#big trigger

Last warning seriously I'm talking about my physical problems caused by multiple sexual assaults over the years so it is about my privates and what happened to them and how it affects me emotionally as I go through life with it and my relationships

Okay so here's something kinda weird about me is like I don't have a taint. Like I think it's called a perineum. It's the space between your vag and your but. Like I really don't have one?

Idk if I do have one I guess it's really small like I'm talking maybe 3 centimeters or like half an inch max. I also have like a scar in that area that causes a lot of problems for me like especially with anything intimate.

And it really sucks that I have it because it makes sex SOOOO PAINFUL like 80 percent of the time it just burns and hurts because of the skin right there at the bottom. It's weird it's like it didn't heal right and the skin covers like part of my opening at the bottom so every time I get entered the wrong way it rips.

Yes I said that. It rips all the time. And like I can feel exactly when it does and it makes me so upset and frustrated because I know it's just going to hurt me so badly the rest of the intercourse.

I mean I've never seen a doctor about the ripping but I'm almost certain it was from being assaulted many times and maybe the rip didn't heal right and maybe that's why it continues to re rip itself every time.

It just hurts and it reminds me of the pain I felt before when I was being assaulted and it really makes sex hard for me. There's been many times where I have been in the middle of sex and he rips me and then I'll cry and ruin everything.

I've always wondered if anyone else deals with this too? Like if any of you read this far and are a survivor of csa or sa, do you guys deal with anything similar to this or do you have any physical problems that popped up after your abuse/assault(s)?