#bglt

Fridge Analysis

Stonehill,

This is my friend Ben. Like me, he’s gay and single. Looking at his fridge, I told him he needs serious help.

Back me up, Stonehill.

-Trent

Stonehill Analysis

It might not be fair, but at times we’re held up to higher standards than others. We’ve all been there at some point. And when it comes to fridges, I’m starting here. Cause looking at Ben's fridge, I’m seriously disappointed.

I expect more. I’m sorry, I do. And I mean that as a complement to my gay brothers. Gay men are today’s pioneers. The Pilgrims, the Israelis, Utah, they can’t hold a candle to you. You’re fighting for equality. You’re shaping policy. You’re transforming neighborhoods.

Gay men are the dung beetles of real estate. If you want to make money, I’ve always said buy where your gay friends are moving. Economic fact. Within a decade, your value will triple. If you think I’m wrong, try South Beach, West Village, Chelsea, Castro, Uptown and West Hollywood on for size.

So yes, there’s a lot of pressure here, and I had high expectations for Ben’s fridge. And you bring me this???

I can’t give you much as it has less on its shelves than Ralph’s during the LA riots. Here are a few guesses:

• Ben just got back from a long trip and needs to restock. (Though I doubt it, as there’d still be more evidence that civilization existed here before he left)

• He might be ‘single’, but he’s spending most of his time at a lover’s or with family going through a crisis.

• He’s in between jobs. He’s clearly done well with work as he bought one fancy fridge, but he’s not stocking it with the love this fridge deserves.

• He’s a coffee drinker, and brews it at home.

• He likes beer. (He’s got more than one brand and he sure as hell ain’t entertaining)

• He’s lactose tolerant.

• He likes dessert or getting high from Nitrous Oxide.

That’s about it.

Now, when it comes to dating, Ben doesn’t seem to be in a great place. If I were to set him up, I’d warn his date that it’s a Bang and Bolt scenario at best.

I’m usually jealous of my gay friends. They’re in better shape. They’re more stylish. And they don’t have to live with women.

But when it comes Ben, my jealousy gives way to sympathy. Happy Town just might be a mirage for him right now. So, hang in there, Ben. And take solace that you have friends like Trent looking out for you.

Fridge Dating Scorecard

Shag on first date: 4 With the possible struggles going on in his life, he can use some TLC. I’m just afraid what those struggles are. It’s hard to bang someone that you simultaneously feel sorry for.

Marry: In a blue state 2. In a red state, NA. They say these are the most stressful experiences in one’s life:

• Changing Jobs

• Moving

• Giving birth

• Death

This guy might have 3 of 4 covered. Not the place to be pledging one’s life to another.