Big Thoughts :

spoke w older brother today on the phone (been awhile) I wanna do it more often but being on the phone is draining and I also get busy w school >.< so won't pressure myself ♡♡♡ I only can fully express myself w grandma💜💜💜

I also wanna be the greatest aunt I can be and leave an imprint on my future nieces and nephews, I wanna have that close relationship where they can call me up and talk about things ♡ like a mentor. But rn they're young and this is best time but it's so hard bcus my brother lives far away (I always felt insecure about this since I became an aunt)

trying to mentally prepare for the phonecalls and upcoming appointments I have , I wish I could be comforted and babied ♡ so much is going through my mind >.< but I gotta keep telling myself that my feelings/experience is valid.

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Therapist talks :

She mentioned that my parents have trouble seeing me as an adult and I do have a habit of falling into that loop- but its confusing because at the same time I get expectations placed on me.

I also gotta work on my confidence more because it's easy for me to doubt myself (even now)

My wounded inner child does affect me alot sometimes in negative ways and I want to heal that.

Its so nice that we're like 3-4 sessions in and she's already noticing a change inside of me🥺 I've been through so much and gotta give myself more credit!

1. I hate feeling intimidated around women I find pretty :(((

2. I believe I'm a permaregressor, I've been a repressor for over 5 years possibly longer than that and just never felt like an adult so when someone calls me a "grown woman" I'm just like huh? Its different when I tell myself that but someone else? >.< ermmm no

Just spent an hour setting up a fiverr account 😭😭😭 I wanna draw for ppls and make moneyysss doin what I love ;3