#big4

Karina believes she’s going insane.

within the 3 years of being friends with you has she decided to hurt herself in everything that involves you. any lingering eye contact, hands brushing past each other, or being left alone within the same vicinity. not a moment has she thought of;

i need to get away from you.

three years ago, Karina would have done everything in her power to stay close to the new face in her life. 16 years old with a dream - that involves a girl from the STEM section with such willpower and dedication that makes her think she isn’t reaching as high as that girl.

Karina met you in the most unpredictable way possible - last minute paskuhan date with her friend group and your group together. 

to you, it was a dream come true to meet the girl in the HUMSS section who has preoccupied your mind for the past month. you’re lucky enough that your friend is close with her group to help you grow some pairs and talk to Karina.

it started with force proximity, talking the night away and singing along to the songs that for once, you don't feel like it’s draining your system. sure, she’s a bit talkative but you don’t mind. it gives you a glimpse of her mind as you’re fascinated to hear such stories and theories. she’s a bright girl who went through a lot and you couldn’t believe that all of that information was dumped into one night alone. who would have thought despite her tough exterior she’s lowkey a loser who gushes at the smallest things.

a quick exchange of socials lead to a few study dates, late night dinners, staying over at your place, and a bit of tension here and there. she’d complain about the amount of papers she’s doing while you sat there with multiple computations for calculus and statistics, a rare chance where she’d ask for your help with the statistics of the paper she’s reading - the same way you’d ask her to check if your paper is making any sense at all.

things were slow but it was clear as daylight you both liked each other - problem was that you’re a bit dense with your feelings. you swear that Karina doesn’t like you that way with the way she spends her time with Minjeong that you simply bite the inside of your cheek to not say anything at all.

“antanga mo, sabi nang ikaw crush ni Rina.” Minjeong rolled her eyes as she held onto your shoulders and shook you. watching the way you were sulking at your place and avoiding replying to Karina for the past two days.

“what if hindi ha! you’re making me delulu!” you held her by the wrists to stop the shaking, then leaned back on your chair as you looked back up at Minjeong.

“tangina mo! be delulu for once - might be worth it.”

you rolled your eyes as Minjeong crossed her arm and handed your phone with Karina’s contact open. looking at the girl then back at the phone as you called Karina, flipping Minjeong off who had a smug smile.

it took about four rings for her to pick up, her sweet voice that sounded a bit deeper than usual. your heartbeat slowly picks up its pace as you realise what this was about.

“hello?”

“Rina, hi!”

silence. Minjeong was pacing around your room as she urged you to say something - to continue what you had finally started. with a deep breath, eyes closed, and your hand fidgeting; she had broken the silence.

“are you mad at me?” you opened your eyes and abruptly stood up as you repeatedly told her ‘no’. hand running through your hair as you stood there, a bit panicked by the question.

“gosh, Rina. no, i’m not mad at you. i just-“ deep breaths, Minjeong was gesturing you to copy her. a slow deep breath then exhales as you finally sit down on your chair. hand still in your hair as you closed your eyes.

“i had some personal stuff to deal with.” you weren’t sure if Karina heard Minjeong smack her forehead as she muttered something under her breath as she decided to close the divider of your bedroom to the living room.

“oh, are you feeling better now?”

“... a bit.” you were hesitant to admit anything or initiate when it came to karina. but you knew that you needed to tell her the truth someday. ”can we talk?”

it only took a few minutes for you and Karina to settle in a place to meet up, since she’s staying at the other side of UST. you decided on picking her up and going to a nearby cafe to get coffee.

in your hand was a bag of your orders, walking at a moderate pace with a space in between you two that everytime karina moves closer, you back away. there’s a bit of awkward silence, you initiated this but you can’t say anything towards the girl you’ve been avoiding for weeks.

everytime you open your mouth, it immediately closes shut as if you’re speechless. you don’t know how to start or what to say.

“you know, minjeong told me.” that’s one way of breaking the ice.

“ha? ano?” the way you turned to look at her almost gave you whiplash. blinking as you processed what karina said. what do you mean minjeong told you?

she began telling you how it all happened. starting off from how she noticed you were slowly growing distant and avoiding her as if she carried some sort of disease. until minjeong confronted you and made you open up - admitting your feelings for the top student in the HUMSS strand and how you wish not to interfere with whatever “relationship” she has with minjeong.

the walk to her place as she told you the story made you two slowly get closer once again. karina had linked your arms together as she opens the door to her place, about to head in when she noticed you standing still with your cheeks puffed out and a pout on your lips.

“why are you pouting?” karina gently pulled you inside, closing the door as your head hung low to avoid looking directly at her.

“... its nothing.”

“nothing my ass, you’re pouting.”

karina couldn’t hear your confession, a quiet mutter, with your gaze going anywhere and everywhere just not directly at her. you felt soft hands cup your cheek, a soft giggle, then a pinch.

“spill it, y/n.”  she lets go, gently caressing the cheek she pinched as she looked at you - that smile could instantly kill you, almost giving you a heart attack with how pretty she is.

“gusto kita - i like you, Karina.” it's easy, simple, and straight to the point that karina didn’t waste a second to kiss you on the cheek and mutter those same exact words onto your ear like a secret.

you’d think it's a happy ending, you and karina would start to date but she had asked you to wait. it wasn’t because karina wasn’t ready for a relationship - priorities had to be set straight unlike you two. graduating high school was there followed by getting into their respective dream university. karina wants to go to UP while following your parents who were alumni of the famous blue eagles, you had no choice but to try and pass in Ateneo.

after senior high, karina pursued her major in communication research - wishing to take it as a pre-law course. while you followed your parents wishes in taking a science related course as pre-med - you’re questioning why you picked biology in the first place.

it was set straight between you two that it would be a waiting game, one that you agreed upon without any regrets. you didn’t mind, it was evidently clear that your priorities were different; karina wanted to focus on academics and graduate on time while you had a perfect balance between academic and karina as your top priorities. she has her reasons, one of which was to provide for her family as soon as possible. while this isn’t a struggle nor a priority for you, there is also the understanding that not everyone is as blessed as you are.

still karina needed the time to focus on her classes, despite both sides of the family being well aware that you’re courting her. does it bother you that she sets you aside? no, you understand that karina has priorities set straight and even if you’re not on the top - you know she still likes you.

its a give and take relationship, you both need each other for varying reasons. emotional support? you both can provide it. need a reminder to take a rest when overwhelmed? again, you both provide. even if karina doesn’t have you as her top priority, she still cares about you enough to take your feelings into consideration when she needs to make a decision.

2 years of courting her, almost turning three now that you’re in your second year of college. things can get a bit more hectic, especially how karina is taking more classes to finish early, slowly losing time for you. similarly, you understand where she’s coming from, you update her here and there - she does the same thing but not as frequently as you.

“mahal, sorry, may deadline na naman. resched?” you looked at the message again, sighing as you stood in front of her place. taking a quick picture of the coffee and dinner you had bought for you two.

“mind if i join you in studying tonight?” it didn’t take long for karina to come rushing down to greet you, arms around your neck as she basically threw herself at you. using one arm around her waist as she hid her head on the crook of your neck. a quiet mutter of ‘i missed you’ coming from the iskolar and the atenean being exchanged.

after your study date with karina, you dropped karina off the morning after as you had class later in the afternoon, giving you enough time to freshen up. your family was on the high class side, it didn't take long for your mother to greet you herself with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. it was another earful early in the morning as she walked towards you.

“were you at that girl’s place again?” that girl being karina, only recently your mom suddenly disliked her. at first, your parents didn’t really mind. believing it wouldn’t last this long but here you are, in your second year of college and still waiting for karina. that was how you thought of it - you weren’t too sure when your parents started to compare karina or pressuring you into dating someone that had a much higher social status than karina’s family.

“why can’t you date a nice boy taking business or a-“

“nepo baby?”

your mom hated that term, but that was what she wanted. a nice boy with a high social status, someone with power, just everything being handed to him. you never wanted that, hated it because you grew up working hard to achieve the things you want that money can’t buy. one of which is karina’s feelings for you, waiting game or not - you would give everything for her.

“out of all the people in your class, why her? she’s just a middle class girl who pl-“

“ma, stop. i don’t want to have this conversation.” you left your mother, not before you noticed a guy in the living room holding a bouquet. a quick glance at your mother as the guy tried to approach you, immediately stopping him as you walked away.

your parents have tried a bunch of tactics; blind dates, setting you up with one of their friends, and sabotaging your dates with karina. despite your mother following you up the stairs and to your room, you can’t take it anymore. how they belittle karina, always trying to set you up, it doesn’t help there’s always the pressure of finishing on top of your classes.

you had enough.

the next time you saw karina during her very few free days, you planned to take her out on a date. rewarding her for her hard work in her classes and getting high grades.

karina sat in the passenger seat as you fixed your stuff in the back, getting a few items ready for your quick little trip to the mall. her hands fidgeting the matching bracelet you got for her birthday, observing you through the rear-view mirror, which you caught sight of. that soft smile, similar to when you were in 11th grade - the very same one but you’re losing your teenage features. face much more defined as you lose those baby fat, styled your hair that fits you, and dressed much more casually and comfortably.

still she can’t help but fidget, there’s a lump in her throat that she can’t swallow; was she really going to tell you everything that has been going on for the past few months? she wasn’t even sure if this would change your perspective of her, especially how it involves your parents. your mom, specifically.

“rina? earth to karina?” she snapped out of her thoughts as she noticed your hand waving in front of her. quickly flashing a smile but you’ve known her long enough to pick up on her habits, especially whenever she’s deep in thought.

“something wrong?” she shook her head, muttering a ‘its nothing’, tilting your head to the side as you moved a bit closer, taking a closer look of her features.

“nothing my ass, rina. what’s running in that pretty mind of yours?” karina could never lie, or keep a secret for so long but this was a big thing, one that could jeopardise your relationship with your parents (that she wasn’t aware is already ruined).

you weren’t going to force her into telling you, so you just took her hand as you finally drove off. not even five minutes in, karina squeezed your hand two times - a sign that she’s ready to talk. reciprocating the action, she slowly turned towards you then to the road.

“i think we should see other people.” you have never almost crashed with karina as your passenger but that coming out of her mouth almost made you press the brakes in the middle of edsa road. shaking the feeling off as you look for the nearest cafe to park and discuss this not while you’re driving.

“no.”“no? y/n, what do you mean no? this is not up for discu-” karina has never seen you cry, a few tears here and there but not this badly. bloodshot, snot on your nose, it's ugly crying and not the cute type.

although it was funny how you tried to not look at karina with your back facing her when she could see it through the reflection of the car window on how badly you’re crying. hearing you sniffle as well was a dead giveaway.

“could you tell me why…” still holding back the tears that are endlessly streaming down your face, and messily wiping your nose with your handkerchief - there were a lot of questions running in your mind.

“i love you…” karina tried to cup your cheek, your gaze avoiding her eyes as she’s trying to hold back her own tears. “... but i don’t think i’m the best fit for what your parents are looking for.”

“what?” what does she mean by your parents? what did it all mean when she said those three words that you’ve been waiting to hear for who knows when?

“you deserve someone of high class, one that could provide for you - not you providing for me–” one way to shut karina up was always to kiss her, and this time was not an exemption. your lips on top of her soft ones that always taste like strawberries was all it took for karina to stop and slowly kiss you back.

“no, i don’t. i want you - only you so please.” it felt like you were slipping away from her grasp, like water just passing through the gaps of her fingers that she desperately tries to catch and save. “please… i don’t want to lose you… just tell me why.”

karina nodded, taking your hands with her own as she told you everything. starting with your mother’s threats, trying to pay her thousands of pesos to make her leave you alone. even fabricated photos of you going on dates with some guy but she always knew those were fake. you were always with her, even after family events or business events from your parents - home has always been karina for the past two years.

it didn’t end there, your mother had always favored your other friends, one’s that you’ve long left behind because they had always used you for their own benefits. karina had mentioned how one of them messaged her and sent pictures of you sleeping in your room - again it was an old picture because your hair in those never matched with your current one.

she spilled it all, how it started a couple of months ago - the comparisons, the comments, and the threats. she never accepted any of those until it overwhelmed her. it was happening around the same time she was swamped with deadlines from classes and orgwork that she slowly tried to push you away. taking in more work to lessen your time together all because she knew deep inside that your mother was right.

you wiped away your tears, after karina had told you the entire story, the drama and issue with your very own mother as you pulled her in for a hug. you didn’t know this was happening or what your own mother was doing to the girl you love oh so deeply.

“jimin… i don’t care what my parents say-” you rarely called her by her first name, she doesn’t like it but when you say her name in a soft whisper, everything else seems to fade away. ”my heart belongs to you and i’m not gonna give up that easily”

that was all karina needed to hear, she was so close to giving you up for some guy that your parents would set you up with but hearing you say that. it felt like sweet relief knowing that you’ll fight for her against your parents wishes.

“i love you, i don’t care about the status quo or what my parents want - it’s my life. i make my own decisions and each one involves you.”

karina had decided earlier that day to hurt herself, to let you go and set you free from dating a low class (as your mother had called her) and finding someone better. she thought she was going crazy into thinking that she needed to get away from you. when all she truly needed was for you to reassure her from all the mess that has been thrown her way.

“stay.”