go go!” He leaves you in front of the bathroom sink while he gets the shower ready. “Hey, uhm, does Kei- Do you know who’s working today?”

You mumble out names around a toothbrush that are hardly understandable, but none of it sounds remotely like Keishin’s name. That should make things less awkward if the chances of him answering the phone are slim. “M’kay. Want me to call in for you?”

You nod, staring at your reflection blankly as you brush your teeth.

He leaves to make the call in another room. When he comes back, he finds you lifting the hoodie you’re wearing, revealing you aren’t wearing anything under it. Before the top can even drop to the ground, he whips his head away and looks anywhere else but at you.

You pick up the hoodie and wad it up in a ball to throw at him. “Don't act like you haven’t seen me naked before. C’mere, I don't wanna wash my hair myself.”

That’s true, you often walk around your shared apartment naked in the mornings, and the two of you have been intimate in the past.

“Fine, fine.” He strips and steps into the large shower after you. He often wishes there was a bathtub to relax in, but the shower is plenty big enough for even him and Wakatoshi, which he appreciates.

Satori has known you long enough to pick up the cues of these episodes. Sometimes it’s when he notices you sleeping less or going to bed late as usual but waking up even earlier than him. Other times it’s that little change in your voice, the increased speed in which you talk. But there are times like now when he doesn’t notice until it’s no longer building up, and becomes too hard to ignore. When you don’t come home after work until late in the night after running the clubs and stumbling in the door with someone questionable.

He’s also known you long enough to know that you almost always crash from this high. And based on the last couple of times you’ve brought your boss home, this is the point that often marks the fall will come soon. If he can lighten the load, he’ll try.

While you spend most of your time facing the shower head, hogging most of the water, Satori is catching glimpses at you. Noting your change in expression and overall energy. Your face reverts to a neutral expression shortly after getting under the falling water, and soon enough your shoulders drop as steam rolls off them. As requested he washes your hair, but otherwise leaves space between the two of you, being your quiet company as you wash up and let the hot water melt away any tension it can.

The redhead pops his head through your open bedroom door as you finish getting dressed. “Movie and shitty food? Check! C’mon.”

You follow him out, leaving Indigo to chew on a toy in the middle of your stripped bed. Tendou is wearing a long sleeved shirt along with pajama pants with otters on them, which has you grinning to yourself.

As promised, a movie is pulled up on your TV and cheap takeout is waiting for you on the coffee table. Grabbing your arm, he falls back onto the sofa, bringing you with him.

You sigh and lean into his side, nibbling at your less than ideal but just what you want brunch as some obscure movie plays. The audio falls on deaf ears as your mind drifts, homing in on your latest obsession. Your car.

I should darken the tint on my windows. I don’t like people looking in at me. It would look good too.

You can’t say what’s happening on screen as you're wrapped up in your thoughts, munching on your food without paying attention to much else.

Oh, but what if I have it repainted? Or I could wrap it. Something fun. I have been wanting to try my hand at that.

But I do like the white with that little shimmer to it..

Tendou snaps you from your thoughts as he places a hand on your bouncing knee you hadn’t even noticed. “You okay?”

You blink a few times as you return to reality, letting the mental vision of your reimagined WRX disappear momentarily. “Mhmm, yup. I’m thinking about making some changes to my car.”

His eyebrows rise. “I thought you said you were done with that?”

“Yeah, but ya know, just small things. Cosmetics is all.”

You look at the TV, watching as two characters fight in the most dramatic and unrealistic of ways.

“Do you like the white?”

“Hm?” He peeks at you from the corner of his eye, still facing the movie with fries lifted to his mouth.

“My car. Do you like the white?”

“It’s not mine. It doesn’t matter what I think.”

“Hm, I guess.” You lean your head on his shoulder while watching one character defeat the other in their crazy battle.

That teal colorshift wrap I saw the other day was so fucking sick. I wonder who makes it.

“I thought you liked the white?”

“I do!” You sit up, giving him a look as if you’ve been wrongly accused of a crime.

Tendou shoots you a confused look back. “Then why change it?”

You purse your lips, unable to come up with a justified reason on the spot. “Just something different.”

“Uh-huh..”

The both of you turn back to the movie after that and watch it in moderate silence as you finish most of your food.

“How are you and Wakatoshi doing?”

Tendou smiles warmly. “Great as ever~ Can’t you tell? Or should I have him come over more to show you just how great we’re doing?”

You raise a hand. “Nope. I’m good. Sorry I asked.”

He turns back to the TV, snickering. But you can’t focus on the movie for more than a few minutes. Besides just not being able to focus on outside stimuli in general, something is eating at you as you sit here. Enjoying your takeout and sitting close to someone you love, when you would be working right now if Satori hadn’t called into work for you.

“..This isn’t a solution, by the way.”

“Hm?”

You reiterate, “I can’t stay home every time I get like this.”

“No no, I know. That’s not- You don’t normally, but.. You also don’t normally get shitfaced, then fuck your boss either. Well, maybe the shitfaced part. Sometimes.”

You groan, bringing a hand up to cover your face in shame.

He side-eyes you. “You know I could hear you guys, right? Like I had to listen to that for hours. I even left and came back once.”

You groan again, face no longer hidden. “Look the walls are thin-“

“They aren’t that thin.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “I can hear when you take it-“

But he smacks a hand over your mouth and hushes you. “Now, now. I promise you don’t hear half of what we do.”

You pull his hand away. “Is that supposed to be a relief?”

“Why would it need to be? We are in love~” He makes a heart shape in the air with his fingers.

You snort. “Mm, I know. I’m really happy for your guys.”

He smiles and pulls you closer, pulling your legs with one hand until they’re over his lap. He takes a deep breath and grabs your shoulders, looking at you with soft eyes. “Remember what we said? That when you feel like this, talk to me or Toshi-“

“I broke his heart, Satori.”

“You broke both our hearts.”

You slouch sadly at the thought. You really did do some damage back then, and you regret all of it.

“But we are both incredibly forgiving people. Probably too forgiving even- Not the point!” He shakes off any hint of trailing off topic. “I care about you so much. And he does too. Just.. I hate to see you wreck the things you’ve worked so hard for.”

He runs a hand feather light up and down your back, movie completely forgotten as you cuddle up to him.

You know he means well.

You know it.

The next morning, work went better than one would think. Sure the irritability and lack of impulse control are still there, but at a much lesser level. Keishin wasn’t at the shop, so you considered that a bonus. However, somehow Tanaka got the news of why you skipped work yesterday - or at least the part where your boss spent the night with you. He was less than happy with you over that, so you made a point to mostly avoid him the rest of the day to prevent any freak outs on your end.

Last night, your loving roommate spent his time with you for the rest of the night - even going as far as sharing his bed with you. And while he slept soundly, you still didn't sleep much. You might have gotten close to four hours last night, but you still have only had maybe eight hours of sleep over the last few days. You just haven’t felt tired, you didn't lie to Satori about that. Really, you’ve felt much the opposite. But it seems today that feeling has started to die down.

You come straight home after work with your unending energy starting to wane. Plus, Tendou already texted you about dinner. You did work late and you don’t want to keep him waiting when you know food will be ready soon enough.

You may not have gone out drinking or brought someone home to regret in the morning, but no sooner than you enter your living room do you feel a tension in the air. Satori is home as expected, but Wakatoshi is still here too. And both of them are sitting in the living room, looking your way instead of being disgustingly engrossed in each other. Indigo isn’t even with them.

The room is silent as you stand at the opposite side of the room. “..Y’all are acting weird.”

“Come, come. Sit with us.” Satori pats a seat.

“Nope! No way.” You gesture at your uniform covered in dirt and grime. “I’m fucking disgusting. I’m going to shower and if you wanna hang out after that, fine.”

“Y/n. Please,” he adds in a tone filled with concern.

You eye him wryly before sitting on the floor. Coffee table between you and the others, you steer clear of the rug under it to avoid potentially staining it with oil. “I’m not sitting on furniture like this.” Falling back, you lay in your chosen spot, bringing your black stained arms in the air.

Tendou and Wakatoshi voice their worries over the next few minutes. Tendou is mostly the one to speak, but Wakatoshi talks more than you thought he would. Something about your recent behavior alarming them based on similar episodes in the past, but you only half listen to them.

You gaze around the room, searching for your missing family member. “Where’s Indy?”

“Koganegawa has him out on a run.” Tendou doesn’t seem bothered by your lack of interest in the heart-to-heart you’re supposed to be participating in.

Wakatoshi speaks up, catching your attention with his rare words, “You can talk to either of us. If you don't want to talk to him, you can talk to me.”

Tendou looks appalled by his boyfriend's words. “You didn’t have to put it that way.”

“What way?” He genuinely asks the redhead, who only shakes it off with a sigh.

“Oh! You could talk to Koganegawa!” Tendou’s voice warms for the first time since you walked in the door.

“He doesn't get this sort of thing. He can’t wrap his head around it.” You hate to put it that way, but your mind won’t come up with a better way to indirectly say that you don’t want to talk to the blond about your problems.

He nudges Wakatoshi, red eyebrows lowering with a teasing grin. “And this one can?”

You glance up over the coffee table into the olive eyes of the broader man on your sofa. You let your head fall back with a thud as your eyes close. “Yeah, well.. He’s lived it. So I guess he has a different perspective.”

“But you still didn't come to me,” his low voice rumbles.

You bite your lip. He’s right. They both are, but you chose to not talk it out. You really didn’t notice what was going on at first, but by the time you did, well, here you are.

“Look.. I didn’t know what was up at first either. I don’t always catch it in the beginning. You know that.” A heavy sigh escapes you. You only caught on a couple of days ago, but to make things easier you say, “I think I realized the other night. With Keishin.”

“..I guess it would be difficult not to notice after that.”

You grimace at Tendou’s added comment. That’s really not something you want to talk about, and you’re starting to get antsy laying on the hardwood floor. Discreetly, you grab your phone to look for a distraction.

>> To Kogane: “so how long are you keeping my dog out? :)”

You start to text Tanaka as well, but backspace the text before sending it. Given his reaction at work earlier, he would just nag you. But in his place, you message a few more friends.

>> From Kogane: “i was just about to head to my place for a bit :) should i bring him home instead?”

>> To Kogane: “nah i can bring him home from your place if thats cool”

>> From Kogane: “of course :D”

Thank you, Kanji, for the rescue.

Pocketing your phone, you roll to your feet. “Sorry, guys! But I’m heading to Kogane’s to get Indy. But I’m getting a shower first.”

Arriving at Kanji’s house, it seems him and Indigo are not back yet. Luckily though, you have a spare key. Letting yourself in the back door to his kitchen, you announce your arrival just in case. Immediately, you hear barking and follow the noise down the hall to the front door where you find Kanji. Indigo, still tethered to the man, barks away in greeting.

“Hey! I didn’t think you’d beat me here.”

You smirk. “Guess I drive faster than you walk.”

“Well, yeah, but my walk wasn’t that far.” He unhooks the dog’s leash and tosses it your way. “You’re welcome to stay as long as you want, but I’m going to go hop in the shower real quick. Keeping up with Indigo is a workout!”

“Says the athlete.” You cock a brow and cross your arms, but soon you’re relaxing into a sultry gaze as you watch Kogane walk your way, wiping sweat from his forehead with the hem of his shirt. You know he’s not trying to show off his abs and he just has to pass you to get to the bathroom, but..

Locked on his figure, you murmur, “Want company?”

Just a step behind you, he pauses and tilts his head before looking back to you. “Don’t I already have you and Indy here?”

It doesn't take long for him to get a hint at the true meaning behind your words as he looks into your heated stare. “Oh.”

“Oh! Uh, nope. Nope, I’m just, uhm,” he nearly trips over his own feet as he stumbles away, face and ears fully flushed, “I’m just gonna- I won’t be long.”

You press a fist to your lips, mostly hiding a cheeky grin and suppressing a giggle.

“Um, the tea you liked last time is in the kitchen. Help yourself,” he quickly says just before shutting himself in the bathroom.

You clear your throat and look to the german shepherd who’s tilting his head back and forth at the suddenly closed door. “Yeah, maybe tea would be good. Indigo, come.”

While Kogane takes his post-run shower, you stand in the kitchen with your dog nearly glued to your hip while you make some chrysanthemum milk tea. It’s like you’re just idling there, staring blankly at the tea pot while you pet Indigo softly.

Like he said, Kanji’s shower doesn’t last too long. You can hear a door open and close by the time the water for your tea finishes boiling and you're fixing two cups. You take one mug and claim a stool at the kitchen island, your phone in one hand and your other hand petting your dog while he sits next to you on the floor.

Kogane steps in the doorway, his usually fluffy hair now weighed down flat with water. He’s back in his typical street wear, and it doesn’t take long for him to spot the mug in your hand. “Oh, you made some!”

“Yup, and there’s another cup over there for you.” You nod to the cup of tea you left on the counter. “Thought you might want some too, since you mentioned it.”

“Thanks!” He grabs the cup you fixed for him and leans back against the counter.

You bring your eyes up from your phone. “Did you have a nice run?”

“Yeah! It’s always nice having a running buddy, and Indy’s the best one to have.” He sets his tea to the side as the dog approaches him and he gives Indigo the attention he knows he’s expecting. Lots of scratches behind the ears and head pets.

Your eyes narrow at your cup in thought. “How did you get him as a running buddy today anyway? Did Tendou ask you to get him?”

He looks up from his seated position on the floor with the large dog practically in his lap. “Oh, no, I figured you were at work and asked Tendou if I could come get him for a run. Why?”

The man fake pouts, both his hands tangled in the dog’s fur as he gives the happy canine belly rubs. “He hasn’t been complaining about this absolute doll baby, has he?”

You chuckle, bringing your tea to your lips. “No, no. I was just curious is all.”

The two of you chat for nearly an hour. He told you about all the little things he’s been into lately, or looking forward to. There’s a new video game of some sorts he’s waiting on and he tries to talk you into playing it when it comes out. It sounds like something Tendou might enjoy, so you try to make a mental note of the title.

When you look out the kitchen window again, the one that sits just above the sink, the sun is gone and the night sky now fills the view. “I didn’t realize it was getting so late. I should probably head out.”

“Yeah, you’re probably ready for bed, huh.”

“Mm, more like dinner.” You eye your phone, not one text from Tendou since you left home. Your eyes drift to the leash sitting where you left it on the countertop. As soon as you grab it, Indigo is by your side once more. “Thank you for taking him out. I’m sure he loved that.”

“Anytime!”

You tuck your phone away and clip the leash to Indigo’s collar. Kogane reaches out for a quick hug. You drop the leash and return the hug, then head for the door. “I’ll see ya around.”

“Bye, Y/n. Bye, Indigo!” He waves as you open the door to leave. “Hey, we should have a movie night sometime! I can see when the guys are off work next week or something.”

You laugh softly, leash in hand and Indigo waiting patiently by your side. “Yeah, sounds good. Let me know, and I’ll let you know, ‘kay? See ya!”

Indigo was happy to ride in the backseat with the windows down on your short drive home. You almost thought he wouldn’t want to get out, but he must have recognized the parking lot. His tail started thumping against the seats as soon as you got parked. You didn’t even have to call for him to hop out, he beat you to it as soon as you opened a rear door for him.

Back in your apartment, Wakatoshi is gone. You don’t initially see Satori, so you assume he’s in another room. You sneak off to the kitchen to heat up some dinner to take back to your room, Indigo in tow.

After picking at your dinner, you leave your plate on the desk in the corner of your room and crawl into bed. It seems the endless energy has finally come to an end and you find yourself exhausted. Maybe you’ll actually get a good night's sleep.

Indigo is happy to curl up at the foot of the bed, tucking his nose under his tail in the nest of fresh blankets. So happy even, that he quickly falls asleep, leaving you slightly jealous at his quick fall into slumber as your mind starts to cloud with the events of the last few days.

You pull the blankets all the way up to your ears and try to clear your mind as much as you can, closing your eyes and listening to Indigo's light snores. And something you don’t notice as you start to drift to sleep is your door moving ever so slightly more open as Tendou peeks into your room. Checking on you before heading to bed himself, because he really does care.